How To Talk To Girls: 18 Little Known Ways

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You are on the street and you see this magnificent girl walking on the other side of the street and you need to talk to her. BUT you don’t know how to talk to girls… too much fear.

But your little friend down in your pants is a little more forceful than the excuses that you are making and you feel the need to go speak to her. And her body just looks perfect… if only there was a way just to turn her on.

So you walk over to her and ask her for directions. At this point your heart is beating. You don’t know how to give her a compliment and all you can see is her cleavage.

Suddenly you hear her say “so you know where you have to go” and you say “yeah, yeah” and walk away letting her go and all that potential go.

That was me a couple years ago. By now I have approached 1000’s of girls, lots of them had boyfriends, married, or just said no to me. But quite a few said yes and I’ve been having the time of my life.

The key is to be able to talk to her in attractive ways, and that is the key to making her your girlfriend.

Here is what and how you talk to her from when you pick her up until you take her to bed.

Just before we get started I need to be fair and say many ideas here come from my favorite course The Rise of The Phoenix by Sebastian Harris from – his book, course and Whatsapp coaching single handedly transformed my life.

I’ll tell you more about it later, and I know that there are many other great courses for very specific purposes such as:

Confidence: The Collection of Confidence by Hypnotica

Seduction: The Tao of Badass

Deep relationships: Make Her Crave You

But nothing beets Sebastian Harris from GlobalSeducer, really. 

Once you get his book which covers all areas of pickup, relationships and sex you have the opportunity of getting his main course The 14 Seduction Boootcamp and his VIP Whatsapp coaching.

Sebastian’s course and coaching are incredible, but I’ll tell you more about them soon.

I have done lots of my own research as you will see, but the core concepts are his.

1. Talk to her about her clothing

This is best done right when you approach her. You walk over to her and give her a compliment.

Sebastian says that most guys do wrong is that they say something non-specific. They tell her she’s cute or pretty…

It is a nice compliment, but the problem is that it is only nice. We want to stand out and create a real connection. 

That is why you compliment her clothing: tell her that her dress looks so cute on her. That is 10 times better.

Tell her that her hair looks perfect. Tell her how much she attracts you to her. [1]

2. Talk to her about her bracelet/ watch.

Sebastian taught me this in his 14 Day Seduction Bootcamp course.

You have a great advantage over a clothing compliment. Here you get a chance to touch her even during your first approach.

Touching a girl is the first step to turning her on. Tell her that her watch is stunning and then hold her hand in a way to see the watch. 

Once you are there you can lightly caress her hand, she will feel it and her body will involuntarily fall in love with you. Looking back I can tell you that the times that I followed Sebastian’s rule I had a MUCH higher chance of getting her number.

If you can get this far, you’ve got her for a date unless she’s married.

3. Talk about her necklace

I would only do this on the date or when you are having coffee with her. If you can do this on the street without being creepy – you’re a pro. And this a continuation of Sebastian’s touching rule:

Start by complimenting her dress, her bracelet. Once you’ve touched her hand start talking about her necklace.

Ask her where it’s from?

What’s the story behind it?

Who gave it to her?

Once she’s telling her story, go in and hold it to look at it closer. The best part about this, that no one else will tell you is that a woman’s neck if touched or kissed can turn her on.

As you look at it, “accidentally” touch caress her neck. Don’t do this for long at all, but it only takes a couple seconds to see the effects. You can learn this technique from lesbians.

4. Ask her what she does in her free time

We all work and if you are like most people work is not fun. You want the vibes to be playful vibes. Don’t talk about the things you hate.

The perfect question is then “what do you do in your free time?”

I once asked this question to a girl and she told me that she loves to paint. From there we had a great engaging conversation about painting and what she painted. 

We even talked about her painting disasters! [2]

5. Talk about her passions

Sometimes in life we aren’t doing what we love, but we know what we would love to do.

