17 Steps [With Examples] to Get Any Guy to Commit

Having sex won’t make him commit to you

Texting him first won’t make him commit to you

Cooking dinner won’t make him commit to you

Being loyal won’t make him commit to you

So what will?

Within the next 3 and half minutes you’ll get a clear plan of action that fits your personal situation to get your man to commit no matter how non-committal he may be.

The issue that most girls don’t get is that if a guy can settle with a girl better (in his eyes) better than you, he won’t stick with you.

Wouldn’t you do that same? 

So what you need to do is get into his league i.e. raise your Sexual Market Value (SMV).

There are many ways to do this, but for now we shall focus on one aspect of your Sexual Market Value:

Your looks. 

Hey! I get it - 

You don’t want to be “objectified” or “end up with a superficial guy”, but in order to get him to seriously consider you for a relationship, you must meet his Minimum Looks Requirement (MLR).

The easiest (and most common) way to meet his Minimum Looks Requirement is by getting skinnier.

Seriously, lose weight. 

You might even have the prettiest face and cutest dresses. Sure those help, but having a slim body works wonders on the minds of men. 

Men are way more likely to commit to a slim girl like this

If you’re the type of girl who likes to get scientific, try to aim for a 21–33% body-fat percentage and a 18/19 BMI. [1, 2]

Sometimes this one step will solve the entire problem, and while I know losing weight isn’t easy, there are a million workout programs and diets that can help make the process easier. 

You might hate me for this, but I know I told you that losing weight is 90% of the battle, there are other things that (of course) will improve your looks:

  • A cute dress
  • Sexy makeup (if you have any questions about this, ask my girlfriend not me)

  • Attractive shoes

And a lot more... Which is why you should definitely check out 17 ways to attract a man without getting rejected!

2. Be great in bed

Let’s be real: guys think with their dicks no matter how non committal they may be:

Dick: “I should marry her, she fucked me like a porn star”

Brain: “But she’s a crazy bitch!?”

Dick: “Sorry… I NEED her”

The next day…

“Will you marry me?”

Bottom line:

Fuck him like a porn star. 

How do I fuck him like that?

I knew you we’re gonna ask that, but this isn’t sex ed! But, OK, here are a few tips:

Get the right lingerie

Nothing mindboggling here, just some simple (but easy to forget) tips:

  1. 1
    Make sure you feel comfortable in them
  2. 2
    Make sure they fit your style
  3. 3
    Does it fit your mans’ style? Does it make him hard?
  4. 4
    Make sure they won’t fall apart (that would be bad…) [3]
  5. 5
    Is it easy to use or do you need 2 and a half hours to get ready?

I can’t recommend you to any specific company or whatever, but if you follow these rules, I bet you’ll end up with something you like.

Wearing attractive lingerie can get a guy to commit


The best places to learn about BDSM (after books and videos) is Reddit, specifically r/BDSMcommunity.

So here are some things I’ve picked up from there (+ my personal experiences):

  1. 1
    Dress up like a schoolgirl
  2. 2
    Role play like a teacher/ student
  3. 3
    Wear a lease (you or him!)
  4. 4
    Get chained up to the bed and get a “forced” orgasm
  5. 5
    Try to use a a sex toy in public (vibrator or butt plug)

Now for tip #3...

Give him the blowjob of his life

If wearing sexy lingerie or BDSM doesn’t work for you, this may be the technique for you:

I bet some of my avid readers will be wondering how I know anything about blow jobs as I’m a guy (and not gay)?!

Truth is that I learnt a lot just from Sean Jameson’s course called The Blow Job Bible.

I mean this guy knows everything, and I mean everything about blow jobs. 

What works, what will make his mind explode and what beginner mistakes you need to avoid at all costs.

So let me share with you some tips I learnt from him: 

  • Slowly start by talking to him or asking him sexy questions on your knees (this will make him see you as his submissive which is super hot)
  • Kiss his dick likes it’s the most glorious thing you’ve ever seen
  • Suck it like a vacuum cleaner
  • Get wet! Don’t be shy with your saliva
  • Look at him in the eyes with animalistic desire

So much more to learn so make sure you don’t miss out on his free presentation and course. 


Don’t have too many tips for you here, but here’s one thing (as weird as it sounds): moan like it’s a full body experience. Make moaning part of sex itself.

And that wraps it up for this section, but if you’re looking for more tips and tricks that most girls totally miss, be sure to read 25 exclusive ways to turn on a guy and make him horny!

3. Don’t be addicted to hobbies or work (I know it’s not fair)

Here’s what I mean:

  • Don’t be on Snapchat or Twitter while dating
  • Don’t let work eat up your romantic relationship (emotionally and timewise)
  • Don’t let any habit become too time consuming

I’m not telling anyone not to have hobbies (obviously), what I am saying is that you need to put your relationship first.

If your job becomes too much you’ll have to make a decision: do you want him as your boyfriend or do you want to keep your current work schedule?

