My Low Self-Confidence Story.
I had no friends.
I didn’t know how to make friends or socialize and I thought that the only way I would make it on this planet is by sitting at a computer all day, programming, watching movies and playing video games.
I had such a hard time even having a non-awkward conversation with girls that I thought there was something wrong with my brain.
Whenever I say any of my classmates having fun with any of their friends I couldn’t understand it, and since I was so full of resentment I even looked down on socializing.
I lived the first part of my life this way.
And to make a long story short, I only realized that I could change because I needed to change.
So I started my journey like most people in personal development, started with watching YouTube videos, especially Joseph Rodrigues who does in depth book reviews and topic discussions and from there I learnt A LOT.
I started to create a routine for myself, cleaning up my thoughts, and began taking action to push my fears away.
(Go check Joseph Rodrigues out, he might be a little boring, but very high quality.)
I also started to listen to motivational videos, I found that they helped me change my internal dialogue from “you can’t do this” to “you can overcome this if you put massive work in.”
Eventually one of my friends gave my a copy of Tony Robbins’ personal development program and I loved it.
I started working on my confidence more and more, but I still felt this inner pressure as if I was fighting something.
I felt like I couldn’t just relax on a couch and just do nothing.
I couldn’t fully let go while I would hang out with my friends or approach hot girls.
I was still uptight and in my head and had low self-confidence.
And this really bothered me.
I started thinking maybe I have the definition of confidence wrong?
I realized that I learned that confidence meant, believing that you are good enough to make friends, and that you are strong enough for life.
Most books write that you need to feel strong and from that place you should live your life.
Now I have no problem with anyone feeling strong, BUT…
Why do you need to feel strong?
Take it easy, there’s no danger out there!
When I was chilling with my friends, I couldn’t fully relax and all these books were telling me to feel strong, what did I need to feel strong against?
I just wanted to be confident around women.
It’s as if there is a danger out there and you can overcome that danger, but you need to be confident in your abilities to overcome that danger.
But what danger!?
Let’s take a step back…
Usually everyone who suffers from low self-esteem has had a rough childhood, particularly with their parents.
I have had friends that have been beaten up, cursed at, and kicked out of the house for no reason by their parents.
And all of these guys suffer a lot from fears and social anxiety in their lives.
They began to fear everyone, not only their parents.
By the way, I was only friends with them at the time because I was also full of deep seated fear.
And we all really were scared of everything.
How does a rough childhood cause social anxiety around everyone?
When you parents cursed or kicked you out of the house that was insane, no child deserves that.
So you parents acted in an irrational way.
And this made your “5 year old mind” think of the world as crazy, irrational and unpredictable.
The problem is that now you have a fears that everyone will act in an irrational and unpredictable way, not just your parents.
So you’ll fear even your closest friends because maybe they will act crazy as well and hurt you.
But how does feeling that your parents are irrational become everyone?
We will use the way the FDA tests new medicine as an example.
They give the new drug to 10 people, and if all goes well they give the drug to 100 people and if the drug works they continue giving it to more people.
And they continue with this process until they reach 10 thousand people.
Once they see that the drug does not negatively affect any of the 10 thousand people they give it out to the whole America.
But the whole America is 350 million people, so how can you assume that everyone will be like the 10 thousand testers?!
The answer is simple: you use the 10 thousand people as an example for the rest of america and that is totally fine.
You did the same with you crazy, angry parents.
Your parents served as a model for the rest of the world.
While you were young, you didn’t know what the rest of the world was like, so you used your parents as an example.
And that was perfectly logical at the time because who should you trust more than your parents?
And now you think that everyone, even those closest to you are going to flip out on you for doing nothing.
And this way you live your life in hiding, you fear everyone.
You decide that your parents are crazy and irrational, but the rest of the world is not.
That your parents ARE NOT a good example for the world.
The rest of the world including your friends won’t curse at you or reject you for no reason.
Now we understand the cause of low confidence.
It is the feeling that the world is unpredictable, irrational, and crazy and therefore, you begin to fear everything from everyone.
