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February 23

How To Build Self-Confidence – Men’s Guide


You need and crave confidence. 

We all crave more confidence. Why? Very simple.

Without confidence you are living in fear. You can’t get anything done, nothing works in your life.

You are a hot super-car. Everyone in the world would love you and enjoy your company. But without gasoline you ain’t going nowhere. 

Confidence is the energy that brings out the incredible potential in you. That self-assurance in you will make people addicted to you big time.

When you build that inner confidence you will feel OK with yourself, you’ll love yourself and the best people will be attracted to you.

I also am not going to be talking about superficial ways of feeling confident. I mean, sure, you could listen to some loud power songs and you will feel confident. Or even take some drugs…

I am here to give you the 4 keys for lasting self-confidence and self-assurance.

And I say the “keys” specifically because you will always have to work hard. Very hard, and no matter what any guru tells you, this is not easy.

Confidence is hard, but that’s also what makes it valuable. If everyone had it you wouldn’t stand out. This is about doing it day in a day out for a year or 2, not a 30 day program.

Keep in mind that because I write about helping men create success in their dating lives this article will be written from that perspective. 

1. Self-love

If you want to be confident in who you are, you better like you! I found throughout my journey that I was trying to be confident while hating and not caring about the person I was! [1]

I once wrote to one of my mentors “we begin our journey looking for how to win friends and influence people and at the end we realize that it’s about how to be our own friends and influence ourselves.”

I was trying to get friends, people to love and appreciate me, when I couldn’t care less about me. I had this deep feeling that I deserved hate and rejection. This feeling came from childhood experiences.

I came from a place feeling like I was a loser, without friends or love in my life. I was a walking pillar of shame and guilt.

Louise Hay writes in her masterpiece You Can Heal Your Life that we should say “I love you, I really, really love you” hundreds of times a day. 

She writes that when we worry, we think about the worst possible situation 1000 times a day, so to approve of who we are 100 times a day is the least we can do. When I started out I would hate and criticize myself as if that would fix my bad feelings.

I was crying inside all day because I hated the guy that I was. This was wreaking any possibility of self-confidence. [1]

You need to be proud of yourself, you need to be happy to be you! Nothing is better than being you.

You need to love your uniqueness and specialness. Nothing is better than you being you. No one will love you more than you. Fall in love with you, your weaknesses and your strengths.

No, you are not perfect, but that is what makes you perfect! That is what makes you human and you must love that humanity. [2]

When you get to this place of calmness and self-love wonderful people and experiences will enter your life.

Yes, you are deserving and worthy of love and abundance, just as you are. Listen I get it: my website is about attracting women, and although this doesn’t seem like the latest seductive techniques, this is truly the most important work you can do. [2]

To have the ultimate, long lasting success with women you must heal and approve deeply of yourself.

But this is also the most painful work you can do, you must become your own favorite person. In a kind of selfish and narcissistic way, yes you love you the most.

You don’t believe you are better or worse than anyone else. Rather you just desire yourself. Crave all of you.

If you are a guy reading this, you have no idea how strong of an affect deep self directed love has on women. Even if you just like the guy you are you will much, much more calm and full of core confidence that will drive girls nuts!

And that’s only if you ‘like’ yourself, only a ‘friend’ to yourself, but if you love and crave every inch of yourself women will crave you. This is actually the essence of seduction.

Self-love is how you get the hottest girlfriend. [3]

2. Self talk

In order to build that self-love and confidence you need to start talking to yourself in a kind and empowering way. [4, 5, 6]

I’ve been on different personal development forums where I have seen people setting goals and daily habits. They invariably come back and talk about how they want to beat themselves up for not following through.

They constantly tell themselves that “I am horrible” and “I am so undeserving.” How can anyone feel confident while talking this way?

It is very common for people in personal development to seek to punish themselves. People think that ‘if I can punish and hate myself enough I will get better’.

This is what I mean by self talk.

This mindset causes so much pain and loneliness, loneliness caused by not even having a relationship with yourself. 

If we are to build confidence we need to talk to ourselves like we are our own best friend. 

Tell yourself how much you love yourself and how much you can accomplish if you work hard. Let yourself go and live. Talking to yourself like you’re worthless never helps.

How to create confident self-talk? The best way to do that is affirmations. [7, 8]

I started off my personal development journey with affirmations, but since I wasn’t doing it right I didn’t see any results this led me to believe that affirmations don’t work.

Eventually I came back to them and saw massive deep level change. Here are a couple tips:

  1. Feel calm, in a sleep like state
  2. Record then listen to your affirmations
  3. Make realistic affirmations (Don’t say “Every girl that sees me falls in love” – that’s too much)
  4. Say them while looking at yourself in the eyes in front of a mirror
  5. Patience! You can’t expect to see results in 2 days

I also like to say affirmations the same way self-talk works: you talk to yourself, not “I am”. For example:

  1. I love you
  2. If you keep improving on a daily basis you will see massive success
  3. I care about you
  4. I like you cause you are so likable

Think of about 20-30 affirmations, record them and listen to them everyday. You WILL NOT see results on a day to day basis. But you will look back after half a year and say “wow” I am a different person!

