29 Concrete Steps to Approaching & Talking to Girls at the Gym [With Examples]

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Approaching girls in the gym is risky business (as you’ll soon see). 

But at the same time, it would be a real shame to miss out on all these girls, after all, it’s the hot girls that workout at the gym.

My promise to you is that this guide will help you solve that exact predicament:

You’ll learn all the hidden gym traps to avoid while discovering the exact techniques to increase your chances of success. 

Good luck!

Part 1: Should You Pick-Up Girls At The Gym?

Whether you approach girls at the bar, club, work, party, beach, or online, you’ll always have pros and cons of each location for meeting women

There is no perfect place. Duh!

So it comes to no surprise that there are also benefits and drawbacks to approaching girls at the gym, but I’m not here to tell you to do it or not. In fact, I don’t care what you do as long as you’ve read the following pros and cons of the gym and you make an educated, conscious decision.

1. Benefits to approaching girls at the gym 

Benefit #1: Girls look best at the gym

Girls at the gym typically wear a sports bra, T-shirt and yoga pants and that allows you to easily spot the hot girls and focus your seduction efforts on them.

A great benefit to approaching girls at the gym is that Girls look best at the gym

Benefit #2: You get to show off your own muscles

I can’t think of another venue where you can take off your T-shirt and proudly show off your muscular body to attract girls (that’s why I especially hate approaching girls in the winter). Girls do it too - showing off their butts' in tight yoga pants at the gym - so you better be doing the same!

Make sure you show off your own muscles at the gym

Benefit #3: Girls feel sexy at the gym

Girls workout at the gym to get slimmer, sexier bodies so that they can attract hot men, which means girls at the gym are thinking about:

  1. How sexy they look in the mirror
  2. How sexy they are going to look if they continue with their workout plan
  3. What type of hot guy is gonna ask them out

Bottom line: their mind is primed for f*cking and that’s a great time to strike up a conversation.

Benefit #4: You already share something in common

You already share a passion for the gym: lifting, eating healthy, losing weight, etc. and this makes it easier to start your first conversation, unlike approaching a girl at the bar.

Benefit #5: Meeting girls at the gym will motivate you to workout harder

Allow me to share with you an interesting study:

"The results of this study support the hypothesis that social variables are related to exercise behavior and satisfaction… 

The results shown in Table 2 suggest that of the three social variables:

  1. Socializing outside the club with people met at the club was the best predictor of exercise frequency
  2. Having friends at the club was the best predictor of frequency of skipping
  3. And exercising with a friend was the best predictor of exercise satisfaction."

Now I won’t go into the study, where it talks about WHY this is true because all YOU need to know is that meeting girls in the gym then dating them elsewhere will positively impact your workouts. [2]

2. Drawbacks to approaching girls at the gym 

Dating gurus cite the following drawbacks when telling guys why it’s creepy to talk to girls at the gym and while they are correct about these drawbacks, most of them ignore the previous benefits and never think of ways to get arounds these drawbacks.

Anyways, here’s the list of cons:

Drawback #1: You’ll see her again

In my latest article about approaching girls at college, I made a crucial distinction: unlike other venues, once you approach a girl at college, you’ll see each other again whether it be in class, at the cafeteria, or at the library.

Now that I’m writing this gym guide, I realize that the same applies here: once you approach a girl at your gym, you’re bound to see her again.

Practically speaking, what does this mean for us?

  1. Only approach girls at the gym once you have confidence and know pickup (the gym is not a good place to get over social anxiety)
  2. You’d be better off going to other gyms where their won’t be a social consequence if your approach goes down the tubes

Drawback #2: Girls want to workout at the gym

Unlike bars or clubs, girls go to the gym to workout - not to socialize. So unless you know how to present yourself and know the best the times to approach (talk about that soon!), you’ll be fighting an uphill battle. 

Drawback #3: You are ‘shitting where you eat’

I like Urban Dictionary’s definition of “don’t shit where you eat”

Do not cause trouble in a place where you must be on a regular basis. Often used with workplace romances but can also apply to relationships with students at your school or starting shit in general.

