13 Secrets To Stop Being Needy In Your Relationships

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Learning how to stop being needy in relationships is the one thing that most people usually never look into, but definitely should!

We’ve all been through some form or trauma or another, so it’s natural that we grow up with these tendencies.

The challenge is to take action. To see the problem, fight past your ego and heal the trauma. That takes courage.

You are being very, very courageous by reading this article and taking action. Not many people are willing to do what you are doing now.

But let me tell you, there are many benefits to overcoming this challenge, but the greatest benefit is that you yourself don’t end up with needy people.

Because here’s the rule: needy people end up with needy people and that never works out. You are healing all your future relationships right now!

So let’s get started and go from being needy to having a abundance mentality and a life full of love!

1. Understand your own neediness

The first step to overcoming any challenge is becoming aware of it. 

Ask yourself exactly what you do that is needy?

Do you find yourself constantly texting your partner. Do you never let them have fun with their friends?

Are you constantly stalking them? Are you constantly trying to impress girls? Do you try to get love through buying things for them?

Start having a sense of emotional mindfulness. When do you feel needy and what are you thinking about when you feel it come?

Really try to bring self-awareness to the table. Turn off all the distraction and look deeply into your own life and discover your clingy patterns. [1, 2]

Stop Being Needy In Relationships

2. What triggers your neediness?

After you discover what you are doing that is so needy and clingy, discover what triggers it.

Most needy people aren’t needy ALL the time, there are certain situations and people that will trigger it.

Are you needy with your friends or in intimate relationships? 

If you’re a guy, chances are you do fine with your own friends, but when it comes to women you can’t help but become needy…

If you are only needy around women then read my article about how to stop being needy. That should give you a clear perspective on things.

If you’re a woman are you only needy with guys? What about a guy makes you needy?

Think back on your childhood experiences. What type of father or mother did you have?

Or did you even have both of your parents together? This can make a huge difference in the way you perceive women and men.

Take some time to think about what triggers and causes for your neediness. Let yourself feel what’s really going on inside. [3, 4]

3. Have intimate time with your partner

If you do enough introspection you’ll see that a lot of your neediness expresses itself in a way to have a superficial relationship.

You’ll constantly text your partner all day long instead of having a few moments of deep connection.

Instead of heading for a pathetic connection all day, why don’t you “save up” to have special moments with your partner?

And as you start having these deep connections with your partner the need to be needy will disappear because the whole motivation to be needy is to experience love!

4. Love yourself

But to really follow step number 3, you first need to develop yourself in a way that you are ready for those intimate moments.

That’s why you need to develop a deep sense of self-love that comes from deep within you. 

You need to love yourself regardless of what people tell you or what you’ve heard. This is about loving and accepting yourself as you are right now.

But how?

First off, there is a great book called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant.

Kamal Ravikant was so miserable with his life, he was a CEO of a failing business and through all the pain he discovered one truth: love yourself.

It was the number one thing that literally saved his life – he was one step away from suicide. But self love saved him and now he’s happy man inspiring other people to live fully.

He’s finished the second edition of this book, so go read it and learn how to love yourself. But for now I’ll give you my 2 cents:

Every morning when you wake up, sit in front of a big mirror, look deeply into your eyes and say self-love affirmations.

Here are some examples:

  1. I like you
  2. I am sorry for the nasty things I’ve told you
  3. Let’s be friends
  4. You deserve my love
  5. You deserve friends, love and happiness
  6. I love being you
  7. You are special and bring goodness to the world
  8. You have an incredible intimate relationship that you are fully worthy of

You can say “I am…,” although I prefer to say “you are” because I feel it has a greater impact on my subconscious mind. 

Either way, the more self-love, the less neediness! [5, 6]

5. Be passionate about life

Part of the reason why so many people are needy is because they have nothing going on in their own lives.

Sometimes there is no deep psychological issue. The only problem is that you’re bored so you end up clinging to people.

So get passionate about life. If you don’t know what your purpose is use The Power Quadrant System.

Get a purpose and start taking action. For me building my online business brought a sense of purpose in my life.

When I wake up in the morning I have something to look forward to and it’s not only the money involved, it’s the priceless sense of self-growth that really motivates me.

But I ain’t gonna lie: the beginning sucked. For about the first 2 months of my business when I didn’t see much growth I hated every moment.

But as my skills improved and I started seeing growth I felt a surge of excitement. I felt self-sufficient.

I didn’t NEED anyone. I could approach women from a place of openness and have the relationships that I wanted.

My buddy John Crestani put together a FULL 2 hours long video explaining how you can start your own online passive income business.

Maybe that’s the right path for you. Just think of it this way: the better your life is OUTSIDE of your relationship, the better your relationship will be.

6. Get physically healthy

Getting physically healthy isn’t just about getting your life outside of relationships together, it’s about feeling more lovable as a human being.

I don’t care if you are a man or a woman, we all feel more likable when we’re are looking good.

The more desirable you feel = the needy you are.

I’d say there are 2 paths to getting physically healthy.