If she doesn’t have any fun in her life. No free time, talk to her about what she would love to do.

Ask her:

“Where would you want to be if you had unlimited money?” [3]

6. Talk about things you are scared to do, but would love to do

This is a great topic to talk about to increase intimacy. You both acknowledge that you have fears and that you are human.

This makes both of you feel accepted as human beings, you both feel OK because now it’s normal to feel fear.

Maybe you’ve always wanted to go skydiving, but you are just way too terrified of jumping out of an airplane at 10,000 feet.

Talk about her fears, maybe she always wanted to start dancing, but she was scared about messing up.

There is nothing much better to talk about on a date than this. This will bring up real emotion and for women everything is emotion.

7. Talk about work

Wait, what!? Didn’t you just say DON’T talk about work… let me explain.

Work itself is stressful, why not talk about how she could get revenge on her boss and co-workers. 

Wouldn’t that be fun? Talk about what she would love to scream at her boss and what she would want to do to annoying customers.

The goal is to make her feel understood and her emotions are acceptable. No matter what she says, accept it.

I also think you guys will get a great laugh in talking about all the ways you’ll get her fat boss.

8. Talk about what you super power you desperately need

Remember, no matter what you talk about you need to make sure that you have playful vibes. Nothing is worse than a fearful controlling energy.

So don’t just ask her “what superpower do you need,” ask it in a playful way: which superpower do you NEED right now.

Of course, you don’t need a superpower, but that is what makes it funny. 

Don’t just randomly ask this question, merge it with some of the other ideas here. Maybe you she needs to be superwoman to get revenge on her boss.

It doesn’t really matter as long as you have good energy.

9. Talk about music/ movies/ books

This is actually one of my least favorite ones. Talking about life experience and emotions create the strongest connection between you and her. 

The stronger connection you have the stronger the relationship you’ll have. This practically means that your chances of getting laid are much higher.

If you can bring out some emotion than awesome, this also means you have lots in common and you share a common passion.

The best part about this is that there are an endless amount of movies, songs, and books to talk about so you don’t have to worry about keeping the conversation going. [2]

10. Talk with playfulness

Sebastian talks a lot about this one in his book because it is so important

The pick-up artist community loves to say you gotta be alpha. This does not mean you need to be a robot and show no emotion!

Being a real man means you feel your emotions, but you don’t allow them to take control of you. If you can’t be playful that means you are afraid of your own emotions.

When you are playful, you are showing her that you are happy with who you are. You are unapologetically yourself.

There is nothing more sexy than that. Women are dying for the authentic man to come along and sweep them off their feet. [3]

11. Take leadership in the conversation

This means you are in charge. There is a great video by Alexander Grace, a great dating coach where he talks about how women want to feel small.

There is a reason why men are naturally much bigger in every way than women.

She wants you to be the leader in the conversation. And you need to feel worthy of leadership or else she will feel your needy energy and run in the opposite direction. [3]

12. Talk about her

If you are always looking to talk about yourself, not only will you come off as boring, but you won’t have much to talk about. She won’t have what to add to the conversation, but if you are fascinated by her and talk about her you will never run out of things to talk about.

Make it about her and I promise everything will work out. This doesn’t contradict being a leader at all.

Paradoxically being a leader means making everyone else on the stage first. When you do that authentically, from a place of giving, everyone will make you a leader.

The rule is: you only talk about you when she wants you to. 

13. Talk about your dream life

Talk about the best possible life you’ve dreamed of as a kid. This will bring up tons of positive emotions.

Maybe you’ve always wanted to be a comedian or maybe become a hockey player. There is so much to talk about.

She might’ve always wanted to be a singer and dancer. We all have dreams that we wanted to fulfill, but somehow we got turned down by life.

Talk about where you would love to escape to.

This is not a place to give advice or even encouragement. Just listen to what she says and connect to her excitement. 

