Ask for a Second Date: 14 Subtle Methods [With Examples]

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First date went well, you’re interested and you *think* she (or he) is interested, but you’re not sure. How can you get that second date to seal the deal without risking rejection? 

Let’s begin!

example of having fun on a second date

Second dates don't have to be boring!

1. Who Should Ask For A Second Date

Anybody can ask for a second date, guy or girl. No need to overthink it. If you want a second date, ask for it. If that makes you feel uncomfortable, continue reading and you’ll find more subtle ways to ask for a second date.

2. How Long Do You Wait To Ask For A Second Date

Everybody wants to know “how soon should I ask for a second date?” and the answer is: As soon as possible! But more practically:

  1. 1
    On the first date
  2. 2
    Over text

The longer you wait, the longer your date will forget about you and all the fun you had on your first date. 

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3. Pre-Plan The Second Date

“Hey, you’re super cute, what do you think about going out again?”
“Uh’ didn’t quite think about that, let me get back to you”

I call this the: You Don’t Know, You Don’t Get Principle.

If you don’t know where you want to go for your second date, you lower your chances of getting one!

Knowing what you want for the second date is good, but having 2 or even 3 backup options is better as she may shoot them down for whatever reason.

Here’s a short list of second date venues to keep as backup options:

At this point I’m guessing you’d like me to give you some examples, so here they are:

  1. Farmer market 
  2. Rollerblading
  3. Movies 
  4. Horse riding
  5. The park
  6. The zoo
  7. Shooting range
Example of a good second date venue

A quiet restaurant like this would be a perfect venue for introverts

Advanced Dating Advice:

Be extra smart by asking yourself the following question: 

“Is he/she an introvert or an extrovert?”

What difference does it make? Well… 

  • If she’s an introvert, inviting her to go to the club or a music concert as a second date is a bad idea and she’ll probably turn you down.
  • If she’s an extrovert, asking her to go to the local library or the park together as a second date is also a bad idea and she’ll probably turn you down.

Bottom line: Not knowing what you want for a second date or having bad second date ideas can drastically lower your chances of getting one.

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4. Ask For The Second Date On The First Date

This is the technique I recommend for beginners, so let’s take our time with this one:

Why do some first dates end badly? There are 3 core reasons:

  1. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it: you’re having a great first date, why end it now? 
  2. You don’t know how to end the date without seeming awkward. 
  3. Sunk cost fallacy: I’ve spent so much effort into getting this date and I’m paying for it too! Why would I end it now? I want my money’s worth. 

These three reasons boil down to one: you don't want to end the date on a high note, so you let it drag on until you’re both exhausted and dying to leave.

However, there’s a solution: gracefully end the first date by asking for a second!


I’ve never talked to anyone who’s done <insert activity> before. I loved hearing your stories, it sounds super cool. I got friends I got to meet up with, Daniella, Ava, before they leave, so I gotta go. But what about tomorrow? You mentioned you’re open at lunchtime, so how’s about a picnic at Angrignon Park, near the metro station?

Let’s break it down:

  1. Talk about why you want a second date: I’ve never talked to anyone who’s done <insert activity> before. I loved hearing your stories, it sounds super cool.
  2. Give a reason, not a needy excuse, as to why you need to end the date: I got friends I got to meet up with, Daniella, Ava, before they leave, so I gotta go. (Preselection 101)
  3. Close strongly and do not leave room for the date to drag on: so I gotta go. (It’s always the opening and closing of conversations that need reinforcement)
  4. During the first date, you’ve covertly learnt about his/her schedule, so now’s the time to bring up the fact that she has free time: You mentioned you’re open at lunchtime
  5. Offer a clear second date idea: so how’s about a picnic at Angrignon Park, near the metro station?

To summarize, the 2 benefits of this approach are: A) Ends first dates gracefully B) You plan the second date in person, so the chances of flaking are much lower.

5. Suggest A Second Date

You suggest a second date instead of asking for it.

Here’s an example:

  • Asking: “You're the cutest girl, would you like to meet up Friday night at Connaught Bar?”
  • Suggesting: “You’re the cutest girl, let’s meet up Friday night at Connaught Bar.”

You aren’t waiting for her approval or asking for anything, you’re simply going for it by suggesting a fun place to visit.

