Gay Cheating: Facts & Statistics

Within gay relationships, consider these staggering facts:

• 55.3% report engaging in cheating behavior.
• 45% reveal that their partner found out they cheated, while another 45% say their partner remained in the dark. The remaining 10% are unsure.
• 34% view sharing private messages as a form of cheating.
• 26% of unfaithful partners transmit STDs to their main partners.
• 61% would end the relationship if their partner cheated.

These eye-opening statistics unveil the intricate landscape of fidelity in gay relationships. 

This article delves into the various facets of cheating—from what constitutes infidelity to its emotional repercussions—and offers statistical insights to navigate this complex issue.

As always, all graphics are 100% free to share under the CC BY-NC-SA license. 

What is Considered Cheating in Gay Couples?

A survey by GMFA, with over 1,000 participants, explored what gay couples consider to be cheating:

• Anal Sex - 79%
• A Blow Job - 76%
• A Hand Job - 74%
• Breaking The Rules Of An Open Relationship - 68%
• Kissing - 66%
• Emotional Intimacy With Another Person - 62%
• Using Hook-Up Apps - 55%
• Sharing Sexual Images - 43%
• Sending Private Messages - 34%
• Flirting- 18% [1]

And here’s a helpful visual:

Gay Cheating Statistics 

In heterosexual couples, 20.2% of women and 24.5% of men have been reported to cheat.

In contrast, among gay and bisexual men, a significantly higher proportion of 55.3% report engaging in cheating behavior. 

(Data for lesbian couples could not be found.) [2]

See the visualization below:

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Disclosure of Cheating in Gay Couples

While 55.3% report engaging in cheating behavior, only 45% indicate that their partner found out. The other 45% say their partner remained unaware, and the remaining 10% are unsure whether their partner discovered the infidelity. [1, 2]

Transmission of STDs From Cheating Partner

Surveys indicate that the majority of cheating partners don't contract STDs, with 17% saying yes, 79% saying no, and 4% unsure. 

However, it's concerning to note that when these individuals do contract an STD, only 39% inform their main partners, while a startling 61% choose to keep it a secret.

This lack of communication has serious health consequences:

It is estimated that about 26% of these unfaithful partners end up transmitting STDs to their main partners. [1]

While some of these infections, like gonorrhea, can be effectively treated with a single antibiotic shot, others like HIV and herpes are currently incurable and can affect their partners for life. [3]

For a more detailed analysis, refer to the chart below.

Toleration of Cheating

According to the GMFA survey, 61% of gay men stated they would end their relationship if their partner or husband cheated on them. In contrast, 13% said they would not break up, and 26% were unsure how they would respond. [1]

How Cheating Ends Gay Relationships

Here are the top 5 reasons why partners who have been cheated on choose to end the relationship:

1. Broken Trust and Disrespect: Most people see cheating as a big breach of trust and a sign of disrespect. This shakes the relationship's foundation and makes it hard to continue.
2. Questioning the Relationship's Worth: When a partner cheats, many feel like the relationship is devalued. This makes people question if staying together is worth the emotional investment.
3. Lack of Open Communication: If someone cheats, it often means important issues weren't openly discussed. Many people believe that relationship problems should be talked about rather than acted upon in ways that could be hurtful.
4. Lasting Distrust: Once a partner cheats, trust is hard to rebuild. Many people think that broken trust will always affect the relationship, making it difficult to move forward.
5. Pattern of Behavior: Cheating often isn't a one-time thing. Some people think that if a partner cheats once, they're likely to do it again, posing an ongoing risk to the relationship's stability.

Read more!

Impact of Cheating on Future Relationships 

For those who choose to end the relationship, 57% report that the cheating incident has negatively affected their future relationships. [1]

Here are  6 ways:

1. Erosion of Self-Confidence: Cheating can result in reduced self-confidence and self-worth, leading individuals to question their ability to please future partners or to see their own value.
2. Heightened Anxiety and Suspicion: Experiences of infidelity often lead to ongoing anxiety and suspicion in future relationships, making it difficult to trust new partners. This might include the compulsion to check social media and phones.
3. Trust Issues: The act of cheating fundamentally undermines trust, which can carry over into future relationships, creating generalized trust issues with new partners.
4. Cynicism and Caution: Cheating experiences can result in a more cynical outlook towards relationships, leading people to be more guarded and careful in future romantic endeavors.
5. Avoidance of Commitment: To avoid the emotional pain associated with being cheated on, some individuals may resort to casual relationships or sexual encounters, steering clear of long-term commitments.
6. Pessimism about Relationship Longevity: Knowing that someone is capable of cheating can make individuals less optimistic about the durability and faithfulness of future relationships.

Reasons for Infidelity in Gay Relationships

Why do some gay men cheat? 

1. Emotional Complexity: Whether due to unresolved feelings of shame, unhappiness, or feeling neglected, some people engage in infidelity as a manifestation of these emotional struggles.
2. Sexual Temptation: Factors like distance from a partner, intoxication, or an irresistible sexual opportunity, such as an ex-partner, can drive some to cheat.
3. Relationship Dissatisfaction: Lack of emotional or physical attention from a partner can lead some to seek fulfillment outside the relationship. This could be driven by boredom, neglect, or general unhappiness within the partnership.
4. Escape Mechanism: For those in relationships strained by issues like addiction, cheating can serve as an emotional escape or a way to reclaim a sense of vitality.
5. Opportunistic Infidelity: Sometimes the reason for cheating is as simple as an unexpected opportunity presenting itself, leading to impulsive behavior.

Here's another science backed article to read:

Conclusion

With over 55% of gay couples reporting cheating and 61% willing to end a relationship over it, the complexities of fidelity can't be overlooked.

This article offers crucial statistics and insights to navigate this sensitive issue. 

The conversation needs to continue; the stakes are too high to ignore.

Till next time, 

Coach Colt 

Resources

[1] https://www.gmfa.org.uk/fs164-infidelity-and-the-gay-community

[2] Health Equality and Rights Organization (HERO), Mark KP, Janssen E, Milhausen RR. Infidelity in heterosexual couples: demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex. Arch Sex Behav. 2011 Oct;40(5):971-82. doi: 10.1007/s10508-011-9771-z. Epub 2011 Jun 11. PMID: 21667234. 

[3] “Cheating and the Risk of STIs.” LGBT HERO - the National Health and Wellbeing Charity, 8 June 2021, www.lgbthero.org.uk/fs164-cheating-and-the-risk-of-stis. Accessed 24 Aug. 2023.