25 Fail-Proof Ways To Be An Alpha Male Without Stressing Yourself Out

Men today are searching how to be an alpha male because although men aren’t sure what an alpha male is, they know 2 things.

1. Alpha males seem to be the happiest and most fulfilled men
2. Alpha males attract all the beautiful women

The motivation to crack the alpha male code is here. Men are more depressed and angry today than at any point in history.

Men are looking for a solution to simply feel good again, to feel like real men again.

But nothing seems to make sense. 

Even the definition of “alpha male” isn’t clear:

Do you have to be an extrovert in order to be called an alpha male, or is being an introvert OK too?

Do you need to be a jerk and treat people with disrespect to become that “alpha lion”?

Some people will tell you that in order to be an alpha male you need to be heroic and have the same characteristics as Superman!

Other people will tell you that Ironman is the ultimate cocky alpha male, while others will tell you that the only true alpha males are violent gang members!

Today you will learn the exact steps to become a true alpha male without any fluff, just the cold hard truth that you deserve.

1. Know who you truly are

Everything that we will ever discuss about being alpha will boil down to this one idea: 

The alpha male feels so secure about his identity that it’s impossible for anyone or anything to shake him up.

If you call him an idiot, he has no EMOTIONAL response because he knows exactly who he is without getting any external approval.

He has an internal locus of control.

He’s the leader with full control over his emotions because he knows exactly who he is.

If he’s an evil alpha president of a violent gang he fully accepts himself the same as he would if he was Batman saving the lives of Gotham City.

No one can insult or compliment him, he’s above it all because he’s figured himself out already. 

The average beta male acts as the good or bad guy in order to get validation. The alpha male acts the good or bad guy because that’s who he is, as a form of self-expression.

And since we’ve already agreed that women are attracted to alpha men, you can easily demonstrate the truth of this concept:

Spend 5 minutes everyday simply accepting the reality of who you are, the good and the bad, and watch how women respond to you…

You will start getting this sexy vibe around girls, even the shy girls will start giving off all the signs that they like you.

The more you feel female attraction, the more you know that you’re on the right path.

2. Be humble

Because the alpha male knows exactly who he is regardless of what people or the environment tells him, he feels no need to talk about himself.

He’s humble not because he doesn’t see his greatness, but because he sees his greatness. To him there is no purpose of talking about himself.

Rick Warren, in The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?, writes:

True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.

Humility also makes the alpha male an inspirational leader because people see that it’s not about him, it’s about a higher purpose.

In the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, Robert L. Moore and Douglas Gillette write:

True humility, we believe, consists of two things. The first is knowing our limitations. And the second is getting the help we need.

Without knowing your limitations, you run the risk of becoming angry, resentful and losing your capacity for rational thought.

From there you lose all female admiration and chain yourself down to a beta male life. Stay humble!

3. Don’t let anything external validate you

The alpha male isn’t alpha because he’s:

1. Slept with 100 women in the last month
2. Closed a 10 million dollar deal
3. Won a boxing match

Just the opposite, because he’s alpha all those experiences happen to him.

Nothing in the external world can validate or disprove what he’s got or who he is.

Therefore, the alpha male treats rejection like it’s nothing because who has the right to tell him who he truly is?

No one’s opinion about who he is or what he does matters to him. You could talk all day about how selfish he is to his face and see no emotional reaction.

Stop trying to look for validation in the external world because you probably won’t get it and even if you do, you’ll be seen as a clingy child-man.

Side note: I have no problem with making a ton of money. Money is power. In fact I encourage you to watch this 2 hour long webinar to teach to the basics of becoming wealthy.

Go watch the video and make money. My point is only that you must never do it from a place of gaining validation. Validation must always come from within.

4. Believe in your own greatness

This is the controversial part of the alpha male that people don’t like talking about. This part hurts every beta’s feelings. 

But I promised to tell you the truth, so here it is: 

Simply speaking we are all equal as humans:

You might excel in integrity, while failing in kindness. While I’m extraordinarily kind without any integrity.

Who’s better, me or you? 

As an alpha male you must believe that your character makeup is better and it doesn’t matter why. You just come up with whatever reason works for you.

