“Had a great night, but now I need to return to my home planet… And you have a weird nose. Bye.”
Or better yet:
The moment any unattractive guy approaches you, in a overly serious voice, say
“I can't wait to have a child growing inside of me!!”
Stare at him, unblinking. He will run.
Still not good enough? Here’s a better idea: instead of using business cards, use rejection cards - just with food.
For example, buy a beer, write your rejection/ breakup note on it, throw on a picture of nice boobs and hand it to him. You could also do the same thing with a cake (and stuff in a nice ‘step-sis documentary’ disc to help with the breakup).
IMPORTANT: I am going to set foundational concepts for the rest of the guide in the following 2-3 paragraphs, but if you’d like to jump to the meat of this guide, go here: Reject Him Preemptively. (Now you can't complain about any long introduction...)
1. This guide is for women and men
While the title suggests that this guide is only for girls, I only did that because it’s mostly women rejecting men, not the other way around.
There’s a lot of info packed in here, for men or women.
2. Why learning the art of rejection is important
A) You’ll find a compatible man
Because you can’t expect everyone to work with everyone, there’s nothing wrong with ‘rejection’ - being rejected or rejecting someone! Just like you learned how to walk to do the most basic things in life, you gotta learn how and when to say no if you want to find a man who is compatible with you.
B) You’ll have enforceable standards
Anyone can say they have standards, but if you’re not willing to enforce them, what difference does it make?
And do you want to know what happens when you’re not willing to say no and enforce your standards? It's not good...
- You end up wasting your most eligible years with a guy who’s not willing to commit to you in the end
- You let guys ‘pump and dump’ you
- You settle for a guy who isn’t at your level
- And in worse case scenario, you end up in a toxic relationship because you didn’t nip it in the bud [1, 2]
Rejecting a guy you don’t like is how you get a guy you do like.
C) A faux rejection can be used to filter out men
The technical term for this is sh*t test or frame test, but let me explain:
By showing some general signs of disinterest and playing hard to get you can get a deep understanding of what kind of guy he is without spending a lot time with him:
- How much does he like you? Is he willing to be persistent even after you've pushed him away?
- Is he experienced enough with women to know you’re just playing hard to get?
- How does he handle rejection?
So, yes, mini/ faux rejections can be very useful to see if he’s Real Man Material (RMM).
D) You’ll waste less time dating and have more fun
There are lots of points where you may want to turn a guy down:
- When he asks you for his number
- While texting
- During the first date (and possibly leaving early)
- Between date texting
- Second date
- Having sex
- And later…
If you don’t know how to rapidly sift through guys, you’ll quickly get swamped, and dating - while it’s supposed to be fun and flirty - will become annoying and a huge time (and money) sink.
Being good at rejection will make dating a whole lot ‘funner’ - for both parties involved.
E) You’ll cause less hurt
Well, it’s actually quite simple: the more you lead him on, the more your rejection will hurt him when you eventually have to cut him off... (And I don’t care how nice he is, if you’re not feeling it, don’t give him a second date. You’re only gonna make him more angry and resentful in the long run.)
F) You’ll stop being a people pleaser
And lastly, but most importantly, by learning to say no you can begin to break out of your people please/ Mr. Nice Guy mentality. (As a side note, this is why reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover is critical not just for guys, but girls too. It's not about just saying no, it's about being true to yourself and living a free life.)
3. There is no perfect way to turn a guy down
Wouldn't it be great if there was this one effortless, magical rejection phrase that could be used to reject any unattractive guy who approached you? Or better yet, what if we never had to reject anyone?
Unfortunately, this just isn’t possible. You can look all over reddit, but you still won’t find that magical phrase…
So what I’m saying is adjust your expectations and realize that no rejection is squeaky clean. There is no way that he’ll walk away feeling better than he did before getting rejected. He’s always gonna feel that hit to his ego.
4. Pick the right technique to turn him down
That being said, you gotta pick the appropriate techniques for each situation. For example:
- Some techniques will work when rejecting a guy who just approached you, while others will work after you’ve been on 2 or 3 dates
- Some techniques will work in a bar while others won’t
- Some techniques will work well with respectful guys, while other will work on persistent, rude guys
Assess the situation, pick the right tools (whichever technique is easiest and most effective) and make your move.
5. Reject him preemptively
Rejecting a guy preemptively is the real life version of setting filters on your tinder profile.
It’s how you avoid guys that like you in the first place and make sure they know you’re not interested without even telling them.
And all you have to do is seem unapproachable:
- Whenever he looks at you, put on a bitch face
- When he smiles at you, put an obviously forced polite smile on
- Always spend time with friends (especially guys) so he’ll be too afraid to approach you
- Always maintain physical distance between you and him (try to get different class schedules if this guy is in your grade/ school)
- Keep closed body language
- Face your body away from him even while you’re looking at him
You gotta learn to trust your 6th sense and break it off before it even starts. (And obviously, do the opposite if you want to get a guy to approach you.)
6. Show him that you’re not interested
If he does approach you and you’re forced to talk to him, here’s how you can show him that you’re not interested so that he self-ejects and leaves you alone:
- Closed body language
- Give one word answers to any questions he asks
- Look dead inside (the opposite of flirting with a guy)
- Seem unable to pay attention to what he’s saying
- Unenthusiastic tone of voice
Not the most polite way to show disinterest (guys call this getting ‘blown out’), but if you’re a shy girl it’s better than saying nothing. Also, this only works with guys newer to the game, the more experienced guys won’t give up without a clear verbal ‘no’ or a reason.
7. Find a pause in the conversation
Unless he’s being super rude, there’s no reason to cut him off mid sentence. Instead, wait for a natural lul in the conversation and give your excuse to leave: boyfriend, busy, etc.
8. Communicate politeness and respect
When girls say they hate being approached by guys it’s because they hate being approached by unattractive, creepy guys and hate having to get rid of them, but all girls would agree that being approached by a good looking, confident man is nothing but an ego boost.