4. Grow in the relationship

“If you're not growing together you're growing apart”

Find your passion or a hobby where you experience personal growth, for example…

  • Charity
  • Dancing
  • Modeling
  • Bowling
  • Singing
  • Gardening
  • Running
  • Painting
  • Photography
  • Sewing
  • Dealing with pets
  • Writing
  • Cooking
  • Yoga

It’s worth adding that if your future husband or boyfriend isn’t working on himself, the relationship won’t last either. You may want to encourage him to try martial arts, sports or learn how to fix stuff. 

Going on fun dates is the one way to create a relationship

5. Have new experiences together

Most girls are exciting at the beginning, but in order for him to commit long term, he needs to know that you’ll be fun long term.

So how do you show him that you’ll be fun long term?

Have fun experiences and dates together (that preferably get you out of your comfort zone):

  1. 1
    Bungy jumping
  2. 2
    Horse riding
  3. 3
    Try singing at a recording studio
  4. 4
    Ice Diving (yes, it’s a thing)
  5. 5
    Go bike riding where you’ll get beautiful scenery (don’t miss What to do on a First Date: 23 Creative Ideas)
  6. 6
    Check out a haunted house
  7. 7
    Watch a horror movie at night
  8. 8
    Play truth or dare

Onto #6...

6. Have things in common

Let’s put the last 2 steps together: “having new experiences” and “growing together” will allow you to have a lot more in common.

It goes without saying, but guys will hook up with a girl even though they have nothing in common (heck, even girls do that).

But guys won’t commit unless you build that rapport and make it clear that you fit together.

7. Don’t push issues aside 

If you think he was flirting with another girl or even cheated on you, talk about it.

If you don’t like how he talks to you, talk about it.

If you don’t like how he spends his money, talk about it.

If you don’t like his friends, talk about it.

If you feel like he triggers your trauma at times, talk about it.

If you don’t like the sex, talk about it.

If he’s too boring to hang out with, talk about it.

If you don’t get along with his parents, talk about it.

If you feel misunderstood, talk about it.

If you don’t like how he drinks, talk about it.

Will not explain.

8. Be able to talk about things without getting emotional

As much as I told you to discuss your challenges together, if you can’t do it without getting argumentative, emotional or aggressive don’t do it.

By getting emotional, you only make things worse.


Improve your self-esteem and self-image.

9. Contribute to conversation

Guys hate having boring conversations, so what are some ways to have cool conversations?

Here are my top 3 tips:

  1. 1
    Laugh at his jokes
  2. 2
    Be curious
  3. 3
    Avoid close ended questions (read: 100 Flirty [And Cute] Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend | datingarmory.com)

Beyond this, just develop your social skills and calibrate yourself to your man.

Good looking guys can be hard to pin down

10. Let him show his weird side

Everyyyyyone has a weird side. Guys and girls. 

If he feels stifled and uncomfortable being “himself”, he won’t want to live with you.

Besides for being open minded, here are some weird questions you can ask your man:

  • Do you have any food horror stories? What happened?
  • Do you have any odd family traditions? Share.
  • Have you ever broken your phone?
  • What is your least favorite thing about being male?
  • What is a double standard that needs to end?
  • What is your biggest kink?
  • Do you like legs or butts more?

For more ideas, read 100 Weird [And Unusual] Questions To Ask A Guy.

11. Make sure he doesn’t have religious or political issues

This may be something you want to do before you try to get a guy to commit to you, but anyways… 

If this guy has some super extreme beliefs (whether political or religious), he may not be the guy for you because he won’t commit no matter how much you try.

Side note:

Many times, society and religion will actually help getting a guy to commit because he won’t want to feel out of place or irresponsible.

Find out what he believes by asking him deep questions.

12. Be financially stable

Be the woman that he would trust to become the mother of his children.

Crazy bitches only get one night stands. 

Be reliable.

Does that mean you have to lose your freaky, weird side?

No, not at all! You know what they say:

This also means that you keep your freaky side in bed and be a lady in the streets. 

13. Respect your man

Everyone needs to feel respected and this is only 100 times more true when it comes to the insatiable ego of men. 

Men need to feel respected and here’s how you do it:

  • Agree with him in public
  • Don’t tell him that he doesn’t know how to fix things
  • Don’t make fun of the way he talks
  • Be excited when he walks in
  • Trust his judgement
  • Respect the importance of his work
  • Don’t constantly complain or whine (a little is find)
  • Don’t talk about all the sexual experiences you’ve had before him
  • Congratulate him when he gets a promotion

And if he’s into it, call him daddy (read this to find out why guys like it and for some cute ways to do it).

14. Be vulnerable

Seeming vulnerable is super important if you’re looking to get a man to commit to you after sleeping with him.

So what are some examples of seeming vulnerable?

  1. 1
    Seem sad over small things (emotional vulnerability)
  2. 2
    Get offended over small things - in a playful way (Don’t miss: 17 ways to attract a man without getting rejected)
  3. 3
    Hold his hand while crossing the street as if you need his guidance
  4. 4
    If there’s a spider running around, get all scared and beg him to get rid of it
  5. 5
    Ask him to warm you up on a cold day

Once you appear vulnerable, submissive and girly his entire masculine ego will basically make him crazy about you. 