You must build a narcissistic part of yourself that believes having integrity is more important than being kind because that is who you are.

This will give you not just any self-love, but alpha male levels of self-love.

You must never want to be anyone, but yourself. You crave, love and adore who you are.

Sounds a bit narcissistic? Yep, because that’s exactly what alpha males are.

5. Be the leader

Being alpha by definition means to be the one in charge, the leader. HBR.org reports that “alpha males represent about 70% of all senior executives.”

The first alpha quality that you must have is the ability to inspire people, to inspire your followers. 

Start by not making the purpose of your leadership to serve yourself. Make it about the greater purpose.

Tell your followers exactly what you want them to do, but more importantly why they need to accomplish this goal. Appeal to their emotions.

Being a leader is great, but don’t separate yourself too much, become friends with them. Go out into the “fields” and work with them.

When you make decisions never show hesitations because it kills the confidence of your followers. You must be decisive. 

But this next quality is what sets alpha males apart and makes them the true leader:

Aggressiveness

They use aggressiveness together selectively to ward off enemies from his group/ following. Beta males aren’t willing to be aggressive, they lack assertiveness. 

As you build your aggression keep in mind what Wikipedia reports: 

“Alpha males who solely use intimidation and aggression to keep their position often provoke dissent. Coalitions will eventually form, which at some point will topple the alpha male.” [1, 2] 

Having a strong leadership depends on many factors, but when you rely on one leg, i.e. aggression, the next alpha male will knock you down. 

Keep everything together and people will be happy to be led by you.

6. Feel deserving of goodness

If you want to be an alpha male you’ve got to develop a sense of calmness and peace with this world. You must feel deserving of goodness, love and abundance.

Realize that the universe is here to give you goodness. Think like Ariana Grande’s song 7 Rings, “I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it.”

When you talk to people, don’t force them to respect or love you. That of course never works.

Rather you command respect and admiration with the energy you put off. People instinctively know you are the guy to respect.

Carl Jung argued “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” As an alpha you don’t force anything.

Dr. Steve G. Jones talks about this exact idea while discussing the idea of attracting massive amounts of wealth in this video.

Making large sums of money is not only about hard work. It’s about removing your internal blockages and allowing the natural flow of goodness to enter your life.

7. Focus on working hard

As an aspiring alpha male you must solely place your focus on building yourself up with hard work. 

Alpha’s are alpha’s because they’re willing to work when others aren’t. This is no secret, listen to what all these wildly successful people have said:

Colin Powell said “there are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.

The philosopher Sophocles wrote “without labor, nothing prospers.”

Steve Jobs said “if you are willing to work hard and ask lots of questions, you can learn business pretty fast.”

The comedian Greg Behrendt said: “I’ve learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.”

But besides for working to achieve the title, the true alpha male will actually embrace hard work. To him, hard work is not the means, it’s actually the end goal: working hard.

David Dieda write this beautifully in his masterpiece, The Way of The Superior Man:

Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source.

…Feel your suffering, rest with it, embrace it, make love with it. Feel your suffering so deeply and thoroughly that you penetrate it, and realize it’s fearful foundation. Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born.

Stop looking around for the one hack that’ll change your life. You need to take responsibility and live your life on your own terms.

8. Stop being needy

You being needy is the one thing that makes everyone lose their love and respect for you. If you see that you’ve got tendencies of being needy, stop it immediately.

I know you’re a great guy and everyone should love you, but because you bring some neediness into relationships some people don’t…

But what does it mean to be needy?

Being needy means you are terrified of rejection and don’t see any reason why you deserve love or respect, therefore, you “beg” for love.

The real problem is that once you dip your toe in neediness you enter a vicious cycle.

The more needy you are – the less likable you are, the less likable you are – the more need you are.

It’s a real mess. And the only way to really stop being needy is massive action. Get out of the house and start approaching women, start asking them for their number and get on some dates!

Reading books is not going to give you confidence. And the key isn’t just massive action, it’s massive, consistent action.

Approach 3 girls every single day for the next 3 months to cure your neediness. 

I was in the same place you are now, but I simply was too terrified of talking to girls. So you know what I did?