I get this drawback, but then again, if you know what you’re doing and follow my techniques, you can avoid the shitting part. 

Part 2: When To Approach A Girl At The Gym

Now that you’re approaching girls at the gym with your eyes wide open - knowing the pros and cons - here’s the best times to make that approach.

3. Catch her on the way out

There are several reasons why I tell most guys to only approach girls when they are on the way out of the gym:

  1. She’s tired and doesn’t mind talking
  2. She’s not on her way in to the gym, wanting to start her workout already
  3. She’s not in middle of her workout which means you don’t have to deal with all the “gym-rules” we’re about to talk about
Approach a girl on her way out of the gym

So if you can catch her on the way out - great! If not, be sure you don’t break any of the following gym-rules:

4. Do not approach if she’s wearing headphones

Wearing headphones at the gym is a universal Do Not Disturb Sign - for guys and girls. 

5. Don’t approach her during her set

She’s sweating.

She’s trying to lose weight.

She’s trying to build muscle. 

This is not the time to disturb her (can be even dangerous if she’s lifting heavy weights).

approach a girl while she's NOT working out

6. Do not approach girls that you know have boyfriends. 

If you think she has a boyfriend with her at the gym, don’t approach her. Her boyfriend probably works out too and he won’t put up with any guy trying to steal his girl.

7. How to tell if a girl wants you to approach her in the gym

Whether you’re picking up girls at school, on the street or at the gym, you want to look for those signs that she’s interested in you and here they are:

She randomly mentions a cool fact

You’ve seen her around, but today she randomly tells you a cool fact related to gym stuff.


Because she’s trying to get your attention, but doesn’t know how to, so she desperately tells you something stupid in the hopes you take advantage of it and strike up a conversation.

(Side note: most girls have no game, not because they’re stupid, but because girls don’t need to learn game as guys do all the work for them.)

She tells you how her workouts’ going

Here are some example of what I girl might say:

  1. “Damn, these lounges are rough. I hope I’ll be able to walk tomorrow”
  2. “I just beat my squat PR”
  3. She makes any workout grunts while looking at you signaling how hard she’s lifting

Again, these are all examples of a girl opening up to you which means it’s time for you to make your approach. (The sad part is that most guys totally miss these ques and give “nice-guy” encouragement instead of getting her number.)

She asks you about an exercise 

Another big tell that a girl wants you, is that she asks you about some exercise with a big smile.

Advanced tip: 

When she does ask you about whatever exercise, help her out, of course, but also take the opportunity to touch her by guiding her feet/ chest/ arms to get the right form.

She’s sticking her ass out towards you

Yes, it’s an extreme example, but why not cover all our bases: you notice she’s bending over to pick up some weight, but does it in a way that she really sticks her ass in your direction. 

If a girl sticks her hips out towards you, it's a sign she wants you to approach her

She’s staring at you 

If you’re walking around without a T-shirt, girls will look at your muscular build.

But what’s more likely to happen is girls covertly looking at you through the mirror.

Practically, same thing: approach her. 

She’s uses her boobs to get your attention


  1. She bends over to give you a good look of her cleavage
  2. She “fixes” her bra repeatedly 
  3. She reaches for something over you while you’re sitting to give you a first class view
If a girl plays with her bra in your direction is may be a sign that she wants you to approach her

Note: she needs to be doing these activities while facing YOU to get YOUR attention. If she’s showing her boobs to the entire gym, it’s not a sign for you to approach, she’s just an attention whore. 

