What differentiates this 4,700+ word guide to the other countless articles written, is that this guide isn’t some superficial, mushed together article.
Make no mistake, this is no “quick 5 tips to touch a girl.”
In this article, you’ll learn everything you need to know about touching a girl, from the moment you meet her, until she’s undressing herself in your bed.
Welcome to DatingArmory:
Basic Guidelines To Touching A Girl
While you can skip down to the actual methods in this article, let’s cover some basic rules about touching a girl:
1. KINO is another way of saying ‘touching a girl’
In this article I will use KINO and ‘touching a girl’ interchangeably. They mean the same thing. KINO is short for ‘Kinaesthetics’ which is the study of body motion, but in our context, KINO means touching girls in a romantic setting. Next!
2. Touching is a sign that she likes you
In The Tao of Badass Course, Chapter 7: Reading Body Language, Joshua Pellicer puts together a list of signs that a girl likes you:
Number Five: Initiating or escalating touch. Is she touching you more and more? Is she letting each touch linger for a longer period of time? Is she touching you even if you haven’t touched her first? These are all signs she’s interested.
Forget escalation, qualification, etc. Touching a girl and gauging her reaction can tell you exactly how she feels about you without any of the mixed messaging words can give you. Here’s an article I just updated about this: Falling in Love: 124 Signs to Tell if a Girl Likes You
3. Physical contact is one of the 3 core methods to escalate
There are 3 different ways to sexually escalate a girl:
- 1Your vibe/ body language
- 2Your verbal communication
- 3Your physical touch
Each element is important, but as Joshua Pellicer points out, most guys mistakenly leave touch out:
The fifth biggest mistake that I see men make is not touching a woman enough, or not touching her properly. Trying to touch too quickly ends the attraction, but not touching at all means the attraction never begins in the first place. It forces you into the friend zone. Make sure that you follow the advice for touching women that’s outlined in this book until you understand it so well that you don’t need to follow it anymore. (The Tao of Badass Course, Chapter 9: Creating Love)
There are ways to combine them together for souped-up escalation i.e. verbal explanation preceding the touch vs. ‘accidental’ touching.
4. Do not over-touch a girl
There are 3 core lessons in this guideline:
- Don’t over-escalate with a crazy move by touching her face. As a general rule start with her hands/arms, then legs/ body and only then neck/face
- Don’t rely solely on KINO to escalate, diversify your forces with the other core elements of escalation: your verbal and verbal communication.
- Touching a girl is generally a way to increase attraction i.e. pulling her in, so make sure you mix in some ‘pushing away’ to balance out the ‘mating dance’
- Don’t continue with your touching/ seduction when she’s already down to f*ck. You’ll come off as needy and may even lose the lay
That wraps up my little introduction. Enjoy the guide!
1. Tap her on the shoulder/ elbow
While there are different ways to stop a girl in a ‘cold approach’, one way is to tap her on the shoulder/ elbow while you’re beside her (in her peripheral vision) with a smirk to get her to stop and listen to your opener.
As this is just a quick tap to get her attention, we can’t really classify this as touching a girl, but I started with this one because this is usually the first chance you’ll get to touch that girl.
2. Touching her to emphasize your opener
When she finally stops to listen to your opener, you’ll want to say something like this:
“Hi, I know this is totally random, but I saw you from across the road and I had to come tell you that you look cute. [Slight pause] What I noticed about you was your brown leather jacket and that cool hat, but what’s with your huge handbag? I hope you’re not carrying around any machine guns!”
So while you’re mentioning her leather jacket and cool hat, go ahead and give it a touch. Obviously, don’t take this too far, this is all happening within 30 seconds of meeting her. But don’t worry, as we shall soon discuss, you’ll get plenty of opportunities later in the set.
A lot of guys respond well to Richard's teaching method (example in above video), so if that sounds like you, trying out his dating system Stealth Seduction is be a must.
3. Keep her in touching distance
As you’re easing into the conversation, I want you to remember this Important rule: Don’t let her stand too far away from you during the approach, otherwise you the following 2 issues with occur:
- First, you’ll lose that man-to-woman vibe/ sexual tension that comes with closing in on her.
