Alpha males in relationships have moments of passionate love with their women and moments of intense work, ignoring their woman.

Any woman that can get an alpha male into a relationship better get ready to experience explosive, unrestrained masculinity. 

alpha males in relationships

This post is all about exploring those exact characteristics and behaviors of alpha males in relationships.

If you’re new here go read my post about The 25 Fail-Proof To Be An Alpha Male Without Stressing Yourself Out, you’ll get a deep level understanding of what it means to be an alpha male.

And while you’re there make sure to read my other post about 19 Little-Known Alpha Male Character Traits.

Once you’ve finished with those posts, get back here because we are going to get deep into the core principles of how alpha males behave in relationships.

Who is this article for?

This article is for both men and women:

Women will learn how to attract and deal with an alpha male. 

Men will learn what makes an alpha males so attractive to women and how to act as an alpha male in a relationship.

As we go through this it’s important to remember that alpha males are human just like you. They have good days, they have bad days.

No one is 100% stoic. We all experience and deal with emotions on a regular basis.

Not every moment of every day will you see the average alpha male acting as the alpha. 

Occasionally alpha males enjoy letting go and letting their woman take control.

But as a general rule alpha males are the powerful men. They are leaders that command respect from everyone.

And remember that it’s exactly the power that alpha males exude that makes every woman irresistibly attracted to him.

Women love the power, confidence, and authority that only alpha males have. [1, 2]

1. Anger and arrogance 

Starting off with the negative traits of alpha males in relationships:

Alpha males that have not fully matured will have moments of uncontrollable anger and display arrogance at ridiculously high levels.

This is the dark side of becoming an alpha male.

Their girlfriend or wife will one day forget to take out the laundry and all of the sudden he’ll flip out on her making her feel worthless.

This is because immature alpha males experience masculinity at a much higher level without knowing how to channel that explosive energy this makes them act irrationally arrogant and have moments of extreme bursts of anger.

They must mature to channel their dominant energy to stop letting their emotions take over.

Of course, immature alpha males are still considered alpha males, because they are still the dominant leaders.

Immature alpha males are also known as bad boys. 

Girls are wildly attracted to them, yet bad boys have no respect for anyone.

This leads people to ask: why do girls like bad boys if they are so disrespectful?

Simple: because bad boys (A.K.A. immature alpha males) are dominant and make girls feel submissive. That’s all it takes to sexually attract a girl.

But bad boys will never have stable, long-term relationships because they are lacking maturity and the ability to channel their masculine energy as we just mentioned before.

2. They don’t care to impress

Every woman knows that the most attractive man is the one that cares the least about having a relationship.

This should come as no surprise as this concept actually has a name in sociology: The Principle of Least Interest

The Principle of Least Interest is the idea in sociology that the person or group that has the least amount of interest in continuing a relationship has the most power over it. In the context of relationship dynamics, it suggests towards which party the balance of power tilts. (Wikipedia)

This is why I hate when people ask “how to impress a girl” – the whole idea of impressing anyone to get them into a relationship is bad.

The goal is to make them want to impress you! 

Alpha males understand this perfectly.

Alpha males know the value they bring to relationships. They know women crave them. They know that they are the prize.

And with that knowledge they don’t ever care to impress anyone. They simply don’t have to…

They are (usually) rich and famous. They are the powerful men, not just physically powerful, but hold social power.

In other words, they are the leaders and because they know how to influence people and seduce the masses alpha males have practically unlimited power.

They already hold all the power and will never care to impress anyone. [3]

3. Dominating

Alpha males are dominant in every part of life:

  1. Work
  2. Regular relationship time
  3. In bed

At work if they want a raise they push for it, they have no problem being disagreeable with their bosses.

Usually they will start their own business because they can’t tolerate having a boss. They need to be independent.

As entrepreneurs they will take all the responsibilities and make all the decisions. 

While they are spending time with their partner they will decide what to spend money on, where to eat out and the times they are going to spend time together.

They will ask their partners to:

  1. Take out the garbage
  2. Do the laundry
  3. Make the bed
  4. Clean up the house

And of course in bed they continue to take full control: they make the whole power dynamic very clear to their women.

Very often that will manifest itself into BDSM: blindfolding, bondage, flogging or whatever else turns them on.

And even if they aren’t into blindfolding or bondage, they will always lead whatever goes on in bed.

The interesting thing about this general power dynamic is that the girl will actually want to serve her alpha male partner: doing laundry, cooking food ect. 

But this is not because it’s a toxic or abusive relationship.

Rather because it makes them feel submissive and women feel happy to serve them out of love and respect.

On the other hand, alpha males only feel alive when they feel significant and in-charge of their lives. When they feel used or submissive they lose all energy and motivation.