She gives you “the flirty look”

For this sign, you’d be better off first reading 43 Exclusive Methods To Flirt With a Guy In Any Situation [& Countless Examples], that way you’ll learn the core principles of flirting and how that applies to the gym, but for now, here’s the TL;DR of The Flirty Look:

  1. She smiles
  2. She looks at you 
  3. She looks down the moment you make eye contact
  4. She look back up batting her eyes

Now that you got the basics down, allow me to recommend further reading material that can help you master this exact topic:

  1. 24 Subtle Techniques To Get Any Guy To Notice You & 5 Common Mistakes You Must Avoid | datingarmory.com - This article will teach you advanced techniques of how girls get guys notice them 
  2. 17 Subtle Ways To Get A Guy To Ask You Out & 5 Things You Must Never Do Try | datingarmory.com - This article will teach you the covert ways girls get high value men to date them
  3. Do girls like me: 17 hidden signs that girls like you - This article is great for the average guy who has hard times detecting IOI’s (Indicators of Interest) from women 


8. Don’t let her resting bitch face stop you

Now that you have all the positive signs that a girl is interested, I want to say that although they are helpful, don’t ignore the hot girls who have that ‘resting bitch face’. You’d be surprised, a lot of these girls get excited for a guy who has the confidence to approach them.

9. Approach her immediately 

Lastly, you’re in a gym. Girls can easily tell if you’re checking them out. So once you decide you want her, don’t wait. Do it immediately. 

Part 3: Approaching A Girl At The Gym

You know the pros and cons and when to approach, now let’s talk about HOW to approach:

10. Have social proof at your gym

Not gonna get into the mechanics now, but girls need social proof that you’re an attractive man in order to feel attraction to you. 

Here’s how you create that crucial social proof at your gym:

  1. Have good friends at the gym
  2. Be friendly with everyone at the gym, including staff (Just remember: cool guys aren't selective about who gets to experience their coolness. They're cool to everyone, and in a small environment like a gym that attitude has the potential to spread pretty quickly.)
  3. Workout with a girl who’s just a good friend and not romantically interested in you i.e. a wing-girl

11. What to wear at the gym to approach women 

Whenever I mention dressing well for the gym, many guys (hopefully not you) burt out:

Going to the gym isn’t a fashion show!!

I know, but if you’re gonna use the gym to get girls, it pays to look good, plus stylish dressing boosts your confidence no matter where you’re at. How do you think girls get dressed? They’ll spend 3 hours just getting ready for the gym... 

Now that we got that down, here are general rules for finding your manly gym outfit:

  1. Find clothing that is both stylish and helps you workout. You don't need to compromise practically over style because there are so many great options out there.
  2. Avoid cotton clothing. Wear clothing with moisture wicking materials, such as: spandex, polyester, polypropylene knits, etc.
  3. Fit > brand name
  4. Use one part of your outfit (shoes, shorts, T-shirt) to bring attention to yourself with a color or style that stand out (this is known as "peacocking" in the PUA community)
  5. If you have strong, big legs, show them off with “short shorts” and no show socks. If you haven’t yet developed strong legs, wear long shorts or pants with tall socks.
  6. The same goes with your upper body: if you have a big chest and arms, wear a tank top. If you aren’t there yet, wear a long sleeve, Dri-Fit, gym shirt.
  7. Add compression pants for style and the inherent benefits of wearing them
  8. Don’t fall into the trap of spending 90% of your gym style budget on a pair of $500 gym shoes. Balance out your budget. A decent pair of shoes will do just fine.
  9. On cold days, adding a gym/ technical jacket can greatly help
  10. Personally, I don’t won’t wear a baseball cap while working out because they get all sweaty, but for those who don’t mind, it’s another stylish accessory to add on, plus it can hide your bad hair
  11. About gym bags: any decent looking one will do
  12. Gym water bottles are more important than you think: you’ll most likely be holding it when talking to your girl and having a professional looking water bottle like the one below from Amazon is gonna make a much better impression than a crinkled up plastic water bottle 

These are the basics. Most guys won’t need more than this, but if you want to take it even further, I suggest you watch the following video from One Dapper Street:

12. Smell good

There’s a good reason why I place “Smell like a confident man” at #3 in my article about developing more confidence around women: It’s because smelling good isn’t just about having good hygiene. Smelling good tells a lot about you as a man. 