- Secondly, you’ll be too far away to naturally touch her.
Of course there are exceptions for this rule (i.e. in a coffee shop, gym), but this is not a guide to approach girls, so go read those articles to learn the nuances.
4. Give her a High five
The high five is a good way to touch a girl as a way to build comfort and get her to qualify herself to you. For example:
“I passed __ test and my professor is happy with me, looks like I’ll have a promising career, blah, blah, blah”
Once she’s done showing off to you, give her a high five as if you approve of what she’s doing with her life. You can even use the ‘points system’ and give her 5 points for being a good girl. (There’s a lot to these techniques, not enough time to get into the details here.)
5. Touching her while she’s at the gym
What do you do if you've approached her at the gym? Well thankfully I've already written a guide all about meeting girls at the gym, so why not quote it in full:
The first and easiest way to sexually escalate with a girl at the gym is by showing her how to do an exercise.
She asks you how to do a Renegade Row (great exercise for the lats). So instead of verbally spelling it out for her, you get hands on.
- You place her hand on her hips if her butt is too high.
- You help her raise the dumbbell if it’s too heavy for her.
- You gently adjust her head position if her neck is cranked up too high.
If she likes it, continue, if she’s not, back off.
The second way to sexually escalate is by using good old KINO... Let me give a quick demonstration of how this would work in a gym setting:
- Tap her on the shoulder to get her attention
- Handshake while exchanging names
- Caressing her shoulders while talking about her cool gym shirt
- Leading her around the gym by placing your hand on the small of her back or leading her by the hand
- The occasional high-five when she agrees with you and a teasing push when she disagrees with you
- Playful kick her when she says something “naughty”
- Touching her hair/neck when smelling her deodorant which she claims smells amazing
- Slapping/feeling her thighs to test em' out when she says that she’s been working out her legs
See how KINO works? You started with a friendly handshake and ended up caressing her hair and thighs!
If you frequent the gym and need more openers/ ideas, read 29 Concrete Steps to Approaching & Talking to Girls at the Gym [With Examples]
6. Touching her throughout the conversation
This one just means the regular touching you’d make while talking to anyone (not just girls) to emphasize your story (arm brush, light push, etc.).
7. Using her hand to draw a map of the city
At this point, you’re vibing together and having a great conversation. But you need to escalate further, otherwise you’ll inevitably fall into the friend zone. So what can you do?
Continue touching her by using any of the following moves. (Keep in mind, that you can use these later on date too, these are not in any particular order nor restricted to the initial conversation.)
Using her hand to draw a map of the city: this works especially well for tourist girls who don’t know the city well, aren’t even sure where they are... and need you to show them where the date is gonna be
8. Push/ Pull her when she says something naughty
The classic move to touch a girl: push her away and subsequently pull her in whenever she says something naughty. This one move is the cornerstone of teasing girls, read The Guide: 74 Methods To Tease A Girl [& Learn Cock-Funny] for more details.
9. Close her jacket as if her boobs are distracting you
I got this one from Nick Krauser.
But first a warning: if you’re lacking confidence or your vibe is down, don’t try this. You’ll seem creepy. However, if you’re on fire, this one move can massively increase you’re perceived attractiveness:
While she’s talking about whatever, interrupt her and ask her to repeat again. Tell her that her tits were distracting you and then move in to bring her jacket closer together as if attempting to cover up her boobs.
10. Using her bag to touch her
Preceding this move will be a conversation of what she likes to do with her free time, then asking her what books she likes to read:
You go touching her as if you’re going to her bag as if you’re checking that she’s not reading anything too naughty. After all, you are the chief general of the naughty police and don’t let any naughty girls go scott free. Just be careful that she knows you’re doing it to tease her and not to steal her bag!
11. Flick her hair
As mentioned in the basic guidelines to touching a girl (above), her head is the most vulnerable area to touch, so even though you’re only flicking her hair (accompanied with a compliment/ tease), only do it once you know she’s comfortable with touching her arms, legs and body.
