17 Subtle Ways To Get A Guy To Ask You Out & 5 Things You Must Never Try

He’s the popular hot guy that you want for yourself, but he’s not responding to your moves, in fact, he seems oblivious to you altogether. 

How can you get him to ask you out before another girl steals him from you?

In this post you’ll learn exactly that plus the 5 things that are ruining your chances with the high value men. 

Enjoy! - Colt Smith

learn how to get a guy to ask you out before another girl steals him from you like this

The average guy is dying to feel needed and admired (it’s a masculine need), so if you can give him that “hero feeling”, you bet he’ll be totally committed, asking you out on dates - I just hope he doesn’t get too needy. 

It gets even better if you need help at your place, that way you get to have some time together which is...um... a date!

Here are some example:

  1. 1
    Hey ____, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, my computer is acting all crazy. I think it has a mind of its own. If you have time later today, would you mind dropping by and helping me out?
  2. 2
    Hey _____, you might be the only guy here who can help me out. My bedroom door is coming off its hinges and I’m too weak to put it back on. Do you think you could help me out with those huge muscles? [wink, wink]
  3. 3
    ____, I know you are so busy, but my lawnmower won’t turn on no matter how much I scream at it. Do you think you could try some of your magic on it? I don’t know how else I’m supposed to mow my lawn
  4. 4
    Have some more examples? Put them in comments and I’ll add them to the post!

As you can see in these examples, I try to sneak in a compliment or 2 because guys need their ego’s caressed. 

Guys ask girls out who know how to make them feel manly

The only downside to this technique is that a lot of guys don’t know how to fix stuff! Then when you ask him to help you out, he may feel ashamed and avoid you from then on. 

To avoid this mess, learn about him before you try this technique - some goes for all the other tips we’ll talk about.

2. Tell him that you need to show him something back home to initiate a date

I tell guys the same thing - in the post 22 Smooth Steps to Approach Girls at the Bar - and for good reason!

When you innocently tell a guy “damn, you really need to see the photos we took while hiking the Rockies”, he won’t think twice about your motives.

Then, once you’re alone together (without your parents home), it'll be much easier for him to ask you out OR for you to take him out on a date (or makeout and have sex on the spot!).

making an excuse to invite a guy back home is a great way to have a date and sexually escalate

3. Leverage your personal interests to have dates together

Guys and girls like different things, but maybe you guys share some similar interests, for example:

  1. 1
    Working out at the gym
  2. 2
  3. 3
    Online chess
  4. 4
  5. 5
    Martial arts 
  6. 6

So once you find that thing, simply suggest that you do it together. 2 is better than 1, right? 

And by the way, if you have no personal interests, get one! The basics of successful dating is having a successful personal life. 

if you want to get an attractive guy like this on a date, you need to have a fun life

4. Flirt with him to show that you want to go on date

Most guys won’t ask you out on a date because they feel the potential rejection.

How to get around that?

Make it clear, with flirting, that you are interested and want to go on a date with him. 

But how do I flirt with a guy?

No worries, here’s a practical guide covering basically every detail, enjoy!

Flirting with your hair

  1. Twirl your hair or use both of your hands 
  2. Flipping your hair front to back (another reason to have long hair)
  3. Wear your hair up high so they get to see their shoulders 
  4. Let him smell your hair after you’ve taken and shower or put on some perfume
  5. Put your hair in a ponytail or bun and do it over and over
  6. Try different hairstyles often (must read: How to seduce a man: 19 techniques [with examples] - you’ll understand guys at a whole new level)

Just don’t do these too often or together… no need to explain!

playing with your hair like this is a great way to flirt and invite a man to get you on a date

Flirting with your eyes

  1. Corner eye glance 
  2. Eye bat, tilt your head up (use some mascara)
  3. Try smiling with your eyes
  4. Look at him like you know what's really going on between you
  5. Look at his lips
seducing with your eyes is a great way to flirt and invite a man to get you on a date

Flirting with your mouth 

  1. Biting your lower lip
  2. Use teeth to bite straw
  3. Put on some lip gloss 
  4. Use red lipstick 
biting lips is a great way to flirt and invite a man to get you on a date

Flirting with your shoulders:

  1. Show your shoulders
  2. Don’t cross your arms
  3. Face your shoulders towards him
  4. Wear a necklace to draw attraction and play with them
seducing with your shoulders is a great way to flirt and invite a man to get you on a date

Flirting with your hands:

  1. Play with your lips (for more techniques like this, read my fresh article 24 Subtle Techniques To Get Any Guy To Notice You & 5 Common Mistakes You Must Avoid)
  2. Expose your wrists
  3. Dangle your wrist by resting it on your other hand
  4. Touch them on the arm (not shoulder!)
playing with your hands is a great way to flirt and invite a man to get you on a date