Even if this attractive man just wanted to sleep with you, he still had to come tell you - in a very courageous way - that he thinks you’re beautiful!
So when you do reject him, communicate politeness and respect to him out of common courtesy.
But while being courteous is important, here are 2 other reasons to respond in a respectful manner:
- If you tell a persistent guy that you have a boyfriend in a very dry, factual kind of way, he’ll try to smuggle himself in. If you tell him that you have a boyfriend in a rude way, he’ll get angry and do who knows what. But if you’re polite, he’ll be happy you respected him and leave.
- If you reject a guy publicly (e.g. around his friends or in a crowded bar) in a very angry tone of voice, all the other guys - including the hot ones - and will mentally label you as the crazy b*tch and won’t talk to you
So, now that we got that down, here’s how you actually make him feel respected:
A) Polite tone of voice
Even if you go with a simple ‘no’ and decide not to include a reason (which is fine), say no in a ‘no, thank you, but I appreciate the compliment’ tone and not in a ‘f*ck off, pathetic loser’ tone. [3, 4]
B) Sincere smile and eye contact
- Think about how he had to pick himself up, risk rejection and force himself to talk to you because you were that attractive and allow yourself to feel gratitude for that compliment
- Use that feelings of gratitude to smile sincerely
And here’s how to have the right eye contact:
- Do not have apologetic or sad eye contact because A) you don’t need to apologize for anything, B) he’s gonna think that you do really want to talk to him and C) it’s insincere
- For the same reasons, don’t prolong your eye contact. Just look at him for enough time to communicate your gratitude that he approached you, but that you need to go for whatever reasons
Now that you have your tone of voice and body language down, here are some things to say to communicate politeness in your rejection…
C) Thank him for the compliment
As we mentioned before, whether you find him attractive or not, he did just courageously approach you with a compliment that he thinks you're beautiful so before you show him you’re not interested, acknowledge the compliment then explain why you’re not available.
“I am so flattered…”
“What a compliment!”
D) Tell him that he’s a great guy
Let’s combine the previous examples with this step:
“I am so flattered and you’re a great guy, but…”
“What a compliment! You’re such a courageous guy, the only problem is that…”
“Thank you! I can tell you’re a good man, Unfortunately…”
At the end of this guide, I’ll list more examples, but the point is this:
Because you’re about to turn him down and possibly signal that there’s something wrong with him, you want to preface that with a nice compliment.
But notice that I said a ‘nice compliment’ and not a super flattering compliment (“OMG, you could be the next 007, you’re just that confident. Sooo sexy!”). That’s because you’re simply looking to soften the blow when you reject him so he quickly moves on, but so much of a compliment that he leaves confused thinking that you still like him.
9. Keep your rejection short
And lastly, before we get to solid examples, I’d like to remind you to keep the overall rejection short.
Remember, at this point, this guy just approached you on the street. He doesn’t even have your number and you definitely haven’t been dating. You don’t owe him a long ‘breakup’ explanation of why this isn’t gonna work out or why you’re not feeling it.
In fact, the more you try to excuse yourself with all sorts of reasons, the more he’ll try to argue and show you why you can really go out together.
So, have one excuse ready, shorten it and then hold your ground.
10. Tell him that you have a boyfriend
Rejecting a guy when you have a boyfriend (or pretend to have one) is one the easiest ways to turn a guy down because you can’t argue with not being single. So here’s how to tell a guy you have a boyfriend:
- Tell him that you’re in love. Sometimes just saying “Oh’ I’m in love” is good enough, no need to even mention a boyfriend or husband.
- Tell him that you’re loyal to your SO. This stops any pickup artists from trying to get you to cheat on your boyfriend.
- Tell him that you have tons of fun together. In other words, thanks for approaching me, but I don’t have time to spend time with you - even as friends.
“Thank you! I can tell you’re a good man, Unfortunately I’m in love with my boyfriend and I’ve always been loyal. We have tons of fun together!”
11. Casually mention that you have a boyfriend
Another way to reject a guy when you have a boyfriend is casually mentioning that you have a boyfriend mid conversation. Here are some examples:
- 1Did you go to [name of country], me and my boyfriend went there last summer?
- 2My boyfriend gave me this ring, do you think it’s nice? (Wearing rings in general helps for this reason exactly, guys will assume you have a boyfriend.)
- 3Show him some of the funny messages/ memes your boyfriend sent you
- 4If he asks you if you like going to ____ bar, tell him that ____ bar is one best places your boyfriend likes to take you
- 5If he asks you if you like ____ cocktail, tell him that you’re boyfriend love getting that cocktail with you
- 6If he mentions the weather, tell him that your boyfriend loves this kind of weather too
This indirect boyfriend response works best with indirect approaches (e.g. a guy asks for directions then starts chatting you up) or if you notice a co-worker or friend who’s starting to be a little too friendly.
12. Pretend that your boyfriend is arriving soon
“I am so flattered and you’re a great guy, but my boyfriend is right around the corner coming to pick me up…”
The obvious benefit to this technique is that it prevents any kind of negotiation because even the most belligerent of guys know that the second your boyfriend shows up, things might get ugly.
The only downside is that this won’t work in any place where he’ll be seeing for the next 5-10 minutes because then it’ll be obvious that you were lying (although maybe your boyfriend is actually coming to pick you up).
13. Tell him your engaged
“I am so flattered and you’re a great guy. If I wasn’t engaged I would say yes!”
Say that enthusiastically while pointing to your ring or necklace, and it’ll work like charm. Just don’t use it in places where guys will keep up with you, otherwise you’ll be stuck trying to answer their questions: “Where’s the ring?” “When’s the happy day?” “What’s his name?” “How long have you been engaged?”
14. Tell him you just got out of a relationship
“That was really nice of you, but I just got out of a relationship and need some time to myself”
Should work well with the less experienced nice guys, but expect some push back from the bad boy type: “well how about I take your number, shoot you a text and when you’re really to start dating again, just reply.”