(The creator of this video is called Dan Bacon and he runs a YouTube channel with over 300,000 subscribers. He wrote arguably the best book on seduction, attraction and dating called The Flow. I Highly recommend it)

4. They are very sexual

As you already know by now, alpha males are sexually attractive to all women because of their physical and social power.

This “natural” attraction allows alpha males to be extraordinarily sexual in their relationships and in life because they know women would do everything to sleep with them.

Alpha males will make it clear that they are looking for sex with hot women. They don’t even try to hide their horniness. 

They are uncontrollably bold with their sexual desires.

Combining the 2 factors of being sexually attractive to women and expressing sexual desire for women makes every partner that they have worried.

Their wife’s/ girlfriend’s will always be freaking out that maybe he just cheated with the hot girl down the street.

And I don’t blame them at all, but this is the price that girls pay for being in a hot relationship with an alpha male. 

5. They aren’t romantic

Remember how we spoke about the 2 general types of alpha males:

  1. Mature alpha male
  2. Immature alpha male/ bad boy 

Now we are talking about the immature alpha male, A.K.A. the bad boy. 

A bad boy will never be romantic or care to show respect and love to his girl. 

He will never let himself get tied down to a relationship. He will usually have multiple women available to him, A.K.A. spinning plates.

(Spinning plates means that  a man will date multiple women at once in order to have sex whenever he wants, without being needy.)

They don’t care to listen to their woman’s problems or be romantic with her. He’s focused on having fun and adventures in life.

The problem begins when women think that they can change him into a reliable, loving man. But that never works. 

On the other hand, the mature alpha male will know how to channel his wild, dominant energy allowing him to love his women.

He is the ultimate female fantasy.

6. It takes a lot to get their attention

To be clear we’re not discussing fake alpha males here, we’re talking about the real successful men. 

The type that makes women compete to even get a date with him. The type that makes every girl jealous of his girlfriend.

Those alpha males know that they are attractive so they don’t care to impress anyone and can get any girl they dream of.

Women need to work hard to get his attention even before they can start seducing him into a relationship.

I am talking about women using their own sexual lures to get him to approach them, such as:

  1. Getting their hair done
  2. Touching themselves in sexy ways that make men rock hard
  3. Getting their nails done
  4. Wearing the hottest dress
  5. Getting the sweetest perfume to turn him on
  6. Practicing their seductive face

And if you’re a woman reading this make sure you get one thing right: your first impression. reports:

“You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression,” says James Uleman, PhD, a psychology professor at New York University and researcher on impression management. “In spite of the congeniality of many professional gatherings, judgments are being made and impressions formed all the time.”

Don’t worry about being a little more sexual than your comfort zone allows. Just do it this time to make that first sexy impression and you’ll have him locked in. [4]

7. You need to seduce them

I’m speaking to the women here:

Even though I just said that a first impression will lock him in that doesn’t mean that you can stop working on his mind.

An alpha male requires constant seduction. 

But be careful here. The way you get seduced in NOT the same way a man gets seduced.

You need to stroke his ego. 

Show how grateful you are to have him in your life. Talk about how useless you would be without him.

If you are going to have a relationship with an alpha male you better be ready to make him feel like a God. 

We are past physical seduction. Now we are discussing emotional seduction.

And whether you like it or not this is a never ending process if you want a man that will love you deeply and not be constantly distracted by other girls. 

You have to make it your mission to study seduction and practice it on men. 

If you break a couple hearts while using powerful manipulation techniques, it’s fine as long as you end up with your alpha male.

Here’s a great video (free of charge) called His Secret Obsession by James Bauer. Discussing how you can make any man feel deep love for you.

He calls it the hero instinct. It’s a deep need hard wired into men’s bodies and when you leverage that need he’ll do anything for you.

But that’s enough talking for me. Go watch that video!

8. Incredibly ambitious

Having an ambitious man is good and bad for women:

Every woman is attracted to a man that has a purpose that makes him come alive. Something that forces him to become tough and resilient.

The problem starts when he’s too distracted with his work to spend any time with his woman becoming very intense and sometimes even a perfectionist.

(As I mentioned earlier, if you’re a woman and you don’t want to have this problem with men you better go watch the “His Secret Obsession” video and learn their triggers.)

The ultimate alpha male that women crave and fantasize about is the confident man that has a purpose, can keep his cool in chaotic environments, but knows when to spend time with his women and give her all his love.

9. You have to let them lead

Women deeply desire to have a relationship with their man.

They will have sex with him on the first date, but that’s usually just a tactic to get him into a long term relationship.

But sex isn’t enough, here is the real thing that women can use to chain him into a relationship:


They need to be the boss. They so desperately need to lead everything, but this is what makes them weak. 

What women need to do is become a submissive follower and let the alpha male become her leader.

This will give any alpha male an instant ego boost which will make him desire her and faithful to her.

