13 Proven Steps To Develop More Confidence With Women

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I started my 7 year journey to rock solid, sexy confidence with the worst possible advice ever: Just be yourself.

Yeah, I know how ridiculous that sounds and I bet you’ve heard the same cliché advice too.

But with all of my miserable failures, I learnt these 13 core, practical steps (no fluff) that have brought me real world results and have benefited countless students.

These steps really work, but it takes time, effort and determination.

So if that’s for you, I invite you to continue reading.

1. Get ripped

Get a big butt

Guys with bigger butts like so are more attractive, hence they feel more confident around women

Get powerful arms

Guys with bigger arms like so are more attractive, hence they feel more confident around women

Get giant quads 

Guys with bigger legs like so are more attractive, hence they feel more confident around women

Get sexy forearms

Guys with bigger forearms like so are more attractive, hence they feel more confident around women

Get strong shoulders

Guys with bigger shoulders like so are more attractive, hence they feel more confident around women

Get irresistible abs

This is so damn simple and yet most of my students don’t even think about heading to the gym.

Would you feel more confident looking like this:

Or like this?

I think we both know the answer to that one! 🤣

If you could just focus on losing weight and building muscle, you’d get 80% of your desired confidence without having to do anything else.

Women love muscles for so many reasons:

  1. 1
    It tells their reptilian brain you’ll pass on strong, survival genes to your children
  2. 2
    It tell their reptilian brain you can protect them from predators
  3. 3
    It tell their reptilian brain you can provide from them and their offspring

All of which are major, irresistible biological turn ons for any woman.

Sorry girls, that’s just how it works!

And just to drill this in even more, here’s an excellent video by Brandon Walsh talking about his journey to regaining his confidence through building his body: 

So how can you workout consistently (no giving up 3 days in) so that you truly get ripped?

I’m no health expert, but here are the 2 step that I took to get a nice body:

1. Got the right diet

I got the app (and paid for the ad free version) called “FitMenCook” for some great tasting, protein rich recipes, and generally avoided all junk food.

Simple, cheap and effective. Next!

2. Got the perfect workout program

I love Shaun T’s Insanity workout program, something about the way he motivates people just really clicks with me.

It’s a 60 day program, but I did it 2 and half times and by the end of it all, I was a changed man - mentally and physically. 

Here’s a little preview of how it works:

Sure it was a hell of a lot of work and there were times I simply wasn’t in the mood, but it was well worth it.

I later moved on to P90X by Tony Horton and traditional weight training at the gym, but for guys starting off, I always recommend the Insanity workout program by Shaun T.

Bottom line:

Find something that works for you and get the sexy body and all the confidence that comes with it! [1, 2, 3]

2. White teeth

Bet you didn’t expect this to be #2, did you!

Getting white teeth is in second place because it’s soooo easy and it just works.

Step 1: buy an electric toothbrush - they are so much better than regular ones

Step 2: get some good toothpaste - anything better than the average stuff

Step 3: brush your teeth twice a day for 2 minutes

Step 4: follow these instructions for 4-5 months and get noticeable white teeth 

I know, I'm a genius!

But what makes white teeth so crucial to gaining confidence?

  1. 1
    White teeth can make you 20% more attractive according to multiple studies
  2. 2
    White teeth make you look “put together” and more masculine
  3. 3
    White teeth makes girls worry less about kissing you on the first date

And honestly, just ask yourself: Would I feel more confident looking like this…

having white teeth like this will boost your confidence

Or this?

And it goes without saying, but if you’re brushing your teeth often and using mouthwash, you’ll have a nice smelling, kissable mouth! [4]

3. Smell like a confident man

Weirdly enough, the vast majority of compliments from women have come because of a great smelling cologne, deodorant or shampoo I’ve been using.

Don’t ask me why, but women are suckers for a good smelling guy.

So if that interests you, here are my favorite cologne, shampoo and deodorant that I use on a daily basis:

Best cologne: Giorgio Armani Acqua Di Gio Profumo

a good cologne that'll boost your confidence around women

Yes, you could go down the rabbithole of the thousands of colognes out there and what works best for each individual occasion, but if you’re like me and you just want one that works and impresses the ladies, Giorgio Armani Acqua Di Gio Profumo is for you.