15. Tell him that at your age you’re looking for a younger/ older guy
“You made my day, but at my age I’m looking for younger/ older guys”
Note that you aren’t saying HE’S too young or old for you, but that YOU’RE looking for an older/ younger guy. Never pin the rejection on him as we’ll soon see.
16. Tell him you’re busy
Using the excuse ‘being busy’ to say no to a guy asking for your number only works when combined with the appropriate vibe, body language, and tone of voice to show him you’re really not interested and not that it's a challenge for him to find free time in your schedule to hang out together.
You’re at the coffee shop enjoying a hot espresso while doing some light work. From your right side, a guy approaches you. From the moment he gives you his initial compliment, you can already tell that you don’t like him.
What do you do?
First wait for a natural lul in the conversation, then while showing tired eyes, closed body language and while facing your laptop with a stressed face, tell him that you’re working super hard on ___ project and are too busy.
By the way, if you’re look for solid moves to meet hot men at coffee shops and other little known venues, read: Rich, Single & Hot: 73 Best Places To Meet Men [Tips Included] | Dating Armory.
17. Tell him you don’t speak English
Whether you’re in a foreign country or just know a second language, pretending not to speak the language he knows can work (just pray to God that he doesn’t speak your language too!).
18. Tell him that you’re gay or straight
This unironically works the worst when telling a straight guy that you (a girl) is gay. Some guys will take it as a challenge: “I am so manly, so attractive that I will change your sexual orientation!” So just make sure you say it in a stern, serious voice, most normal guys will back away.
If it’s the other way around, you’re straight and a gay girl approaches you, just say “thanks, but I prefer guys.”
19. Have friends ready to help you say no
Instead of having that one rude cockblocking friend who indiscriminately pushes guys away, tell your friends that when you show your secret sign, you want their help to get a guy the hell away from you.
You can read about more example and bar related techniques here: 17 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Bar and Getting Guys to Approach You | Dating Armory
20. Hand him over to a friend
Simply go to the bar with a wing/ friend and whenever an unattractive guy approaches you, tell him that you’re unavailable, but that your friend over here might be interested.
Win-Win. You're giving the man what he wants (a new girl!) and you’re left alone!
21. Do not apologize for turning him down
After rejecting him, should you say sorry?
Sure. nothing wrong with being polite.
But nothing more than a basic sorry.
Why is that?
Well, it’s mostly for the same reason why we kept our rejections short from the very beginning: you’ve never dated him or even given him your phone number, so there’s no reason to elongate it. This isn’t a breakup.
But in truth, long, uncalled for apologies cause an even greater problem, which is, you’re showing neediness, or more specifically, weakness and this 'weakness' is gonna give him the courage to try to push again for your number.
So avoid that whole mess by shaving it down to a simple, but polite ‘sorry’.
22. Encourage him to keep trying to find a good girl
By now your rejection should look something like this:
“I am so flattered and you’re a great guy. If I wasn’t engaged I would say yes! Sorry…”
But there’s one other thing you want to add on to ensure that he’ll move on and not react in any kind or weird way.
What is that?
Encourage him to keep trying to find a good girl.
Why are you encouraging a guy that you’re trying to get rid of!?
You’re encouraging him in order to soften the blow of the rejection so that he moves on and doesn’t react in any sort of crazy way while not saying anything which would confuse him about whether you like him or not.
This also means that you should give this “encouragement” whether you think he has no chance in the dating market or genuinely believe he’s just not your time.
Anyways, here are some examples of what you could say:
- 1I'm sure the right girl for you is out there somewhere.
- 2Keep putting yourself out there, you’re bound to meet your one.
- 3I wish you all the best, keep searching!
- 4Good luck and take care. (Or as Brian Regan would say, good care and take luck)
- 5Better luck with the next girl!
- 6You know what they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take…
23. Physically walk away
The last step is leaving. Physically making distance between you and him.
Here’s how you do it:
- 1If he’s already turning away, a simply ‘bye’ is perfectly good enough (saying nothing would be rude)
- 2If he’s still lingering even after you’ve said ‘Better luck with the next girl!’, say ‘I am going to [do something or go somewhere]’ then walk away (notice that you aren’t asking him for permission, you’re just getting the hell outta there)
- 3If one of your friends is helping you leave that interaction as a cockblocker (because you flashed your secret ‘help me’ sign), look at him respectfully and say “it was nice chatting with you, but my friends need me now”
Obviously, the distance that you separate yourself from him will depend on the type of guy he is. If he’s super clingy, you may have no choice but to go to another bar. If he’s a respectful guy, just leaving the conversation may be enough.
And to put all the steps together, here’s a full example of what you could say:
“I am so flattered and you’re a great guy. If I wasn’t engaged I would say yes! Sorry. Bye!”
If you need more bar related tips, read this mega guide: 17 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Bar and Getting Guys to Approach You | Dating Armory
24. Take his number
All the previous techniques should work with normal guys, but what happens if he won’t go away? What happens if he keeps insisting that you should trade numbers?
Take his number, let him go on his merry way and never respond. It’s not the nicest thing to do, but he’s being pushy so he deserves it.
But what’s not a good idea is giving him a fake number, because what he may end up doing is texting you his name on the spot and if it doesn’t go through, it’s gonna be really awkward.
The reason why a lot of guys push for your number even after you’ve said no is because most guys are just trying to make sure you aren’t playing hard to get (and not just because they feel butthurt). See below for illustration:
25. Wrong horoscope
Another way to deal with persistent guys is by acting a little crazy. For example, saying crazy things like “our horoscopes don’t align” in a dead serious voice should do the trick (yes, you are crazy if you think horoscope compatibility is a real thing).