Women must make alpha males feel like they’ve already thought of everything and know what they are talking about even when they’re clearly not.

For women this also means that they better earn less money and let all their girly, cute, feminine energy out because alpha males want a girl not a masculine woman.

They don’t want an ambitious, CEO type girl. They want feminine qualities. [5, 6]

10. They set the standards

Any woman that wants a relationship with an alpha male better line up with his standards.

Remember: he can get any girl he wants. So if a woman decides to make him wait for sex, he will simply drop her for another girl that would beg to give him a blowjob.

They will simply not accept any pathetic, whining behavior.

Weirdly enough, all these demands make him all the more attractive. Women want the man that has the confidence to set standards.

If you’re a guy reading this don’t be afraid to set standards, it’s what makes them attracted to you in the first place. 

I’m not saying that you kick her out when she doesn’t behave or is in a cranky mood. I just mean that you don’t react to it.

When she’s cranky, ignore her, or better yet make a joke about it. 

Even if that seems to make her even more angry, you can be sure that she’s secretly happy inside that you don’t put up with that behavior.

She now knows that she’s in a relationship with a confident guy. And nothing is sexier than that.

11. They expect total loyalty

This is the part that shocks guys and girls. This is what really sets the alpha males apart from other men.

Alpha males have standards that other men wouldn’t dare having.

They expect that their women do all the housework, be completely submissive and give them all the sex that they want — but that’s not all, they also demand total loyalty.

It only takes a little suspicious activity from his girl being around other men and he will replace the girl without a second thought. 

Depending on what type of alpha male he is he might not even allow guy friends at all and if he sees his girl being a little too friendly he ends his relationship with her.

He has zero tolerance for his girl being sexual around other men mostly because it’s a direct offense to his masculinity.

Plus, he has no reason to be needy around girls. He can attract any girl he wants, so what’s the point of keeping a girl that he’s not even sure is loyal?

12. They can be funny

Now where up to the fun part of being in a relationship with an alpha male. 

Because they are so confident with themselves they can easily let go of what anyone thinks of them and make the funniest jokes. 

Having an alpha male join a party is awesome. 

And it’s been proven so many times already that men who have a good sense of humor are way more attractive to women. [7, 8]

And by the way, alpha males can also take a joke which makes flirting with them amazing. They can easily raise the levels of sexual tension!

13. They are deeply loving

I know that I just finished saying that most alpha males don’t care about being deeply loving in any relationship, but that’s because I was talking about the bad boy type.

The bad boy type makes up for 90 percent of all alpha males in the world. Now we are talking about the top 10 percent of alpha males.

This type will go out into the world, build a business, build his confidence, work hard and then come home and love his girl with extreme passion.

If you are a woman listening, pay attention: you will come across men like this in your life. Maybe one or twice, so you better get ready.

Watch that “His Secret Obsession video” that I talked about earlier. These men will completely ignore you unless you can hook them immediately. 

Today is the day you start your training!

14. Sometimes they want a woman to take control

Most women don’t understand that being an alpha male means that you take responsibility for everything.

This can be very tiring for alpha males.

Sometimes these men just want to come home from work and give all the responsibilities to their woman. They want to relax and turn off their decision making brain.

Another thing to keep in mind is his shadow side that loves the opposite.

Some alpha males love being degraded and submissive in bed as it allows them to express that hidden part of themselves.

My point is simply that alpha’s in relationships aren’t always 100% alpha, sometimes they like to let go of responsibilities and in bed they might even want to be submissive!


Even though I haven’t given much practical advice such as how to be an alpha male, I do feel that there is much to gain from this article.

Women need to know what makes an alpha choose a girl in order to seduce him into a loving relationship.

And men need this too. They need to know what women want in a man to attract the women they want!

Anyways I hope this helped you out and if it did make sure to leave me a comment!

Your friend, 

Colt Smith

Support me and actually learn how to date effectively with my recommended dating courses below:

Dating Course For Men - Unlock The Scrambler: How to Turn a Girl Into Your Girlfriend With One Simple Move.

Dating Course For Women - His Secret Obsession by James Bauer: It's Something He CRAVES...More than love, more than money, even more than sex.

Thanks again, 

Coach Colt

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    About the author 

    I'm Coach Colt, a sex therapist specializing in pragmatic relationship advice that actually works. With over ten years in the game, my insights have been featured in major relationship blogs, emphasizing their real-world applicability. I serve as an LGBT activist and a consultant on sexual health and porn safety, balancing academic rigor with down-to-earth guidance.

    Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

    56+ Affirmations To Attract Women: Manifest Love

    The Blueprint: 29+ Steps to be the Bad Boy

    13 Proven Steps To Develop More Confidence With Women

    17 Exclusive Steps to Be More Masculine