  • Do you seem like a self-respecting man who’s worth spending time with OR...
  • Do you seem like the “Average-Frustrated-Chump” who doesn’t care enough about himself to have a good first impression

I hope you fall into the first category!

Anyways, there are 3 ways to smell decent even during a sweat-soaking workout:

#1 Never reuse gym clothing

I don’t care if yesterday’s underwear passes your smell test. It needs to go to the laundry. This also prevents you from getting all sorts of skin infections.

#2 Use the right shampoo

On hot, sweaty days, I take showers twice a day - and I hope you do the same. But what most guys cheap out on is the shampoo. Not good! 

Use whatever leaves you with a nice smell, personally I like using Cremo Rich-Lathering Bourbon & Oak Body Was

#3 Use the right deodorant for you

Unlike shampoo, you need to be very careful when picking your daily deodorant. Some deodorants include harmful ingredients to your skin, such as: aluminum, parabens, phthalates, etc. Personally, I use Old Spice Aluminum Free Deodorant for Men. It's cheap, I love the smell and it works well.

13. Approach her from the front 

Wherever you decide to approach her in the gym (on the way in, next to the barbells, etc.), you should absolutely avoid approaching her from the back.


As I explain in my article 55 Tried-and-True Steps to Get a Girlfriend at Middle, High School and College, there are 2 reasons:

  1. It scares her because she doesn’t know if you’re the school creep or the sexy guy that I hope you are.
  2. It displays a lack of confidence. “Why is he so scared to show his face that he has to approach me from behind?”

So what do you do? Preferably approach her from the front, but from the side works as well.

14. Tell her that you only be a minute

There’s a name for this popular technique in the PUA community, but I forget what it’s called [Edit: it's called False Time Constraint].

The idea is that you tell her from the start that you only need her for a minute (or whatever pre-set time) which lowers her resistance as she knows you won’t eat up her time.

Here are some examples of what you could do/say:

  1. Immediately acknowledge you both gotta train
  2. Face your shoulders and feet away from her to show that you’re not staying for long
  3. Tell her that you gotta run for whatever reason (but don’t seem rushed)

And that’s it, now she won’t have much of a reason to blow you off, after all, you only want a minute of her time.

15. Tell her that you’re not a regular

Assuming that you’ve followed our previous instructions about NOT approaching women in your main gym, you also want to make sure that she knows you don’t frequent this gym either. 


Because in the back of her head, she’s also worried that this interaction won’t work out and then she’ll have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing you everyday. Telling her that you’re not a regular will put her mind to ease.

16. The Pre-Open Technique

The Pre-Open Technique should only be used if you suffer from severe social anxiety. (If your anxiety is that bad, you shouldn’t be approaching girls in the gym, but whatever.)

That being said, here’s how you do it:

  1. You start with a brief approach on day one, where all you do is exchange names, make her laugh and end on a high note
  2. The next day or when you see her again, you continue the conversation, sexually escalate and get her number

This works by confusing her and gets her thinking about you: he likes me, but why isn’t he asking me out already!?

Once she’s thinking about you, it’ll be a lot easier to get her number and ask her out the following day.

17. Gym openers and pickup lines

Getting back to what we were saying earlier: you’ve told her that you only need her for a minute, but what do you say now? How do you continue the approach?

There are several ways to continue a cold approach, but let’s stick with the simplest option: 

The Ridiculous Assumption Technique.

What is The Ridiculous Assumption Technique?

As the name suggests, you make a ridiculous (sometimes accusatory or even sexual) assumption about her as a way to avoid using the boring interview questions i.e. what do you do.