26. What to do when he asks why
While most guys won’t push for another reason for why you’re turning them down until you’re at the stage where you’re saying no to a second date or a relationship, it may still happen when saying no to first giving your number to him so if that does happen, here’s how you deal with it:
- Do not change your reason
- Repeat the words of your original reason without explaining it further. (Remember, you basically just told him that he’s not attractive which is a major hit to the ego, so arguing with his emotions and giving him new reasons why this won’t work out will never help.)
If he’s particularly needy and wants to negotiate a ‘deal’ with you, give him a hard NO. Make it clear that it’s over and there’s no turning back.
27. Do not let him make you feel guilty
While guys will almost never try to make you feel guilty when you deny your number, you may find some guys try to make you feel a little guilty when saying no to a relationship.
My only advice to you is to realize that just because you spent 3 hours together over a couple dates and kissed, doesn’t mean you owe him a relationship. That’s not how it works!
So instead of feeling guilty, feel disgusted at his entitlement and let him create a toxic relationship with another partner.
28. Rejecting a guy in a group
What happens if you’re hanging around with a group of friends and one of their unattractive friends (so your friends, friend) starts to hit on you… how do you show him that you’re not interested without being rude?
A) Keep the conversation friendly
Instead of talking about personal things, talk about superficial things so that he has no way to create a connection with you, for example:
- How’s the music?
- Is it good when it’s too busy or empty?
- Is dark beer better than light beer?
B) Give attention to a different guy
When he does talk to you, give him one word answers and double down on getting a more attractive guy in the group to notice you so the loser guy gives up.
You can either leave the more attractive guy who you’ve been giving your attention to or just simply make physical space between you so that he knows you’re not interested.
29. How to reject a guy who bought you a drink
It goes without saying that if you really don’t like the guy, you don’t have to accept any drink. After all, it’s only a gift and no one can force you to accept a gift!
But let’s say you want to be a tad more polite, enjoy the drink while chatting, but not be forced to take it any further than that. How do you pull that off?
Chat till you finish the drink (without chugging it down) then say
“Well I enjoyed chatting with you, but I need to go find my friends now. Thanks for the drink. I hope you enjoy your night.”
Notice that you say ‘I hope you enjoy your night’ because that cements that you're turning him down and you won’t see him for the rest of the night… or ever again!
Third scenario: you’re sitting by yourself or with friends and a guy from across the bar sends you a drink with the bartender.
Well if he looks interesting, you could always accept it and go talk to him. But of course, you can always turn it down with any of the excuses mentioned above (boyfriend, I don’t drink shots, etc.) and say that another girl would appreciate it much more (a ‘sorry-but-thank-you’ smile in his direction would be a good idea too).
Another way to avoid all of this nonsense is by taking the initiative and approaching the men you want, but that's discussed in another guide: 17 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Bar and Getting Guys to Approach You
30. When can you reject a guy over text
There are 3 stages to dating in regards to rejection. Rejecting a guy through text should only be done in the second stage:
- 1If you’re messaging back and forth on Tinder and you lose interest, just stop messaging and block (although some guys will find your profile on other dating sites and get you there so be careful). I wouldn’t even call that ghosting.
- 2If you’ve been on 1-3 dates, rejecting a guy over text is appropriate.
- 3Past 3-4 dates, you’ll either have to call or reject him face to face.
31. Do not point out specific faults
The first step to rejecting a date nicely over text is to not point out specific faults in him. Here’s what I mean:
- You’re too fat (if you want to meet fit guys, read this: 20 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Gym and Getting Guys to Approach You | Dating Armory)
- You dress like you’re a homeless guy
- You apologize for everything
- You’re conversational skills are just abysmal
That is uncalled for (unless he’s being rude himself) and is what usually causes guys to get angry, stalky or even violent.
32. Make the lack of interest about you, not him
In essence, I am referring to the ‘it’s not you, it me’ episode from Seinfeld:
So how do we apply George’s moves to effectively cancel a date over text without being rude?
Use ‘I statements’ and never even hint that the rejection has anything to do with him.
- I don’t feel the same way you feel about me
- I am not compatible with you
- I am not your type or match
- I couldn’t have a relationship with you
- I am not attracted to you (lessening the blow to his ego as opposed to saying ‘you are not attractive to me’)
Soften the blow to his ego where you can and remember, it’s not you, it's me.
33. Keep your rejection vague
My next tip to rejecting a date nicely over text is to keep your rejection vague and there are 4 main reasons why we do that:
- Vague reasons require less effort to generate (and anyways, at this point you don’t owe him an explanation, this isn’t a divorce)
- If it’s vague enough, they can’t ask ‘why’ because ‘that’s just how it is’
- Because it’s so vague they can’t claim that they’ll be able to fix ‘that specific problem’ and get back together with you
- It’s less rude while still making it clear that you’re breaking up/ rejecting him
Some examples of this include saying that you’re not feeling it or you’re just not his type, but we’ll discuss these techniques in depth later. [5, 6]
34. Leave no room for confusion or hope
So far we’ve been super polite: made sure you don’t point out specific faults in him, made it about you and kept it all vague.
But now it’s time to balance it out to make sure there’s no room for confusion or hope in your rejection by being super clear that…
- 1Your decision to turn him down is not gonna change in the future,
- 2It doesn’t matter how he changes in the future, and
- 3It doesn’t matter if how you change or if your situation changes in the future
And while I realize this may sound brutal, you need to remember that:
- If you are actually concerned about how to reject a guy kindly, you are probably already doing it as kindly as you will be able to. If you try to be any more polite, he won’t know if you’re just playing hard to get or genuinely uninterested. And as we said before, there is no way he or she will come out of the rejection feeling better than they went in. To some degree, there is no way to soften the blow.
- ‘Say what you mean and mean what you say’ is how men communicate and how men (mistakenly) expect you to communicate with them
- Guys don’t want their time or money wasted when they could be spending it on another girl who’s sincerely interested in him
- When you leave any room for doubt, you’re letting guys think they have a chance and take your faux rejection as a challenge (pictured below)
35. Do not try to help a guy after turning him down
A lot of nice girls want to know if it’s OK to help a guy by pointing out his faults once you’ve already rejected him. In general I say it's a bad idea and here’s why:
A) He won’t fix himself
Let’s say his most obvious problem was that he didn’t dress well or that he had a lack of hygiene, so do you really think that by just pointing that out to him, he’d become an attractive guy? Of course not.
