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If you want to get out of the friend zone you first need to know exactly what is the friend zone and what causes it.You also need to learn why girls put a guy in the friend zone from the beginning…

Girls have 2 categories of guys in their mind: the sexual type or the friend type. The sexual type is the man that has impressed the girl with his masculinity. 

He is not afraid to be assertive and disagree with any girl. He doesn’t put any girl on a pedestal. He does exactly what makes girls horny without hesitation.

This obviously requires a certain degree of confidence that the “friend-type” doesn’t have. The friend can be called a simp. 

The Urban Dictionary defines simp as: A man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under women in hopes of winning them over, without the female bringing anything to the table. And A man that prides himself with “Chivalry” in hopes of getting sexual gratification from women.

The simp thinks that if he serves a girl enough she will give him sexual desires. He thinks that being submissive and feminine to a girl she will feel sexually attracted to him. 


But that is not true and it has never worked. And continuing with Urban Dictionary The friend zone is an almost inescapable place where you have a crush on someone but they only want to be friends.

It’s OK to be in that place. We all have, but you must learn how to get out. You must burn any remnants of “simpness” in you. You must commit to become a new man.

You can follow these 28 steps if you want to get your ex girlfriend back or you simply want to attract more girls into your life.

1. Take responsibility

The first step that you MUST take before you do ANYTHING else is take responsibility. You are the reason you’re in the friend zone.

A lot of guys like saying that “this girl” put me in the friend zone. When in reality the only reason why you’ve ever been in the friend zone is because of you.

She never put you in the friend-zone, you put yourself in that position. And the second you realize this, you’ve taken your power back and you are ready for success. 

My friend, I must tell you one thing before I continue. Even though I might sound harsh, I care about you deeply. We’ve all been there.

Anyone who took action and approached girls, whether in the gym, bar or anywhere else, was friend-zoned. We all know that sinking feeling.

And congratulations to you because you’ve taken action. You are trying to get some girls. So as harsh as I might sound, it’s only because I care so deeply. [1, 2]

2. Don’t force it

In most tragic situations the guy has been a “close friend” for too long, maybe 3-4 months. And all this time he just wanted to get inside her. 

If you happen to be in this situation do these 2 things:

  1. Watch this free presentation from the creator of #1 seduction course on the market and you’ll get a completely unfiltered paradigm shift to 10X your results.
  2. Stop forcing her to get feelings for you.

When you’ve been waiting so long to make out with her, you get this very unattractive energy that makes her think of you as a creep.

She feels this forceful energy which means the first thing you gotta do is relax yourself. Don’t let yourself get emotionally hijacked.

Take a deep breath, realize that there are many other girls that would find you attractive and you don’t NEED this girl.

Doing this will put you in the right state of mind to get this girl to like you again.

3. Be completely uninterested

Now that you are getting off this forceful energy it’s time you start digging yourself out of this mess. The first thing you do is the compliment opposite of what you’d imagine.

Stop caring about her and let her see that you’ve lost all interest for her. There are several ways you can do this, but my favorite one is this:

Don’t talk to her for 2-4 weeks. This will shock her completely. You’ll stop texting her and you’ll kinda confuse her.

But you are confusing her for an extremely important reason. She has categorized you as a friend, not a romantic partner. 

She has this belief about you and that’s holding her back from feeling any sort of attraction for you. You need to erase that from her memory.

Make her forget what she ever thought about you to make room for the new belief that you are a smoking hot guy that every girl craves.

In addition, by not talking to her for 2-4 weeks you are giving her space to chase you. Before this you never gave her time to chase you.

You were all over her. This is one of the things that girls love about guys and surprisingly it’s not even that hard to do.

This all means that before you take any further action, leave her alone for about 3 weeks.

4. Be the bad boy

You’ve been a simp for too long now, it’s time to become the bad boy. The complete opposite of a simp.

In order to get out of the friend zone, you need to change who you are as a person. It’s not enough to do one little trick.

So what is this bad boy that you have to become? He’s a man that dominates women, takes leadership and goes after what he desires.

He realizes that women aren’t looking for a nice guy. And knows that treating women in a feminine way will give you the best chance of making them as dry as a desert.

You have to be a bad-ass. Become the kind of guy that just couldn’t care less about what any girl thinks of him. 