Let me give you some examples:

  1. You look like you’re from Jamaica (when she's obviously a polish, white girl)
  2. You look really dangerous, I’m a bit scared to talk to you (to a really short, slim girl)
  3. I am totally confused, I thought only boring girls wear [brand name] shoes 
  4. You look like you’ve just finished doing 37 hours of non-stop squats! (great Observation-Assumption for when she looks beyond exhausted)
  5. [While referring to her pink gym towel] So how was the beach?
  6. You look like you’ve spent the last ten years only working out your abs [wait for her surprised reaction] but I like it! (“but I like it” is what Tom Torero calls a Buffer Phrase, it greatly helps reduce the accusatory nature of your assumption while adding a teasing element)
  7. I know you’re spending hours a day on your legs, but give up already. You’ll never be as hot as me. (Initial assumption, then cocky-funny. A powerful combination.)
  8. [When the gym is empty] What did you do? Why is no one here? Did you scare everyone away?

As I emphasize in my guide, 16 Useful Steps to Start a Conversation With a Girl [30+ examples], these lines/openers only work if you say it with a teasing smile and bring a strong frame to the interaction.

18. Assess her response

Before we move onto having a full fledged conversation and building rapport, we need to first assess her response:

  1. Does she smile, laugh and make herself seem open OR
  2. Does she use a one word reply to your assumption “yep,” tries to walk away while facing her body away from you

If she responds positively, great. Continue reading with the next section.

However, if you are reading negative signals. As this is a gym, you need to play it safe, so skip to Dealing with rejection at the gym and follow my instructions there.

Part 4: Talking To A Girl In The Gym

She’s interested, but wants more. How do you talk to a girl at the gym so that you end up with her number?

19. Ignore her beauty

At the gym, girls aren’t dressed like this…

Girls at the gym look like this:

OK, maybe not this hot, but you get the idea

While these fit girls are super hot, it can be overwhelming and you end up putting them on a pedestal. 

The solution is simple: Ignore her beauty. Block it. 

Overtime, you’ll build confidence with women and then you’ll be able to appreciate it, but till that time comes, ignoring her beauty is what you gotta do.

20. Have a normal conversation

Much related to our previous point, having a normal conversation is about...

  1. Talking to her like she’s a human being (not some goddess) 
  2. Keeping the conversation gym related and not having the need to talk about 1000 different things at once
  3. Not feeling the need to impress her or seem like her superhero 

The more normal you seem to her, the more confident you’ll appear because she’ll be able to tell that you don’t feel the need to impress anyone.

21. Don’t seem too excited with every little win

Another good tip for talking to girls in general: throughout the conversation, if done correctly, you’ll see signs that she’s reacting well, that she’s interested in you. When that happens, you do not get reactive. Do not seem excited.

Because by keeping a calm, unreactive demeanour, you subconsciously tell her that having girls interested in you is an everyday thing for you. 

22. Seem distracted with other girls 

Seeming distracted with other hot girls while talking to her is especially easy to do in the gym.

But why do it?

Because while you're allowing yourself to be distracted with other girls (who have arguably bigger butts), you’re showing her that you’re an experienced man, otherwise you wouldn’t risk losing her interest by not giving her your full attention. (And of course, the experienced man is attractive to all women due to pre-selection/ social proof.)

Lets get practical. The first way to seem distracted is to do exactly that. Nothing to fancy. 

But, if you’re feeling risky, try this second method: actually comment on the outfit of another hot girl in the gym and what you like about it. 

Warning: when the girl tries to hide her jealousy of the other girl who managed to steal your attention, don’t call her out on her jealous face. Continue as if you haven’t noticed a thing. As Rollo Tomassi says, “women want to play the game with a man who Just Gets It, not be told she’s playing a game.”

For more covert techniques on getting girls to get jealous over you, read Get Girls To Chase You: 14 Techniques I Use [With Examples] | DatingArmory.com

23. Compliment her at the gym

While I agree compliments are important, compliments are waaaaay overused. And most of the time, they end up making guys seem needy.

Not good. 