This is one of the best fragrances ever made.

Here’s how I’d describe it: 

Very intense, seductive, dark, musky, mature, elegant, spicy, woody and gives you the scent of a calm, mysterious man that’s full of confidence. 

As a first cologne, this one is perfect for you. [5]

Best shampoo: Cremo Rich-Lathering Bourbon & Oak Body Was

a good shampoo that'll boost your confidence around women

There are plenty of cheap body-wash/shampoo companies out there that’ll do the job, but if you’re looking to smell good and feel great - this is the one.

It’s an all season body wash with a super refreshing scent that’ll make your whole bathroom smell fantastic (great for when she comes over). 

I’m serious, once you get it, you’ll look forward to hopping in the shower. [6]

Best everyday deodorant: Jack Black Pit Boss

a good dioderant that'll boost your confidence around women

Lastly, every man needs a dependable deodorant and for that I choose Jack Black Pit Boss. 

It’s great for odor (clean, manly, but not overbearing) and sweat protection, plus it's full of vitamins and minerals (Vitamin E and Aloe Leaf Juice) which makes it great for sensitive skin.

Additionally, it’s transparent so it won’t leave any marks on your clothing which otherwise would be a real disappointment. 

My only complaint is that the bottle isn’t that big, but then again, if you like the smell and it feels great on your skin, it’s a great investment. [7, 8, 9]

4. Dress confidently

You’re already feeling a hell of a lot better about yourself: you’re working towards a sexy, muscular body, your teeth look bright white and you smell fresh.

You’re already above 70% of men - and that’s awesome - but there’s still more work to do: look masculine.

Dress well so that you feel confident around women.

Here is the simplest (and most budget friendly) way to do that:

1. Raw denim jeans

Go for dark navy color that mixes business and casual just perfectly.

You don’t need to go expensive here as there are plenty of quality options that are very affordable such as:

  1. Carhartt
  2. Levi’s
  3. Gap

2. White button down shirt. 

Look for a shirt that isn’t too expensive, durable, and easy to wash. 

Ludgate Weave Shirt by Charles Tyrwhitt is one of my favorites (just make sure you choose the slim fit version).

3. Blazer (with an optional belt):

Go for a grey, unstructured blazer made from lighter material so that it can be worn in warmer weather while keeping that casual look.


Here you go:

Money saving tip: go to a store and find your exact size then find them on Ebay for a third of the price! You’re welcome.

And as for the best, any classical leather dress, dark belt will do just fine.

4. Sneakers

Sneakers specifically, not running shoes. Keep it elegant and those that specifically match your blazer. 

Here are some examples:

  1. 1
    ThursdayBoots Sneakers (super well made, leather, premium)
  2. 2
    2750 cotu classic white (classic, available in multiple colors)
  3. 3
    The Forever Sneaker by Everlane (budget, machine washable)

Key principles:

  1. 1
    Fit is king - that’s what makes you look put together
  2. 2
    Make yourself look like you put effort into the way you dress
  3. 3
    Wear things you feel comfortable wearing
  4. 4
    If you see someone wearing something you like, try it yourself!

Sorry to interrupt your reading, but are you starting to see how by externally transforming yourself (i.e. your looks) - without making any internal transformations yet - your confidence is already rising?

Great! Because that’s exactly the point of this article: get practical, fast results without spending 1000’s of dollars on life coaches and years in therapy. [10, 11]

5. Stand out with style to exude confidence

My last external change you need to make to improve your confidence with cute girls is: have something that makes you stand out.

It doesn’t need to be anything specific really, just something that identifies you. For example:

  1. 1
    A ring (steel is fine)
  2. 2
    Hair style
  3. 3
  4. 4
  5. 5
  6. 6
    Luxury watch

Just pick one or two that fit with you and now your look is complete and we’re ready to move onto part two of this article: Internal Confidence Transformation. [12]

6. Have a system for confidence with women

If you’re scared of dealing with hot women, it means you don’t know what works or what leads to rejection…

But what if you had a system that could teach you, step-by-step, everything you needed to know about dating girls? 

Wouldn’t that make you feel more self-assured?

Unsurprisingly, there are 10’s of courses out there, ranging from overpriced garbage by fake dating gurus to superior content made by men who’ve been in your exact shoes, know the exact hard steps you need to take, and will give you the motivation to take action.