I got myself a solid dating guide and a Whatsapp coach to force me into taking action and that’s how I started taking massive, consistent action.

The more you talk to girls the more you’ll see that you can be attractive and even seductive. You will enter a virtuous cycle.

The more girls like you – the more you’ll feel deserving of love. The more deserving of love you feel – the more girls will like you.

9. Set high standards

Tony Robbins explains this idea perfectly:

Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is raise your standards. What really changed my life is the change I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I will no longer tolerate, all the things I aspire to become.

He explains that the moment you change something from a “should” to a “must”, you’ve raised your standards. [3]

It’s no longer:

1. I should approach women.
2. I should learn seduction
3. I should be successful in life
4. I should be respected
5. I should stop being needy

Everything becomes a must:

1. I must approach women
2. I must learn seduction
3. I must be successful in life
4. I must be respected 
5. I must stop being needy

It doesn’t matter what type of alpha male you are. You could be a gang leader or a CEO of a fortune 500 company. You always have standards that no one can touch.

Having standards are very important for several reasons. Number one, you follow through and fulfill your standards making you a successful man.

But more importantly, the second reason is because you don’t tolerate disrespect or bad behavior for anyone. 

When any girl starts whining or disrespecting you, you make it very clear to her that she better shape up or get out.

The reason why you don’t tolerate disrespect is not because you’re needy, but because you respect yourself and deserve these standards.

10. Climb the social ladder

I’ll start by directly quoting The Urban Dictionary: “[The alpha male is a] man who is powerful or high on the social ladder.”

Being high on the social ladder means you are liked and respected. It means people want to be led by you.

Without a high level of social skills being an alpha male is impossible. You cannot lead anyone or make alliances.

Every alpha male had to go through a rough stage in his life to learn social skills and power dynamics. This learning curve separates the men from the boys.

The boys that cannot make it through the social training become beta male, while the men that push their way through to develop those skills become alpha males.

But how do you train your social skills and climb the social ladder?

The simplest and easiest way is to talk to girls. Practice everyday like a professional boxer and you’ll come out as a champion.  

Get your hands on anything that’ll teach you social skills, leadership and attraction.

And don’t be afraid to learn manipulation or seduction. If you think that every alpha male got to the top being nice and moral, you are wrong:

The leaders at the top are ruthless and know how to manipulate everyone with very specific seductive techniques.

Joshua Pellicer, the creator of the great Tao of Badass seduction course, has an awesome video explaining all of this.

If you are heading to get to the top, you better get your hands dirty too.

11. Take responsibility

Becoming the alpha male means you take full responsibility for everything you do. Absolutely everything. 

This is the hard part of becoming alpha. This is the part that makes people quit. 

All the glamorous girls, money and leadership attracts everyone to the alpha world, but most aren’t ready to put in the work that’s necessary to qualify.

Think about Navy SEALS: only 6 percent of applicants are accepted into training and for every 1000 in training only 250 graduate. [4, 5, 6]

That means for every 1000 applicants only 60 men are accepted into training and only 15 actually graduate to become Navy SEALS!

It’s the same with becoming an alpha male. If you’re not working to reach the top 1.5% percent you ain’t gonna make it. 

Being a leader is hard and taking responsibility is a massive source of stress that most aren’t ready to deal with.

How do you start taking responsibility?

Like everything: start small. 

Jordan Peterson would say “make your bed” and he’s 100% right. Taking responsibility is a journey and just like any other journey you start slow.

If your room isn’t clean, clean it up. 

If your body is out of shape, shed some weight and follow this workout plan.

If you have zero energy, why not follow not get this free keto diet plan and start feeling better?

If you’re broke and your finances are ruined, take inventory and develop a plan. 

If you can’t seem to make any friends, diagnose the problem and take action.

If you constantly feel depressed, get the help you need. Heal your traumas, start online therapy.

Taking responsibility is about looking at the reality of your situation, realizing without emotions getting in the way and knowing that if you put in the work you can succeed.

And as Winston Churchill once said “the price of greatness is responsibility.”

12. Be courageous

Navy SEALS are commonly seen as alpha males, but why?