So here’s how you compliment a girl at the gym without being creepy:

  1. Only compliment her later in the conversation. Always start with an assumption as mentioned.
  2. Do not compliment her about something super specific like an eye compliment, e.g. You have the most impressive blue eyes ever, you look so cute, how is this even possible!, instead simply compliment her on her excellent form or she looks cute
  3. Only use compliments to signify your sexual interest in her, not to great rapport
  4. Give her an indirect compliment, i.e. I can tell you’ve been working out recently
  5. When you do finally give her a real compliment later on in the conversation and you have strong rapport, make the compliment as sexual as you can, i.e. I never knew you had such a great bust until I saw you up close or You look amazing and you’ve got a bust that most girls would die for
  6. If you feel the need to compliment her initially, compliment her choice of gym gear instead of her body. You can tell her that you want to buy the exact same gym shirt for your sister/cousin. 

If this is not enough for you, the following article will more than enough to satisfy you: 215 Compliments for a Girl (Dress, Picture, Eyes, Lips, Hair) | DatingArmory.com

24. Sexually escalating

The first and easiest way to sexually escalate with a girl at the gym is by showing her how to do an exercise.


She asks you how to do a Renegade Row (great exercise for the lats). So instead of verbally spelling it out for her, you get hands on. 

  1. You place her hand on her hips if her butt is too high. 
  2. You help her raise the dumbbell if it’s too heavy for her. 
  3. You gently adjust her head position if her neck is cranked up too high.

If she likes it, continue, if she’s not, back off. 

The second way to sexually escalate is by using good old KINO.

KINO stands for kinesthetics, i.e. touching a girl. 

Think of KINO as climbing a ladder: with each time you touch her, you sexually escalate. Let me give a quick demonstration of how this would work in a gym setting:

  1. Tap her on the shoulder to get her attention
  2. Handshake while exchanging names
  3. Caressing her shoulders while talking about her cool gym shirt
  4. Leading her around the gym by placing your hand on the small of her back or leading her by the hand
  5. The occasional high-five when she agrees with you and a teasing push when she disagrees with you
  6. Playful kick her when she says something “naughty”
  7. Touching her hair/neck when smelling her deodorant which she claims smells amazing
  8. Slapping/feeling her thighs to test em' out when she says that she’s been working out her legs

See how KINO works? You started with a friendly handshake and ended up caressing her hair and thighs!

25. Teasing her

The last “talking” step to picking up girls at the gym is teasing her. 

Do not take this piece lightly, there’s a reason why I’ve written a 17,000+ word, 74 part guide all about teasing: teasing is how you capture the heart of any girl and make the relationship burn with passion.

So, enough procrastinating, here’s how you tease a girl at the gym:

  1. Tell her she looks “okay” when she looks at her admittedly gorgeous body in the mirror
  2. When she asks you to pass her dumbbells, pass her a 3 pound like she can’t handle more
  3. If you’re both reaching for the same weight dumbbells, either A) Steal it from her with a mischievous look OR B) Give it to her like “you need this more than I do”
  4. She tells you that she can bench press ___ weight, tell her that you don’t believe her. When she finally proves you wrong, tell her that she was cheating for whatever stupid reason
  5. When she starts rambling on and on about why __ exercise is better than __ exercise to develop ___ muscle, let her go on for a minute or two, then teasingly tell her that “Sounds like it took you 23 years [or however many years old she is] to form this opinion”
  6. If she walks around with one of those massive 1 gallon water jugs, (with a cheeky smile) ask her “what type of camel are you!?” (off track, but I’ll admit that if you get a nice gallon or half-gallon bottle it can really save you from dehydrating over a hot day)
  7. If she spills some water or she swallows water down the wrong pipe while talking to you, (again, with a cheeky smile) tell her “you're __ years old and you still haven’t figured out this whole drinking thing?”
  8. If she’s carrying her heavy gym bag and is having a hard time with it, tell her “You are doing an adorably bad job of trying to act cool”
  9. Accuse her of enjoying the attention she gets from her yoga pants too much

Again, I’m just scratching the surface of the world or teasing. I really recommend you read my guide about teasing: The Guide: 74 Methods To Tease A Girl [& Learn Cock-Funny] | DatingArmory.com

Part 5: Asking A Girl Out At The Gym

We’ve reached the 5th and last part of approaching girls at the gym. As the title suggests, this part is about closing the deal, finally reaping the fruits of your brave efforts.

