The complete guide to overcome social fears
First of all, what is social anxiety?
Social anxiety is a state of mind where is where you feel nervous or fear in social situation.
But what makes social anxiety so terrifying that people say: “I would rather die than approach that person”?
The answer is: People with social anxiety do not like themselves at all and on top of that they feel that they have no chance be loved therefore, they feel that literally nobody loves or cares about them. So they feel that every time they approach anyone they will experience no love, non from either themselves or others.
This is extremely painful because we need to feel the emotion of love. It is not a mere ‘desire’ it is a absolute need just like oxygen.
When you take a person who doesn’t love themselves and also thinks that he will experience hate from others, he will do anything to resist meeting them because he can’t experience such a vacuum of love.
It is emotional death
Thus approach anxiety is born. It is a mechanism from your brain to protect you from emotional pain.
Of course, most people with social anxiety don’t have such an intense level of social anxiety so that allows them to be functional, but many people still have a degree of social anxiety that they would love to get rid of.
People suffering from social anxiety suffer from:
- going to social events
- being open to love
- speaking to people that they are attracted to
- getting stuck in their head all day thinking
- can’t have fun
- can’t be assertive naturally
- blush for no reason
Follow this super solid plan, although it doesn’t use new therapies and NLP techniques, I can guarantee you that if you follow these simple, but hard steps, within a year you will look back and laugh at your current self.
And you know how I can confidently sat that this plan will change your life? Because I come from a place of crippling fear yet I still dug my way out with this super solid war plan on social anxiety.
Accept that you are (very) scared to approach people. Many people have this powerful, confident “persona” that they show to people and therefore they believe that they are actually confident and they think that have a little social anxiety.
But you must accept that you are actually just putting up this “persona mask” and you do experience deep fear.
I know some will say that this is so simple, why do I even need to mention it?
Because it is so easy to look over especially because the ego loves to get in the way and by the way, once you really accept the level that you are at then you begin to appreciate the little steps that you take to deal with your anxiety.
Now that you have accepted that you do have a real fear of rejection, write the person you would really love to be, but your fear is holding you back. We all would really love to be more loving and cool, but our fear really chains us down.
Basically write your goal down about what type of person you would love to be just that you “can’t,” maybe you want to be more playful or open. Maybe be you want to be more assertive or playful.
Be specific about what type of person you want to become.
Write experiences that you be able to have because you are a new person, this really helps you get super clear and focused on your personality goal.
Write steps of small fear facing challenges that will take you till your goal. but take it slow.
The biggest mistake almost everyone makes while doing personal development: they take it way to fast. Unless you have a good life coach who will not let you go and knows you well, you need to take it slower.
For me when I was starting off, I asked people for directions and slowly I build myself up. But if I would’ve gone day one straight to a hot girl than I would’ve got rejected and wouldn’t have left my house for a month.
It isn’t easy to take it slow, but that is part of truly accepting your social anxiety. Deal with your social anxiety with the a long term mindset.
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Listen, building confidence around patterns of being awkward doesn’t work!
You have horrible social anxiety because you have been getting rejected non stop by everyone so you think you have no chance at ever being liked, but doesn’t it make sense that if you change your strategy your results will change?
So you need to learn and integrate new social skills. Go read some books. listen to podcasts, buy some courses do anything to learn new ways to talk to people.
I recommend you start by reading the classic “How To Read Friends & Influence People” after you really master this book I recommend “The Art of Seduction” By Robert Greene. Both are best selling books, both go to the core of what really makes anyone likable, but The Art of Seduction is for the men or women who really want to take this to the next level.
Being confident and having social skills that make people feel great will guarantee you love from everyone you meet.
Go out and follow the small fear facing challenges together with your new social skills. Don’t beat yourself up after you get rejected by people, just accept your fear and understand that you will get rejected as it part of the process of dealing with social anxiety.
If you have a hard time accepting that you will get rejected on your way to social freedom, then you must go back to step one and accept that you have real social anxiety.
If you follow this plan there is no way that you won’t get out of your social fear. But you need to be persistent, and don’t forget to give yourself plenty of time.
Do your best to get yourself a group of people that will support you and keep yourself accountable to never give up.
The path towards social freedom is no where near easy so I encourage you to get very clear on why you want to reach your goal. There is a saying that goes like this: He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how. It’s not about the specific how, it’s the why, the motivation. And I’ll give you a hint while your finding your inner motivation: if your growing just for you: you won’t make it.