Here’s a second example:

  • Asking: “I love spending time with you, you know what? Since we both love painting, would you be OK with checking out the art museum Saturday night?”
  • Suggesting: “I love spending time with you, you know what? Since we both love painting, let’s go check out the art museum Saturday night.”

You are telling her how much you enjoyed your first date, establishing what you have in common and how much more fun you will have together.  [5, 6]

Who would say no to an offer like that?

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6. Suggest A Group Date

If you both know a couple, suggest that you go on a group date together, as your second date. 

have a group date as your second date

7. The Continued Help Method

This method only works in one scenario: as a first date, you’re spending time at your place fixing or working on something together, for example:

  1. Fixing a car together (you do the main work, while she hands you the tools and replacement parts)
  2. Building random stuff out of scrap metal
  3. Woodworking

At this point, you can simply mention that you’ll need to meet up again to finish the project and bang! You got a second date.

8. Use Humor To Get A Second Date

I’m an average looking guy, yet I can’t even tell you how many girls have admitted that my sense of humor is what got them into bed. So here’s how to use humor to get that second date:

  1. You also drink water!? Damn, we have too much in common, why don’t we just get married now? Oh’ OK, a 2nd date is enough for me!
  2. If you look at me like that again I’ll be forced to ask you out for a 2nd date!
  3. We have so many options for a 2nd date: we could practice jump rope, build sand castles or play in the mud. You choose!
  4. Well it’s getting, but I’ll wait for you to confess your feelings on the second date
  5. I’m warning you know, I’m about to make you miss a whole bunch of college classes

You can learn a lot more about humor, teasing and attraction is this guide: The Guide: 74 Methods To Tease A Girl [& Learn Cock-Funny] | 

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9. The Makeout Method

You establish a deep emotional connection during the first date through physical intimacy (i.e. making out) and the second date will automatically plan itself out without any effort or resistance. 

Kissing well on the first date can get you a second date

10. Talk About What You’ll Do On Your Second Date 

While you’re at the park (on your first date), clearly enjoying each other, simply start talking about what you’ll do on your second date.

Talk About What You’ll Do On Your Second Date


You’ve decided on going to the farmers market as your second date venue, so already on your first date, you talk about the farmers market and things you want to do there:

  1. What type of meal you want to cook together with the food you buy
  2. What are your favorite fruits and vegetables
  3. Talk about what you love about farmers markets’ (organic food, the lovely energy, etc.)
  4. Funny stories you’ve had at other farmers markets

Now that you understand the concept, practice by applying it to other second-date ideas: woodworking, go karting, shooting range, etc. [3, 4]

11. Asking A Guy For A Second Date

Most of this article has been focused on helping men get a second date, so here’s a section for the ladies:

  1. Get to the first date on time to show him that you’re serious
  2. Be curious about who he is by asking him some deep questions
  3. Don’t be stuck on your phone
  4. Seduce his mind by giving him the right compliments
  5. Spice up the interaction with strategic flirting: 43 Exclusive Methods To Flirt With a Guy In Any Situation [& Countless Examples]
  6. Let him talk about his hobbies
  7. Be girly, don’t try to seem too “manly” because you’ll end up making him feel emasculated. More on this: 17 Subtle Ways To Get A Guy To Ask You Out & 5 Things You Must Never Do
  8. Ask him some flirty questions so that he warms up to you
  9. Kiss on the first date (no guy will ever turn down a second date after a good kiss!)
  10. Look attractive (read: 17 Ways To Attract A Man Without Getting Rejected)
  11. Let him feel like a man, don’t start talking about all of your accomplishments (guys hate feeling less accomplished around girls)
  12. Touch him in all the right places to turn him on
  13. Tease him with some dirty questions so that he needs to ask you out

At this point, most guys will build up enough courage to ask you out for a second date, however if that doesn’t work - just ask him out yourself! [1, 2]

Asking a guy out on a second date

Optional step:

Watch The Infatuation Scripts Presentation from which has been reported to teach girls hidden male attraction psychology and offer lots of practical dating strategies: 

12. Ask For Your Second Date Without Sounding Desperate

There are several rules you need to following in order to avoid appearing desperate

1. Don’t make it like a contract

“This agreement was made as of the 12th of December, 2021, between [your name] and [name of partner], of the City of Chicago. Whereas [your name] desires to obtain a second date from [name of partner], and [name of partner] desires to render such date on the terms and conditions set forth. Signed below.”