26. Figure out logistics 

You need to figure out logistics in order to decide whether you’ll take her on an insta-date or grab her number.

Figuring out the logistics means:

  1. Knowing where she lives
  2. Knowing the area around the gym: where are possible insta-date venues in this area?
  3. Knowing time constraints - for you and her. Is she heading to a business meeting or catching up with friends in a minute?
  4. Knowing if she’s dying to take a shower (does your gym have showers?)

Obviously, you don’t ask these questions outright, but throughout the conversation, dig around and find out.

  • If she has time: take her on an insta-date (next step)
  • If she’s in a rush: skip the next step and grab her number

27. Take her on an insta date 

First, what is an insta-date?

It’s where you take a girl on date instantly after approaching her. Hence the name insta-date.

Why go on an insta-date?

To answer your question, I’ll quote Sebastian Harris in his fantastic book - especially for beginners - The Rise of The Phoenix, Chapter 4/6 The Instant Date: Fast Sex Since 2005:

An instant date leads to an instant connection. 
You don’t have to think about whether or not she’ll pick up the phone. 
You don’t have to worry about her not wanting to meet you. 
You are already on your first date. It’s the perfect opportunity to connect with her, get to know her, and initiate the seduction. Yes, it’s better than getting her number. Now I said it and I won’t take it back. Look at the instant date as a fast track to her panties. 
Taking her on an instant date increases the chances of her picking up the phone when you call her the next day, wanting to see you again, and agreeing to meet you for the second date.

To summarize: insta-dates are better than simply getting numbers because you’re getting all the benefits of going on a date without having to go through the pain of setting it up and dealing with possible flaking.

How to ask for an insta-date?

So how? Let’s continue with The Rise of The Phoenix:

And yes, you take her. You don’t ask her to join you. You don’t beg for the instant date. You don’t even suggest it. Instead, you invite her to join you. It’s not a formal date. It’s a casual invitation to join you on your journey. 

Lesson #1: Don’t ask, don’t suggest. Invite her, that’s the key.

Continuing with The Rise of The Phoenix:

Even the advanced guys and most dating coaches make it harder than it has to be. They say something along the lines of, “There’s a Starbucks right across the street. Why don’t we sit down and continue our conversation?” That’s good, but it’s not the best way to do it. Here’s a better option: “I was just about to go to Starbucks. Why don’t you join me and we continue our conversation?” It sounds similar, but the underlying energy is very different. In the first example, you want to go to Starbucks because of her. In the second example, you want to go to Starbucks because you want it. 

Lesson #2: Invite her, with this insta-date, to join your good life.

Continuing with The Rise of The Phoenix:

You can use the same line I shared before and put a time stamp on it. “I was just about to go to Starbucks. Why don’t you join me and we continue our conversation for five minutes?” Just add, “for X minutes,” at the end of the sentence and everything will be alright.

Lesson #3: Set time constraints from the very beginning. It puts her at ease as she knows what she’s getting into, plus insta-dates don’t need to be more than 5-10 minutes. 

What to do on an insta-date?

Again, continuing with The Rise of The Phoenix:

What if you hate coffee? It doesn’t matter. You can drink a coke, a beer, or a cranberry juice. Just be careful with the Tequila. You don’t want her to think of you as the alcoholic stranger who starts with the hard stuff before the sun goes down. But no matter what you drink, the instant date should always be in a coffee shop (if you meet her during the day) or in a bar (if you meet her in the evening.) Everything else is too formal, too forced, and too date-like. Even a restaurant is too fancy. And instant dates in clubs only work if you meet her in the evening and if you invite her two tipsy friends Trixy and Lizzy too. Believe me, you don’t want to deal with them. Stick to the café or the bar.