Flirting while sitting and standing:

  1. Chest and butt out (related and a great, practical read: 25 exclusive ways to turn on a guy and make him horny)
  2. Mirror the other person
  3. Drop something and bend over slowly and go back to snap back

Flirting with your legs and feet:

  1. Wear shoes with a stiletto heel, it automatically fixes your posture
  2. Angle your feet towards them
  3. Walk in tandem with your partners steps (NLP mirroring technique)
  4. Wear an anklet 
  5. Dangle your shoe 

If you feel uncomfortable doing these techniques around a guy for the first time, practice at home until you’re ready. 

5. Tell him about an upcoming event which you could use as a date idea

The title says it all: let your crush know about some cool event that you’re super excited to attend and if you're feeling courageous, you could also add how you don’t want to go alone and you have an extra ticket laying around.

This technique works excellently with most guys because you are essentially doing all the when/where planning for them.

For example:

  1. 1
  2. 2
    Amusement park
  3. 3
    Farmers market
  4. 4
    For more date ideas, read What to do on a Date: 49 Creative Things to do.

However, if he’s the hunter type of guy, i.e. he’s the type of masculine guy that loves to be proactive and approach the girls he likes, this technique may turn him off because it denies him the chance to chase after you. In this case the best thing to do is to play hard to get and let him chase after you.

This is a good place to add that this masculine type of guy is where Shallon Lester is making her point in the following video:

Lastly, this technique allows you to confirm a date without sounding desperate, all it takes is asking him if he’s coming to the concert. 

6. Ask him what he thinks about a group date

As I was searching the world wide web for the best tips and tricks for you, I came across this one from LoveStrategies.com - giving credit where credit is do.

Anyways, here’s how it works:

Let him know that a cute couple wants to invite you guys over for a fun time together - without actually saying the words “group date” - at the bar, park BBQ or whatever else.

You might find this works best if you're a shy girl and he’s not because you won’t feel the pressure of having to entertain him and he won’t feel shy around another couple. 

So, yes, this technique is not for everyone.

In addition to that, there’s a slight risk that you may end up in the friend zone because he won’t know that you’re romantically interested in him as you haven’t used the word “date”.

7. Tell him that you like when guys take you out on dates

Wanna talk about ways to make a guy ask you out?

Well here it is:

Tell him all about how much you love when guys are bold and ask you out. Tell him how much you like it when guys take control of the relationship and make the first move.

Is it really that easy? You betcha! 

And why is that?

Well, from the start, ass and tits are enough to get any guy's interest. From the moment he sees you, he already wants to ask you out. 

So why doesn’t he? Because he’s a pussy, he’s scared of being rejected.

But when you come along using this technique which basically tells him that you won’t reject him if he makes the first move, you remove all his inner-resistance and he’ll ask you out.

8. Use the pickup line technique to get him to ask you out

There are two ways of using the “pickup line technique” to end up with a date with him:

  1. 1
    The Cute Pickup Line that is used to ask him out and flirt with him
  2. 2
    The Cheesy Pickup Line that makes him laugh and want to ask you out in return

See the difference? 

  • The first one is about you making the bold move and being expected to make all the plans. 
  • The second type of pickup line is just a way to lean him on and “hunt” you down for a date.

Most girls prefer the second type and I understand, but if he’s a shy guy, use the cute pickup line technique because it doesn’t force him to chase after you.

OK, enough explaining, let’s get down to some examples!

Cute Pickup Line Examples

  1. Sorry to bother you, but if you haven’t noticed, I haven’t stopped staring at you for the past week. Your intense green eyes are just too much for me, I need you to keep 'em’ closed! [laugh a bit, then say] You know what, I’ll let you keep your eyes open, but you owe me a date at my favorite coffee shop…
  2. Hi, I’m sure you are busy with what looks like your construction company [or whatever], but just needed to come over and tell you that your style just took my breath away from the other side of the road. [chit chat, then say] You better teach me about your style, when are we meeting up again?
  3. [purposefully stutter and nervously giggle] H-hi, my name is ___, I’ve seen you around class and I… I think it would be really cool if we could hang out sometime. What do you think? 

Cheesy Pickup Line Examples

  1. I felt it would be morally wrong for me not to come approach you. I mean, I’ve never seen a guy that has made me feel this way. Your eyes, hair, muscles…
  2. Well shit, anything that I planned saying to you now, I just forgot. You're so much more attractive up close! It’s your fault I blanked out!
  3. You’ll have to confirm with me later, but it seems to me that everything I’ve ever wanted in life is standing right in front of me…

As you have probably noticed already, I’ve included examples that’ll work in school, on the street and in general situations. However, if you have any other ideas, be sure to leave them in the comments. I greatly appreciate everyone who chips into the article. Much love!

