How to Kiss a Girl In 17 Easy to Follow Steps

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This post is your one stop to learn all the tips and steps to kissing a girl. First, you’ll learn exactly how to start, initiate and lean in for the kiss.

Then you’ll learn where to place your lips, what to say and where to put your hands. And finally, you’ll learn what to do after the kiss. No more introduction and let’s get started!

1. Find the signs that your girl wants to kiss you

You must know when your girl is ready for you to kiss before you even pull any moves on her! So what are the signs that a girl wants to kiss you?

Lucky I’ve written a full article titled 14 Signs to Tell if a GIRL Wants to Kiss You With Examples  and it’ll teach you everything you need to know, but for now I’ll give you the core signs:

She’s getting you to touch her

She realized that you’re too afraid of kissing her so she makes you more comfortable by getting you to touch, caress and massage her, for example:

  1. Resting her head on your shoulder
  2. Placing her hand in your hand
  3. She’s getting you to play with her long hair

She’s trying to initiate the kiss

Most of the time, as the guy you’ll need to initiate the kiss, but because she’s so desperate to get kissed she’s doing everything she can to initiate the kiss, for example:

  1. She leans in 
  2. She maintains flirty eye contact with you
  3. You find her always making herself available to you

She’s showing the signs that she really likes you

signs to kiss a girl

As a general rule: if a girl likes you, she wants to kiss you. But how can you tell if a girl really likes you enough to kiss?

  1. She’s likes holding hands with you
  2. She stares at you constantly 
  3. She’s always making time for you

If you see 2 or more of these signs it means that this girl wants to kiss you and you’re ready to move onto the next step! [1, 2]

2. Getting your girl to kiss you

Once a girl likes you there’s nothing wrong with kissing her right then and there, but I want you to kiss a girl and make her want more! I want the kissing to lead to something.

I want you to sleep with her and for that I need you to really get your girl to kiss you! I want you to make this girl crazy about you. I want her to be thinking about you all day!

But how?

Here’s a short summary based on my post How To Get a GIRL To KISS You – ON DEMAND:

  1. Touch her! I want you to lovingly caress her arms, her back and finally her cheek when you kiss her
  2. Tell her how beautiful and cute she is
  3. Flirt with other girls to make her jealous
  4. Build sexual tension, but don’t yet release it
  5. Kiss her forehead, but purposefully avoid her lips (this makes girls go nuts)
  6. Place your index finger on her lips when you want her to be quiet

While you’re teasing her and making her just dream about kissing you all day, hold yourself back from actually kissing her! You need the tension so that she gets freaky when you finally do kiss her.

3. Asking your a girl for a kiss

Now she’s dying to kiss you, but how do you actually start kissing? You initiate the kiss in 2 ways:

  1. Asking your girl for a kiss
  2. Telling your girl that you want to kiss her

Both are fine and I tell guys to do what works best for them. In my post titled How to Tell or Ask a Girl for a Kiss In 10 Ways With Examples I explain this clearly, but for now let’s get the basics.

First of all, never ever be needy while asking for a kiss. Always sound confident no matter what you do. 

Once you sound confident you’ve got many options:

  1. Ask her indirectly: Ask her to close her eyes and tell her that you promise not to kiss her. If she smiles, kiss her right there and then! 
  2. Tell her directly: Heck! Let’s kiss right now
  3. Using your body language: Keep a relaxed face, look deeply into her eyes and lean in…

You’ve got many more options and examples and for that go read the post I liked above.

4. When to kiss your girl

As I point out in post When to KISS a Girl: The 9 Prime Times, even if you’ve got the perfect kissing technique but you don’t know when to apply it, she’ll reject you and it won’t go well.

So here are the best times to start moving in for the kiss:

  1. Kiss when your date if almost over so that you don’t end up sitting around awkwardly 
  2. You’re dropping her off at her house and she won’t get out of the car because she’s obviously waiting for you to make your move on her
  3. You’re at the back of an empty theater watching a romantic movie

These are just some examples and as you gain experience you’ll just know when to kiss, but for now stick with these simple examples.

5. Leaning into the kiss

You’ve got the perfect timing, she’s dying to kiss you and you’ve even told her that you want to kiss, but how do you lean into the kiss?

I’ve written an article about that too: 12 Simple Steps to Lean in for a KISS, but keep on reading this article so you get the most important information.