But every girl knows that if he desires her he’ll show it without hiding anything. 

Practically speaking you are actually going to tell this girl that you desire her in one way or another. You might tell her with words, touch her or go in for the kiss.

Since you are dedicated to growth watch this 90 minute presentation by the creator The Tao of Badass course. You will learn almost everything that it takes to be that bad boy and the best part is that (I think) it’s free!

5. Become passionate about life

This is a continuation of letting her go and showing her disinterest. But this is a much more attractive way of doing it.

Besides girls are biologically attracted to a guy that is full of ambition and passion for life. Ambition is one of the first things that a girl notices about a guy

Find something that you are excited about, I can safely assume that creating an online business would excite you. Learning how to make a passive income can transform your life.

The good thing is that I found this free live webinar that happens every so often that will teach you everything you need to know in order to get started. 


Sign up now because there are a limited number of seats and frankly I’m not sure if they aren’t going to start charging for it. You are a lucky man if there’s room for you!

Get passionate about anything. Gosh, if you are into woodworking then go do that. There is no reason to hold yourself back. 

If you are having a hard time finding your true calling, this program may surprisingly help you find your purpose and it’s only 7 bucks! 

Express who you are and start getting passionate today. The best part is that you are going to be earning much more money and you’ll be getting all the girls.

When you are happy with your life, girls are happy with you. [3, 4]

6. Get shredded

Remember that we are still trying to get her to stop seeing you as a friend. You NEED to get out of that category in her mind. 

You do this by transforming your body too. (Your mind has to change too, but now we’ll focus on the body.)

It’s no secret that girls are sexually attracted to muscular men, that’s why you need to: 

  1. Lose weight 
  2. Build muscle

Shedding weight can be difficult. And I can definitely understand your struggle, but you can change! 

Here’s a great video that will show you an effective after supper ritual that will shed 97% of your excess body bad. With the added benefit of also raising your metabolism!

Never entering the friend zone again is going to take a total makeover. So start by watching that video and never gain weight again.


But there’s another thing you must do: build muscle. You want to start seeing girls staring at you and getting wet by just your appearance. This is the effect you NEED to have on women.

But how can you do this? For me following a workout program is what changed my life. Maybe it’s the right thing for you.

But whatever you do, get some muscle. And she will start opening her legs to welcome you inside of her in no time!

7. Make her jealous

This is an easy seduction move that you can do in order to make her crave her. All you need to do is have women around you when you are around your crush.

This is a simple concept: when a girl sees that a man is desirable she’ll do anything to get him. But how does a woman know that a man is desirable? 

She trusts other females that you are a real authentic masculine man and immediately feels attracted to you. 

She will feel a burning jealousy for the other girls and will do anything to get you back for herself. You will become her prize. 

This is how you get out of the friend zone fast. [5]

8. Become the ultimate friend

I didn’t mention this so far, but it’s incredibly important. If you aren’t pleasant to be around, she won’t feel pleased to be your girlfriend

The most you’ll get is a hookup and she’ll be out of there. The word “gentleman” is an excellent example, you’ve got to be “gentle” with her, but also a man. 

Give her the best of you and she’ll be the happiest girlfriend. But how do you become a fun guy to be around?

This is obviously a massive subject, but here’s the basic answer: be interested in her. When she tells you about herself or what happened that day show that you care.

When she talks about her passions, be fascinated. Let her talk about herself. This takes practice, but you’ll go far with just this.

9. Ignore her

You are up to the next step. You’ve stopped talking to her for 3 weeks, you’ve built the muscle, you are passionate about life and she’s super jealous of you.

What do you do now? Do you give in right away or do you make her wait even more?

That’s right, we make her wait even more for 2 reasons. First of all she needs some more time to stop thinking of you as a friend.

But more importantly you want her to be the needy one. You want her to chase you. You want to make her like a child desperate for approval. 

This is how you close the deal and stay out of the friend zone. Even when she wants to talk to you, you make some excuse that you can’t hang out.

You are messing with her head and will each passing day become more and more desperate for your approval like a child.

You have complete control over her.

10. Give her compliments

Now that she’s ready for you and you still desire her you want to start dropping compliments on her. Use them sparingly.