Lack of hygiene or his weird style is just a symptom of a much larger problem. This guy is lacking basic social skills. He needs a remodeling job, not a touch up and you don’t want to get involved with trainwrecks. (If you do, however, decide to help him, make sure you take a fat hourly rate, dating coaches are not cheap these days!)
B) You can’t help him
About dating coaches, yeah it’s a skill. Maybe you’re not good enough to help him? It takes a lot of time, work and effort from both sides to see any real improvement.
And besides, maybe you’re wrong about his problems in the first place? You think he talks too much, but in truth, you’re an introvert and like quiet guys!
C) He will think that you’re still interested once he fixes himself
Lots of guys will take your advice as playing hard to get and think that you’re actually flirting with them which then puts you into a place where you have to reject them a second time once they come back ‘fixed’.
D) He’ll blame his problems on you and get mad
Of course, not all guys will get angry, most will be genuinely grateful for your honest assessment, but why take the chance of being the one to make him mad? Again, never get involved with a guy you want to do a major overhaul/ remodel job on.
E) There are better ways to soften the rejection
If you’re doing this to soften the rejection, there are better ways to do so as discussed (thank him for the compliment, tell him he’s a good man, etc.)
F) How to avoid helping him
Now that you understand my reasoning, here’s how I’d avoid helping a guy:
- Make the lack of interest about you, not him so that the rejection has nothing to do with him in the first place (e.g. tell him that you have a boyfriend, tell him that at your age you are looking for a young/ older guy, tell him you’re busy, etc.)
- Reinforce the fact that you think he’s a great guy
- Hand him over to a friend
So how to preemptively avoid helping him, but what happens if he’s the one to ask why you rejected him? Well, it depends:
- If he asks ‘why’ in a kind of belligerent way, the follow our advice for what to do when he asks why and how to reject a guy rudely
- If he asks ‘why’ in a why that shows he understands you’ve rejected him, but wants to know how to improve yourself, then do what you like. Personally, I’d reply with some general cliche advice, but again, it’s your call.
G) Summary diagram
Before we move onto the techniques and examples below, let’s review the basic outline to rejecting a guy:
Do Not Point Out Specific Faults
This includes not saying things like: you're too fat, short, old, etc.
Make The Lack Of Interest About You, Not Him
This includes saying things like: I don’t feel the same way you feel about me, I am not compatible with you, etc.
Keep Your Rejection Vague
You do this for several reasons, but mostly so that he won't try to argue with you
Leave No Room For Confusion Or Hope
Make it clear that A) Your decision to turn him down is not gonna change in the future, B) It doesn’t matter how he changes in the future, and C) It doesn’t matter if how you change or if your situation changes in the future.
36. Tell him that you’re not feeling it
- I’m not feeling it
- I wasn’t feeling a connection
- I don't have the same feelings and it would be best not to see each other any more
The reason this is such a great way to reject a date is because:
- It’s nice and polite. You’re not pinning any clear blame on him.
- It’s honest and direct. He knows it’s over.
- You can’t argue with ‘feelings’ so he’ll move on quickly
- You are being sincere about how you actually feel about him which every man would prefer over insincere acceptance
We’ll have more examples at the end of this guide.
37. Tell him you don’t see a future together
This technique (tell him you don’t see a future together) and the next one (tell him that you’re not his ‘type’ or ‘match’) are best done after you’ve been on one or two dates where you know him well enough to even say you ‘don’t see this working out’.
38. Tell him that you’re not his ‘type’ or ‘match’
I love this move for several reasons: it’s so darn simple (KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid!), he can’t argue about you not being his type and it’s relatively polite.
So, what are the best ways to convey that he’s not your type?
- Do not explain what your type is (badass/nerdy/smart/psychotic)
- Do not explain how you don’t match, just that you don’t match
- Always say that you’re not his type (I am not your type) and not that he’s not your type (you’re not my type)
By the way:
Not being his type, having a boyfriend, and not feeling it are my top recommended picks out of this list because they are so simple, he can’t argue with your reason and it’s nice enough.
39. Don’t say that you’re unsure
One thing you want to avoid saying is ‘I don’t know what I want these days’ or anything that signals you’re unsure about what you want.
Yes, you do need to balance being polite and blunt, but this is too polite and will lead to him creating a whole discussion to convince you to like him.
40. Do not set a time frame for the rejection
Let’s say you’re rejecting a guy who is asking you out, never set a time frame for the rejection, e.g.
- Sorry I'm busy all week, but I'm flattered you asked
- I’m not interested right now
- I’m not interested in dating these days
When you do this, you may get guys saying ‘that's okay, I'll be around when you're ready!’ and never moving on so instead, stick to our earlier examples: not feeling it, not my type, boyfriend, etc. and he’ll be on his way.
Not enough time to discuss, but this really includes the excuse of telling a guy that you’re not interested because you just got out of a relationship as this may cause him to ask you when you’ll be ready to date again.
41. Don’t tell him you don’t have ‘enough’ in common
Don’t tell him you don’t have ‘enough’ in common because that’ll just trigger him to prove to you that you do have enough in common!
42. Mention that you don’t want to waste his time
After being clear, a great way to show politeness and extra respect is by mentioning that you don’t want to waste his time (or money!) and that moving on would be the best for both of you.