So, the million dollar question, what do I recommend?

The Tao of Badass by Joshua Pellicer

Why, you ask…

Great question! Several reasons:

  1. 1
    I have yet to have a single friend or student that hasn’t dramatically transformed due to it
  2. 2
    The course is very affordable with optional upgrades
  3. 3
    Joshua did not have it easy at the beginning and had to find all the effective techniques himself before seducing women became possible
  4. 4
    There’s a great Hacking Attraction Presentation for those unsure about making the bold move to get the full course
  5. 5
    It comes with a ridiculous amount of content - The Tao of Badass Ebook & Audiobook, 4 Subliminal Core Confidence audios, 5 Week Body Language Mastery Course, The Seduction Course, Advanced Attraction Course - so too not bad!

If you’re crazy about finally dating without worry and you’re ready to do the necessary work, watch Joshua’s Hacking Attraction Presentation and go in for the full course.

7. Take instant action when building confidence 

Opposite of confidence = Fear.

Facing your fears = Less fear.

However, every second you wait to face your fears, the more doubts, excuses and fears that will creep into your mind.

Here’s a great video explaining that idea so clearly:

Bottom line:

The key to overcoming fear with women is instant, fear facing action without any hesitation.

8. Approach women daily

You have the foundation, now let’s get some powerful internal changes by taking real life, consistent action - specifically - approaching women daily.

Some guys freak out when they hear this.

What! I can’t talk to girls!
She’s gotta spit in my face then call the police!
Last time I tried I got tased… NO WAY!

I laugh when I hear these responses because that’s exactly how I felt 7 years ago. 

I was terrified. There’s no other way to put it.

It was so bad that I couldn’t do it myself.

What did I do?

I got myself a coach, Sebastian Harris, and his program, The Rise of The Phoenix, and he forced me (over Whatsapp) to take action every single day no matter how much I protested.

It was super rough at the beginning. 

I was shaking every time I talked to a girl and I talked really quickly.

I got rejected almost every time and even when I got a date, I was mostly ghosted on. 

However, with all of those rejections, I finally lost my virginity and started to see some success with women.

This led to more confidence. 

And with more confidence, I gained more success. And bang! I started going up and up and up (success cycle).

So now, 7 years later, I can get nearly any girl I want.

For you, the lesson is clear: get off your ass, approach women on a daily basis and if you’re really struggling, ask Sebastian Harris to coach you over monthly Whatsapp or Skype (he’s a beast right by the way).

And I hate to say this, but if you don’t follow through, you will never feel comfortable around women. 

Do it bro! You can! 

9. Build the motivation to gain confidence

There are times when you’re just gonna want to give up, so now’s the time when we need to come up with reasons why you won’t give up.

1. You want to have sex

Keep it real: you want to have sex and masterbating to porn isn’t nealy as good. 

So now every time you hesitate about approaching a girl, just obsess with this one thought: I want to get laid and if I don’t talk to her, I’ll be masterbating for life.

Side (but crucial) note:

You - especially at this growth stage of your life - need to quit fapping to porn because it gives you the feeling that you’re already having sex with all the girls in the world and that feeling destroys your motivation to succeed with women in the real world. Check out r/NoFap for more info about this.

2. You want to feel more masculine

Another great, simple reason to not give up on the journey: 

You want to feel masculine and the more confident you get around women, the more masculine you’ll feel.

This is the healthiest desire and you have a moral obligation to go after it. 

So the next time you’re feeling down or just want to throw in the towel, ask yourself this: do I want to give up on getting that sweet, sexy masculine feeling

3. You want the admiration

Let’s set one thing straight: I don’t care what your motivation is as long as it works. Really.

So this one is all about ego. You want the admiration and don’t want to be seen as a loser.

Look at me, I get all the girls.
Look at me, I can get that sexy blonde into bed and I bet you can’t even talk to her. 
Look at me, these women chase after me.

If your ego gets you approaching women, asking for their number and building confidence, go with it. I don’t care and neither should you.

4. You want to take the confidence to other areas of your life

This motivation works like this: I want to approach this girl at the bar because the confidence that I gain from this experience will change other areas of your life i.e. business, bodybuilding, etc.