9. Start a simple conversation so he feels comfortable asking you out

Call it small talk, call it a casual conversation, etc. the key is that you start with a simple conversation to build comfort with him and gradually build up attraction and sexual tension until he takes the initiative and asks you out.

Anyways, here are some great conversation starters:

  1. Thank God for the AC, all I’m missing now is a cold shower. How about you? Have you ever dated, Um.. I mean taken an ice cold shower? Would you dare?
  2. Haha, I bet the last words on my deathbed are gonna be “Ok, finished my homework” - does your mom also drive you crazy about this shit?
  3. I guess I am a bit of a stalker, but I heard you talking about your woodworking project and I can’t tell enough how much I love woodworking, could you tell me more about it?
  4. Did you hear about Pluto? That's messed up (credit to this reddit post)
  5. I noticed you at ____, you must’ve been the cutest guy in the room, which magic potion did you take? Do you have a little extra for me? Yeah I ran out, used it all on my boobs.

And yes, some of these conversation starters only fit in certain environments (school, work, etc.) so just be sure to say that right thing at the right place. 

I recommend this technique to any middle schoolers or really any beginners to dating as it really doesn’t take much confidence and any rejection you may receive will be very watered down.

10. Talk about your favorite date location

This technique can be used in tandem with #11 - our previous technique. 

Here’s how it works:

  1. You start a conversation based on your favorite coffees 
  2. Steer the conversations to your favorite coffee shops in town
  3. Talk about all the great experiences you’ve had with other guys who’ve taken you there on a date
  4. Tell him how much you’d love to go again without explicitly saying that you want to go on a date with him at that coffee shop
  5. Watch him get all excited and ask you out!

Obviously, you’re not limited to our coffee shop example, however, if you do go ahead with it, I recommend you don’t spend all your time there. Move around, maybe visit the part, etc. because staying in one place will only bore him to death. Here’s an article (What to do on a Date: 49 Creative Things to do | datingarmory.com) with practically an unlimited number of examples. Enjoy!

11. Make yourself available to be alone with him 

In my experience, a girl who’s are genuinely interested will do this technique naturally: she always find a way to get me alone with her, for example:

  1. Hanging out in the car even after we’re right in front of her car
  2. Wants me to stay with her while she’s waiting for her bus
  3. Hangs around the classroom even after class is over
  4. Takes me through darker alleys where no one would ever know if I fucked her right there on the spot
  5. Constantly trying to invite me back to her house to feed her fish, show me family photos, etc. 
  6. Wants to take me out on a hike all alone

But what I’m adding here is that you can use these exact same techniques to get your crush alone which will make it a hell of a lot easier for him to ask you out as he won’t feel like 1000 people are watching him ask you out.

taking your out for a hike as seen in this picture will make him ask your out because you're alone

12. Ask him if he’s free or tell him that you are free

The best time to ask a guy if he’s free in order to inch your way towards a date is…

  1. After a long workday (as long as he’s not angry or stressed out)
  2. Finished a big exam in school
  3. After finishing any other big project

It is in these times that guys are looking for things to do with their free time and so when you show up asking him if he’s free, he’ll be more inclined to respond positively and make plans with you. 

This is a good time to talk about a question I get quite often: 

How do I cancel or reschedule a date with a guy if it turns out that you have no time?

  1. Hi ____, I really had a great time with you at ___, but I just don’t think I’m ready to get back into the whole dating scene just yet. Anyways, good luck out there
  2. I’m really sorry for the late notice, but I haven’t been feeling that great today, so I can’t make it. But I should be feeling better next week, so how about then? I heard there’s a cool band coming to town!
  3. Please don’t take this personally, you’re a super cute guy, but I’ve been having the worst day and it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna get any better… How about we meet up on Monday when I’m feeling like myself again?

These text messages should make him feel that you’re not just canceling because you found “someone” better to do which means he’ll most likely be open to trying a second time! [2, 3]

13. Tell him that there’s always something you’ve wanted to do, but never had the chance

Let's go through some examples of what you could say or text:

I’ve always wanted to explore that abandoned house

asking a guy to explore an abandoned house is a great way to end up with a date

I’ve always wanted to visit that dog shelter

asking a guy to explore a dog shelter with you is a great way to end up with a date

I’ve always wanted to have fun at the park, haven’t been there since I was a kid

telling your man that you've always wanted to go to the park is a great way to end up with a date

I’ve always wanted to go to the bi-annual farmers market and make a super healthy meal

telling your man that you've always wanted to go to the bi annual farmers market like this one is a great way to end up with a date

I’ve always wanted to try bowling, but no one ever showed me how to do it right

telling your man that you've always wanted to go bowling is a great way to end up with a date

What does this make your man think? She’s always wanted to visit ___, damn, why don’t I take her there - easy way to get her on a first date!