43. Rejecting a guy you know
He’s either a guy in school you have to reject or a guy friend you need to turn down, here’s how you do it:
- As mentioned, preemptively reject him by showing disinterest
- Casually mention on the side that some other guy in the school asked you out and that you’re excited or want to know his opinion (by the way, you could always learn how to get a guy you actually like to ask you out… 17 Subtle Ways To Get A Guy To Ask You Out & 5 Things You Must Never Try | Dating Armory)
- Pull any of the classic friend zone moves by saying how he’s like a brother to you and his best friend
And of course, there’s nothing wrong with getting over your fears and being direct by following the rules laid out earlier.
44. Constantly push off the date
Going for the ‘constant push off’ (i.e. constantly canceling and pushing the date off with random excuses) isn’t nice, but it isn’t as bad, so don’t do it to the newer guys who won’t get the hint and will leave burnt.
45. Do not ignore, flake, or ghost him
I’ve given you so many tips (and I’m still not done) that there’s really no reason to ghost a guy, that is, unless he’s being rude to you, but we’ll talk about that later.
46. How to get out of a date early
Although this is not the main topic of our guide, it is related, so here are some tips to get out of a date early:
- Seed your exit. If you’re not sure how the dates are gonna go, mention from the start that you might have to leave with your friends soon, do some work, etc.
- Start to leave. I don’t mean to get up, I mean to start to collect your things, pay the tab, find your keys, etc. He will get the message.
- Leave the venue together and go to some outdoor park/ square. It’s always much easier to leave a date early from a park vs a restaurant/ bar.
- Say your previously mentioned excuse and leave while being friendly
If all of this still sounds like a bit too much for you, send a text message to a cockblocking friend and have her pick you up.
47. Go for a mutual fade
If he doesn’t text you twice after a one night stand or a boring date, a mutual fade is your best bed. Just note that after two texts, it’s called ghosting, not a mutual fade!
48. Reject as early as possible
Once you’ve been on one or two dates it’s important to listen to your gut and reject him as soon as possible if you’re not feeling it because the longer you wait, the worse the rejection (or breakup) will be for the both of you.
Here’s what I mean:
- If a guy approaches you at a bar and he seems like a creep, let him go ASAP and don’t let him ruin your night or your favorite bar
- If you’ve changed your mind about him, be honest and text him the day you gave him your number. Tell him that you don’t live inauthentically, don’t want to lead him on and that you want him to spend his time and money on a girl who’s sincerely interested in him.
- If you tell him that you’ll call him later and later lose interest, do it anyway and be upfront. He’ll get over it easier than if you would have made him wait in uncertainty.
- People are calling you a couple even though you haven’t had the talk, cut it short. A public friendzoning is better than letting it drag on and becoming a public break up.
- If you’re not interested during/ after the first date, offer to split the bill out of courtesy
- If you aren’t sure if you like him or not, don’t let him take you to expensive dinners and pay for your movie tickets, instead split the cost (that way he at least had fun) or better yet go to cheap, yet fun date venues
- Even though I know some of you girls want to talk about a second date on the first date to appear nice, don’t do it. He’ll take it as a sign that you like him.
Lastly, when you are honest with a guy and make it clear that you don’t want to waste his time or money by leading him on (e.g. “Hey, I appreciate the invite, I had a good time with you the other night but I’ve been in love before and I didn’t feel the same connection that I’ve had in the past. I don’t want to waste your time because you deserve to find someone great”), it’s highly likely he will thank you for being so sincere and not ghosting him (e.g. “Thank you for being upfront and not ghosting me, best of luck to you”). Win-Win!
49. Appreciate him
If you haven’t been on 2 dates or more with him, this doesn’t apply. But if you have, you do owe him at least some appreciation.
- He did all the planning.
- He did pay for the dates.
- He did try to make you feel special.
(...At least I’m assuming so)
So why not show some appreciation. Not gushing over him, just a simple ‘thank you for taking me out to ___ venue and ___ place, I had a lot of fun’.
50. Do not mention a second guy you’ve been dating
If you’ve dated 2 or more times and you want to drop him because of a hotter guy you’ve been dating simultaneously, don’t mention that other guy (making the rejection unnecessarily harsher). Instead, pick any of the better excuses listed above.
51. Do not friendzone him
Generally speaking, I don’t recommend friendzoning a guy as a why to reject him and here’s why:
- Nice guy won’t understand that you’ve romantically rejected them and will only try harder to get with you
- No man (including me) can ever really be friends with a women (unless he’s gay) because he’s always gonna want to get with her. (I know this may surprise a lot of women, including you, but if you don’t believe me, just ask one of your ‘male friends’ if he wants to sleep with you!)
- Some guys take being friend zoned as a bigger slap in the face and get angrier than being outright rejected
Now that you know why I’m against friendzoning a guy, here’s how to tell someone you're not interested in being friends:
- If it’s already clear that he wants to be your friend, call the friendship out and shut it down. Fini. The end.
- If he’s been making moves on you, reject him as usual by using any of our previous techniques.
- Do not let him ‘talk about it’ or negotiate
- Do not reinitiate contact for a brief period (many guys will be angry on the inside of a rejection, so let him cool off)
- After that brief period and you’ve reset the relationship counter to zero, come back as being cordial - not friendly!
OK, but what if you’ve thought it all through, seen that he’s shown sufficient maturity and want to keep him around as a friend? How can you reject this guy and still be friends?
- If he hasn’t yet made his intentions clear, you could always call out the friendship/ romance dynamic and tell him outright what you’re looking for, e.g. “hey, can we stop for a second. I'm having a good time chatting and hanging out with you and I want to continue doing that but truthfully I'm not feeling the romance and don't want to lead you on in any way. I hope you understand.” Now the ball is in his court and he can decide to either stay as friends or end it all together.
- If he’s been making moves on you, you’ll have to go back and reject him as before
- Wait a brief period, don’t mention anything about being friends, and see if he takes the rejection maturely (if he doesn’t, you won’t want to be friends with him anyways).
- After you’ve given him some time to cool off, simply offer a friendship. If he wants it, he’ll take it, if he doesn’t, that’ll be it. You can’t force a guy to be friends with you.