When she acts like a good girl, compliment her. If she has a Facebook/ Instagram compliment her picture. Let me give you some examples of what you can compliment:

  1. Her hair
  2. Her eyes
  3. Her smile
  4. What makes her different
  5. Her dress

But as I mentioned, use them sparingly. You are training her. 

Before you did any of these techniques she was able to get you to do anything for her. She had full power over you, now she’s following your order. You have the power.

If she starts acting out of control, criticize her until she behaves, then when she’s acting like a good girl, give her a smile and compliment her.

If you are looking for more ideas on mind controlling women watch the hour and a half video by the creator of the number one seduction course The Tao of Badass, Joshua Pellicer. (I think it’s still free to watch!)


11. Never be needy

By now you can start letting her back into your life and I’m hoping you get a weekly blowjob from her because otherwise she needs to be further trained!

But never fall into the pitfall of becoming needy again. Neediness is the step right before the friend zone.

As a man you need to realize that she’s not any better than you just because she’s a hot girl. Never think that just because you aren’t as good looking as a model you aren’t attractive.

We’ve already discussed this. Women aren’t sexually attracted to beauty, otherwise all women would be lesbian. There’s a reason why they aren’t.

They are looking for the man in you. They want to feel that masculinity in you. You have so much to give that there’s no reason to be needy.

You got friend-zoned because of your neediness. Never go back there. [6, 7]

12. Don’t let her use her

If you are asking yourself whether this girl is using you, she is. You need to stop that.

  1. Stop paying for her stuff
  2. Stop re organizing her apartment 
  3. Stop buying her the latest smartphone

Don’t this type of stuff is what makes you a simp and puts you in the friend zone. Stop trying to buy love off her, it only makes her repelled by you.


13. Don’t give her advice

The last rule applies here too. If she’s complaining about something don’t offer her any advice. She’s a smart girl and she can figure it out on her own. 

Even when she is getting all emotional about things and you think that the only thing she needs is a solution, don’t give her any advice. Show her love and let her figure it out on her own.

14. Don’t get emotional around her

This concept is extremely important if you are looking to keep her attracted to you. Never let yourself get emotional with her.

The reason why she’s attracted to you in the first place is because you are a man which means you have the ability to control your emotions and live a solid life based on logical reasoning.

Women don’t get that. They are all emotional, but they crave that solidity that a man offers. The second you give into showing your emotions is the moment she’ll lose all attraction to you.

Letting yourself getting emotional is like a woman giving into sex right away. Just like it cheapens a woman’s value, it also cheapens your value.

15. Ask her out

Each situation calls for it’s own way of asking a girl out. Sometimes hiding a love note is perfect, other times just calling her up is the better choice.

In this case, if you’ve followed all the steps the best way is to simply tell her outright. Say something like this: “hey Daniella, let’s go grab a coffee together at Starbucks.”

Notice that I didn’t ask her, I suggested to her that we go. The second you start asking a girl you are giving her more of a change to reject you.

As a general rule the more options you give a girl, the higher the chances that she’ll reject you. Asking a girl shows that you are unsure of yourself which is unattractive.

Of course if you still aren’t sure how to ask a girl out, I encourage you to watch the free 90 minute presentation from Joshua Pellicer and get the basics down.

16. Keep her on edge

Now that you are in a relationship with her, keep her on edge because the friend zone is never too far away from you., but how do you do that?

Be mysterious

Most guys are so insecure about themselves that they will tell the girl everything about themselves that there is nothing else to learn about them.

This is how you get into a boring relationship. Girls hate that. 

So even when she asks about you, don’t say much. Keep the conversation about her. Make her confused about who you are. 

Surprise her

Maybe you’re the type of guy that plays Xbox and you love to stay inside. Here’s an easy thing you can do to surprise your girlfriend: take her out to an amusement park.

If it’s during the winter, dump a pile of slow on her head and have a snowball fight. Be creative, do anything that she would least expect. 

Criticize her

You’ve been together for a while so now’s the time to find her biggest insecurities because you are about to hit on them. 

Here are some possibilities:

  1. The shape of her nose
  2. Her sense of humor
  3. Her confidence
  4. The way she eats
  5. Her sense of style 
  6. The way she laughs

As you see you can make fun of anything. Girls can get insecure about anything, and you are about to use it to your advantage.

