Being clingy and needy means that you have made your partner your one and only savior, constantly missing them. You can’t give them their own personal space, always keeping track of where they are. Your happiness is dependent on your partner and if they don’t include you with everything they do you feel rejected. And because of your neediness you attempt to control them by making their happiness dependent on you.
Let’s get into each point so that you can fully understand what being clingy and needy is. You’ll also learn all the signs that clingy/ needy people show.
(For the sake of simplicity the terms “needy” and “clingy” will be used interchangeably because they practically mean the same thing. [3, 4])
If you need help, then get help. OnlineTherapy.com is a great place to get the help you need – and it’s anonymous!
It’s based on CBT (Cognitive Behavior psychology). CBT therapy will help you to identify, challenge and overcome your dysfunctional thoughts, behaviors and emotions.
It’s free, give it a try!
1. Making anyone your savior
People who become needy have been through trauma whether they are aware of it or not.
Their abusive parents (or whoever abused them) made them completely lose trust in themselves and society.
This makes every victim of trauma feel very unstable and full of uncertainty everywhere they go.
Therefore, these victims will always be looking for that one person or savior to rely on completely to feel safe in this world.
And this breeds neediness. They can’t function on their own so they turn you into their savior and cling to you every moment.
If you see someone doing this or you are noticing your own neediness it’s time you put an end to it today.
2. Constantly missing them
From here everything just flows down from the first point we made.
You can’t live normally so you constantly miss them. You feel terribly lonely without them (literally) by your side.
This actually breeds contempt in the relationship. The whole essence of a passionate relationship is giving your partner a chance to chase you.
You build tension by making them miss you and release the tension by reconnecting with them.
In fact, whole books on seduction are dedicated to this exact topic. Take for example The Mystery Method: How To Get Beautiful Women Into Bed by Chris Odom, Mystery, and Niel Strauss.
This doesn’t change if you’re a woman. Sherry Argove wrote a masterpiece called Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dream Girl–A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.
It all revolves around the same concept: stop being needy in relationships, create mystery, and let them chase you.
3. Your always keeping track of where they are
It’s funny when I see these advertisements for apps that can supposedly track your partner.
It’s always made me wonder: why would anyone want to know where your partner is 24/7? What do you get by having a virtual leash on your partner?
If you think they’re cheating then I guess I understand, but what about normal people/ relationships?
The answer must be that it’s an app designed for clingy, nervous partners. Needy people need to know where their partners are 24/7. Get help or online therapy if you find yourself doing things like that.
Learn to give other people space because even in intimate relationships people absolutely need personal space. [5, 6]
4. Feeling rejected if they don’t include you in everything
It’s completely normal for your partner to do stuff by themselves or with their own friends. The problem starts when you feel rejected or jealous.
Jealousy and feeling rejected are signs that you are neurotic. You feel too much fear and every little rejection get blown out of proportion.
This comes from traumatic childhood experiences. Think of it this way:
If you got rejected as a child, you had nowhere to go. That’s a terrifying situation for any kid and I can totally relate because my parents did exactly that to me:
My parents would threaten to drop me off in downtown Baltimore in the middle of the night! For those who don’t know downtown Baltimore is a place you never want to be in the middle of the night…
As I healed those traumas, I began to stop being needy and started living from an abundant, loving mindset.
5. Your happiness depends on the other person
Because you are so wrapped up with the idea that your partner is your savior, you begin to rely on them for everything.
You rely on them for:
Again, notice the problem and heal it. You are not stuck where you are.
6. You make their happiness depend on you
This is a simple continuation of #5. Because you need them for your own well-being, you feel the need to make them dependent on you too.
This is the essence of a toxic relationship.
You must have a degree of interdependence if you’re going to have a healthy relationship.
Let them be who they are and love yourself as you are. Once you can do that, you are ready to have the passionate relationship you’ve always wanted.
Being clingy and needy will ruin every relationship you will ever have. It’s the essence of emotional suffocation.
I’ve already pointed you out to online therapy, but if you are feeling suicidal, self-harming, or deep in depression get emergency help here.
Your friend, Colt.