Besides for exuding almost all of the qualities that we’ve discussed, Navy SEALS are incredibly courageous. [7]

Imagine what it takes to run operations behind enemy lines, raid houses possibly rigged with explosives and kill dangerous enemies.

The level of courage that they have is unimaginable.

This makes SEALS very unique alpha males, even top CEOs never had the chance to build that level of courage.

But even if you aren’t planning on going into special forces, you can still build your alpha levels of courage!

And like everything that we’ve talked about today, start small. Start by picking a fear you want to overcome, let’s take fear of heights as an example.

Follow these steps:

1. Jump 10 feet into a pool
2. Jump 20 feet into a lake
3. Go bungee jumping at 50 meters
4. Go bungee jumping at 150 meters
5. Go skydiving with an instructor
6. Go skydiving without an instructor

Follow this template whenever you want to overcome your fears and build courage. 

But how do I know that being courageous is an alpha trait? Because women instantly respond to courageous and brave men.

Read what this woman had to say in ThoughtCatalog:

SEAL’s are confident, alpha males and do not blend in with the rest of the Navy… I felt an odd sense of pride that I had slept with tons of these brave men.

See what I’m saying? Now get out there and start challenging your fears!

13. Put your life’s goals first

Men have been programmed in our culture to think that putting women first is the best way to win their sexual favors.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Women never ever want to be number one in your life.

Women crave alpha males that are full of ambition to fulfill their dreams, therefore making women chase after them.

You need to have an element of narcissism in you that no one else dares to have. Make life about fulfilling your own dreams and let women come along for the ride.

Women must come second in your life. Your goals always come first.

This will make you ten times more attractive to women, but more importantly you’ll be happy with yourself and life in general.

A while ago while a was searching for a good system to find my purpose a friend recommended me The Power Quadrant System by Ric and Liz Thompson.

I invested in the course (a full 7 dollars!) and surprisingly I was extremely happy with the results.

I remember getting very clear on my goals and feel much happier when my alarm clock when off. Go try it out for yourself and if I remember correctly they have a 60 day no-questions-asked return policy!

Have an awesome life and women will want to come along for the ride.

14. Stop trying to impress everyone

You know that you’ve reached the level of being an alpha male when you no longer care what people think of you or care to impress anyone.

You’ve cultivated such a degree of self-acceptance that external validation doesn’t matter to you. 

External validation is simply seen as optimization data, “if this guy likes the product or service I’ve created then the product is good.”

Nothing is taken personally. 

This concept is not mine, read what The Urban Dictionary has to say about this while discussing the alpha male:

When was the last time you saw a rich, successful man try to pick a fight??? Never. The only guys that do this are the losers that go to bars to take their anger out because they are angry inside for going nowhere in life.

If you think that being alpha means you get loud, belligerent to call attention to yourself, perish the thought.

Listen to what the famous Robert A. Glover writes in his book No More Mr. Nice Guy: 

Just about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval.

Becoming alpha means you stomp out any remnants of ‘Nice Guyness’ in you. It’s toxic and will ruin your chances of developing your alpha qualities.

Rollo Tomassi talks about this in his essay Your Mission, Her Mission: 

Most men fall into a grind of constant qualification to women because they have never, and will never, be the object of genuine desire of a woman.

Build a strong internal frame for yourself and do what we’re going to talk about next: get grounded emotionally.

15. Get grounded emotionally

Being grounded emotionally is certainly an alpha male quality and it’s definitely worth developing.

Being grounded emotionally means that when chaos arrives you keep your focus, stay calm and think clearly. [8, 9]

But how do you stay grounded when life gets chaotic?

You prepare yourself before life gets out of hand. Once you’re in a chaotic situation it’s too late to start.

The simplest tip that I have for you is to meditate for 15 minutes every single day. 

I know meditation sounds a bit “new age” and “hippy,” but you’ll see massive growth in many areas of your life after just 30 days, such as:

1. Increase in focus
2. Feel more emotionally stable
3. Clear mind
4. More willpower
5. Higher levels of happiness

This one exercise separates the men from the boys. The boys can’t stay calm in chaotic environments, men can.