But what does 99% percent of the self-development community tell us to do?
“Be strong, you can overcome these fears, you are powerful and amazing!”
But what are you being strong against? Your imaginary fears that don’t exist!?
You are going to be all strong around everyone, even your loved ones, protecting yourself from all of your crazy fears for what!?
You will live your life under pressure and anxiety.
Anyone who takes this approach will never be relaxed.
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What is the real solution to build core confidence?
First, internalize that your childhood was crazy and that the world is not insane and you can trust your friends.
Take your time, think about it, write about it.
This is the first step.
The second step is to actually prove this to yourself in the real world.
You need to go into the real world and show yourself that people aren’t crazy like everyone from your childhood.
This is where real breakthroughs happen.
You will learn that this world isn’t as dangerous as you make it out to be.
But this is also where 99% of the sweat, blood and tears are.
This is where you will do the things you really don’t want to do.
You will have to push yourself past extreme fears that make you feel that you can’t do anything.
(Since I focus on helping men with dating, we use that.)
You need to go out and start talking to women, start speaking to them!
Your goal is to build an attractive male personality so that you can have dates with any girl you want. You want to be as confident as you can be around hot girls.
And I always tell my clients to take things slowly.
Usually most guys start by asking for directions, then move on to telling girls that they are pretty and engaging in some small talk, to eventually taking girls on dates and chilling with them.
The point is that you are trying to prove to your mind that the world isn’t dangerous and that you can build attractive social skills.
You can be an attractive man.
The beginning although the hardest is the most crucial.
This is where you break through your terror barrier, you will get past your biggest fears and by doing that you’ll show yourself what’s possible.
When you can ask for directions without too much fear, start trying to make the conversation a little longer.
Introduce yourself, tell her she is pretty and if you worried that you will come off as awkward, than you’re right you will be weird and awkward, this is just the beginning.
Keep on doing this over and over till you can easily tell a girl that she’s pretty.
And now you can take it to the next level.
You will stop the never ending downwards spiral.
You need to ask a girl out on a date, go find a hot girl on the street and tell her how hot she is. Tell her that you love her energy and tell her that you want to take her out or maybe just drink a coffee together.
The beginning will be terribly awkward, think of this whole experience as a dentist appointment for a cavity.
At the beginning your tooth will hurt a little do you’ll go to the dentist and he tells you that you have a cavity, so you book an appointment and you get the filling done and that’s truly painful, but the next day you feel fine.
And getting over social anxiety is the same, so take the leap of faith and ask her for a date.
Remember if you don’t go to the dentist and take care of the small cavity eventually it becomes a big cavity and then eventually you are left with a root canal and that’s big and expensive to deal with.
Once you have gone on a couple dates you will have changed your focus on new and exciting challenges, instead of just dreading your next rejection.
After a couple dates and I’m sure that most of them will be as awkward as hell, but you will learn how to have engaging conversations and generally what works and what doesn’t.
This is a time of excitement.
But to get to this time of excitement and passion you need to grind past all the fear.
You need the number one ingredient to any success with women: Motivation.
This is going to be a ton of work and pain, so if you don’t have that inner drive you won’t do it.
I tell my clients to invest in courses and programs to change their lives.
Specifically I tell my clients to get the 100 Day Challenge.
The 100 Day Challenge is a program that will supercharge you to reach your goals, whatever it may be.
You will feel motivated to take huge action to prove to yourself that you can become attractive.
You will be able to walk on the street and feel the power to go speak to women, and even if you get rejected, you’ll get back up until you get so good women approach you!
You will push yourself past extreme fear, trying again and again for 100 days until you become self-propelled.
Once you become self-propelled you won’t need motivation from other people or programs.
You’ll become the man that can become courageous when he needs to be and approach women over and over becoming a pro.
When you approach women 100 times over 100 days there is no way you won’t:
Cut your approaching anxiety of women in half
Become experienced with what turns girls on
Get at least 10 dates
It’s really simple: if you try and try again, there is no way you won’t start to see some success.
Imagine if in 100 days you will be able to ask a super hot girl on the street for a date?