Talk about all the details and like rule #12 keep it about her. [4]

14. Talk about an embarrassing moment

The key is to connect emotionally, not logically. And to do that you need to dig up emotions.

Most of us have a wall in front of our emotions and put up a facade to protect ourselves. This is why you talk about emotionally charged topics such as the last one.

One of the strongest emotions is embarrassment. If you can connect with her on that, your coffee date will connect the 2 of you very strongly.

Try to go back to a childhood experience, maybe she was yelled at by her parents. Talk about the time you farted in class, and I know that happend to you!

You don’t need to do anything. Feel her emotions, that’s it.

From this place you can start talking about all sorts of stuff, at this point you simply cannot run out of things to talk about.

15. Release the outcome and stay in the now

Maybe your goal is to get her to bed, a one night stand and let her go. That’s awesome. But you need to remember one thing while talking to her:

You need to keep your focus on the now. You need to be invested in the conversation 100% and connect with her now on the journey to take her to bed.

This is just like the general rule in life: it’s about the journey not the destination. And how you do one thing is how you do everything.

Right now you are talking to her, so do that. [5]

16. Talk to her about her parents and siblings

This is another great, simple way to connect on a deep level. Everyone has hilarious moments with their family and if the 2 of you can connect over those pleasurable feelings she won’t leave you.

Maybe it was some stupid fun she had, then great talk about it. 

Ask her how it felt and let yourself be drawn in to her experience.

Warning: if she has had bad experiences with her family and was abused by her parents and/ or siblings LEAVE THIS ALONE. You never want to dig up painful emotions, if whenever the two of you speak she always thinks of her abusive father she will escape you.

17. Make an assumption about her

This is my favorite seduction technique out of everything Sebastian teaches. This can apply to any girl in any situation. 

It doesn’t matter how you feel or how she feels. This will always breathe new life into your conversation.

Welcome to the power of assumptions.

All you need to do is assume something about her. If she looks like a student then tell her “I assume that you are a student.” 

If she looks like she is traveling then say “you look like you are traveling around here.”

At this point don’t say anything and let her leave in the blanks, now she can talk about herself.

This is also perfect for approaches, you go up to a hot girl, tell her she is cute and then assume anything about her. Instantly you have created a natural conversation. [6]

18. Be weird

Yep, you heard me. You don’t need to be normal. 

Show some personality, be different. There are plenty of ‘normal’ men out there, so why are you any different?

Be a little crazy, and let me tell you a little secret: we are all a little crazy in one way or another. You don’t need to follow any rules while talking to her, just let yourself go.

Be proud of who you are. You can ever practice acting crazy to warm up like Sasha Daygame, the mentor of Sebastian Harris, does each time.

I like to do some funky stuff before I talk to women just to warm myself up. Sebastian Harris teaches in his course (link below) that you need to get to a point that you can dance in a store without caring about what people think of you.

If you do his Whatsapp coaching he will make you propose to random girls on the street, after that asking a girl for her number won’t even scare you at all.

That’s why I constantly tell guys to do his Whatsapp coaching for at least 3 months. After that you can do most of the work on your own.

But most guys can’t even confidently ask girls for the time! That’s why sometimes you need a strong, terrifying push from a mentor that will make you do the things you hate, but you know you need to do.

He will give you the motivation and with the course you will know how to approach women the perfect mix.

For those who are reading this and you are terrified of talking to women, do this coaching for 6 months and I guarantee you will lose your virginity by the end of it.

Each day he will give you a new challenge and and you don’t move on until you complete each challenge. He used to charge 67/ month, but now he’s taking 97/ month. 

I guarantee you: he will continue to raise the price, so go now, get his book The Rise of The Phoenix and from there you can get his main course and/ or coaching.

  • this is one massive article and I am so thankful for it. I hate talking to girls because it’s terrifying but I believe that I can get better with time so I appreciate this post!!

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    About the author 

    Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

    Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

    My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

    Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

    17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

    How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work