Make yourself a high value man today!

16. Engage in competitions

If I had to describe the one alpha male hormone it would 100% be testosterone. [10]

Testosterone makes you have:

1. High sex drive
2. Aggression
3. Strong bones
4. Dominance 
5. Decisiveness
6. Big muscles

More testosterone = more alphaness. How can you get more testosterone? Engage in competitions and WIN.

Many studies have proven that men experience a spike in testosterone levels after victory in any area.

It could be boxing, a basketball match, kickboxing or even a video game!

Although I must warn you: if you lose the competition you’ll feel a significant drop in testosterone. So pick your competitions carefully…

But besides getting that spike of testosterone, you’ll also develop through competitions many alpha traits such as:

1. Being tough
2. Building muscle
3. Being competitive
4. Courage
5. Confidence

So listen up: start martial arts, get on a sports team, or do anything to start competing. You will feel happier, higher energy, and hornier! [11, 12]

17. Be assertive

Being assertive means you defend your values while staying grounded. You always stay rational, never letting your emotions take over.

You are not conflict averse. When you see a problem that needs to be solved, you take responsibility, form a plan and take action.

You give yourself the capacity to become violent verbally or physically. 

You say your truths without having to make anyone feel guilty about it. 

Without being assertive you cannot command presence. Without being assertive you cannot be an alpha male. 

And like any alpha quality, women get horny when they see it in action:

If a guy physically or verbally attacks you while you’re with your girl and you hold your own, she’ll feel intense attraction to you.

That performance of pure masculinity will make any girl wet. 

18. Focus on building the alpha mindset

There are many things that characterize the alpha male: his wealth, muscular body, deep voice and all beautiful women in his life.

While seeing all of this it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that once you have all these “toys” you’re the alpha male. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Rollo Tomassi makes this point very clearly while discussing alpha qualities: 

Alpha is a mindset, not a demographic. Alpha is as Alpha does, it isn’t what we say it is. There are noble Alphas and there are scoundrel Alphas, the difference is all in how they apply themselves.

Rollo Tomassi is saying that you can be the garbage man, a priest, Superman, or an artist and still be alpha.

You don’t have to be anyone specific to be alpha because being alpha is not a demographic. 

Having 500 million dollars doesn’t make you alpha. Having a stunning wife doesn’t either.

Being alpha is about your inner game. 

This is exactly what we spoke about at the very beginning: The alpha male feels so secure about his identity that it’s impossible for anyone or anything to shake him up.

But here’s the catch: 

The journey to earning 500 million dollars can make you an alpha male. 

The journey to becoming attractive to stunning girls can make you an alpha male.

It’s always the journey that’ll develop you, never the destination. 

That’s why I am saying: focus on your alpha mindset while on your journey through life, never make it about the money, women or any other toy you crave.

19. Live life on the edge

We’ve talked about the fear of rejection and building courage. This is something else.

I demand that you constantly live on the edge. Live an adventurous life, constantly putting yourself at risk.

This applies in every area:

If you’ve built up a strong business, push the limits and take it to the next level even if it seems like a risky move.

If you get laid easily with hot girls, have a threesome. 

Live a step ahead of your comfort zone, live on the edge.

You and I know that when you live on the edge you feel alive. You feel like a man. 

And by the way women love it…

Rollo Tomassi makes this exact point while discussing female attraction: “women will cry a river about wanting Mr. Dependable and then go off to f**k Mr. Exciting.” [13]

Of course, you can’t take being Mr. Exciting too far. In a relationship, especially a long term relationship, you must have an element of predictability.

In addition, living on the edge does not mean you buy lottery tickets in the hopes you break even. 

You know what I mean, I don’t need to explain.

20. Get a mentor

Getting a mentor is incredibly important not only because of all the skills you’ll learn and the feedback you’ll receive, but also because you get a clear picture of what it means to be an alpha male.

You can read everything about what it means to be an alpha, but until you actually see it in real life you won’t get a clear picture.

Having a mentor is crucial and especially in this generation, Tyler Durden said it best in the movie Fight Club:

We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

You need to find someone who can teach you how to be an unapologetic man, to stop making you feel like a defective girl. 