Making everything so formal by making him/her show up at exactly 9pm at this-and-this restaurant is too much! Dating is supposed to be fun, not some serious business interrogation.

2.  Close the first date strongly

As mentioned, you let the first date drag on, what does that say about you? Instead, confidently end the date with a hug, eye contact, and telling her why you want to do it again.

3. Don’t sound like a salesman

In the event that she’s not in the mood or she doesn’t even know if she wants to go out with you again, don’t try to convince or sell her on the idea of a second date. So either leave her alone or ask when you see she’s in a better mood.

4. Invite her into your fun life

You don’t desperately ask her to date you again so that you can feel happiness again, instead you invite her again to join your already fun life. Examples: 

  1. You’re a cool girl, I’ll be heading to the beach tomorrow, come if you like!
  2. Free tickets to the NFL game on Monday, I know you can’t resist!
  3. Crazy party at Daniella’s house tonight, comin?

You are already going to the beach, game, party, etc. So you don’t need her to have fun, However, you’d greatly appreciate her company and that’s why you’re asking her out again. 

13. Asking For A Second Date Over Text

Before we get into the example texts I have below, let’s talk about the principles which make them work:

  1. Never wait 3 days to offer another date. The longer you wait, the more she’ll forget about you. A next day text is what I recommend. 
  2. Reference what she said on the first date about her favorite date venues and places she’s always wanted to visit
  3. Suggest a second date, don’t ask for it (discussed above)
  4. Add plenty of humor to avoid sounding needy over text (you’ll see examples below)
  5. After sending your initial text, do not text her anything else. Wait for her response otherwise you risk seeming desperate.
  6. Be clear about what/where/when you want the second date to be
  7. Include a compliment/flirting within the request 

Now for some texting examples:

  1. Well after spending hours deliberating, I’ve decided to put up with you for another date
  2. After wearing red hot lipstick like that you leave me with no choice by to ask you out again
  3. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like your cute laugh, why don’t we meet up at [name of bar] at [select a time]?
  4. Hey, I got some time tonight, why don’t we meet up at that bar you mentioned earlier [refer to a club or a bar you talked about on the first date]
  5. Do you like beaches? [Wait for her to answer yes.] Oh’ cool, I’m going there tomorrow, why don’t you come along? (admittedly a sneaky move, but whatever)
Asking For A Second Date Over Text

14. Why Can't I Get A Second Date

He didn't ask for a second date!
Will he ask for a second date?

Let’s talk about the reasons why he/she hasn’t asked you out again:

  1. She still isn’t sure about you and is considering her options (cold hard truth)
  2. You made a bad first impression (bad breath, wearing some smelly clothing with stains, hair is all over the place, etc.)
  3. You were too nervous. Happens to everyone, don’t worry, you’ll feel calmer with experience.
  4. You treated your first date like an interview and the conversation was boring. Solution: 48 Proven Methods To Talk More Clearly, Confidently And Slowly [+ Sound More Masculine] |
  5. You were too friendly, sadly got placed in the friend zone and now she doesn’t think you want to date her again
  6. You sexually escalated too quickly (learn how to tell if a girl wants to kiss you)
  7. You messed up the first kiss (learn: how to kiss a girl on the first date)
  8. You’ve let the first date drag on for 3 hours
  9. Your first date was boring. Just because you start at the coffee, doesn’t mean you have to stay there! Take a trip to the park and push her on the swings. 
  10. You talked about must-avoid topics: ex’s, politics, religion, your traumatic past, etc. 
  11. The first date didn’t create that emotional connection and now she’s distracted by work
  12. You’ve seemed too desperate asking for the second date
  13. You don’t have good second date ideas 

Read this guide to learn more about these horrendous mistakes: What Not to Do on a First Date: 17 Date Destroyers | 

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And that wraps up this article. If you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends. And if you have any questions, as always, share them in the comments below.

Good luck, 

Colt Smith

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    About the author 

    Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

    Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

    My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

    Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

    17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

    How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work