How To Approach a GIRL In 11 EFFECTIVE Ways

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Learning how to approach a girl is one of the most important things that you can do in your life. Destroying your fear of approaching women will effect every area of your life.

When you build the confidence to talk to any girl in your life, suddenly you’ll be making better business choices, you’ll have more friends and you’ll be getting laid way more often.

Girls love to be approached by men. They love receiving compliments.

But you just need to be an authentic man and approach them. You need to become the man that doesn’t fear rejection.

That type of man gets all the numbers and gets laid on demand.

How do you become that type of man? Well that brings us to step one.

(As a heads up, if you make it to the end of this post you’ll learn what I did when I was a terrified virgin. And also what course I took to guide me out of my fears!) 

1. Warm up

Unless you’ve been consistently approaching women for the past 5 years you’ll need to warm yourself up.

It’s totally normal to be stuck in your head before getting approached. So what can you do to get out of your head and become your confident self?

Social freedom exercises

You want to purposefully put yourself in situations that you will get judged. Here are some examples:

(I got these ones from Sasha Daygame, a dating coach.) 

Go up to a girl and ask her for the directions. But as you ask her for directions, start picking your nose! Do this a couple times.

Now let’s take it up a notch, go find a girl and start off like this “I don’t want to sound weird, but uhmmmmmmmmmmm….” and you just continue like that until she walks away.

If you are still scared, take up even higher: propose to the next hot girl you see. Go up to her and say “I am so sorry to interrupt your day, but you are so gorgeous that I had to propose to you.”

Just watch her start laughing, and actually from there you can go right into a regular approach. 

In the course that transformed my sex life goes into much more detail on how to shake free of any social anxiety or fear and replace it with solid confidence. (You’ll have to read to the end to find out which course!)

If you want to learn more about social freedom exercises (A.K.A. rejection therapy) listen to this podcast from The Science of Success with Jia Jiang. 

You only start approaching women when you don’t care about what she thinks about you. Women find that confidence sexy. [12]

Now that you are all warmed up, time to move onto the next step. 

2. What is her mood?

If you see the girl running frantically or she looks like she’s about to cry obviously don’t approach her. Make sure she looks like she’s in a good mood.

But you’d be surprised how many times you can actually approach girls and start talking to them.

If they are on the phone you could easily approach them, just be playful. Tell her that she needs to hang up the phone because a beautiful man just approached her!

It doesn’t matter what you say as long as you are being playful with her. 

If she’s with all her friends you could easily approach her. Start by chilling with the whole group, be friendly with all of them.

All you need is half-a-minute so that you can establish yourself as a cool guy. Once you’ve done that start flirting with the girl you like.

I’ll point this out soon, but as long as you show her you’re a cool guy and you’ve got nothing to hide she’ll be open to getting to know you. 

3. Instant action

So you have found the girl you like and she looks like she’s enjoying her day. What’s next?

Take instant action.

No waiting. You don’t want your fear to creep back on you after doing all of those social freedom exercises.

The second you choose which girl you are going to approach, start walking there is no looking back.

Your brain will stop focusing on what will go wrong and will begin to help you with this approach because you’re talking to that girl no matter what. [3]

4. Smile

The second you decide you are going to talk to that girl put on that sexy smile.

Having that awesome smile on your face will do 2 things for you.

Number one: you’ll feel more confident about yourself. 

In Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) they say “emotion = E-motion.” In other words, the way you move your body affects your emotional state.

If you are slumped down in a chair breathing very shallow breaths you will begin to feel tired and depressed. 

But if you put on your attractive smile and you stand with your back straight for just 2-3 minutes you’ll begin to feel confidence.

And that’s what you need to feel before every approach.

The second reason why you need to smile is for her. She needs to see that you are not a threat. 

Women worry much more than men. They also feel very insecure when a man approaches them. 

They want to seem desirable. They want to look good. The smile on your face tells her: all is good. [4, 5]

5. Let her see you first

This is the same idea that I said about smiling. Girls get scared too.

Girls have no idea who you are. You good be her next lover, or her next abuser!

That’s why you don’t come from behind! You go in front of them, let them see you and then you can start talking.

6. Have playful and chilled energy

The best energy that you could have is confident, playful, chilled energy. That is your goal. 

When you have this energy everything you say works. Women are naturally attracted to you

But it takes years of hard work even if you have guidance. So how can you manage your fear till you get to that level?

The first thing you’ve got to do is accept your fears and anxieties. Don’t make them your enemy. 

Make friends with your fears. Remember what you resist persists.

The more you become OK with being afraid of rejection the more people will accept and love you. It’s OK to feel anxiety, we all do.

The second thing you have to realize is you can get many numbers and get laid often even if you come off as awkward. 

Everyone has their awkward moments. Even at the beginning of my journey I could get numbers every so often and I was very, very awkward.

So don’t tell yourself “because I’m an awkward guy, there’s no point in approaching women.”

The last thing that will help you on your journey on becoming a chilled, playful, and confident man is realizing this:

Rejection is good.

Every time you get rejected your confidence rises. You see that rejection doesn’t mean death.

You also learn what works and what doesn’t. Every rejection tells you what you need to do next.

And sometimes the reason why the girl rejects you has nothing to do with what you said or did! She might be having a bad day.