Give your man an excuse to take you out and he’ll take it without any hesitation.

14. Ask him if he’s gonna ask you out

This technique can work to get a first date with a guy, but IMO, it’s best used to get a guy to ask you out again after you’ve already had a fun first date.

When you find him chilling - as long as he’s not super busy or with friends - go up to him and say with a smirk “so what’s taking so long, you’re gonna ask me out again?”

15. Mention to him that you’re single, lonely and ready to date

I’ve seen some girls say this outright to a guy “hey, I’ve been seeing you around for sometime and I thought I should tell you that I’m single, lonely and ready to date. Are you gonna do anything about that?”

But you can also be more stealthy about it, for example:

  1. I hate spending my night alone doing my homework
  2. Whenever I’m at work late at night, I wonder to myself why the hell I’m here instead of cuddling with someone I love
  3. I just got off a really bad relationship with a guy who couldn’t care less about me and now I’m looking for a guy who appreciated me for who I am

He should get the idea and if he has the least bit of interest in you, he should ask you out.

16. How to get a guy to ask you out over text, online or Snapchat

Unsurprisingly, the principles stay the same, but the execution is different, so here are some things you can send him:

  1. Let him know that you’ll be in his area - preferably without friends - and that it would be really cool to meet up
  2. Using technique #15: Mention to him that you’re lonely, single and ready to date (use the examples there)
  3. If you know that you share interests, offer to do them together (art, sports, etc.)
  4. Tell him that you are so terrible at a certain this and that you desperately need help so that he needs to come over to your place without feeling awkward
  5. Tell him that you don’t even know how to spell correctly/ bad at texting, and that he better ask you out soon before you mess it up
  6. Tell him that you’re busy, but would be more than happy to continue the conversation over a cup of coffee
  7. “I am going to [name exciting event], want to join?”
  8. “You like this [food example], oh you don’t know what you’re missing out, come over to my place and I’ll cook up [food example] so good that you won’t be able to go back
  9. “I got two free tickets to the football game on Monday, wanna come with?”
  10. “Stop talking about Chinese food, you’re making me hungry. On second thought, why don’t we get some together?”
  11. “The weather has been amazing lately, you HAVE to take me out. I don’t care where - you choose!”

Just make sure you go from texting to dating sooner than later because you don’t want him to lose interest in you.

17. What to avoid at all costs to improve your chances of getting a guy to ask you out

Lastly, let’s talk about all the ways to ruin your chances of getting a guy to ask you out so you know to avoid them and get a better understanding of why you may be having a hard time getting a date with a guy:

Don’t talk to much about your bad experiences

Don’t talk about all the creepy guys who’ve approached you in the past, he’s gonna feel like you're telling him to leave you the hell alone.

Don’t add to your social media all your bad experiences with guys, it just shows that you don’t know what you're doing. On the flip side, show the world your exciting life and that you’re a fun girl to date.

Don’t wear that bitchface. I talk about this is the article 24 Subtle Techniques To Get Any Guy To Notice You & 5 Common Mistakes You Must Avoid | datingarmory.com, and this is no joke. Girls that look angry or miserable, rarely get approached. 

Don’t seem overly masculine

Confidence is good, but when you’re making all the decisions, he cannot be the man in the relationship and feels totally emasculated. 

Be careful with the male ego.

Of course, if he’s super shy, you need to do more work, but in general, let him be the hunter and take the responsibility. 

Don’t playing too hard to get

Don’t get me wrong. 

You need to play hard to get. We ALL need to play hard to get.

That’s why I wrote a whole article on just that topic: 15 Steps [With Examples] to Play Hard to Get | datingarmory.com

But issues start to surface when you’re playing hard to get before he’s showing any signs of interest.

This mistake reminds me of this video of a guy “ignoring” women when they don’t even know he’s there…

So before you play hard to get, gain his attraction first, then seduce him by playing hard to get.


Lots of things in this article, so I’m sure it would be beneficial to review all the tips, tricks and examples before you go out in the real world and try that. 

But besides that, good luck and make sure to share this article!

Colt Smith

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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

How To Flirt With a Guy In Any Situation: 43 Examples

17 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Bar and Getting Guys to Approach You

Rich, Single & Hot! 73 Best Places To Meet Men [Tips Included]

20 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Gym! [& Getting Guys to Approach You]