How To Ask a GIRL out And Get a DATE NOW

Asking a girl out can be as scary as getting a girl to kiss you. 

Having a girl say “no” can feel like a death sentence. Rejection never feels good.

I was definitely not born with confidence, and I’m not alone. Many people suffer from social anxiety.

You are not the only guy out there that experiences fear asking a girl out. I have spoken to many, many guys that suffered a lot.

But the truth is all these guys have gotten over the fear and that means so can you. You can learn to be your authentic self while talking to any girl.

You can learn to love yourself and approach women with calm confidence.

You won’t feel that you need to hide yourself or your masculinity in order to be loved. You’ll be happy to express who you are without any fear.

(AND if you hang around till number 5 you’ll learn exactly what I did to give me the calm, core confidence that I now have.)

1. Love letter

Here’s a fun one. 

All you need to do is hide a letter in her notebook, laptop or whatever she used. 

Then write on your little not something like this: 

“Hey, you are so cute, you wanna go have coffee at Starbucks?” then add your name in it so she knows who it’s from.

All you need to do is at the beginning of the note, tell her how much you love her. If you aren’t sure how to tell a girl you like her here are a couple ideas:

  1. “I love seeing you around..”
  2. “You are so cute…”
  3. “You have stunning eyes…”
  4. “I love having fun with you…”

Then finish off the letter by telling her where you want to take her out. You are complimenting her then asking her out.

This is the perfect combination because it makes her feel comfortable.

Just keep in mind that this technique is only good for a girl that you already know. Maybe you know her from school, but you probably shouldn’t do this to a random girl you see on the street. [1, 2]

How To Ask a GIRL out

2. Use your phone

Obviously this only works with a girl you already know or cause I hope you aren’t calling random girls asking them out!

All you need to do is call her when she’s not in the middle of class or her job. Have a fun conversation, then do it.

Just give her a compliment like “I love talking to you” then tell her that you’d love to continue talking with her at her favorite restaurant.

If she knows you by now she’ll be more than happy to say yes.

As a general rule calling a girl is a much better way of asking a girl out. When you text her it gives her a very easy opportunity to say no. 

When you call you are showing her that you aren’t scared. Girls find this very attractive. 

But I don’t want to say texting doesn’t work because that’s the 3rd way! But if you can choose between the two, call her.

3. Ask her out over text

Don’t make the mistake and start having conversations over text. Texting is a means to an end.

When you start texting her your whole goal must be to get her to go out with you. That’s it.

Here’s an example:

“You looked so damn cute today, let’s go watch this movie together.”

It’s the same process as before. You give her a compliment, flatter her, then you suggest where you want to take her.

Assuming that you already have a fun relationship with her, you should be more than fine. [3, 4]

Remember girls like guys, not all girls are lesbian. They want to kiss you! Not another hot girl.

4. Be chilled

Whenever you are asking a girl out you must be chilled about it. Don’t force yourself to chill out, just let go.

Girls will reject you if you don’t learn to chill out. I am not criticizing anyone, I myself used to speak so quickly that girls had a hard time hearing what I would even say!

I had zero confidence. I would always speak and never give her a chance to talk, I was very lonely during this time.

But what I realized was that when I was more chilled girls were 100 times more attracted to me. I started to feel sexual tension.

I learned that when you chill out and let yourself go, girls start to become naturally attracted to you. They love that calm energy.

Once you get that pure, calm energy it doesn’t matter how you ask her out. Whether it be through text, a love letter or just plain talking to her she will be more than happy to say yes.

Your good energy will manifest itself into your texts and you will automatically know what to text her. You’ll write it in the perfect way.

If you approach a girl on the street and she doesn’t look interested, you will feel what’s right to do and save the conversation. She will be okay with going on a date with you.

A woman is attracted to a man’s solid masculine energy. But if you can’t relax then what masculinity is she going to be attracted to?

5. Be awkward

This is one of my favorite ones. I remember these days. Lol. 

I also learned this from Sebastian’s Global Seducer Podcast and his Rise of the Phoenix seduction course.

I was terrified to approach a girl. I could not stop talking super fast and destroying the interaction…

So Sebastian, my dating Whatsapp coach, told me to simply tell them how scared I was!

I think I was even more scared, I dreaded that first approach. But it taught me something very important.

Women respect men that can own their emotions, yet hold their ground. I am not telling you to become emotional.

I am telling you to own your emotions and get over them. When a woman sees that she is impressed. She feels attracted to that masculinity. 

Feel the fear and do it anyways. But I’m not telling you that it won’t be awkward the first time.

It will be very awkward the first time. But if you don’t resist the awkwardness and you let in, you are going to have a fun conversation.

You are showing her that you aren’t afraid of getting uncomfortable or being awkward. If you can let yourself be awkward when you are scared she will say yes.