What to say before leaning into a kiss

  1. I need your soft lips
  2. Do me a favor and get on your tippy toes
  3. I know you’ll do anything to kiss me
  4. I love you

Leaning into the kiss

  1. Look deeply into her eyes
  2. Start leaning in
  3. Place your hand on her cheek
  4. Turn your head to the right 
  5. Finally, lean in about 90% letting her meet you by filling in the last 10%

I’m referring to the 90/10 rule in kissing. As the initiator you lean in 90% and let the girl do that last 10%. Here’s Will Smith explaining this perfectly:

6. Where to place your lips while kissing

Everyone wants to know where to kiss! Do your lips go under? Do they go over her lips? Do they just smush into each other! What are you supposed to do!?

The real answer is that it doesn’t matter because once you get the art of kissing, you can mix it up, lean right or lean left and girls will go nuts about your overflowing confidence

But while you’re still an inexperienced beginner, it’s best you stick with the simple type of kissing. What’s that?

Your top lip is placed between her lips so that her bottom lips are between your lips and her top lip is on top of both of her lips… 

I’ll give you a second to process that!

In other words, her lips go on top. [3, 4]

7. How long should you kiss

If this is your first kiss don’t make it longer because you want to avoid using tongue which might mess up the kiss. 

If you’ve already kissed a bunch of girls, don’t be scared to makeout with a girl for 3-4 minutes because remember: girls love kissing too!

8. Where to put your hands while kissing

Here’s a common question: what do you do with your hands? Do you just let them flop around in the wind! Of course not. Here’s what you can do:

  1. Use your hands to give her a big hug
  2. Use her hands to get her hair out of the way
  3. Place your hands around her hips
  4. Use your hands to pick her up
  5. Hold her hands by interlocking your fingers together
  6. Hold her head in place with your hands to demonstrate domination
  7. Place both of your hands behind her back

Basically you’ve got unlimited options and as long as you put them somewhere you should be fine. [5]

9. What to say while kissing a girl

Saying the right words during a kiss can take a normal kiss to a super romantic level, here are some great examples:

  1. Make kissing noises (it shows her how much you’re enjoying the kissing)
  2. I can’t get enough
  3. I want you more
  4. I need to get you in my bed
  5. I feel so… (don’t finish off and leave her guessing about what you really feel)
  6. …Softest lips… (don’t have to start with “you have” to show that you’re overcome with passion)
  7. You are perfect (you letting her know how good of kisser she is, making her worry less)
  8. The juiciest lips…

You can also split up each word between kissings. Take for example “I need to get you in my bed” – split it up so it looks like this:

  1. I need… [kiss]
  2. to get you… [kiss]
  3. in my bed… [kiss]

It’s not nearly as complicated as it seems, just sound confident and go for it without hesitation.

10. French kissing your girl with tongue

Surprisingly, french kissing is the perfect solution for kissing girls with small lips, but it takes a bit of practice and this step by step guide to get it right:

First, follow the normal steps while leading up to kissing a girl; make sure she wants to kiss you, give her a great smile and tease her. 

Then you place your hand on the small of her back or the back of her head to pull her in towards you so that you don’t have to lean in.

Remember that because you are leading/ initiating the kiss you need to decide which side your head will turn: left or right, it doesn’t matter, just don’t smush her nose!

When your lips finally start meeting hers, do not start kissing. Instead, allow your lips to run across her like a light feather – just slightly brushing over.

As you do this, take your time. Kiss like time doesn’t exist. Nothing ruins a kiss more than rushing it. Let it become the most sensual experience of your life. 

Let yourself build the excitement and sexual tension.

Now you’re ready for the next step: start taking turns kissing her top and bottom lips. Make sure you don’t cover up her lips or back out completely.

After you see that she’s comfortable with this, start opening your mouth just wide enough so that she can slide her tongue into your mouth. 

At this point you can also use your tongue to massage the inside of her mouth. You can go from on top to below her tongue it doesn’t really matter, just keep the flow. 

You also want to move your hands around and turn your head from right to left, always keeping the motion because the second you stop moving, the kissing stops.

If your tongue is getting tired you’re doing it wrong. French kissing is meant to be like a romantic dance, always keep the rhythm. 

Don’t be afraid to take breaks and never forget to breathe! 