After this point, do friendship type things. Have breakfast or lunch together (just not supper). Tell him that he’s the brother you never had. Mention that it’s so great to have a friend like him… you get the idea.
52. How to tell someone you’re not interested after leading them on
So, you didn’t ‘Reject As Early As Possible’ and now you’re stuck with having to reject a guy after a few expensive dates (which he probably paid for and you didn’t put out). What do you do?
- Reject him using any of the excuses listed above
- Tell him that you were too scared to reject him early on. Show vulnerability.
- Tell him that you had confusing feelings about him and couldn’t decide till now. “People change their minds every day.”
- Tell him that although this doesn’t make any sense to him, it won’t be good for either one of you to continue with the relationship
- Admit to him that you led him on
- Admit to him that you’ve been a stupid girl
- Show sincere appreciation for the previous dates
- Apologize for leading him on, but make sure you don’t overdo the apology (sure you did the wrong thing, but you don’t owe him your life).
A good example of this would be:
“Hey, I know this comes a bit late, but I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I should have told you sooner, but I was too scared and honestly, it was super low of me to lead you on. I appreciate the time we had together, especially [date venue], and again, I’m sorry.”
53. how to say no to a guy who wants to sleep with you
Whether you’re just want to say no to a hookup or just turn a guy down who you’ve slept with before, here’s how you do it:
- Say no. A hard no. Unless you’re dealing with a totally insane, psychotic guy, this works.
- Do not seclude yourself with him. That means, don’t go to your or his apartment even if he comes up with some excuse (if you must, stand by the door while he does what he needs to do). Only pick outdoor date venues.
- Have a cockblocking friend around you
- Deliberately ignore the guy who’s interested in you and try to seduce a different guy at the bar
- Tell him that you’re on your period (say the any of following excuses with a serious, I’m-not-joking face, otherwise he’ll take it as a challenge)
- Tell him that it’s all going too quick
- Tell him that you have work tomorrow
- Tell him that you’re friends just texted you and that you need to go now
54. how to say no to your boyfriend nicely
On the other hand, if he’s your boyfriend and not some random fling, you gotta be careful with his feelings. So instead of saying ‘no’ then listing your excuses, always default to ‘not yet’ while still sexually teasing him to show that you still love him. Delay, don’t reject.
55. Give him the talk
So it’s been a couple dates, had sex, you’re basically an unofficial couple, but there’s one problem… you’re not interested!
How can you end things?
It boils down to giving him The Talk™, that is, clarifying where you actually stand with him (that you’re dumping him), how you don’t match (or whatever excuse you came up with) and then ending it for good.
But let’s break it down:
A) Do it in person
Obviously we’re talking about a breakup here so you can’t get away with a simple text or a phone call. Instead, you gotta follow the ‘Breakup Rules’ as explained in Seinfeld:
Invite him over somewhere private (empty coffee shop, park, etc.) because ‘we need to discuss some things’ and make it clear that this isn’t a date.
B) Give one simple reason
Because this is a break up saying that ‘you’re not feeling it’ or that ‘you’re not my type’ isn’t gonna fly.
You need a solid reason.
Maybe it’s about having kids, his religion or that you ‘want different things’.
Doesn’t reality matter what it is, as long as it’s something he can’t argue about, you’re in the green.
C) Show empathy
Acknowledge all the tough feelings he’s going through, listen to what he’s saying (without changing your mind), and show that you’re sorry you need to break up.
D) Don’t be overly gentle
That being said, don’t be his mom. After all, he’s a grown man. After you give him your one reason and show empathy, end it. Don’t prolong it.
E) Keep it private
While you’re obviously not going to reject him in public, you also don’t want to talk about him or the breakup in public and here’s why: A) It’s rude and B) Other more attractive guys in your social circle won’t approach you after seeing how you gossiped about that poor guy you just broke up with fearing they’ll get burnt as well.
F) Ending the relationship
As for ending the relationship, it’s just like we said before:
- Have a brief period of silence after the break up to reset everything
- During that period ‘radio silence’ watch how he’s taking the rejection and don’t mention anything about coming back as friends
- After that 1 or 2 weeks of silence, if you want to break up completely, just be cordial with him. If you want to be friends, make the offer and let him decide if he wants to be friends with you.
56. how to reject a guy’s proposal politely
There are so many variables, it’s hard to say exactly how to respond, but here’s the basic format to reject a guy’s proposal, especially in arranged marriage:
- Appreciate the proposal
- Tell him that you respect his feelings
- Tell him that you don’t mean to hurt him, but…
- [Your excuse]
It’s gonna be devastating for him, no doubt, but dating is dirty in both senses of the word. If there’s a different guy you’d like have as a boyfriend or husband, read this: 17 Steps [With Examples] to Get Any Guy to Commit
57. how to tell someone you’re not interested online dating
Out of all the scenarios, rejecting some guy (or girl) is the easiest. Just use the Tinder chat (hopefully you haven’t shared your number just yet) to give him some simple reason why you can’t continue and move on. If he tries to negotiate with you, just block him. It’s as easy as that.
58. How to tell someone you’re not interested examples (in person and/or over text)
The following are a long list of examples (sourced from online forums, blogs and my brain) of how to tell someone you're not interested and/ or reject a guy while still being nice and polite and maybe a little funny.
- “Thanks, but I prefer girls”
- “I am so flattered and you’re a great guy, but my boyfriend is right around the corner coming to pick me up…”
- “I am so flattered and you’re a great guy. If I wasn’t engaged I would say yes! Sorry. Bye!”
- “That was really nice of you, but I just got out of a relationship and need some time to myself”
- “What a compliment! You’re such a courageous guy, the only problem is that…”
- “Thank you! I can tell you’re a good man, Unfortunately I’m in love with my boyfriend and I’ve always been loyal. We have tons of fun together!”
- “I'm sure the right girl for you is out there somewhere.”
- “Keep putting yourself out there, you’re bound to meet your one.”
- “I wish you all the best, keep searching!”