One last point, girls are also scared when a man approaches them. They feel a lot of fear.

Girls might get swiped on tinder all the time, but they barely ever get approached on the street. You might be surprised, but even stunning girls almost never get approached.

It’s actually the average looking girl that gets approached at the time. Most guys don’t have the guts to approach the model looking girl.

But that’s exactly why she also feels fear when you approach her and ask her out. All of her insecurities come out when you talk to her.

She’ll start worrying about whether she looks good enough or has a cute enough personality. Sebastian has told me that he’s seen girls shaking slightly!

So it’s cool to show her that you are a little scared because so is she.

6. Be the bad boy

Again, I must give credit to Sebastian Harris for this idea. I got it from his seduction course. (More about his course at the end!)

Bad boys are known for having girls fall for them for no apparent reason. But there is a reason.

Girls fall for that unapologetic masculinity that they put out. They aren’t good men, but they are men.

They might not care about her feelings. Treat her like a disposable sex toy, but she feels that she’s with a real man.

She feels like she is with an authentic guy that doesn’t care what she or anyone else thinks of him. That is what attracts her so strongly.

That energy seduces the hottest or even happily married women. We all have that bad-ass inside of us. The guy that knows nothing matters but his own opinion. [5]

You can pull that bad boy out from deep inside you and approach women with that energy. You ask her out with that energy.

You tell her where she is going with you. Let her know that you know she is coming. And frankly you don’t care if she doesn’t come.

Make her feel like she needs to get your approval. Not the other way around like most guys.

She better convince you that she is good enough for you. 

So this is how the bad boy asks a girl out:

The bad boy tells her what he wants. He doesn’t cover up his intent at all. He gets straight to the point.

Then, he tells her where he’s taking her out. He doesn’t say maybe you want to come with me, he is open about what he wants and who he is.

And when you tell a girl what you want she will naturally fall into her submissive, feminine state and give it to you.

7. Make a clear plan

Whether or not you decide to become a bad boy, you need to have a clear plan for your date.

As the man here, you need to take leadership. You tell her where you want to take her out.

Here are some (crazy and not so crazy) ideas:

  1. Hiking 
  2. Skydiving
  3. Dancing class
  4. Build wood projects (or a cabin!)
  5. Cook supper
  6. Clothing shopping
  7. Start an online business
  8. Netflix and chill

The point is you have the plan and you are suggesting exactly when and where. This applies to texting, calling or how ever else you communicate to your girlfriend!

8. Ask at the right time

Of course, if you see a girl on the street and she looks all stressed out or she’s crying don’t approach her! 

I only mean to say, be aware of what she looks like. What is her mental state?

If you are going to text or call her try to think about what she might be up to. Is she open to going out or does she have a final test tomorrow?

9. Look good

If you are going to approach a woman on the street, make yourself look respectable. The more you respect yourself the more she will respect you.

And even if you’ve known her for quite a while, look good and put on some cologne. And if you are really daring, put on pheromones.

You apply pheromones just like any cologne and the smell makes a woman secrete hormones in her body that make her love you.

You don’t need to spend 1000 dollars on your clothing, just look nice. Don’t have stains on your shirt.

10. Do it while you are alone with her

Keep in mind while you are asking her out that she feels a lot of social pressure to say no or push you off. Girls don’t want to seem like sluts.

Girls are very sexual, but you’ll notice that most girls hide it away because they feel ashamed of their own sexuality.

They don’t want to seem over excited to other people when you ask them out. That’s why you ask her in private.

She will be more than happy to say yes and sleep with you that night. 

11. Have a passionate conversation

This applies if you just approached a girl on the street and you want to ask her out. Most times you’ll need to do more than just compliment her.

Girls need to feel an emotional connection. Although some girls are down for casual sex, you need to build some connection with them.

That’s why you learn about what she likes to do. What are her passions?

Learn how to talk to girls, you won’t only get some deep relationships, but you’ll also sleep with a lot more women.

Then after she feels that connection, ask her out on date.


You’ve learned a lot today. Your whole dating game is different.

But why stop there? Why don’t you start sleeping with multiple multiple women. Have a threesome with lesbians.

Why do you think that you have to limit the expression of your own beautiful sexuality?

That’s what I used to suffer from, but I got my own solution and I think it’ll work for you as well. Get the seduction course that we spoke about from Sebastian Harris.

You will learn how to take every weakness that you have and turn it into a strength. You don’t need to be this lonely guy.

The only thing that is stopping you is yourself. All the information that you could ever need is in the course.

And as I mentioned, once you get his course, you also get access to his Whatsapp coaching. Which is truly priceless.

He will make you face your fears on a daily basis by giving you daily challenges. And before you know it, you’ll be seducing women across the globe.

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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work