Not as clear cut, but if this clicks with you, use it.

Bottom line:

Anything that keeps you motivated even after getting knocked down, use it and never let it go.

10. Relax yourself 

What does confidence feel like?


So how about we hack your body and directly inject that calm feeling right into your system so that every time you approach a girl, you’re already feeling confident?

Sounds pretty epic, right? Well here’s how you do it:

Step 1: Do an intense workout 

Kill 2 birds with one stone: workout daily so you get ripped and exhaust your body which automatically calms you down.

Step 2: Do the Wim Hof Method

The Wim Hof method is an advanced breathing method that reduces anxiety, relaxes your mind and makes you feel fresh. 

Sounds hippy right? Well don’t just trust me, do it yourself! 

The first time can be a little tough, but after a week or two it’ll become addictive! [13]

Step 3: Take a cold shower

It’s hard to explain the power of cold showers till you try it. The calm confidence you get will surprise you. 

If you’re curious about cold showers, here’s a great video going through each of the benefits:

When’s the best time for a freezing shower?

I recommend you take a cold shower right before your date or you’re heading out to approach women. [14, 15]

Step 4: Use the NLP anchoring technique

This technique is massively powerful, so let’s get the basics down:

What is NLP?

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a psychological approach that involves analyzing strategies used by successful individuals and applying them to reach a personal goal. It relates thoughts, language, and patterns of behavior learned through experience to specific outcomes. [16]

OK, but what about the “anchoring” part? Well, here’s what it means:

When you create an NLP anchor you set up a stimulus response pattern so that you can feel the way you want to, when you need to. In NLP, “anchoring” refers to the process of associating an internal response with some external or internal trigger so that the response may be quickly, and sometimes covertly, re-accessed. [17]

Here’s a practical example:

  1. 1
    You find yourself feeling supremely confident (for whatever reason)
  2. 2
    At the peak of the feeling, you snap your fingers in a very unique way
  3. 3
    This creates a connection in your mind - or an anchor - between feeling confident to snapping your fingers in that unique way
  4. 4
    Repeat step 1-3 a couple of times
  5. 5
    Right before you go in to talk to your crush, you snap your fingers in that unique way which instantly brings you back that to that confident feeling
  6. 6
    Now your talking to your crush and you feel complete calm, confidence

Here’s a great 2 minute video going over the core principle of NLP anchoring:

11. Build wealth

Now that you know how to instantly feel calmer around girls - no matter how hot they may be - let’s go over long term actions you can take to achieve that same results, specifically: building wealth.

And yes it’s true, girls want guys with money and while I hate to say it, you will feel more confident around women when you have more value/money.

So what’s the secret sauce? Where can I find the philosopher's stone?

LFMAO, there is no easy, instant way - OBVIOUSLY. 

But there are easier, smarter ways.

Think about it: you could become a millionaire selling anything: toilet paper, ice cream, etc.

But what sounds easier:  learning the basics of online business and earning passive income OR selling millions plastic toys?

So here’s my recommendation: 

Watch the 12 Minute Affiliate System Presentation and:

  1. 1
    Learn how to start your website it less than 10 minutes
  2. 2
    Learn how to promote quality products so that you can earn real money without making your own product
  3. 3
    Watch all the newbie friendly affiliate bootcamp videos that won’t scare you!
  4. 4
    Get access to the most helpful community on the internet
  5. 5
    Create your own account and get started for free 
  6. 6
    Lots of great live events that cover pretty much every

And again, you will not become Elon Musk in 30 days. I laugh when I see scammers advertising like that. 

But as mentioned, if you’re willing to put in the work, the internet can become your best friend and possibly lover (OK I didn’t need to say that last part)... 

12. Stop placing womankind on a pedestal 

Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, there was a good reason to simp for women.

They were a very limited number of women so although one guy could impregnate all of them, each woman could only have one child a year.

So at the time, understandably, it was super important to protect, serve and white night each girl.

However, in modern times, there’s no reason to hold onto that white night programming.

In fact, here are several reasons why placing girls on a pedestal is completely detrimental to your success with women:

1. You’ll lose all your confidence with women

If you believe womankind are intrinsically better than men, how could you possibly feel confident around any girl?

