In the complex realm of digital dating, finding your way can be a challenging endeavor—especially if you're on the autism spectrum.
In this comprehensive, science-backed article, I aim to clear the path for you.
We'll dive into the advantages and pitfalls of using online dating platforms as an autistic individual, revealing both opportunities and obstacles that may await.
You'll also get an in-depth tour of various dating platforms, each with their unique features and communities, to help you discover where you fit best.
But it doesn't stop there:
You'll also receive expert advice on how to navigate the online dating world as an individual with autism safely, ensuring you're equipped with the tools needed for a positive and fruitful dating experience.
Welcome to the ultimate guide on Autism and Online Dating!
Please note that all graphics are 100% free to share under the CC BY-NC-SA license.
Autism Online Dating: Pros & Cons
Benefits of Online Dating for Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
1. Access to a Wider Network
Online dating broadens the pool of potential partners, enhancing the opportunities for individuals with ASD to find someone understanding of their condition. [1]
2. LGBT Accepting
Online dating offers a secure and inclusive environment for seeking LGBT+ partners, even in areas where such identities might not be broadly accepted or safely disclosed.
This aspect is particularly significant, given that individuals with ASD often identify as LGBT+ at higher rates compared to non-ASD individuals.
The following table provides a clear illustration of this trend:
Read more: 57 Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Statistics: Dating, Health & Discrimination
3. Convenience and Accessibility
Online platforms provide a more comfortable environment for social interaction. These platforms enable individuals with ASD to make connections at their own pace, at any time and communicate from the privacy of their homes, offering convenience and flexibility.
4. Privacy
The anonymity of online dating enables individuals with ASD to disclose their condition at their own pace and when they feel comfortable.
5. Convenience of Available Information
Online dating platforms allow individuals with ASD to present relevant information about themselves and their interests, facilitating the initiation of meaningful conversations.
5. Control Over Interactions
Online dating platforms provide individuals with ASD the flexibility to manage their interactions at a comfortable pace. They can pause, stop, or carefully edit their dialogues as needed.
This control over self-presentation and ability to take extra time to process information can significantly reduce the anxiety that might accompany real-time social interactions [2]
6. Reduced Non-Verbal Communication
As online dating is largely text-based, it minimizes the need for non-verbal cues, which can be a relief for individuals with ASD who may find these difficult to understand.
Read more: Autism Statistics: Friendships, Dating, Sex, Marriage [& Related Disorders]
7. Reduced Social Demands
Online dating offers a less demanding environment for forming relationships, eliminating some of the pressures associated with face-to-face interactions, such as the need for eye contact. This can be particularly beneficial for individuals with ASD. [2]
8. Practice Social Skills
Online dating can offer an opportunity for individuals with ASD to practice and refine their social skills in a less stressful environment.
9. Special Interest Sharing
Many people with ASD have special interests or hobbies they are passionate about. Online dating allows them to find others with similar interests, which can aid in the initiation of conversations and the formation of strong bonds. [3]
10. Specialized Dating Platforms
There are online dating platforms specifically catered towards individuals with ASD and other neurodiverse conditions, offering an understanding and supportive community where users can feel less judged and more accepted.
11. Online Safety Measures
With many online platforms implementing security measures and user guidelines, a safer space for individuals with ASD to engage in dating activities is created.
This is particularly crucial given that studies indicate (pictured below) that individuals with ASD are more likely to:
- Experience unwanted sexual advances
- Initiate sexual behavior they're not truly comfortable with
- Fear being exploited
- And be subjected to teasing due to a lack of sexual knowledge.
The ability to block or report inappropriate users on these platforms offers them an added layer of control and safety, contributing to a more secure dating experience.
Drawbacks of Online Dating for Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
1. Complexity of Online Social Norms
The subtlety and complexity of online dating etiquette can pose challenges for individuals with ASD, who may struggle to navigate these due to difficulties understanding social cues.
2. Profile Creation Challenges
Adults with ASD might find aspects of online dating, such as profile creation, particularly challenging. Balancing the need for privacy with providing enough information to attract potential partners can be a complex task. Additionally, navigating the thin line between highlighting one's attributes and outright deception may be difficult, as individuals with ASD often have trouble deceiving others. [4, 5]
3. Difficulty Interpreting Online Profiles
For adults with ASD, interpreting online profiles and forming accurate impressions of others can be a significant challenge.
They may find it particularly difficult to understand that some people might misrepresent themselves, which complicates their efforts to understand and navigate the online dating world.