Just as she’s so sure that everything is fine and you love her, start randomly poking fun at the things you know hurt the most. Make her feel inferior. 

Now she’s on edge, she needs to conform to your standards to get your love again. This is all you have to do when she misbehaves and she’ll become the nice little puppy again.


17. Be unapologetic 

As you are getting out of the friend zone there’s one personality trait that you must develop: being the unapologetic guy. 

It’s devilishly attractive to women. They love the guy that doesn’t apologize for what he does. He has this pride in himself.

Women love the guy that can be narcissistic in a weird way. The guy that is gonna go for what he wants in life without caring what anyone else thinks.

Girls want to be treated right, but they need a man that is unapologetic. Become that man if you ever want to get a woman wet. 

18. Touch her

You can do this while you’re still officially in the friend zone. Touching her is a great way to start flirting with her and making your great escape.

In fact, touching is such a powerful way of connection with anyone that if you see a girl is always touching you one way or another take it as a clear sign that she’s flirting with you.

So both genders use it to break past the barrier. 

Here are some example of where you can start touching a girl:

  1. Her arms
  2. Her inner elbow
  3. The small of her back
  4. Her neck
  5. Her thighs

The more you touch a girl the more she’ll feel a special connection towards you and you will be seen as a possible sexual partner.

19. Use qualification

This is another way to escape your own neediness and make her need your approval. All you need to do is ask her qualification questions.

What do I mean by qualification questions?

You assume that she wants you and based on that you tell her that you like a certain type of girl while letting her prove herself to you that she’s what you want.

This technique is used in sales where the salesmen will assume that you are interested in the product and ask you to explain what you like about it.

This tricks you mind into making you believe that you desire the product. Or in our case what she likes about you. For example:

  1. I hope you are not the type of girl that spends all her money getting her nails done…
  2. I love working out, what do you do to look good?
  3. You look like the fun type of girl, although all of them say they are, what do you do that’s fun?
  4. Do you do anything in your life besides sitting around looking hot?
  5. So you are just looking to break someone else’s heart, am I right?
  6. So I guess your best friends would also call you boring…

Not all of these are qualifying questions, but if she ends up qualifying herself I call it a successful qualification question.

The best thing you can do is come up with them on your own and as you practice you’ll be able to come up with personalized qualifications for each girl as you approach them.

20. Be masculine

Remember how we started off this article talking about simps, this is how we defined them: A man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under women in hopes of winning them over

The key is that every simp is submissive to a woman. This is what makes him so despicable to them.

They think that if they could just be good enough and give more eventually she’ll spread her legs for him. I’m sorry, it NEVER works that way.

In order to build sexual attraction to women you need to be as masculine as possible, and that means you are the captain, the dominant guy in the room. 

Every girl that you are looking to attract must feel that you have control. This is how her body can allow herself to get horny.

You must never allow yourself to act submissive around a girl, unless you are doing role playing while having sex! Stop trying to be the nice guy. [8, 9]

21. Look masculine

Now besides for having those masculine beliefs in you, make sure you reflect that in your appearance.

We already covered one important factor into looking more masculine: getting ripped. Being muscular is the number one thing you can do to change her perspective of you.

Sometimes that’s enough to get your out of that dreaded zone. But her are some other ideas:

  1. Walk slowly
  2. Build a deeper, masculine voice
  3. Talk slowly 
  4. Where manly clothing
  5. Grow facial hair
  6. Let your body take up space

You need to embody all of the masculine beliefs. Doing this will allow women to feel an instant attraction to you because they will see your masculinity.

22. Make her happy to be your girlfriend

Making your girl happy to be your girlfriend is not easy at all, in fact it can be more difficult than getting a hookup. It takes work to make her happy.

Firstly, you need to make sure you keep on getting romantic with her, otherwise you’ll be left with a roommate, not a girlfriend.

Take her on a surprise date, remember you are never far from becoming friends with benefits. And you know what the next step after that is…

You also want to spend time cuddling with her. For a girl, quality cuddle time can be as good as sex! But you’ve also got to satisfy her in bed or she’s not going to stay.

23. Make her horny

This should come as no surprise, but till you get her to feel horny from you she’s still considered a friend. You need to have a direct impact on her sexuality.