So don’t jump to conclusions that there is something wrong with you when you get rejected.

7. Start having a conversation

Now let me give you some tips on what to actually say to her when you make the initial approach.

The first thing you want to do is tell her why you approached her. You already know why you’ve got to this: it’s to make sure she doesn’t get scared.

Tell her that you saw her from the other side of the street and you had to approach her because she is stunning.

Pause for a moment. Let it sink in. 

Don’t make the mistake of feeling like you need to speak all the time. That will make you a lot less attractive.

Show confidence by being comfortable with silence. Let her speak.

Then you can introduce yourself, tell her where you are from and your name. She will do the same.

Some men just go straight for the number close. They are too needy and desperate to give themselves a chance to connect with the girl.

Girls ghost on girls when they don’t feel the connection. Because even if they do give you their phone number they might choose not to answer your texts.

That’s why you must study how to talk to girls. The more flirting moments you can have during these precious minutes of the approach, the more likely she is to go on a date with you.

That’s why you start having a passionate conversation with her.

Do not:

  1. What do you do?
  2. What college do you go to?
  3. How old are you?
  4. Where are you from?

These are boring questions that dry up every girl. They will lose all sexual attraction that they could ever have for you.

You want to ask open-ended questions, such as:

  1. How did you get into the work that you do now?
  2. Where do you love to eat out?
  3. You look like you are full of adventure. What is your story?
  4. I run online businesses, what is your dream job?

Now she gets to fulfill her dreams and talk about herself.

There is one other thing that you have to do in order to make this the best approach of your life: listen in fascination to what she says.

Girls love talking about themselves. But only when there is someone listening.

Don’t just be listening, be super interested. Be fascinated about her life, discover more about who she is.

The goal is to have a passionate conversation with the girl which will connect her emotionally to you.

8. Be Hilarious

While you are having that passionate conversation don’t hold yourself back from having fun too. There is no reason to be serious.

Remember what I said about being OK about your own fears, why not make a joke about them?

Laugh about how sweaty you got before you approached her. Being scared can be hilarious.

By the way, besides showing her that you are a fun guy, there have been many studies showing that a man’s sense of humor is sexually attractive to women. [6, 7]

You won’t be making a girl laugh, you’ll be making a girl wet.

And besides, the second you start getting all serious, your fears start to creep up again. Laughing is the greatest cure for anxiety.

9. Develop a connection 

While you are having this fun conversation it’s crucial that you create a deep connection to her. This is especially true if you want to sleep with her that night.

So here are some simple tips to having an effective approach:

When you first approach her, shake her hand nice and slowly. Let her feel your strong hand.

The more you touch that girls skin the more her body will release oxytocin. That hormone will make her feel a sense of love for you.

This is also why you want to play with her as you talk. Push her body away if she says something ridiculous. 

Hold her arm when you can. Play with the bracelet that she has and while you are doing that caress her lightly without being creepy.

The next thing you can do is look at her deep in the eyes. This also makes her release that love hormone oxytocin. 

Look at her in the eyes occasionally throughout the conversation. She will also perceive you as a confident man, you are not afraid to look at her in the eyes.

Don’t be a robot that can’t stop staring at her in the eyes. Judge by each situation and be aware of how it makes her feel.

10. Make her qualify herself

You’ve almost finished the conversation, but there is this one last thing you do before you get her number. She has to prove herself worthy of you.

Remember you are the type of guy that can get any girl that you want. You don’t need her. 

She has to prove to you that she’s worthy of your time. This is called qualification.

You are making the girl qualify herself to be with you. How can you do this?

Tell her something like this “I love mountain biking, what are you passionate about?”

The basic format is that you tell her what you love to do and ask her if she does the same. If you see that she tries to make herself like you, she has qualified herself.

11. Get her number

I’ve talked about this before when I wrote about how to get a girl’s number, but I’ll give you the basics here.

The first thing you do is tell her to put her number in your phone. You don’t ask, because that just makes it easier for her to say no and it makes you seem less dominant.

If she offers you her Facebook or Snapchat, don’t take it. You don’t want to seem like the thousands of men out there sending her DM’s that she ignores. 

And then tell her when you’d like to meet her. Don’t wait, if you’ve met her and it’s still midday, tell her that you want to have supper with her.

That’s how you get a number out of every approach.


I’ve given you the outline for the perfect approach. This works for any girl.

But realize this. You aren’t going to be perfect. You’ll have bad days. 

But if you take action you’ll do fine. You don’t have to be perfect at approaching girls to get laid.

Girls get just as horny as guys do! 

But as I mentioned earlier you can and must improve your skills. There is no reason why you should stay where you are.

What is your sexual fantasy? Why don’t you decide that you won’t stop till you make it.

Is your dream to have a blowjob by 2 hot, lesbian sisters? You don’t have to be stopped.

The world is open to you. But you need to do what I did when I was in your position: get a course.

You absolutely need to get a seduction course to up your skill. No YouTube video or post on the internet will have the same effect as the course.

The course that I invested in was The Tao of Badass. And not only is it as good as it was when it first got launched, but they even added tons of new transformative content.

Like a 5 week long program to read a woman’s body language and how to respond to it in order that she begins to feel horny for you!

If you don’t at least watch the video presentation of the course you are committing a sin.

Your friend, 


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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work