12. Boot touching
Much less sensitive than flicking her hair, nevertheless, boot touching (or light kick) can have lots of potential when combined with a cocky tease.
13. Touch her with the goodbye handshake
Now you’ve had a great conversation with her and it’s time to get her number and part ways (assuming you don’t want to instantly date her). This presents you with more opportunities to touch her: The Goodbye Handshake.
“Well, it was nice meeting you [put your hand out and start shaking hands], what was your name? [She says her name] That’s a nice name, explains all a lot about you [bad boy smirk]... My name is ___. I think you’re attractive [telling a girl you like her] and we should have a drink sometime [Letting go of her hand once she agrees].”
And about the handshake, let’s learn how to do that seductively with this quote from The Rise of The Phoenix by Sebastian Harris:
Have you ever seen Donald Trump shaking the hand of… well… anyone? I’m sure you have. Heck, there are hundreds of YouTube compilations with his weirdest handshakes. But when you look closer, his handshake is anything but weird:
He pulls people in to make them lose balance. Now he’s in command. He grabs their hand in a way that makes it impossible to move it. Now he has total control. What does he do next? He taps their hand. The other person feels like a dog that’s tapped on the paw. Good boy!
Here a compilations from Donald Trump that Sebastian’s referring to of how you don’t want to touch a girl with The Goodbye Handshake:
It’s awkward as fuck, but it has a clear purpose. Why do I tell you this? Well, because you need to have a purpose when shaking a woman’s hand. And you should avoid EVERYTHING Donald Trump does when he shakes the hands of the people who rule this world.
That’s why I call it the Anti-Trump Handshake. Shaking a woman’s hand is about NOT pulling her in, NOT making her uncomfortable, and NOT grabbing her hand like a pair of pliers would.
So what do you do instead?
You open your hand and you allow her to lay her hand in your hand. No aggression, no control. All she needs is a soft invitation. When her hand lays in yours, you close it. Be soft and gentle. And don’t shake it. Not yet. Look into her eyes, smile, and continue with the conversation. Continue as if nothing happened. After twenty or thirty seconds, you let go of her hand.
The first time you do this, it will feel like twenty or thirty minutes. But remember: It’s not awkward as long as you don’t move her hand up and down. No shaking, my friend. Your job is to make her hand feel safe in yours… until you let go. How do you let go of her hand? No jerky movements. Instead, slide your hand over hers until you touch her fingers. Then you let go. This will give her goosebumps. No man has ever touched her like this before. (The Rise of The Phoenix by Sebastian Harris, Chapter 4 - Catch Her if You Can: Psychological Weapons of Mass Seduction)
You may be wondering why you’re only introducing yourselves at the end of the interaction as opposed to the moment you approach her. Well the reason is simple: before she knows who you are, she doesn’t care what your name is. Wait till you build attraction and comfort, then introduce yourselves. Now she’ll actually remember your name! More on this in my main guide to approaching girls.
14. Touching her while she puts her number into your phone
Another great tip from Sebastian Harris: hold your phone while she’s putting her contact details into your phone. Quote:
Give her your phone and let her type her number in your phone. Actually, it’s even better to hold your phone while she types her number into your phone. This allows you to “accidentally” touch her upper hand and her arm while she gives you the magic digits.
Not a crucial move, but hey! Why not add it to this guide?
15. Give her a hug
You’ve parted ways, arranged a date over text and you can now see her approaching you, how can you continue touching her to raise the buying temperature? Start with the hug.
Can’t get into details of each move, otherwise this article is gonna be longer than a Harry Potter book, so read the following guide for more details: 14 Examples & Steps to Hug a Girl [With Pictures]
16. Holding hands and walking with arms linked
I’ve got nothing against holding hands or for that matter, walking hand in hand, but if this is your first date with her, don’t do it. She’s not your girlfriend yet and it’ll come off as creepy and inappropriate.