What if you’ll be able to take a girl to bed in 100 days?
What if you could become the guy that doesn’t give a shit about what girls have to say about him and paradoxically makes him the sexiest alpha male out there.
And this is precisely why I tell my students to invest in this course.
You can also do rejection therapy during these 100 days.
Rejection therapy is the act of doing things that would probably get you rejected and through doing this process over and over, you teach your mind that rejection isn’t that horrible and life threatening after all.
Let me give you some of my favorite examples:
- Walk around with toilet paper “stuck” to your shoe outside
- Go to a coffee shop and ask them for 50% off because it’s your birthday.
- While asking for directions sneeze very loudly.
- Dance to music in a supermarket.
There are an infinite amount of things you could do, check out Jia Jiang where he talks all about doing things that will get you rejected.
Jia Jiang is an entrepreneur and before he did rejection therapy he was scared to take risks and push for the sale and it was really taking away from his business because he was scared of experiencing rejection.
The best part about this is that Jia Jiang did it by himself for exactly 100 days also and he reported that his life changed completely, he actually made a video for each and every day of it and posted it on youtube.
To me, living a life while being constantly scared of rejection is pure hell and I would never allow myself to settle for a life like that.
I believe that there are massive opportunities for anyone who is willing to get past the terror of rejection.
The beginning will be very cringy. And there is nothing you can do about it, you’ll have to just wait until your social skills get better and you can be smoother with the ladies.
I tell my students to realize that the world isn’t that dangerous and unpredictable, you are OK with you best friends. The people closest to you in life aren’t crazy monsters and you are safe.
You are safe.
That’s the point, it’s not about making you stronger, it’s about showing yourself that there is nothing to fight in the first place!
Beautiful women won’t attack and reject you for no reason!
So at this point you learnt:
- The world is predictable
- Rejection isn’t terrible
But there is one more point to make in order to make you confidence as sexy as it could be:
Step 3: Learn social skills, persuasion, and seduction.
If you want to be truly socially confident around the sexiest women then you need to know how to get people to like you, you got to become a likable person.
If you can’t get people to like you how in the world will you be socially confident?!
The more likable and seductive you are the more confident you will be.
Although with all the dates you go on you will learn what socially works and what doesn’t, you will save a lot of time by studying what turns girls on. I’ll give you a hint: it’s not what turns you on.
You’ll learn what it takes a girl from saying not now, to her ripping her clothing off.
You’ll learn her specific triggers that you would’ve never learned otherwise.
You will learn undeniable facts about men and women that will set your mind straight, you’ll learn that women love sex too!
I remember when I learnt that for the first time from my favorite seduction course “Rise of The Phoenix By Sabastian Harris.” He clearly says that women love sex, but for them it’s a different experience and you need to turn them on differently.
And once you learn that it’ll be as easy as you can imagine.
He himself came from a place of complete rejection and he wasn’t part of the “lucky sperm club” – he was not pretty, he has a 30 inch scare on his stomach and has acne scars. But he worked his way out and became a real seducer.
He taught me what women really want from men, and what they really don’t want.
And by learning seduction you will improve every other part of your life as well, your business will skyrocket because you will become a likable person and people will be happy to do business with you. Just be careful that you aren’t too attractive to the women in your workplace or else they also might want to get busy with you….
Many people view seduction as an evil thing, but the truth is that it all depends on how you use it, if you abuse your power and rape women of course that’s bad, but if you use it to give a woman the best time of her life with you and then give her an explosive orgasm, what’s better than that?
The point is that if you really want to give that solid confident energy around women you need to have the social/ seduction skills to back it up.
And for me the best course to seduce women was Rise of The Phoenix By Sabastian Harris, you can read my review HERE.
You need 3 ingredients for real confidence:
- The world is predictable
- Rejection isn’t terrible
- Learn how to seduce people and be likable
Once you get over your imaginary fears, learn that rejection won’t cut your neck off and you become an attractive, charismatic man you will be adored by every woman and will have more confidence than 99.9 percent of other men.