13 FAIL-PROOF Ways To Talk To a Girl At a Party w/ PICS

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Parties are lots of fun, one of the best places to connect with tons of pretty girls. But it can also be a place of social anxiety if you don’t know how to talk to girls there.

I love going to parties, there are tons of hot girls there just waiting to be chatted up and taken to bed. Women are very sexual beings too, but they just need you to come and sweep them off their feet.

But how can you talk to her, she looks so busy talking to her friends at the social event? It looks so intimidating…

Yes, it can be very frightening, but if you can learn how to talk to them with a certain degree of charisma you can easily get over your fears.

1. Your energy will attract girls to you, not your words

Robert Greene, in his masterpiece, The Art of Seduction, says that it’s not about what you say, it’s about how you say it.

Saying the right things at the right time, learning the best pickup lines are good to learn, but you will achieve 80% of your results from the energy you put out. This applies to everything.

I love Hip Hop dancing and whenever I get a chance I love to watch Hip Hop dance videos on YouTube. 

The interesting part is that the videos where the dancers are putting out the best energy become way more viral than even the pro dancers.

This is the same with dating.

It’s really important that you realize that your success with women really only depends on your energy, not on what or when you say it. [1, 2]

2. You love all of your failures

The first energy that you need to have while talking to girls at parties feeling that failing is funny and totally cool.

If you say something wrong or awkward you can have 2 completely opposite results depending on how you give meaning to your own ‘failure.’

If you think “oh’ I screwed up, now she’s going to think that I’m a loser and I am so stupid” – then guess: she will think exactly that.

But if you think “Haha I messed up, I’m hilarious and funny, she is going to see that I am human and we are going to get along fine” – what do you think is going to happen?

She and her friends are going to love you.

It all depends on how you see your own failures. You’ve got to feel while communicating that “being weird and awkward” is not only fine, it makes you even more likable.

But to achieve this state of mind, you need to start believing this next new belief. [3, 4]

3. You are deserving of love at this party no matter what

“You get what you (THINK) you deserve.” – ME.

At the beginning of my journey I did not feel deserving of love. I felt that I needed to become Superman if I would get any admiration or love.

I felt that I deserved nothing more than getting into fights and being ignored. And I got exactly that.

If you are going to speak to anyone at the party you need to believe that you are deserving and completely worthy – at a deep level – of their love.

I don’t care if you are wearing the most ugly shirt or you are ugly, you need to know that at this party you deserve love.

When you approach girls you need to come with the understanding that she is already attracted to you.

You don’t need to work on the ‘best pickup line’, success with women has nothing to do with that. It is about energy.

Read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, you will see that every character that he writes about in his book only seduced the opposite sex by their energy and self-belief. 

What seduced was not what they said or how they looked at their victims, that was just a manifestation of the deep belief that they were deserving of being adored by their victims. [5, 6]

4. Approach the girl that you are attracted to

Don’t be afraid! You’ve done the self-healing and the self-work. You feel deserving of love.

Tell her this “Hey, I noticed you from the other side of the room and you are just stunning so I had to come say hi”

You are being honest and direct telling her exactly what you want. She will appreciate this.

When I first started to approach women on the street I needed to first ask for directions, then give her a compliment and move in for the number close.

But that was a little creepy. She felt that I wasn’t a real man confident enough of just telling her what I wanted, I didn’t seem like a trust-able man.

If I couldn’t be honest with her when I first approached her, then who said I can be trusted when we get into bed.

Now, when I go to parties I come with this playful energy and tell her exactly what I think of her. Do the same and tell her she’s stunning.

5. Remember girls are human too

You’ll start to realize this once you’ve approached 100-200 girls. I know that I used to think that they were some goddesses. I know they are stunning but that does not make them better than you.

You are deserving of love just like they are. She goes to the bathroom just like you do. I don’t care how perfect they look.

Most men forget that girls experience fear when a man approaches them. They can experience even more fear than men.

Most women don’t feel that they are deserving of love and are afraid of being approached. They are not perfect or more deserving of love than you.

6. There are no rules at the party

Once you’ve done the initial approach you can really say whatever you want, as long as you have done the self-work and reprogrammed your mind with the beliefs above.

Once you believe everyone is lovable the way they are, it doesn’t matter what you or anyone says, you will all get along.

I do have a general guide on “how to talk to girls,” but just have fun. Laugh about everything ridiculous about yourself and just let go.

The key is to be able to let go. If you can let go of all criticism and hate, you can accept all love and laughter with any girl you choose. [7, 8]

7. Give her a super personal compliment

You want her ego to explode while she is around you. You want her to feel so good about herself that she can’t even walk out of the party.

The way we grow her ego is by, of course, giving her a compliment. But not just any compliment, you want it to be extremely personal. 

Just think about the polar opposite: insults.

If someone tells you “you are stupid” that won’t mean much to anyone. Nothing to really get angry about.

But if someone tells you “the tone of your voice makes you sound like a freakin’ idiot,” now that can hurt quite a bit.

This is the same with compliments. If you tell a girl that she looks pretty, that’s nice, but again it’s nothing to get emotional about.

If you tell her “your eyes glow is such a perfect way that they turn me on” — she will feel an uncontrollable ego boost.

This is for the advanced seducers: If you play with her ego, sometimes giving her the greatest compliment and sometimes criticizing her (taking the validation away), you will make her dependant on you for validation.

If you can get her to that stage she will be your loyal girlfriend and she won’t be able to leave you. Her ego won’t let. (Read The Rise of The Phoenix for more about that, I’ll tell you more about that book soon.)

8. Repeat back what the girl says to you in different words

Now you guys are talking, chilling, maybe you’re sipping on a drink and she feels comfortable enough to start talking about herself. 

How do you navigate this part?

