The 2 Elements Men Want In Every Women & 27 Illustrations

I don’t need to tell you that guys like big tits. 

Girl with big boobs that men like

talk about ways to get a guy's attention

I don’t need to tell you that guys like a THICC ass:

Men like big butts

Wear tight jeans or yoga pants and you have another way to get any man to notice you.

And I bet I don’t even need to tell you that guys like girls with a small waist:

guys want girls with a thin waist

Anyone can figure this out for themselves. Men or women.

Of course, this is only surface level understanding, but truthfully, to get the average guy to commit, this more than enough:

Show your boobs, smile, give him a handjob and voilà! He’ll be dying to put a ring on it. 

However, you don’t want the average chode. 

You want to get the sexy, alpha male to commit to you which means you’ll need completely seduce his mind and heart to fight off competition...

getting a high value man to want you is not easy

But it all starts with learning what men want and in this article you’ll learn just that - specifically - The 2 Conflicting Elements Which Attract Men To Women…

Let us begin!

1. Fertility

So what are the The 2 Conflicting Core Elements Which Attract Men To Women?

  • Fertility 
  • Purity

Let’s break down the first element: Fertility

Fertility is a term used to describe a girl's perceived ability of having multiple, healthy children. (A.K.A. r-selected, i.e. governed by their biotic potential - maximum reproductive capacity.) [1, 2, 3]

Why do men want that and how does fertility create sexual arousal? Let's get back to basics - some evolutionary psychology:

Men are biologically programmed to reproduce (just like women and that’s no surprise). 

But that’s not enough. 

Men also need to know that their offspring will survive and that their bloodline won’t die at the smallest challenge.

For that, men need a fertile woman, that is, a woman who has enough indicators of fertility to let him know that she can make multiple strong babies for him that won’t drop dead and will continue his bloodline.

The more Indicators of Fertility (IOF) she has, the more men will want her. 

So what are some IOF’s? That’s what the rest of this article is really about, but for now, ask yourself: What about a woman would make her seem more fertile? 

2. Purity

As mentioned, there are 2 Conflicting Elements Which Attract Men To Women. So what is the second? 


Purity means that the woman seems innocent, loyal, submissive, loving, feminine, prude, modest, etc. (A.K.A. K-selected.)

Let’s ask the same question we asked before: why do men want purity? I mean, sure, it’s a nice trait to have, but why does that spark sexual attraction?

Again, back to evolutionary psychology: a man doesn’t only need to know that his children will survive, but also that his children are HIS children.

If a woman seems too open to sleep with other men (lacking “purity”), a man’s evolutionary alarm will start blaring: 

"Don’t have kids with this woman! You may become a cuckold (raising another man’s children)!"

Now of course, no man will turn down the opportunity to have a quickie with this slutty girl…

every man wants a slutty girl

However, for any long term options, only a girl who signals “purity” will grab his attention.

The contradictory nature of what men want in a woman

Going back to what we started with “ The 2 Conflicting Elements Which Attract Men To Women” - why are these elements (Fertility and Purity) contradictory? 

Imagine if you took the element of fertility and took it to the absolute extreme. What would you end up with? A super horny girl who’s got massive boobs and a gigantic ass with a 5 inch waist (just think of any of those crazy anime drawings).

the ultimate male fantasy

Isn’t that the opposite of being loyal or… displaying fertility?

And what if we took the element of Purity to the extreme? What would that look like? A super modest, good girl (no makeup!) who would do nothing but want to be with her man. 

Isn’t that the opposite of seeming like you want to make babies or seeming… fertile?

I hope you now understand how what men want is fundamentally contradictory. 

Choosing the man you want to attract

With this knowledge, you can now choose what kind of man you want to get to ask you out:

  • Want the sexy bad boy for some quick, exciting rough sex? Go all in to seeming “fertile.” Fertility is all bad boys want. “Pure” girls are boring.
hot bad boys want fetility in women
  • Want a good man who has a stable job and will take care of the kids? Go all in to seeming “pure” because that’s what good men want. Good men want to be with (or marry) good, pure girls.
good real men want purity in girls

I bet he's a GOOD MAN. He probably does the dishes, takes out the laundry and talks to you nicely. But he's nowhere near as exciting as the bad boy.

3. The Unicorn 

While these 2 traits (fertility, purity) are contradictory, there is a way to combine them to become The Unicorn (a term used to describe the perfect girl), namely:

Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets.
men want a lady in the streets, freak in the sheets

You show submissiveness, loyalty and love when it calls for it: doing laundry, washing the dishes, cooking him food, dressing modestly, etc. But when the sun goes down (or whenever your man wants it), you give him your all: sloppy blowjobs, trying everything to keep his balls empty, BSDM, etc. You become HIS sl*t.

men want a lady in the streets, freak in the sheets

Again, none of this work is even remotely called for if you want the average Joe to marry you. The average joe would be more than happy to keep you ‘till death do us part’ if you give him a yearly, birthday blowjob. This kind of commitment to constant seduction and flirtation is only needed to get a “hot, alpha male” to commit to you.