If she doesn’t feel anything different when you follow the steps to make her horny, something’s off. Here are some things that you must do to get her freaky.

Firstly, you make it clear that she can be sexual with you. Many girls feel very ashamed of their own sexuality. The way you get around this is by complimenting her sexiness.

Next, learn how to touch a girl to get her boiling hot with desire.

Then continue talking dirty to her with your masculine confidence until she forces herself onto you. Just get sexual, that’s all that matters.

24. Be confident

We’ve talked a lot about confidence without actually making a dedicated point, so I felt that now’s the time we’d talk about it. 

You know by now that girls go crazy with a confident man, but what can you do to feel confident while you are still in the friend zone?

Try doing this: think about the worst case scenario and make peace with it. Imagine doing the one thing you fear the most: telling her that you’ve developed feelings for her.

Then imagine her laughing at you in your face. Imagine her telling you how much of a loser you are. Really feel it.

Now make peace with it. Maybe you can’t yet get rid of the fear, but if you can accept it and move on you’ll be confident enough to take action.

And one other hack I have you is to just do it. The second you decide you’ll kiss her, ask her out or tell her that you like her – do in instantly.

The more you wait the worse it’ll get. It’s called the 3 second rule: the second you decide, you start walking to her within 3 seconds.

This gives you no time to think about what could go wrong and makes your brain give you ideas about what and how to say it. You aren’t giving yourself a choice.

25. Be funny

This is part of keeping a girl pleased with you. You’ve got to develop a sense of humor. 

Don’t be afraid to be a little crazy with your jokes. Make fun of yourself, make fun of her. It doesn’t really matter as long as you are being playful.

26. Kiss her

Once you get a girl to kiss you, you are already halfway out of the friend zone. But you only really escape that horrible place once you get inside her. 

That doesn’t mean you don’t start by a good kiss. It’s a great way to break the ice. You are entering romantic territory with her.

27. Use texting to get out of the friend zone

With texting you basically follow the same template. Give her time to forget about you and be open to see you as something else besides for being a friend. 

And the next step is to ask her out. This is by the far the most terrifying part, but you’ve got to do it. Texting was never meant to be the relationship.

Texting is just a means to an end. And that means that you must get past all the friendly talk and ask her out over text.

28. Dealing with rejection

My friend, this has been quite a journey and now you are a different man, but there’s something else that I must tell you: no matter how awesome you are some girls won’t like you.

Some girls aren’t going to appreciate who you are and that’s fine. You don’t need to be loved by everyone. 

And by the way, once you get over this girl you’ll open your eyes up to the abundance of girls around you. The faster you move and get your mind unstuck, the faster you’ll find yourself with a hot girl.

Think of rejection as optimization data. It’s some incredibly valuable information to tell you what you’ve got to do differently. Never take any rejection personally.


I’ve given you all 28 steps to escape the friend zone, but it’s gonna take work. The only thing that you are missing is motivation.

If you aren’t motivated you won’t be able to take any action. Especially if you are one of the guys that doesn’t want a dating coach (that’s a link to my own mentor’s Whatsapp coaching).

So how can you get motivation to take action? The answer is simple: think about all the things you’ll miss out on if you don’t talk to her.

Think about all the blowjobs and threesomes you could get if you just started taking the first step. But more importantly think about the suffering you’ll have to go through if you don’t change.

Think about all the girls that will reject you because you decided not to start taking action. If this doesn’t give you enough motivation, then follow my last piece of advice. 

Watch this 90 minute video (I hope it’s still free) by Joshua Pellicer the creator of The Tao of Badass course. And if you are serious about taking action you’ll get that jam packed course too!

If you do this, I guarantee you that not only will you see massive change in motivation, but your entire dating and sex life will transform.


This seduction program included everything you could have possibly imagined and from my experience you’ll devour every minute of video.

Enough talking about the program, go watch the video, learn what the course offers and make your fateful decision.

  • this was the LONGEST post that I’ve seen in a long time about the friendzone, wholly mother of god, and I must say its really helped me out….
    btw I thinks it’s so funny that you recommended those courses – they are actually very legit courses. keep on writing my friend,,,

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    About the author 

    Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

    Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

    My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

    Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

    17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

    How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work