4. Discrepancy between Online and Offline Personalities
There might be discrepancies between how someone presents themselves online and how they are in person. This could be confusing for individuals with ASD, who may struggle with understanding the nuances of human behavior and social presentation.
5. Hyperfocus on Certain Profiles
Individuals with ASD often have a tendency to hyperfocus on particular interests. In an online dating context, this could mean obsessing over a specific profile or person, which might hinder the exploration of other potentially compatible matches.
6. Risk of Antisocial Behavior
The anonymity inherent in online dating can unfortunately increase the risk of antisocial behavior. For example, some individuals might exploit this anonymity to send inappropriate content, posing a particular challenge for users with ASD who may find it difficult to handle or identify as inappropriate.
7. Increased Risk of Victimization
The anonymous nature of online dating can unfortunately heighten the risk of encountering antisocial behavior, including harassment, scams, or unsolicited sexual advances. This increased risk is especially concerning for individuals with ASD, who may find it challenging to discern between safe and unsafe interactions due to factors such as reliance on others, social isolation, a tendency towards compliance without question, and a potential lack of comprehensive sexual information. [6, 7]
Read more: Statistics: Online Dating Sexual Assault, Violence, & Murders
8. Potential for Inappropriate Behaviors
Adults with ASD may potentially exhibit behaviors that could be seen as victimizing to others. Factors such as a lack of empathy, sexual frustration, public display of private sexual behaviors, intense interests in individuals, and sexual preoccupations could contribute to these behaviors. This risk might manifest as inappropriate courtship behaviors, including unwanted advances or persistent pursuit of potential partners (i.e. stalking), especially in online dating contexts. [8]
9. Difficulty Transitioning from Online to Face-to-Face Meetings
Shifting from online communication to in-person interactions can be challenging for individuals with ASD due to the increase in social demands and sensory stimuli.
10. Overwhelming Choices
The wide range of options in online dating can lead to decision fatigue or stress, particularly for those with ASD who may prefer more structured choices.
11. Communication Challenges
Conveying personality and understanding others' intentions through text-based communication can be more difficult for individuals with ASD compared to face-to-face interactions.
12. Dealing with Rejection
The potential for rejection or lack of responses in online dating can be particularly hurtful for individuals with ASD, who may have a heightened emotional response to such experiences.
13. Isolation Risks
While online dating can foster a sense of connection, it can also amplify feelings of isolation when virtual interactions don't culminate into meaningful real-life relationships.
This effect can be especially impactful for individuals with ASD, as they are 3.4 times more likely to report infrequent socializing with people outside their family.
The graphic below provides a clear illustration of this fact
14. Time-Consuming
Online dating can be time-consuming, as it often involves sifting through many profiles, writing thoughtful messages, and maintaining multiple conversations at once. This might be particularly challenging for individuals with ASD who may have difficulties with multi-tasking and managing time.
Autism Online Dating Sites
Navigating the world of online dating can be challenging, especially when trying to find platforms specifically designed for adults with disabilities, including autism.
Interestingly, as the following chart illustrates, many individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) actually prefer online dating:
- 53% of adults with ASD have ventured into online dating, while 47% have not.
- From those who have tried it, 44% managed to forge long-term relationships through their online dating experiences.
- A significant 89% preferred dating websites, with 64% finding aspects of online dating easier than face-to-face interactions.
- However, 81% reported concerns about safety, and only 47% had been educated on safety precautions. [7]
Despite these challenges, there are indeed a few exceptional platforms that cater to this community.
Let's delve into these standout sites, providing an overview of what each has to offer, discussing the pros and cons, evaluating the costs, and wrapping up with a brief summary for each!
1. Hiki
About Hiki
The mission of Hiki is clear in the ‘About Us’ section of the website:
“Hiki — meaning “able” in Hawaiian — is a friendship and dating mobile app for the Autistic community. It is a space where neurodiversity is embraced and being atypical is celebrated. Every part of Hiki, from ideation to design to launch, has been built with Autistic adults to make sure that it is representative of Neurodivergent needs.”
And this is boiled down to one line by the founder of Hiki, Jamil Karriem:
“We built Hiki because we believe that friends, family, community and love are the essence of joy. And that everyone deserves to be happy.”
Pros
Provides a unique and safe space for the autistic community, addressing their specific needs and challenges in dating and friendship.
The app focuses on LGBT+ inclusivity and celebrates neurodiversity, fostering a sense of belonging and understanding among its users.