For more details and cool ways to hold a girl's hand, read: How to Hold a Girl’s Hand in 9 Simple Ways.
17. You move side by side a point to something across the street
DaysofGame pointed this one out to me on Twitter, as you’re walking to your first date venue, point out different things going on by placing your hand on her shoulders and moving her around.
18. Touch her to point her in the right direction
Touch her, more like nudge her in the right direction or when crossing the road. Besides for the obvious benefit of touching her, you also get the chance to physically lead her for the first time. Never a bad thing to show some dominant masculinity.
19. Leading her through the venue
Now you’ve walked from your meet point and reached date venue one (or you’re instant-dating her). What now? Lead her again by placing your hand on the small of your back into the bar or coffee shop and then to your table.
Important off-topic note:
From the moment you meet a girl to the moment she’s in your bed shaking after an earth shattering orgasm, as the man, you need to be in control of her, leading the whole way. What we’re discussing now, leading a girl into the venue, is just one link of the chain.
20. Small incidental touches
Again, just like when you first met her, ‘accidental’ touches are still important.
21. When comparing hand size
Forgot who came up with this move originally, but what you do is mention that she must have big/small/strong/weak hands to do what she does in life. Then compare hands, making full hand-contact. Would recommend you use this moment to playfully tease her about her hands using whatever you see.
22. Be her palm reader
This one’s a lot of fun because girls know you aren’t some palmists. Here’s how you do it:
- Tell her that you gotta read her palm first before she can be your girlfriend to make sure she’s sane
- Hold her hand carefully, caress it. This is the touching part!
- Then look away in shock, complete disbelief
- She’s gonna ask you what you saw. Tell her you can’t tell her.
She’s gonna continue pressing you for answers, so you can either tease her for having such dirty thoughts OR make her earn and wait for the right to know what you saw deep in her soul.
23. Check out her hands
If she dolled herself up for the date, there should be lots of things to check out on her hands:
Depending on where you're meeting girls, you may end up end up on date with a girl wearing rings like this...
The key here is to really check out her hands - don’t shy away from your masculine desires - talk about everything you see and get her to tell the story behind it all.
24. Play with her hands
Another way of touching a girl's hands is by simply playing with them. You know, having fun with your girl:
- Thumb wrestling
- Showing her cool handshakes
- Playfully slapping her hand when she gets too close because ‘you’re scared she’s trying to seduce you’
Going back to what we said early on, hands are a great place to start touching a girl because it’s far from her face, yet her hands hold many sensitive nerves to have your desired effect.
25. Put your arms together to compare tans
While she’s sitting across from you (which you should be at your first venue), tell her to put her arm down so it’s parallel to yours so you can check out who’s more tanned.
26. Put your arms together to compare muscles
Great way to humble-brag and show off your muscles because we all know girls like muscular men. And just like the previous move, you can also tease her for being so weak, but cute.
27. Checking out her jewelry
Don’t know why I waited so long for this one, probably should’ve placed it earlier, but here we go anyways, the classic plausible deniability way of touching a girl: checking out her jewelry.
Here’s how it works:
- Touch her hand while checking out her ring
- Touch her arm while checking out her bracelet
- Touch her neck while checking out her necklace
- Touch her ears while checking out her earrings
You get the idea and obviously, don’t start with her earring, build up to it so she’s OK with you touching her ears.
28. Checking out her tattoos
Just like the previous example, check out her tattoos as an excuse to touch her.
29. Touch her while getting by
If you’ve read any intermediate dating book, you’d know that ‘bouncing’ from the first date venue to a second and eventual third is crucial for getting a girl into bed. The first date venue is generally non-alcoholic and is brightly lit up all to keep her comfortable. The second and third date venue should progressively become alcoholic and dimmer to create a more seductive atmosphere.
So, why am I telling you all this? It’s to explain that the following KINO moves should only be taken once you’re past the first or/and second date venue so that you can climb the escalation ladder without anyone falling off.
Now that we got the introduction out of the way, let’s start with our first move: Touch her while getting by. (Credit to Krauser for this one.)