Because you are OK with who you are and love yourself, you don’t need her validation, you’ve got it all within you. So why not share some love with her?

The way you do that is by repeating what the emotions that she tells you in other words.

She starts telling you about this scary experience and how frightened she was. Let’s say she was riding down a rollercoaster then you can repeat her emotions to her.

“You felt that you were going to die!” Or..

“You were about to puke on everyone!”

You want to match your girl’s energy. If she is getting all excited and fearful talking about riding a rollercoaster and you are like “yeah, that’s cool!” she’ll just walk off.

You need to keep her engaged and keep her talking.

9. Let her amuse you

She now feels comfortable with who you are, you can now take this approach to the next stage.

This is where she will begin to NEED you? How?

Let me explain.

We are so used to running around trying to get approval from people. Trying to be good enough for women.

Well why not flip it around? Let people start trying to be good enough for you.

This is a real paradigm shift. Let the girls at the party emuse you.

Now you see her as a tool for self-amusement. She is there to entertain you, let her. She will be so grateful that someone gives her approval.

All you need to do is to start teasing her. Let her try to make herself good enough for you.

Start talking to other girls at the party. Bring them in and have a fun time watching all the girls running after you for your attention.

Now she has to seduce you! She needs to make herself stand out. Now this girl is practically your puppy and all you need to do is train her.

10. “You’ve got to keep your head up”

I laugh about how I used to walk around! I looked like a 90 year old man on a cane in a teenage body!

I had the worst posture. This is not because I didn’t have the back muscle, it came from a deep feeling that I wasn’t deserving of the joy of life, definitely not hot girls.

I felt that I needed to hide myself wherever I went. As if I wasn’t good enough no matter what I did.

But now you know that it’s 80% about self-love and you’re doing the work to heal! 

You’ll notice, and this is well known, if you walk as if you are deserving you will create that feeling inside of you.

Your body directly affects your emotionally. In NLP we say that “emotion” is really just E-motion. 

In other words, motion, the way you move your body creates emotions. Keep your head up and a relaxed, yet strong posture and you’ll be feeling confident. 

Women get wet from a man that feels at home in this world, so go ahead and exude that energy.

11. Accept your own journey

When I realized that I needed to get women, I started to study books and courses. I felt that I would never be happy until I got the hottest girl in my bed.

This made my journey miserable, cause I lived every day not happy with myself. And that in turn made me very unattractive as a man.

Accept the journey and make love to it. Accept that masculine part of yourself that just wants to grow, not worrying about the destination.

The more you focus on the day to day growth, the more successful you’ll become in the long run. You will be much more relaxed and women are attracted to calm men.

Maybe this girl at the party will reject you, that’s fine. Totally fine.

But at least you gave it all you got. You know that after 100-200 party approaches you’ll be on a different level.

You will see that you needed to approach every single one of the girls to get to where you are now. 

Understanding this will also lessen your social anxiety by a ton. You will begin to accept your past, present and future failures.

12. Start talking sexual to her

You are only doing this at the very end of the party, she feels attracted to you and feels completely safe.

It’s time to get dirty. Even if you want to make her your girlfriend there is no better way to start off than by taking her to bed.

But you need to start turning her on now. We get aroused instantly, but women can take up to twenty minutes. Those twenty minutes start now.

Here are a couple questions to break the ice into sexual territory.

“You’ve been attracted to other girls before, don’t tell me you haven’t!”

Say it in a joking way and I promise, because a girl’s sexuality is very fluid, she did have a crush on a girl at some point!

You are setting the stage for talking about some taboo stuff. Here are some ideas:

Tell her all about the sexual feelings that she gives you. 

What is she doing to your little friend in your pants?

This is more than enough to get her going and this leads us to the final step.

13. Number close and take her home

You came in with the greatest energy she has ever felt, complimented her, made her run after you. Now it’s time you take her number and get her home.

You can just make it obvious that you are about to take her to bed and she should be fine with that. Just rush to that car and get hot and sweaty.

For the guys that feel uncomfortable doing this I’ve got an easy solution for you.

This hack comes straight out of Sebastian’s book called The Rise of The Phoenix from GlobalSeducer.com. His book and coaching got me to this level, so go check him out if you want to get more pussy.

Here is the trick: tell her you’ve got something to show her at your place. Maybe it’s some pictures from a trip you went on or you’ve got this awesome gaming setup that she has to see.

Once she comes in and you show her the pictures, give her a massage, this always turns girls on. Let her lie on the bed and massage her back.

I can’t tell you all the steps and details because they are all in the book The Rise of The Phoenix, but you basically slowly undress her.

Once she’s naked I hope you don’t need my help anymore! Just get going. She wants you in her.


You’ve come presumably just to learn copy and paste pickup lines, but you’ve left with much more. These are the 13 steps that will seduce any girl, no matter how hot, at any party.

  1. Your energy will attract girls to you, not your words
  2. You love all of your failures 
  3. You are deserving of love at this party no matter what
  4. Approach the girl that you are attracted to
  5. Remember girls are human too
  6. There are no rules at the party
  7. Give her a super personal compliment
  8. Repeat back what the girl says to you in different words
  9. Let her amuse you
  10. “You’ve got to keep your head up”
  11. Accept your own journey
  12. Start talking sexual to her
  13. Number close and take her home

You know know it’s not what you tell her, it’s the vibes you give off at the party. I’ve even told you about the one book that transformed my dating life: The Rise of The Phoenix. Get it.

I must give due credit to Sebastian Harris, my mentor and author of that book. He is the one that has motivated me throughout his Whatsapp coaching to get the success I now have with women.

For anyone interested in getting his coaching you must first invest in his book, and from there you can get his main course and/ or his Whatsapp coaching.


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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work