Hiki's design and development involve a significant number of autistic individuals, ensuring that the app is tailored to their preferences and experiences.
Hiki helps adults with Autism find romantic partners and friendships, unlike many other online dating platforms
Users have reported positive experiences on Hiki, feeling liberated and free to be themselves without societal expectations or pressure to mask their neurodivergent traits.
Hiki's grassroots and community-based approach to product design ensures that it reflects the needs and feedback of its users. In fact, Hiki encourages users to provide feedback on their website with a 15 second survey.
Cons
The app has a sub 3 star rating both on Android and iOS with many users reporting several bugs and even “how it glitches, freezes and kicks us out if we go to text in the app.”
As a relatively new app, Hiki may have a smaller user base compared to more established dating platforms, potentially limiting the number of potential matches
You can’t specify any distance between 25 & 100 miles
Users report instances of aggressive, offensive actions from malicious users.
Like any online dating platform, Hiki may still face challenges related to safety and privacy, which need to be addressed to ensure a secure user experience.
Pricing
Hiki is free to use
Conclusion
Hiki is a unique mobile app designed for the autistic community to foster dating and friendship. It is inclusive and developed with substantial input from autistic adults. Despite providing a safe space for its users, Hiki does face challenges such as technical glitches, a potentially limited user base, distance restrictions, as well as user safety and privacy concerns
2. Aspie-Singles
About Aspie Singles
Aspie-singles is an inclusive and user-friendly platform specifically designed for individuals on the Autism spectrum, as well as those who suspect they might be.
The process to sign up is straightforward:
You create an account, fill out your profile details, and choose between a "plus" or "free with trial" membership.
The website offers a variety of ways to connect:
You can actively search for a match or simply express interest in any user by sending a friendship request. Once a request is accepted, messaging is available for Plus, Premium, and Gold members.
These tiers also offer the perk of video chatting.
One of the highlights of aspie-singles.com is its community forum, where members can engage in broader discussions. However, only paying members have the privilege of direct messaging.
Although primarily for individuals with Aspergers or on the Autism spectrum, the site also welcomes those without a diagnosis who appreciate the honesty, clarity, and geekiness of its members.
Pros
- Inclusivity is a key feature of the site, welcoming individuals on the Autism spectrum, those who suspect they might be, as well as individuals outside the Autism spectrum who value the qualities of its community.
- The user-friendly interface, along with a straightforward sign-up process, makes it easy for members to navigate the platform.
- A variety of interaction methods are available to members, including searching for matches, sending friendship requests, and engaging in the community forum.
- Messaging and video chat features are available to Plus, Premium, and Gold members, offering a more personal way to connect.
- The site includes a community forum which provides a space for broader discussions, promoting a sense of community among members.
Cons
- Communication for non-paying members is restricted, with only Plus, Premium, and Gold members able to send messages, potentially limiting interactions for free members.
- The potential for a limited user base exists as the site is specifically tailored for individuals with Aspergers or on the Autism spectrum, which may result in a smaller pool of potential matches compared to more general dating platforms.
- Some features like video chatting and direct messaging are only available to paying members, which might exclude those unable to afford a subscription.
Pricing
- Free Membership: This membership tier is entirely complimentary.
- Premium Membership with Free Trial: This plan is free for the first week, then a fee of $3 per week applies. Members can cancel at any time within the membership settings.
- Gold Membership: This level costs an initial fee of $9 with a subsequent monthly fee of $5.
- Platinum Membership: This highest tier costs $35 for the first year and $20 for each following year.
Conclusion
Aspie-Singles is an inclusive, user-friendly dating site specifically designed for the Autism community, offering features such as personal messaging, video chat, and a community forum. However, some of its key features are limited to paying members, and the niche focus may result in a smaller user base.
Visit the Aspie-Singles website
3. Uneepi
About Uneepi
Uneepi is a comprehensive online dating and relationship platform tailored to the needs of individuals on the Autism Spectrum.
The platform offers one-on-one coaching, personalized relationship guidance, and a supportive community for users to express themselves.
Catering particularly to young adults, Uneepi bridges the gap in social support often experienced by this group.
Membership unlocks various features, including the ability to respond to ads, use chat and email services, and manage personal interactions through features like a Block List.
Uneepi takes steps to ensure user safety by screening member profiles, but encourages users to exercise personal responsibility.
Pros
Uneepi offers one-on-one guidance from qualified specialists to navigate users through the dating process, providing a level of support unique among dating platforms.