Here’s how it works:
- Make sure that you’re sitting side by side so that you get more opportunities to touch her
- Talk for a while
- Excuse yourself for the bathroom, but as you’re getting by give her a nice squeeze to her thigh
- Do the same on the way back in
You can read more about this technique and more in Krauser’s core book Daygame Mastery, available on Amazon.
30. Touch her hair
There’s a lot to touching/ caressing a girl’s hair (unlike flicking it as mentioned early on) and I’ll probably have to come back to add more new-found methods. But for now, here’s what I got:
- Compliment her hair with a tease then caress it
- Put your arm over her shoulder and start playing with her hair and tell her what you like or don’t like about her hair
- If you’re in the right position, run your fingers deep into her hair and give it a light tug while telling her why you like grabbing her like this and what you want to do with her (it’s a very dominant move so don’t try it unless you have a strong frame)
- Playfully messing up her hair and pulling her hair into her eyes
If you have other ideas, please share them in the comments.
31. Brushing something off her face
If you notice (or even if you don’t notice) that she has food or drink on her cheeks or lips, do her a favour and wipe it off. Never tried it, but my guess is that if you wipe some ‘food’ off her lips, you could probably head for the kiss quite effortlessly.
32. Test if she likes to be choked
To test what she likes in bed and get another chance to touch her, ‘accidentally’ press across her throat making sure you only slightly restrict her blood flow. If she leans into it, it means she likes it and you know to be Mr. Dominant in bed.... and she'll be very grateful:
33. Talking while touching her face to yours because it’s loud
The title says it all, but there are 2 ways of pulling it off:
- Pull her in ‘innocently’ as a excuse for her to hear you better
- Pull her in ‘dominantly’ as a way to gain control of her body
Both have their time and place. Calibrate to each girl you’re with.
34. Kiss her all over
Obviously, when you first kiss her, it won’t be a full make out. But once you get to the make out point, follow these instructions:
- Placing your finger under her chin and leading her up to your lips
- Press your body onto her (if she’s not doing the same with her body already)
- Run your fingers through her hair
- Hold both side of her head while kissing
- Move down and kiss/bite her neck and ears
- Touch her all over her back
- Pick up her shirt so that your stomachs are touching
- If you’re out of the bar or in a discreet location, go ahead and finger her (start by rubbing from on top of her dress/jeans then dive in while always watching her response)
As you can see a simple ‘make out’ can become more seductive with these moves.
If kissing her at this point intimides you, just continue with escalating using the methods below then try kissing her again.
35. Placing her head on your shoulder
Here’s something we haven’t touched on yet: getting a girl to touch you!
So while there are many, many ways to do that (I may add them in the next revision of this guide), one way is to dominantly place her head on your shoulder so she’s comfortably ‘leaning’ into your masculine frame.
36. Pat her head like she’s a good girl
Do this with girls who aren’t falling into your masculine frame: when she brags about something altruistic she’s done, give her an approving pat on her head while seeming impressed. She’ll momentarily fake being mad, but deep inside she’ll appreciate that you can make her feel feminine and submissive.
37. Push her away to ‘protect’ yourself
Whenever she says or does something that gives you an excuse to teasingly call her a pervert and push her away, do it:
- She tells you that “we’re not having sex” when you never even brought it up
- She starts touching you aggressively
- When you kiss her for the first time and she get ‘overly’ passionate
This is especially powerful because in essence, what you’re doing is flipping the script, i.e. getting her to chase you as if you’re the one who chooses whether she gets to ride your dick tonight or not.
38. Rub her legs
Notice that we started with her hands, moved up to her arms and head and now we’re at her legs. Progressively moving closer to her vagaga. As always, there are many ways to pull this one off:
- Putting her legs over/ under your legs (just make sure that your or her legs don’t fall asleep!)
- Purposefully rub your leg on her legs with eye contact
- Give her playful kicks
I’m sure there are more ways, and while they’ll probably come back to me once I hit publish, if you’ve got your own - please share them with us.
