What is The Friend Zone | Complete Definition

It’s crucial that you understand the friend zone before you can start escaping it or try to avoid it.

How can you avoid something if you don’t know what it is? 

Part of the problem is that the classic definitions of the friend zone aren’t accurate enough which makes it impossible for any man to deal with it properly!

What is The Friend Zone

So let’s first go through the classic definitions, then dig deeper to get a true understanding and come out with a new, accurate definition.


1. What are the classic definitions of the friend zone?

The Oxford Dictionary defines the friend zone as:

A situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other.

Or let’s take another classical definition from Wikipedia defining the friend zone as:

The friend zone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.

These definitions are somewhat correct, but they leave out the crucial details that make the friend zone what it truly is.

2. Questioning these definitions of the friend zone

These definitions make it out to be that men and women both get put in the friend zone equally when we both know this could not be further from the truth.

We need to understand why 99 percent of the time men are being put in the friend zone.

And why do girls tell the guys that they’ve already friend zoned “I wish there would be more guys like you”! While sleeping with some guy that doesn’t seem to care about girls all at?

And not only that, but most guys don’t even understand what they did to deserve that friend zone, they were just trying to be nice and respectful!

It seems like nothing is under their control. If you’re nice to girls they won’t sleep with you, if you’re disrespectful they’ll ignore you!

But as we deep dive into this subject, we’ll see that men are the ones that put themselves there and what you can do to avoid the friend zone.

3. Understanding the friend zone

To understand the friend zone, you first need to understand sexual attraction from a woman’s perspective.

What makes a woman sexually attracted to a man?

Walking around naked won’t do it for you. Sadly women don’t get horny from that…

The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi explains that a woman’s sexual desire stems from needing to get impregnated by a man that will give her strong children that will survive.

Therefore, every woman will only feel sexually attracted to a tough guy because she knows that his tough genetic code will be passed on to her children.

That “strong, tough man” is classically known as the alpha male. The alpha male will shows signs of:

  1. Leadership
  2. Dominance
  3. Confidence
  4. Entitlement
  5. Mysterious
  6. Masculinity
  7. Selfishness
  8. Indifference
  9. Brazenness 

She is attracted to this not because she likes it, but because he will give her the strong seed to get impregnated and produce strong children. 

Her children need his characteristics to survive.

Now let’s discuss the beta males, non-sexual attraction that is the cause for every single friend zone:

It’s the classic attraction to a “good Christian man” who provides for her. She likes him, but doesn’t feel sexual attraction to him.

It’s not a sexual attraction because her goal isn’t to have another child, the goal is to keep her children alive with his financial support.

But why does the good Christian guy get this treatment? Because he doesn’t share the crucial characteristics of the alpha male.

He’s too indecisive, unconfident.

But why would any man ever act this way?

Because he thinks that by making her feel important and respected he’ll get laid, but nothing could be further from the truth than that.

The second any girl detects your beta male tendencies she puts you right in the cramped friend zone with all the guys that tried to buy her love.

Once your there have a fun time trying to get out of the friend zone after rejection. It ain’t easy.

The Urban Dictionary is right for saying:

“….girls will reject a nice guy, and date douche-bags, all while complaining to the nice guy and saying things like “Why can’t all guys be like you?”.

4. Escaping the friend zone

Escaping the friend zone essentially comes from just understanding what we just discussed. 

Understanding that women feel sexually attracted to men that will give her strong children that will survive, not what will make her feel important or respected.

If you really want to escape the friend zone realize that you need to stop being Mr. Nice Guy and be more masculine.

Start exuding bad boy, alpha make traits such as:

  1. Unapologetic
  2. Dominant
  3. Aloof

Make yourself the bad boy and women will start sleeping with you. 

As you start changing your strategy it’ll feel very weird, but you’ve got to remind yourself that only by being the bad boy do women feel sexual attraction to you.

Read: No More MR Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life. This is a great book to get you started on the alpha male path.

5. Re-defining the friend zone

The real, complete definition of the friend zone is:

“When a girl decides that you’re just her friend because you don’t exude the traits of the alpha male to sexually attract her while you think that being a beta male provider will get you laid.”


I get that it’s hard to grasp these concepts because as a man you are either sexually attracted to a girl or feel no attraction at all.

Women don’t function that way. They feel attraction to the beta male enough to make him a friend, just not enough to sleep with him.

Women can have male friends and keep the relationship platonic. Men simply can’t do that. 

But once you understand the true definition of the friend zone you will be getting laid more than you could ever imagine.

The truth will set you free.

Your friend,

Colt Smith

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    About the author 

    Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

    Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

    56+ Affirmations To Attract Women: Manifest Love

    The Blueprint: 29+ Steps to be the Bad Boy

    13 Proven Steps To Develop More Confidence With Women

    17 Exclusive Steps to Be More Masculine