It creates a safe, welcoming community for users to express themselves and connect with like-minded individuals.
The platform caters specifically to the needs and experiences of young adults on the Autism Spectrum, a demographic often overlooked by similar organizations.
Membership unlocks a variety of features, including ad responses, chat and email services, and a Block List to manage personal interactions.
All profiles are screened for authenticity, providing an additional layer of user safety.
Cons
Membership is required to access some significant features, potentially limiting the experiences of free users.
While Uneepi screens all member profiles, it does not perform extensive background checks, leaving some safety responsibilities to the users.
There are restrictions on the content and personal information users can include in their profiles, which could limit self-expression.
The Block List, while beneficial for managing unwanted interactions, may require users to actively manage their contact list.
Pricing
Uneepi offers several pricing tiers to cater to different user needs.
- The basic package is priced at $10 per month, providing you access to messaging other members and participating in online forums.
- The intermediate tier is priced at a discounted $52 for six months, inclusive of an hour of coaching, down from the usual price of $70.
- The premium package offers the best value, providing unlimited access to the site and an hour of coaching for a discounted price of $76, reduced from $100.
Each paid membership tier unlocks a variety of benefits, such as messaging other members, participating in online forums, and finding your potential match.
Conclusion
Uneepi serves as a tailored dating and relationship platform for individuals on the Autism spectrum. It's not just a dating site, but also a resource and community, providing 1:1 coaching, safe social interactions, and an opportunity to build a vibrant social life. With its focus on inclusivity and support, and a robust system in place to maintain user safety and privacy, Uneepi offers an inviting space for neurodiverse individuals to find companionship and love. It might have some challenges related to user interface, but the benefits it offers, particularly the specialized coaching and focus on safety, make it worth considering.
4. Luv2meetU Online
Luv2meetU Online is an inclusive and engaging platform designed for individuals with learning disabilities and/or autism, providing a space to join a variety of virtual events and make new friends across the UK.
The platform uses multiple digital platforms like Microsoft Teams, Zoom, and Facebook to facilitate a wide range of activities, from quizzes, crafts, and cooking sessions to karaoke, film/book clubs, and party nights.
They also offer educational workshops on topics such as online safety, relationships, and mental health.
All activities are based on participant feedback, and events are scheduled at various times to accommodate different schedules.
The platform also provides training and support for those who need help accessing these virtual events.
Membership involves an application process, and once joined, users receive a mixed programme of events every six to eight weeks.
Should affordability be an issue, Luv2meetU Online encourages users to reach out to discuss possible assistance.
5. Disability Match
DisabilityMatch is a compassionate and welcoming platform for singles living with disabilities, including autism. It emphasizes genuine connections and a strong community where individuals can find friendships and potential love interests.
The platform provides secure private messaging and an interactive blog section for sharing personal stories. The platform offers a classic membership that is free and allows users to browse profiles, read blogs, and interact with members on the main feed.
However, a VIP membership upgrade comes with additional benefits such as unlimited messaging, priority customer support, and visibility of who's viewed your profile. The platform ensures the privacy of members by keeping personal emails and details confidential and giving members complete control over their shared information.
Upon joining, users gain access to a vibrant community ready for chat, friendship, casual fun, and more through instant messaging and status comments.
For any queries, they have a dedicated customer care team available 24/7.
Visit the DisabilityMatch website
6. Autistic Empathy
Autistic Empathy is a unique platform designed specifically for autistic individuals to form both friendships and romantic relationships. While it partly functions as a dating app, it also fosters meaningful friendships within the autistic community.
The app promotes a non-judgmental environment, allowing users to connect without the worry of "fitting in" or saying the "right" things. It's a comfortable and safe space for like-minded individuals to interact without fear of judgment or bias.
To maintain the security of its users, Autistic Empathy requires all members to be verified by submitting a photograph holding their ID. Failure to provide ID within 3 weeks of joining or having an incomplete profile leads to account removal. Additionally, the platform explicitly warns those with significant criminal records against joining.
The platform is geared towards those who are 17+ and identify as having Asperger's Syndrome/Autism. Its primary aim is to provide a sense of empathetic understanding and companionship to its users, who may find conventional dating or social apps overwhelming or problematic due to literal, black and white thinking patterns common among those on the autism spectrum.