Lesson #4: Don’t drink heavy alcoholic beverages on an insta-date. Bad impression.

Lesson #5: Insta-dates are the least formal version of dating. That why you avoid restaurants and stick with:

  1. Coffee shops
  2. The bar 
  3. A fun time in the park and pushing her on the swings
  4. A walk through the farmers market

For more ideas, breeze through my article about this exact topic: 11+ Best Places to Go on a First Date | DatingArmory.com 

Continuing with The Rise of The Phoenix:

You ask her if she has any plans for the evening. You know this relaxed lounge; you want to meet her again at seven. She agrees because you give her four hours that she can invest in preparing herself for the big bang. That, my friend, is tactical dating.

Lesson #6: To win that same-day-lay, plan that evening out with her during the insta-date, thereby securing the next date and giving her time to shit-shower-shave i.e. get herself ready to sleep with you.

And that is it. Thanks to Sebastian, you know everything to know when it comes to taking a girl from the gym on an insta-date. 

As a side note, I want you to notice how I broke down everything Sebastian writes in his The Rise of The Phoenix and studied it carefully. That’s the kind of effort you need in order to get results from any book you invest in. 

  • If you buy The Rise of The Phoenix and study it carefully as mentioned, it’s worth 10 times it’s $20 list price,
  • If you buy The Rise of The Phoenix and look at it like it’s your family photos, you’ll be angry you spent more than 30 cents on his book.

You know who you are.

28. Getting a girls number at the gym

I suggest you read the following article for more info on this subject, 9 Techniques to Ask a Girl For Her Number [With Videos And 32 Examples] | DatingArmory.com, for now, here’s the TL;DR for guys at the gym:

  1. You realize you can’t take her on an insta-date OR you’re finishing your insta-date and need her number
  2. Start by telling her why you want her number, example: I need to get to my workouts, I need to meet up with a friend, I want to continue this conversation later, etc.
  3. Suggest - not ask - that she puts her number in your phone

Putting this together, here’s a great example you can use today: 

I am really enjoying talking to you but I take my workouts very seriously. Can we exchange numbers and continue this conversation later?

And just for the guys that say it’s creepy to ask a girl for her number at the gym - what are you gonna do? Follow her home and approach her then?! 

Obviously not. I always say that you can always ask a girl for her number as long as you’re feeling a connection no matter where you’re at: hospital, grocery store, college class, etc.

29. Dealing with rejection at the gym

Here’s the go-to guide to dealing with rejection from a girl or really anything in life:

Find the nearest window and jump out. Then when you land, after falling 3 floors, crawl into a manhole - whichever is closest - and stay there until the day your body decomposes to a level that it’s unrecognizable. 

Now seriously, how do you respond when she's not responding well?

  1. Always end the conversation on a friendly note before it comes to rejection - remember, you’re in a gym, you can’t take chances
  2. Tell her to take your approach as a compliment
  3. If she’s in middle of her workout or on the way in, wish her a nice workout
  4. Smile gracefully, wish her a good day and forget about because she’ll forget about it too

Lastly, don’t attack yourself. It’s possible that you followed all the rules and she’s just having a bad day. It happens. Let it go and approach other girls.

And with that, this guide is complete. 

I’d appreciate it if you'd share this guide with your friends - let’s help guys out together. And as always, if you have any questions, be sure to leave them in the comments.

Colt Smith

  • This might be a good guide for people who are just looking for the cliché gym bunny to hop into bed with them. But if you are looking to talk to a rather shy girl at the gym, this guide will make you look like a beggar trying to buy a yacht. Showing up with another girl will only bring her into a situation where she cant get closer to you romantically out of fear of upsetting the girl you show up with. Focus on whats important in the moment you talk to her, you dont need social proof now, you can bring that later.

    • Hey Isaac, I agree with you.

      These are just general guidelines for meeting girls at the gym.

      Each guy needs to apply their own social calibration to the specific situation and girl.



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    About the author 

    Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

    Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

    My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

    Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

    17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

    How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work