39. Placing her hand on your thigh
Another technique to actively get her to touch you: take her hand and place it on your thigh. If she’s up to it, move her hand up until she can feel your boner and tell her that it’s her fault that you're hard (warning: it’ll make her horny).
You can do this with pretty much anything else - majestic beard, strong arms, etc. - dominantly taking control of her body.
40. Massage her
While massaging a girl is another one of those classic tricks, getting her to massage you works well if that is what you feel the date requires.
41. Dance with her
If you’re at a club with her, dance with her!!
42. Pinching cheeks
Gotta give credit to Krauser for this one: While teasing her for being a squirrel, ask if she stores nuts in her cheeks. Then softly grab her cheek between thumb and forefinger.
It’s a way of making her feel cute and feminine.
43. Smacking her ass
We’ve discussed this one in much detail in my Over-Sized Guide To Teasing Girls, so why not just quote directly:
- Tell her “that ass is mine” (never say “I can't believe I am so lucky to have a girl with an ass like that” - it’s such a needy, simp way of talking)
- She’s cooking food for her, smack her butt while looking at the food and maybe even stealing some before it ready
- Smack her butt in a playful way so that she knows you’re expecting her run after you to get back at you
- If she’s giving you a hug, don’t just smack her butt, hold onto it, enjoy it, only then let it go
- When she is doing her make-up in front of the mirror while you’re waiting for her, pull her pants down to her ankles and give her a slap on her ass.
- Drive her so crazy by always slapping her butt that she needs to tackle you to the bedroom to get you to stop (and you know what to do from there…)
- When you’ve been smacking her ass for a regularly, you can “sneak up” on her, but “let” her see you so that she’s expecting to get her ass smacked, but then walk away saying “you don’t deserve it” Or make her wait a few moments to increase the tension and only then smack her ass
- If she’s acting naughty, tell her “clearly, your last boyfriend didn’t spank you enough”
- If you know she’s dying for a good smack (you’ll be able to tell by the way she’s sticking out her butt or lying down next to you without any shorts on), use both of your hands and say “Man, it's looking good today! It’s like a cupcake!”
- If can tell that she specifically enjoyed being spanked, dance with her for a second by pressing your butt against hers
Later in the article (#53: Spank Her Ass), I discuss ways to further dominante her by spanking her in more dominant ways.
44. Back off completely
By now my hope is that she got into the taxi and she’s back at your place. Great! But now’s not the time to pounce on her. Part of learning how to KINO girls is learning when NOT to KINO girls. Now is the time to back off completely and make her feel comfortable until she’s ready for another escalation. (None of this, of course, applies if she’s ripping off your clothing the moment you close the door behind her. Use your brain.)
45. Make out
You’ve backed off, maybe watched some YouTube and showed her some adventure trip photos. How do you re-escalate? Make out with her just as we described earlier: touch her all over.
If she’s ready to have sex, go for it.
If she’s not, back off again and re-escalate with more kissing and the following technique…
46. Rubbing her vagina with your leg on top of her jeans
Forget who pioneered this move (maybe Tom Torero?), but anyways here’s how it works: you spread her legs while she’s still fully dressed and press your thigh right on top of her vagina, slowly starting to rub back and forth AKA dry humping.
47. How to touch a girl after sex and the next morning
One thing almost no one talks about is touching your girl after sex and it’s more complicated than you think.
If you want her to become your girlfriend, give her comfort KINO. Caress her hair, rub your hands over her arm, kiss her forehead, etc.
If you want a quick one night stand, avoid 90% of this, have your polite chats, then send her on her way.
Thank you for reading,
Good advice, but I thought of course – That in order to learn to communicate with girls you need to talk to them. Some guys are too shy to openly flirt.
Yeah, that’s a good point. We always learn one thing at a time.
I could recommend you 2 of my posts to read:
1. 48 Proven Methods To Talk More Clearly, Confidently And Slowly [+ Sound More Masculine]
2. The Blueprint: 29+ Steps To Be The Bad Boy
Good luck 😉
Great content! Keep up the good work!