To further support its members, Autistic Empathy is managed by qualified autism-specialist counselors available via a helpline for bespoke advice in case of difficulties. It also offers generic advice on dating and friendships accessible to all members. This platform recognizes that neuro-diverse individuals need tailored services, aiming to provide a safer and more inclusive alternative to mainstream dating apps.
Download Autistic Empathy on iOS
Autism Online Dating Safety Advice
- To protect your finances, never send money or financial information, especially not overseas or via wire transfer, and report any such requests immediately. True friends won't ask for money, and sad cover stories about needing help or money are usually false.
- Avoid giving any personal information to someone you met online. This includes last name, address, or any information about where you live or work.
- Use privacy settings to protect your information. Remember, any information that you share online could be potentially viewed by anyone.
- Do not accept or send friend requests or invitations to connect on social media from anyone you do not know, including friends of friends.
- Never share private pictures in which you can be identified.
- Make sure to block and report suspicious users and keep all conversations on the platform.
- Report any suspicious behavior, including any violation of terms of use such as requests for money, photographs, minors using the platform, offensive messages, inappropriate behavior after meeting in person, fraudulent registration, spam, or solicitation.
- When planning to meet someone, get to know the other person by keeping your communications limited to the platform and researching about them before the meeting. Ask to see their social media profiles like Instagram or Facebook first.
- Always meet for the first time in a populated, public place, and if your date pressures you, end it immediately.
- Inform friends and family of your plans, including the time, place, and the person you're meeting, and always have a charged cell phone (or smartwatch) with you. Always share your plans with a friend or family member, so they know where you are going, with whom and when you plan to return. Follow up with them at the end of the meet up to reassure them you are safe.
- Ensure your own transportation to and from the meeting to maintain your independence. Have a plan for transportation and funds of your own.
- Use situational awareness to be sure you are not followed at the end of the meet up. If you feel uncomfortable, use a cover story and leave.
- Stay sober to avoid any impairment in judgment and potential danger.
- Protect yourself during sexual activities by using proper protection to reduce the risk of STIs, and remember to use these protective measures consistently.
- Be open and honest about sexual health with your partner, including discussions about STI testing and past partners.
- Get vaccinated against certain STIs and consult a healthcare professional for more information.
- Know your STD status through regular testing, and always ask for a copy of your test results.
- Carry personal protection like mace, a whistle, or a loud alarm on your cell phone, if it's legal and you're comfortable doing so.
- Use Google or social media outlets to research your potential date.
- Always seek the opinion of those you trust when interacting with new people online or offline. This will help you avoid potentially risky situations.
Summary
Throughout this journey, I've unveiled the complexities and opportunities in online dating for individuals with autism.
Remember, the right approach and platform can significantly shape your experience:
Using the expert advice and insights shared here, you're better equipped to navigate this digital landscape.
Keep in mind that patience, understanding, and authenticity are your best allies.
As you venture into the exciting realm of dating with autism, here's to your unique journey of connection and discovery!
Resources
[1] Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13(1), 3–66. https://doi.org/10.1177/1529100612436522
[2] Rege, Aunshul. (2009). What's Love Got to Do with It? Exploring Online Dating Scams and Identity Fraud. International Journal of Cyber Criminology (IJCC). 3. 974-2891
[3] Rosenfeld, M. J., & Thomas, R. J. (2012). Searching for a Mate: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary. American Sociological Review, 77(4), 523–547. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122412448050
[4] Daniel C. Murrie, Janet I. Warren, Marianne Kristiansson & Park E. Dietz (2002) Asperger's Syndrome in Forensic Settings, International Journal of Forensic Mental Health, 1:1, 59-70, DOI: 10.1080/14999013.2002.10471161
[5] Whitty, M.T.: Revealing the ‘‘real’’ me, searching for the ‘‘actual’’ you: presentations of self on an internet dating site. Comput. Hum. Behav. 24(4), 1707–1723 (2008). http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2007.07.002
[6] Edelson, M. G. (2009). Sexual abuse of children with autism: Factors that increase risk and interfere with recognition of abuse. Disability Studies Quarterly, 30(1). Retrieved from http://dsq-sds.org/article/view/1058
[7] Sevlever, M., Roth, M.E. & Gillis, J.M. Sexual Abuse and Offending in Autism Spectrum Disorders. Sex Disabil 31, 189–200 (2013). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11195-013-9286-8
[8] Stokes, M., Newton, N. & Kaur, A. Stalking, and Social and Romantic Functioning Among Adolescents and Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. J Autism Dev Disord 37, 1969–1986 (2007). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-006-0344-2