  1. Losing weight
  2. Getting fit

The first part is just as important and I’ll give you some tips to get you started.

Find a diet that works for you, I found this Keto Diet Planner that will calculate an exact diet based on your age, weight, and even on what you like eating!

Go check that out, but if that’s not for you try following this transformational video that will take you through a 2 minute ritual that you must do after supper.

Do everything you can to lose weight. You will become 10 times more attractive. 

And once you’ve done that, you are ready to start following a workout program. It doesn’t matter which one as long as you workout!

Together with the keto diet and working out, you will take your relationship to the next level. Neediness will be a thing of the past.

7. Start trusting the world again

As a general rule most people that come off as needy have had traumatic childhoods. They have lost trust in the world.

It’s 100% understandable. If you can’t trust your own parents, how can you even trust a random man or woman in a relationship?

But I’ll tell you something that I’ve heard Tony Robbins say: 

Think about driving on the highway. You are going 120 kmph and the car on the other side is whizzing by you at 120 kmph.

That means if he veers off by a couple of feet and you get into a head on collision – you’re finished. 

But you don’t have any fear while driving on the highway. Why?

Because you instinctively trust the guy on the other side to drive normally. 

Do exactly that in relationships. It’s time to start trusting again.

I know your parents might have broken your ability to trust anyone deeply enough to have intimate relationships. But it’s time to rebuild that.

Start meeting good people. Focus on the many, incredible acts of kindness people do every day and release your parents to bring back that inner peace you’ve always desired.

(The creator of this video is called Dan Bacon and he runs a YouTube channel with over 300,000 subscribers. He wrote the best book on seduction, attraction and dating called The Flow. I Highly recommend it)

8. Find what value you bring to relationships

The definition of neediness is begging for love because you can’t earn it or feel that you have nothing to contribute.

You only beg for love because you think you have to beg. What about actually finding the value you bring to relationships?

What about you is attractive?

If you’re a man start accepting your own masculinity and realize that women are naturally attracted to it.

The only thing you’ve got to do is be more masculine. Learn body language, go to a clothing store, do everything you can to look more masculine.

If you are a woman, think about what makes you attractive and I’m sure by now you know it’s your feminine energy.

Accept your natural sexual energy and go with it. Stop apologizing for who you are!

Once you do that you won’t need to beg for any love. You will feel worthy of love.

9. Stop clinging to your partner

As you are taking action on everything I am saying there’s one more thing you’ve got to put on your to-do list:

Let your partner live his/ her life fully.

If your boyfriend wants to go on a 3 day biking trip with the guys or go skydiving let him do that! Let him do what makes him happy.

And the same goes for men: if your girl wants to have a girls night out, let her!

Don’t make all of your partner’s happiness dependent on you. Allow them to have a life outside of the relationship. 

10. Be happy being alone

There’s a saying: being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. 

The paradoxical nature of relationships is that the happier you are alone with yourself, the happier relationships you’ll have.

When you find yourself alone don’t immediately go for social media to distract yourself from your inner loneliness.

Escaping emotions never help.

Instead breathe, meditate, feel what your body is telling you. It’s time to start building that relationship with yourself.

Remember what we discussed about self-love. Now is the time you apply that.

11. Feel worthy of deep relationships

You’d be right if you said that I am constantly repeating myself because admittedly I am, but for a good reason.

Feeling unworthy of love is the root cause of your neediness. It’s the number one cause of all your relationship problems.

I don’t know what works for you and no one can ever tell you, but find something that will make you feel desirable.

A lot of my female friends have told me that the Get a Great Great Guy Guide by Meet Your Sweet was massively helpful.

Do whatever works for you.

12. Have a strong friendship circle

The fear of being lonely is real, but you don’t have to cling to your partner to stay safe. 

Create a strong friendship circle so that when your partner is busy and you feel alone you’ve got people to be with.

Life isn’t just about the deepest intimate relationships. Having fun, playful friend groups is crucial and even impacts your own intimate relationships.

13. Be interdependent

Being interdependent is the essence of any relationship, it’s the holy grail.

You must love and appreciate your partner without needing them. You are not dependent or independent from them, you are INTERDEPENDENT. 

But if you want to hit that sweet spot you first need to be OK with yourself. 

Love yourself, see your own value, and be happy by yourself first, then get into a relationship.

Stephen R. Covey in his famous book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People says it perfectly: “Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make.”

Learn how to live life on your own, face your fears and start making your own money. Once you get all of that settled you won’t be clingy at all.


Besides making your own life better you are also making your partner’s life better. So long that you are being needy your partner will feel caged.

Each move that your partner will make will be like walking on Lego. He has no idea if he/ she is going to hurt your feelings.

When you can’t stop emotionally and physically clinging to your partner you make them feel like an object.

So think of your journey this way: you are clearing up your own trauma, but you are also making the lives of everyone around you 10 times better!

Your friend,


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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

56+ Affirmations To Attract Women: Manifest Love

The Blueprint: 29+ Steps to be the Bad Boy

13 Proven Steps To Develop More Confidence With Women

17 Exclusive Steps to Be More Masculine