If you follow these steps correctly you’ll be having the most incredible makeout sessions with girls so keep on practicing because it’ll pay back big time!

11. Kissing your girl for the first time

When you’re kissing a girl for the first time just focus on displaying confidence. Don’t overwhelm yourself by overthinking the actual kiss or where you’ll place your hands.

Trust me, once you actually start kissing you’ll see that 99% of things work out just fine. If you really want to play it safe read my article titled: 11 Steps to Kiss a GIRL for The First Time With Total Confidence.

12. Kissing a girl at school

Here’s a list of everything you need to do to kiss a girl at school:

  1. Avoid kissing where there’s teachers around because there might be rules against kissing
  2. Don’t kiss right in middle of the hallway because it blocks everyone
  3. Try to kiss in more private places so that your girl feels more comfortable kissing you
  4. If you notice that people are staring, don’t stop or never show that you even care
  5. Start kissing lightly because chances are she doesn’t have much experience kissing
  6. If either one of you messes up, don’t worry, just laugh it off and move on

Besides for this, make sure you follow everything else we talked about in this article!

13. Kissing your girl on the first date

Ah’ the old question: what date to kiss a girl…

Some guys will always say that you need to wait at least till the second date to kiss the girl, but here’s the problem with that: if she wants to kiss you, but you don’t, she might dump you for a guy that has the balls to go for it.

And that is why I tell guys to specifically kiss on the first date. Kissing on the first date also creates an emotional connection that’ll let you sleep with her that night!

By the way, kissing a girl after a date is simple: if you see the signs that she likes you, just lean in and kiss her. 

The best part about this timing is that you won’t be awkwardly stuck having nothing to talk about because you’ve already finished the date!

14. Kissing a girl taller than you

If the girl is only a little taller than you, no problem: just let her lean down to you and kiss her. If she’s a lot taller than you than try doing one of these things:

  1. Stand on your tippy toes (the simplest solution)
  2. Stand on street curb
  3. Kiss her while your sitting down

Although the best thing you can do is to get past the awkwardness. Laugh about the height difference openly and don’t let her being taller stop you. 

If she wants to kiss you, just do it and don’t feel ashamed.

15. Kissing a girl shorter than you

On average girls are shorter than guys by 12 centimeters… that’s enough to land a kiss on her nose and totally miss her lips! [6]

Here are some easy solutions pulled from my article titled How to KISS a Short Girl: 19 Proven Methods:

  1. Pin her up against the wall
  2. Kiss while she’s sitting on top of a car
  3. Get her to stand on a bench
  4. Let her stand on some stairs
  5. Tell her to put on high heels

But just like kissing a tall girl, the worst thing you can do is make a big deal about it. Build up your inner courage and just go for it.

16. Kissing a girl if you’re a girl

The most difficult part of kissing a girl if you’re a girl is getting a girl to kiss you because the actual kissing part is not that different from “regular” kissing.

Surprisingly many straight girls are actually bisexual which means they feel attraction to guys and girls, the problem is that they feel too ashamed to show it. [7, 8]

Your main job is to get the girl to open up about her feelings and sexual desires without judging her, but how do you do that?

  1. Give her compliments that go past the “friend zone” 
  2. Touch her to make her feel comfortable with you
  3. Talk about other bisexual girls
  4. Talk about how wrong it is for society to be against bisexual people
  5. Tell that you want to know how she truly feels about you
  6. Watch romantic movies with bisexual characters 
  7. Ask her to read you lesbian romantic stories

Once she feels permission to express her desire for you, kissing won’t even be an issue and you’ll be in bed in no time.

17. What to do after kissing

You have many things to do after kissing or making out: my favorite is to smile and give her a big kiss on her forehead.

You can also:

  1. Hug her
  2. Hold her hand and go for a walk
  3. Crack a joke about the kissing
  4. Surprise her by making out again
  5. Kiss her cheek
  6. Take her back to your place if you see that she wants more

Honestly you can do pretty much anything and keep in mind that if you’re still in the middle of the date, you can always just continue having a fun conversation.


Wow, we’ve covered different types of kisses and all the exact steps from the beginning to the end. You have everything you need, but you’re missing one thing:


If you don’t practice by kissing girls none of this information can help you. Only you can help you, so get out of the house, start dating and kiss away!

Your friend, 

Colt Smith

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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work