This is truly sad. I know adults that felt lonely their entire life.
People are in are a lot of pain. Forget getting “laid”, people are starving for love. Many men feel that nobody cares about them.
Writing this puts tears in my eyes because I have been in that place before, and if you’re here than trust that you will heal, it’s possible. I know how painful loneliness can be.
We are really fucked up. Understand that we really need to work hard so that we aren’t feeling so lonely so often. We have been told so many times by marketers that there is this one key that will change everything. But that’s not true, there are many different points that we need to work on if we will be successful.
We are not starving for some superficial relationship, rather a deep authentic relationship where both partners can live with an open heart. I am not talking about some fake-shit holly-wood perfect relationship…
Listen: every single relationship is going to go through some ups and down.
Days of super highs, where you feel like you are on the heroine of love. And other days you are suffering and you can’t believe your spouse/ girlfriend treated like shit and you can’t wait to escape the house.
The goal of escaping loneliness is not to get a perfect relationship, it’s to have a loving connection.
Why Can’t You Get Your Dream Relationship?
What’s holding us back from doing the correct actions that will take us out of our loneliness? Why can’t we get out and decide “THAT’S IT, I AM NOT DEALING WITH THIS ANYMORE!”
What are the key points that will bring us to real relationships? Do we need to love ourselves? What does that mean “self-love” anyways? Should we start learning all sorts of seduction techniques? What about just being confident?
OK, let’s break this down…
The First Key To Love Escaping loneliness
1. Understand that you are the one that has taken you to this place.
You recognize you don’t have friends because of YOU. YOU are the cause of all your problems.
That doesn’t mean that your childhood, parents, and teaches didn’t influence you, rather that right now you are acting in ways that are causing no one to love you.
This is step one.
People don’t just reject you for no reason, people are rejecting for things that you are doing right now.
Although it may not be your fault for acting this way, you are and you must accept that.
Listen: even if this may hurt you emotionally, understand that this is coming from a place of love. Accept it and move on. You will escape loneliness.
2. The ultimate rule: What you put out, you comes back.
OK, so lets unpack this rule: if you are defensive around everyone than I think that you would also agree that everyone will also be defensive around you.
But imagine that you express love and acceptance to your friends than do you think that they can even be unloving or defensive back to you? No way, the one key that every course doesn’t teach is that it’s all about the energy.
The energy/ vibes are 90% of love. Express love and you will get love back.
Obviously it’s not about accepting everyone, it’s about the people you want be friends with or your future girlfriend. Don’t let your defenses down to some random guy on the street.
But when your with your friends take away your defensive energy – be open and chilled.
Laugh a little, that won’t do any harm. Give out the vibes that “it’s all good” and watch in amazement how your friends become much closer friends.
Imagine if you give out super loving energy that “says” you accept everyone and you respect everyone don’t you agree that everyone will flock you.
These days people are dying to feel loved and respected just like you are. So give out the energy that you yourself want. It’s really that simple! This is what I call “External Confidence.”
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Seduction Techniques vs. Loving Vibes
I know this is not some sexy seduction technique, this is about first building ground up. There is a place for seduction, read “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene, That will teach you a lot, but YOU NEED TO START BY GIVING OUT LOVING VIBES. I am not against seduction and I do not believe that seduction doesn’t work.
My brother, I know that seduction is incredibly important, but if your lonely than don’t start there. Start with changing the energy you give out. When you master that, than take yourself to the next level. Start by being friendly.
The Challenge to being loving and “chilled”?
Most people say that to get girls you need to have self-confidence. According to them you need to put out that powerful energy that you can deal with the “dangers out there.”
The biggest problem that I have with this is: what dangers are there out there? Why do you need to be powerful? What are you defensive about?
Answer: You have to be powerful to defend your ego from all the people that you think what to attack you/ your ego.
This is fundamentally wrong: no one wants to attack your ego, your only imagining that people are after you. Nobody wants to get you or attack you. This is what’s making you defensive and not open and loving, you don’t need more self-confidence, you need to understand that no ones out to get you so that you can put your defenses down.
Stop putting up your defenses, there is simply nothing to defend. This is what I call external confidence. You seem confident because you feel fine and you aren’t worried about anything. From this place of external confidence you can easily love and be yourself.
But when you believe the lie that everyone is out to get you then you become defensive and from that place it’s nearly impossible to be open and loving.
But why would you believe that people are out to get you?
When they first started producing Advil they didn’t just give it out to everyone at one shot. They started by giving to small groups of people and seeing if the drug had negative side affects and when they saw it was fine they give the drug to bigger groups and eventually they saw that the drug was fine. But they only tested it with 10 thousand people and now they are giving it to the whole America!? Of course your understand it’s totally reasonably to use the 10,000 test subjects as a model for the whole america.
This is the same with how you perceive the world: your family and school were the model of how everyone is. The issue arises when you had a rough childhood. So when you saw your parents or teachers not caring about abusing you, you stared to believe that everyone is like that. So you see why this sick belief is logical. They keep the references of their horrible childhood throughout their entire life. They believe even the ones closest to them might attack them. Sadly in America this is not uncommon at all 60 percent adults report experiencing abuse or other difficult family circumstances during childhood. Everyone to their own level, you might be scared that people might just not like you or if your childhood was worse you might believe emotionally that regular people want to scream at you.
Remember non of this fear is logical or a conscious, this is all subconscious. You don’t think about it you feel it emotionally.
The Healing Process To Love
So this is the work that you have to do if you can’t give out open and accepting vibes to your friends.
Number one: simply understand consciously that your family was a terrible model for the whole world and the people closest to you are safe and are not trying to attack you ego.
In addition, everyday take your defenses down a little bit by going out and taking action and this will be very rewarding. You will begin to attract good, and maybe even beautiful people in your life! Go out there and do things that challenge these old beliefs.
Start by putting yourself at there with your friends and be open, try to be less defensive. Be chilled, let your guard down.
If you’ve reached this part of my blog I have mad respect for you, I know I’ve been pretty rough with you, but why don’t you read my other articles. The purpose of all my articles is to remove confusion and insanity in dating. I know that they will change you.