Example of a lady in the streets, freak in the sheets

Perfect example of the "Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets" concept because she's doing laundry like a good girl/wife, but is half naked looking super seductive. Combining the elements of Purity and Fertility perfectly.

4. Big boobs

Why do men want boobs? Fertility, able to breastfeed more children and keep them healthy. [4, 5, 6]

girl with big boobs that men want

Are they fake? Probably, but when it comes to Fertility, seeming fake or using lots of makeup doesn't matter to the male mind.

The bigger the better. Read my guide to attracting your man to learn how to leverage your boobs for the maximum effect or what to do if you have smaller boobs. 

5. Seeming impressed

Why do men want this? Purity, makes him sure he has a loyal partner. Also makes him feel more masculine/ bigger ego.

6. Cuddler 

Why do men want cuddlers? I guess this falls under purity, but more importantly LOVE. You know, every so often, guys want to feel loved too.

Cuddle with him, stroke his hair (and his dick), kiss him, smile and he won’t even consider leaving you. [7, 8]

truth is men and women want to cuddle

7. Trusting follower

Why do men want their woman to be a trusting follower? Purity and feeling manly. 

If he doesn’t feel like you’re trusting his leadership, his hindbrain will make him unable to fully trust you to not cheat on him. It’s also emasculating because a 'real man' should be able to get a girl to be his trusting follower.

8. Vulnerable 

Being vulnerable is about being emotionally open to him - fully. Being his trusting follower means following what he says. Being emotionally vulnerable is more scary and requires more trust, but also makes you all the more endearing to him.

Again, purity is what motivates a man’s desire for vulnerability.

9. Being HIS sl*t

Why do men want this? Fertility, if you don’t want to get it on with him, why should his hindbrain think you can make multiple, healthy children?

I say HIS sl*t in capital letters to emphasize the point that being slutty only turns him on if you’re getting freaky because of HIM. If you get horny about anything and will have quick sex with anyone, that’ll actually turn him off (for fear of becoming a cuckold).

  • Always be looking to give him blowjobs (always keep his balls empty!)
  • Get into bondage 
  • Start wearing lingerie when the sun goes down 
  • Be crazy passionate in bed. Animalistic.

10. Thin waist 

Supposedly, the ideal waist to hip ratio is 0.7, and this is because having a thin waist is a sign of fertility, again, the ability to make healthy children for him. [9, 10, 11]

11. Emotional 

Forget fertility or purity, being emotional just shows that you’re a girl! Being emotional is also the core of flirting with a guy. But we'll discuss that in another article. 

(Although I will say that being emotional is usually a trait that comes with purity, being a “strong independent woman” usually comes with focusing on fertility/ casual sex too much.)

12. No tattoos/ Tattoos

Having no tattoos is a sign most guys take as being a good girl, i.e. pure.

Having tattoos is a sign (or "red flag") most guys take as being a bad girl, i.e. fertile. 

tattoos are attractive to the right man

Not objectively good or bad, just depends on what you’re looking to attract: getting the good or bad boy to ask you out.

(But be careful, you can’t exactly wipe off a tattoo when you finally want to settle down with a good guy looking for a good girl.)

13 Full lips

Why do men want this? Mostly fertility (maybe some element of purity). 

full lips are always more desired

Don’t know the evolutionary biology behind this, but I guess it’s a sign of general sexual health. Plus full lips are that much better to kiss!

14. Being young

Why do men want this? Both fertility (less health problems) and purity (she hasn’t been with other men so no issue with cuckolding).

The younger (from 18 and up!) the better. 

This is why you’ll find the high value men who know they’re own value on the sexual marketplace will only commit to a girl much younger than them. 

Rollo Tomassi, author of The Rational Male has a famous (or infamous, depending on which side your on) chart showing how a woman’s sexual marketplace value (SMV) is highest between ages 18-25, while a man’s SMV will peak at around 30-35. 

chart showing when men are women are most desirable

This is because men and women want different things in each other. 

As mentioned, men want fertility and purity, while women want alpha seed (a strong alpha male to impregnate her) and beta bucks (a dependable guy to raise the children).

15. Soft skin 

Why do men want this? Again, both indicators of fertility (soft skin = healthier) and purity (less experienced in world, less chance of getting with a different guy).

Here are some ideas to play with:

  1. Wear workout gloves at the gym 
  2. Keep your feet well protected 
  3. Apply sunscreen and other makeup (can’t tell you what, I’m a guy) to keep your face soft

Read my article about how to attract your man for more actionable ideas.