To understand why this works, you need to watch James Bauer’s presentation called: His Secret Obsession.

But because I value your time, here’s the basic rundown:

Men have something called The Hero Instinct. 

What’s the Hero Instinct?

Well, on the surface it's a deep, biological drive inside every man to feel needed. In other words, men are secretly OBSESSED with feeling irreplaceable... like they're the only man for the job.

James continues…

And here's the secret to how that works. You become a man's obsession, not by meeting his needs... but by revealing your own. In other words, it's not about trying to please him, it's about giving him a way to please you. Which allows him to feel like he's actively winning you over. And here's why that's so critical... It's nearly impossible for a man to feel like he's in love if he doesn't feel like he's earning that love. When you do that, your relationship feels real to him for the first time. He feels like he's falling in love with you over and over again. All of his past relationships seem like a dim shadow to the passionate, urgent love he now feels for you. And it's because you've given him the first taste of real love.

In other words, making yourself appear vulnerable will make him feel needed which will in turn make him fall hopelessly in love.

It’s not psychological. It’s biological. Now go watch his presentation!


It can be scary to lean into your vulnerable side, especially if you’ve had a traumatic past, but all I can really tell you is that if you go out to meet good guys in the right places, the chances of your man abusing your weakness is nearly zero.

15. Be a little bitchy

Ever heard of this book -

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov

If you haven’t, go read it. 

Here’s core concept of the book:

Bitchy confidence that makes you a conquest (not neediness!), is what makes you irresistible. 

Bitchy confidence is what transforms the most non committal men into needy guys dying to get married.

So what are some examples of things to say or do:

  1. 1
    Do you give that compliment to every girl?
  2. 2
    Can you hold this purse for me?
  3. 3
    Can you take a picture of me for my Instagram?
  4. 4
    Why do you drive this car?
  5. 5
    Can you buy me a drink?
  6. 6
    You look a little too old for me...
  7. 7
    Is your hairline receding?
  8. 8
    Why do have such a boring job

All these comments/ questions (AKA shit tests) will force him to come up with a response to appear more confident and “re-claim” you.

Bottom line: 

Make him work for your love.

16. Never give let him have all of you

If you let him have “all of you” before he commits, what’s the point of committing to you? 

This is exactly why (sometimes) you need to get him by slightly pulling away.

By now you know I wouldn’t say this without giving you examples, so here they are (from 15 Steps [With Examples] to Play Hard to Get):
  1. 1
    Don’t fully admit that you’re in love with him
  2. 2
    Hug him, but don’t HUG him (make him feel like something is missing)
  3. 3
    Appear like you don’t need his approval, love or compliments
  4. 4
    Make him work in order to set up dates with you

I should add that playing hard to get is one of the building blocks of seduction which makes it very worthwhile to learn about.

17. Have “the talk” in a subtle way

Now that you’ve been having crazy-fun dates, porn star level sex and increase your sexual market value, you are now ready to have “the talk”.

No, I’m not talking about telling your little boy babies are made! 

I’m talking about having a real conversation where you finalize the status of your relationship (face-to-face of course).

So here are some ways to bring it up in a way that he’ll commit without even asking:

  1. 1
    I'm not seeing anyone else, and I don't feel like seeing anyone else anymore. Are you interested in dating around still, or are you just interested in focusing on what we have going here? [3]
  2. 2
    So can I call you my boyfriend?
  3. 3
    I'm interested in a serious relationship right now, are you? [4]
  4. 4
    So what do you think about us?
  5. 5
    I love our crazy relationship together, wanna be official?
  6. 6
    Can I introduce you as my boyfriend?
  7. 7
    So do I have a boyfriend now? Because that’s what I’m looking for. [5]

Ask face to face while you’re already doing something “couple-y” and make it as nonchalant as possible.

18. Why do guys pull away before they commit?

What if nothing helps and all the guys you date end up ditching you to get into a relationship with another girl?

Here are some possible reasons:

  • You are meeting guys in the wrong places (bars, clubs where they are just looking to hook up)
  • You are dating younger guys who are just looking to have fun, older guys are much more likely to commit
  • You give yourself up to quickly instead of making yourself a conquest (I am not just talk about sex)
  • You are dating guys out of your league
  • You sabotage relationships due to childhood trauma

Now for the summary...


Even with all of these tips, it's important to know when to let go. 

Sometimes you’ll be with the wrong guy and the last thing you want is to watch him date you for 7 years then see him leave you for another girl, leaving you 30 years old with no man!

Bottom line: know when to move on.

Good luck, 

Colt Smith

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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

How To Flirt With a Guy In Any Situation: 43 Examples

17 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Bar and Getting Guys to Approach You

Rich, Single & Hot! 73 Best Places To Meet Men [Tips Included]

20 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Gym! [& Getting Guys to Approach You]