- “Good luck and take care.” (Or as Brian Regan would say, good care and take luck)
- “Better luck with the next girl!”
- “You know what they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take…”
- "I'm sorry, I just didn't feel a connection."
- "I'm sorry I'm just not interested. I really appreciate the gesture though."
- “Thanks so much for the thought. I just don't feel a connection, I'm really sorry.”
- "I had a lovely time on our date (or chatting on the phone), however I've given it some thought and I don't think the chemistry was quite there for me. You did absolutely nothing wrong and are intelligent, handsome, and interesting; just a gut feeling I'm trying to get better at listening to. (Optional and only if you mean it:) Totally open to being friends if you're at all interested on that level."
- “Dear, I don't see things going anywhere between us, and I feel that It would be wrong for us to pursue a relationship together. I wish you all the best.”
- "It was nice to meet you, but I wasn't really feeling it/don't see this going anywhere. Good luck with your search"
- "this isn't working for me"
- "Sorry, I don't see this progressing to future dates. Good luck and take care!"
- "It's been great getting to know you, but I don't see a future here, but I didn't feel a spark unfortunately, but I don't think we're compatible, etc."
- "I feel like it's not clicking"
- "I don't feel like this would go in the direction I want."
- "Hi, it's great to hear from you! I've had a lot of fun getting to know you, but I just don't see a relationship developing with you. I don't want to waste your time, so I thought I should be up front. I wish you the best of luck!"
- "I had a nice time on our dates and you're a great guy but I don't think we're a good match. Wishing you all the best in your search."
- "I don't think it'll work out between us. 🙁 Thanks for the dates. Better luck with the next guy."
- "I wasn't feeling it but thanks for a nice evening and good luck"
- "Hey, I had a really great time with you, but I've realized I'm not feeling the connection I'm looking for"
- "I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed meeting you but I am not feeling the connection that I am looking for. Wish you all the best. Take care!"
- “Hey I need to tell you that I had a good time but I’m not feeling a connection”
- “Hey, I’m just feeling this, and I don’t think it will work between us. Good luck in the future”
- “Hey (name), it’s been really nice getting to know you but I’m sorry to say that I’m just not feeling any chemistry between us”
- "Hey, I'm sorry, but I don't think we're a good match. Thanks for coming out, and good luck."
- "Hey, it was great meeting you, but I don't think we're the right match for each other. I wish you all the best in finding someone great." (Great way to say no to a guy over text)
- “I am not interested in you, the way you are in me - sorry”
- “You’re a great guy, but we’re looking for different things.”
- "It was nice talking to you but I don't think we are a good match. Good luck"
- "Hey, had a good time chatting yesterday, you seem really nice and interesting but I just didn't really feel a connection between us. Wish you the best on X & Y (if they mentioned goals/job/etc)"
- “I think we're not a match but best of luck”
- "I'm sorry, but you're not my type"
- "I really enjoyed meeting you and you seem like a great catch. Unfortunately I don't feel that chemistry and click I need to keep pursuing this with you. I do wish you the best, though."
- “Hey, thanks for dinner the other night. You seem like a nice guy, but I just wasn’t feeling a connection.”
- "you're a really great guy, but...."
- "I appreciate the times you have taken me out, but I’m not interested in this going any further”
- “I had a lovely evening..”
- "I'm so flattered, but I'm not interested - thank you so much and I have no doubt the next woman will be a very lucky lady."
- "Thanks, I'm flattered but not interested/available." (Another good way to reject someone nicely via text)
- "The dates we went on were great and I had a good time, but I don't feel a romantic connection with you. You're not bad at all, just not really someone I can really see being with forever. I did enjoy the time we had together, and I hope you did too. I hope you find what you're looking for and can find happiness in your life" (this one might be overkill... talk about ways to reject a guy without hurting his feelings)
59. how to reject a guy rudely
It goes without saying that I am against rejecting guys rudely for no reason (I mean, that was the whole point of this article). There is, however, one exception: you need to turn down a creepy guy who won’t leave you alone. For example…
In that case, here’s how you can reject him savagely:
- Tell him that you'd rather jump off a tall building than spend another moment near him.
- Tell him that on a Sunday you can’t meet up because you’re Chick-fil-A with your friends (Chick-fil-A is always closed on Sunday)
- Blow him out by just walking away without saying anything or by simply waving your hand and shaking your head
- Give him a fake number so he ends up texting some random dude
- Instead of waiting to find a pause in the conversation, cut him off mid-sentence and tell him you’re not into him
- Tell him that you wish he’d had enough respect for you to treat you as a friend and not as a horn-dog always looking to hookup with you
- Purposefully lead him on and after he’s taken you out on expensive dates, reject him
- Instead of keeping it all vague, point out specific unattractive qualities to him (too fat, old, shorts, etc.)
- Instead of having a polite tone of voice, respond angrily and loudly
- Seem surprised that a guy like him even thinks he’s in your league “WHAT, YOU!? Nooo… You’re funny sometimes…” (basically laugh in his face)
- Tell him to go away that your parents are right around the corner even though it’s clear that they aren’t (showing that you don’t even care to come up with a nice excuse for him)
- Reject him out loud in public
- Use curse words
If that doesn’t work and you’re dealing with an actual psychotic guy or girl, do the following: get it on video/ audio, show it to your boss or HR (if he’s a coworker), and make sure you send all the records to the police if he’s/ she’s starting to threaten you.
Some side notes…
- If you reject someone rudely when it’s not called for, someday someone will do the same to you and that will hurt.
- If you’re a guy and reject a girl rudely (or visa-versa) be wary of false, bizarre accusations which can impact your whole life
Anyways, let’s hope we never have to get into these situations in the first place!
Well, that really wraps it up for this 10,000+ word guide dedicated to all the girls who have rejected me.
If you have any comments, just add them below. I appreciate all of them. (What about the negative comments? Ha! I just deleted them, loooooool.)