And by the way, as you search for an alpha male who can mentor you, let go of the idea of having a perfect mentor. 

There are no perfect teachers. Accept that and find someone who can lead you to the next level.

21. Getting male friends

Everyone knows having close relationships is important. The famous 80 year long Harvard Study has clearly shown that relationships will make you happier, healthier and more fulfilled throughout your entire life. [14]

But here I want to talk exclusively about making male friends because guys will automatically make each other “man up” and that’s exactly what you need.

Having close male friendships is not about saying “I love you” or hugging. It’s about building trust by getting stuff done together.

Go find something that you like to do and find some guy who would like to do the same. Simple!

It can be absolutely anything:

1. Mountain biking 
2. Basketball
3. Hockey
4. Wood working

As long as you can work together you’ve made a friend! With time you’ll build trust and your friendship will deepen.

Female friends will never challenge you to man up and force you to build your masculinity the way guys do.

And without masculinity there is no alpha male. Period. 

22. Lift weights

Ah’ our alpha male hormone testosterone is back! 

Lifting weights has been scientifically proven in multiple studies to increase the levels of testosterone in your blood. [15, 16, 17]

But besides the obvious benefits that testosterone has, lifting weights will give you levels of confidence that you didn’t even know existed simply because you look more attractive.

Think about it: after 2-3 months of going to the gym and eating a healthy diet you will be living in a new, sexy body.

If you keep lifting those weights consistently in no time women will start staring at you. Women will see you as the prize.

If a girl rejects you, too bad for her, there’s a thousand other girls that would beg to sleep with you.

As you feel more attractive you’ll notice that you care less and less about being insulted and rejected.

You simply know your own value which is the core of being alpha.

23. Stand by your values

Being the alpha means you stand by your values no matter who you are.

If you’re a violent gang leader, you never break your own rules.

If you’re the CEO of a massive company you follow your own values.

It doesn’t matter who you are. You must be congruent with your own values and beliefs no matter how moral or amoral they are.

Women love men that have clear rules and boundaries that not only they themselves follow, but make everyone else in their life follow.

If you’re a hard working CEO with a clear schedule, your girlfriend will test you to see whether she can easily mess around with your boundaries.

She might complain that you never have time with her or tell you that you’re so selfish. It’s all a test.

What do you tell her?

Tell her very clearly that these are the rules and if she doesn’t like it, she better find herself another boyfriend.

As you tell her, watch how her level of attraction to you doubles. She has a new level of respect for you that she couldn’t have had before.

24. Have your own style

Avoid falling for the myth that in order to be alpha you need to be this exact archetype and follow these 8 specific rules…

Any rule that I or anyone else talks about is meant to be understood as a general guideline. It’s not one of 10 the commandments from God!

Take it easy, build confidence and have your own style. After all, you don’t want to be remembered as the carbon copy of Alexander Overeem!

Without being weird about it, dress a certain way, have your own personal way of talking, and just have your own way of doing things.

Plus, having your own style shows that you’re not afraid to express who you are. It shows a level of confidence that most people don’t have which makes you more alpha.

25. Be generous

The last point that I have for you is to be generous. Being alpha means that you’re gonna be a leader, why not make yourself a likable leader?

Show empathy, be generous, respect people. Nothing will solidify your leadership more than that.

There are bully alpha males, but eventually people will get together and overthrow him in a coup.

Don’t be that type.

Be the leader that provides peace and comfort to the followers because ultimately they make you the leader, not the other way around.

Being the jerk alpha male is not sustainable. Being the kind, empathetic alpha male is.

Summary

I’ve only scratched the surface into the steps and the hard work that goes into being the ultimate alpha male.

This is a long process that’ll take years and ultimately a lifetime to fulfill.

All the end of the day, you’ve gotta make it your purpose to research and learn everything about alpha males.

Be ready to have massive realizations and live with a completely new paradigm. 

You aren’t just losing weight or starting a small business, this is the journey of making yourself a high value male and it’s challenging.

Most people aren’t willing to do all this hard work, but I encourage you to accept the challenge and get yourself right into it! 

Your friend, 

Colt Smith.