16. Long hair 

Why do men want this? Long hair is a sign of health/ fertility (sick women can’t grow long hair) and it’s a sign of purity (short hair is seen as being rebellious, non-feminine).

And did I mention the hundreds of ways you could use your hair to flirt with a guy?

On a more personal note, I never understood why girls are against this one thing. Literally girls look more attractive with longer hair (guys are even more likely to help a girl with longer hair than shorter), yet whenever I mention anything about growing longer hair, I receive angry responses!

17. Natural hair color

men like natural hair color

Why do men want this? Staying natural looking is a massive indicator of purity. Too much makeup can make a girl seem too promiscuous to a man’s hindbrain. 

This is why guys complain about girls who put on too much makeup, while girls are left confused not knowing what men actually want!

It’s a balance between seeming fertile and pure. 

As a man, I wish you good luck 😉

18. Modesty

Why do men want this? Purity, purity and more purity. 

Nothing about modesty makes you look “sexy,” but it’s attractive because men feel like they’d be able to trust you not to cuckold them (make them raise another man’s children).

That being said, modesty isn’t just about wearing a long dress, it’s about showing your man that you aren’t promiscuous by nature and only want him.

This is the kind of message you need to be putting out if you're looking to attract a long term boyfriend or getting married. 

19. No drama

Crazy chicks, while usually hot, are not serious relationship material. 

Being crazy, dramatic and also hitting your man with “shit tests'' will only exhaust him. Most men just want to get back from work with a warm meal waiting for them without having to hear your rants and tirads about how you had to deal with 5 and half Karens that day. 

On the other hand, if you’re looking to have as much sex as you can during your party years, don’t hide your crazy, it’s a good way of signaling “I’m down for hot sex!”

20 Colorful, happy clothing

Why do men want this? Purity (something about being colorful is feminine), but also it’s a sign you're a fun person to be around. 


Smiling girls are hotter, don’t fall for this bitch face thing.

21. Soft voice

Why do men like a soft voice? Purity. 

Talk in an attractive, soft voice.

Avoid cursing. 

Don’t talk loudly. 

The opposite of a deep masculine voice.

On the other hand, to attract with the element of fertility, talk in a seductive, sexy, raspy voice.

22. White teeth

White teeth are a sign of fertility and health. 

men want women with white clean teeth

Side advice:

Besides using an electric toothbrush twice a day (electric toothbrushes are a lot stronger), get your teeth whitened - men will notice!

23. Be caring 

Why do men want this? Besides for the convenience of having someone take care of your laundry, it’s a massive indicator of purity. 

You taking care of him is a sign that you only love and care about him. You invest all of your energy into him. It’s very endearing. 

  1. Making food for him when he gets back from work
  2. Giving him a massage when he’s stressed (can be used to get him horny too!)
  3. Doing his laundry 
  4. Cleaning his place

Yes, it’s hard work. But this is what is necessary to lock down a high value man (think about how hard he worked to reach his status).

Nobody trades for free in the sexual marketplace!

24. Perfume

Why do men like perfume? Besides for smelling good (vs like a 3 year moldy sock), I presume sweet (or seductive) perfumes indicate health or fertility one way or another.

25. Just enough makeup

Some guys will say girls always put on too much makeup while other guys say the exact opposite. It’s confusing. 

However, I think it comes down to the 2 elements we talked about earlier: purity and fertility.

Girls that put on lots of makeup signal fertility and therefore attract guys looking for short term relationships. 

Girls with less or minimal makeup signal purity and therefore seduce guys looking for long term relationships.

26. Muscular vs not muscular 

Don’t go to the gym, you’ll get too ripped! 

Listen, no one gets too muscular (whatever that means) by accident. Just go to the gym, LIFT WEIGHTS and watch how much better you feel and how much more attractive you seem. 

If I had to choose between a fit girl and a regular skinny girl, fit girl any day of the week. There’s no man who disagrees with this.

27. Taking care of him well

When you take care of him well, it makes him feel…

  1. More masculine
  2. He’s with a good, pure girl who’s perfect to be the mother of his children 
  3. Able to focus on the main things in life

So what does it mean to take care of a man well?

  • Doing his laundry 
  • Washing the dishes
  • Having warm meals ready when he comes home
  • Giving him massages 
  • Keeping the house and especially his room clean

The list goes on and on. Is this difficult? Yes, but required in order to attract and lockdown an authentic high value man. And if I may say, becoming a high value man requires a boatload of more work than to be a loving and caring wife/ girlfriend.

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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

How To Flirt With a Guy In Any Situation: 43 Examples

17 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Bar and Getting Guys to Approach You

Rich, Single & Hot! 73 Best Places To Meet Men [Tips Included]

20 Moves: Meeting & Approaching Guys at the Gym! [& Getting Guys to Approach You]