3. Read books and study courses

We all need to feed our minds and allow a new paradigm to break through and to learn new strategies.

When you keep feeding new information into your mind your mind picks up the beliefs of that book and you will start to see your subconscious mind beginning to orientate you to success.

You will not only begin to get over your fears, but you will also learn what you need to do in order to succeed. You will learn what will make you an attractive man and how to be attractive. 

You will learn to release and let go of certain parts of your personality, and what you want to accept into your personality. 

Currently my favorite 3 books are Think And Grow Rich, The Art of Seduction, and You Can Heal Your Life. 

I must add that it comes down to how much you study these books, not how many books you study. I used to think that if I could get 2000 books in my brain my life would be fixed.

That is not true. Now I basically just study and re-read these 3 books and I continually take action.

So the key is to focus and find your favorite books and go really deep. This will make you take action. Buy the audiobook and the physical version of the book, you want to soak your mind in those books.

If you are a man that is struggling to improve confidence and your dating life then I’ll recommend the same course that I recommend to everyone. 

The Rise of The Phoenix by Sebastian Harris.

And the reason why I recommend this course is for 3 reasons:

  1. You have the option to get the book and learn the core concepts of successfully dating beautiful women. From here you have 2 options…
  2. You can also get his 14 day seduction bootcamp course and really deep and practical. And you have a 3rd option which should be a no brainer,
  3. Sebastian’s VIP Whatsapp coaching.

My favorite out of all this is his coaching. I did his coaching for many months and I went from zero confidence with women to core, calm, confidence. 

Every day he made me do small challenges, sometimes quite terrifying, until I was able to calmly approach any girl, no matter how hot, and get her on a date and in bed.

Don’t get me wrong his book is excellent, and if you want to do any coaching with him you need to get his book first anyways and from there you have the option to get his 14 day seduction bootcamp course and/ or coaching.

I mentioned that I am a big believer in learning AND taking action. Well this is the perfect mix. His book and course will teach HOW, and the daily fear facing challenge will get you powering through.

I feel that I must mention that Sebastian doesn’t believe in “Zero to Hero” – he has told me multiple times that you need to take consistent action for a prolonged period. This is how you succeed in anything.

HERE is my complete review of his course and Whatsapp coaching.

4. Pushing fears by taking action

The ultimate way to be confident is to take action. Take action and do the things that you fear. If you are a man and you fear approaching women on the street then you need to start now. [9]

Build self-love and saying affirmations are great, but the real change only happens when you do the thing you feared. 

You can imagine yourself going on the best dates with the hottest women, but if you don’t actually do it you are wasting your time.

OK, but this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do any affirmations. I mean that 80% of your time you should be taking action in the real world and 20% should be dedicated to the affirmations and the like.

My belief is that affirmations are the means to allow you to take action. Actions really prove to you that you have self-love.

After you really push your fears you will so much more OK being yourself. And having the feeling that it’s OK to be you should be the most important thing in your life.

The best part about fears is that they aren’t real! It’s all in your mind and you can transform your mind.

In my journey, I started off by getting myself a What’sApp coach who pushed me to take small actions every day. Remember that I started off as being terrified to even talk to girls. 


I used to speak so fast and I was so damn self-conscious. I used to have horrible thoughts about myself, incredible self-hate.

And cause I hated myself so much I was basically a puddle of guilt.

The one thing that took me out of that hell hole to where I am today is action. Even affirmations couldn’t get me the girlfriend I was dying for. Even learning all the seduction psychology isn’t enough.

I needed to take action and really prove to myself that I was deserving and capable of beautiful women.

The key is consistency. Every day take action even if it’s something as small as asking for directions. 

It’s hard to believe, but that’s where I started off. Then you take it up a notch: ask a girl what her name is and introduce yourself and then ask for directions. 

That’s it! And after 3-4 months of slowly taking actions you will get your first kiss and get laid. It’s hard to believe but it’s 100% true.

One other very important point: many people read books in order to understand concepts and fasttrack their growth. But there is one problem with that…

Some things you’ll just never realize until you do them. You can read every book on friendship, love, dating and seduction, but until you go out and approach women you will be stuck where you are.

You will never really understand the book until you take action. Your entire personal development journey has to be just about taking action, reading books are just there to give you the inner strength and confidence to do that.

I remember reading a great book and I knew it had some amazing concepts in it – but I never really deeply understood what the author was saying until I took action and came back 3 months later.


There are 4 keys to building core confidence and incredible self-love that will make you super attractive:

  1. Loving who you are
  2. Transforming your self-talk
  3. Learning from the best books and courses
  4. ACTION.

I haven’t seen anyone who’s taken the steps and hasn’t seen massive results. I definitely had days that I thought there was no point. But I was wrong and that means you can also change your life!

Go take action now!


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