Let’s set things straight:

A girl that’s a 4 of 10 in terms of looks, full of tattoos and has 3 kids is not a quality woman and should definitely not be treated like your lord just because she has boobs.

Not all women are “sugar and spice and everything nice”.

It’s hilarious that I need to remind guys that girls fart, poop and even have diarrhea at times! Crazy - yeah I know.

I know you’ve been raised this way (we all have!) and it’s not your fault, but you really need to stop apologizing for being a man.

2. You’ll stop placing yourself first

When you place women on a pedestal you also stop placing yourself first.

And guess what happens when you stop putting yourself first? Others put you in second - or more realistically - last place. 

Here are some more side effects of placing yourself second to women:

  1. 1
    You start believing that you need a woman committed to you in order to live a normal life
  2. 2
    You start believing that there’s this one girl that can fix you up (because you supposedly need fixing)
  3. 3
    You start letting women drain you of all your money (because you’re not stopping them so why wouldn’t they?)
  4. 4
    You push all your interests aside for the sake of serving your women

However the real problem here is that you stop being your own Mental Point of Origin (MPO)

What’s that? Good question!

Being your own Mental Point of Origin means that whatever happens in your life, the first thing that you ask yourself is “how does this affect me”.

  • Guys who are their own Mental Point of Origin don’t make women the main focus of their life. 
  • Guys who are their own Mental Point of Origin are unapologetic.
  • Guys who are their own Mental Point of Origin see themselves as the prize. 

Be a man of unapologetic confidence, be your own Mental Point of Origin and remember that just because you put yourself first, doesn’t mean you hate women.

3. You’ll stop getting laid

Placing women on a pedestal makes you repulsive to women.


Because with all of your constant praise, compliments and pedestalization you’re showing how much of a low value beta male you are and women hate beta males and consequently, you’ll never get laid. 

  • Guys actually think that the more they identify with the feminine, the more they’ll get laid. 
  • Guys actually think that the nicer they are, the more they’ll get laid. 
  • Guys actually think that the more dependent they are on the girl, the more they’ll get laid. 

So what’s the solution? There isn’t one solution for a problem like this, but here are some things to try:

  1. 1
    Learn to tease girls instead of chasing after the perfect compliment that’ll melt her heart.
  2. 2
    Have a f*ckbuddy. Friends with benefits. Stop forcing yourself to commit in order to have “meaningful sex”. 
  3. 3
    Stop giving your attention away for free (that is what’s called playing hard to get for guys).
  4. 4
    Start saying no to women. Be more about yourself than you are about her.
  5. 5
    Spin Plates i.e. date more than women at a time (girls do this all the time) and get a true abundance mentality.
  6. 6
    While you're on a date, make her qualify herself. Ask her to take pictures of you for your Instagram.

If you can stop being a thirsty guy, stop placing girls on a pedestal and build core masculine confidence you’ll be drowning in pussy until the day you die. 

I’ll end this piece - “12. Stop placing womankind on a pedestal” - by saying that this piece is largely based off the great Rollo Tomassi’s book series “The Rational Male” and his Youtube Channel so a big thanks to him and if this topic has piqued your interest, I know you’ll benefit greatly by watching the following video by Rollo Tomassi himself:

13. Get used to rejection

The last tip I have for you is to simply get used to rejection.

Why did I place this last?

Because no matter how ripped, rich or seductive you get, you’ll still get rejected all the time.

Here’s a great example of this principle:

And this is true in every area of life.

Do you know how many times Elon Musk almost failed completely and almost went completely bankrupt?

I go on and on, but you get the point. 

We all fail and the faster you understand that and make peace with it, the quicker you’ll reach success. 


I am super glad you’ve made it till the end and I bet you’re already feeling more confident about approaching women.

However, there’s so much more to learn, so let me invite you to read all the other great articles on our website, Dating Armory!

Want my personal recommendation? Read - 9 Techniques to Ask a Girl For Her Number [With Videos And 32 Examples] - we just updated the article and it’s full of great examples.

Good luck, 

Colt Smith


If you have any questions make sure you leave them in the comments. Much love!

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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

56+ Affirmations To Attract Women: Manifest Love

The Blueprint: 29+ Steps to be the Bad Boy

13 Proven Steps To Develop More Confidence With Women

17 Exclusive Steps to Be More Masculine