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What is flirting?

Flirting is a way to connect to a girl in a discreet manner, while being a little sexual.

Flirting isn’t some serious, formal, business meeting. It is a lighthearted way of connecting to a girl.

Both of you are enjoying the process of connecting and being playful. [1]

Why is flirting important?

This is also what makes flirting so awesome. You get to connect with a girl without the chance of getting rejected.

You are casually talking with a girl while having a little sexuality mixed in. It’s a dance, but with words.

For a girl, flirting is very important because she gets to feel what type of guy she will be dating, possibly become his girlfriend and maybe have children with.

It also gives a girl a chance to deeply connect with the man. She can fall into the sea of blissful love without feeling the burden of responsibilities.

When you flirt with a girl you are giving her a chance to connect with you on a deep level, without having to be vulnerable. [2, 3]

I created this post so that you can learn the 11 steps to flirt with girls.

1. Be confident

Girls love confidence. If they see you as a confident guy you are their number one man.

But you can’t mistake confidence with cockiness. Being arrogant has nothing to do with confidence, that comes from insecurities.

The type of guys that girls love are the confident guys that are happy to express themselves and be playful.

If you see a guy that seems confident, but can’t be playful you know that he isn’t happy with who he is and has healing work to do. Girls want to flirt with guys that love themselves.

This is seriously important: love yourself and your masculinity, this will prove devilishly seductive to women.

Learn to let go. Let go of what people think of you and paradoxically you’ll see people start to like you more.

Now that you see the crucial importance of confidence, I urge you to get the same course that I got when I was just at the beginning of my dating journey.

I was a terrified virgin. You could’ve paid me 50 thousand dollars and would not approach a pretty girl.

But that all changed when I got this course. The Tao of Badass course. The course taught me how to get over my fears step by step.

I learned how to approach and flirt with nearly any girl I wanted. I took several months, but that course was the greatest investment of my life.

You really need to get this course now and be ready to take massive action. You will see massive change, beyond your imagination.

2. Look and smell good

Women like that rough, dirty masculine man. But while you are flirting with a girl make sure that you are looking fine.

Take a shower and put on a fresh pair of underwear. And please wear deodorant or cologne. 

Smelling fresh and having clean hair tells a girl that you are the type of guy that cares about yourself. She will feel much safer flirting with you.

It also shows that you have some degree of self-respect and that can be very attractive to girls. The girl sees it as a sign of dominance. [3, 4]

This also means having a fresh mint breath. She wants to taste you, but not if you have the smell of rotten garlic. Use mouthwash and brush your teeth!

Cleaning the hair part is also crucial because while you flirt with girls many of them will want to run their fingers through your hair.

No one wants to feel a glob of grease and some flaky dandruff. So take a shower before you head out.

Wear some casual clothing. And if you want some bonus point put on pheromones

Pheromones have been shown to have an effect on arousing girls sexually and making them feel more attracted to their partner. You’ll never know till you try.

3. Don’t have an awkward pickup lines

Flirting doesn’t have to be on a date, you can start flirting with a girl the second you meet her. But please don’t be awkward…

It’s not really about the pickup lines that you use, it’s how you say it. Seduction has nothing to do with the words you say, it’s how you say the words.

If you talk really fast you’ll freak her out. She’ll probably just tell you that she has a boyfriend or completely ignore you…

How do I know? Because girls used to do the same things to me.

You also don’t want to talk too loudly. Be self aware, record yourself and see how you really sound.

Try approaching women and record yourself. When you listen to your recording don’t criticize yourself, but take notes.

Each time you’ll improve your approach and build confidence. You’ve got to learn about your own voice before you can really flirt with any woman. 

This goes back to step 1: be confident. Whatever pickup line you use, say it in a calm, confident voice. [3]

From this place she will be open to flirt with you. Bringing up the temperature from here is effortless.

4. Feel your love for her

We humans have something called micro-expressions. Micro-expressions are the slight, subconscious, non-verbal cues that we involuntarily give out expressing what we truly feel.

The girl that you are flirting with can feel in her gut what you are truly feeling and this will change the way she acts with you. 

There is no way to hide what you feel, if you are scared she will pick it up. But if you are in love with her, she will pick that up too…

That’s why you can do this great exercise before any date: feel your love and desire to be with this woman. 

This will not only remove your fears, but it will make her open up to you in ways you have never seen before. She will be flirting with you! 

This is because you are giving her what she truly desires: to feel loved. She can see it on your face and knows that you are being genuine. 

But generally speaking, meditating on the love you have for women before every approach will give you a massive advantage with girls. Women will naturally gravitate towards you.

They will feel safe in your presence and ready to get sexual. [5, 6]

5. Lead the flirting

As a man you need to run the show, you are the leader in the relationship. For a girl to feel good about being sexual in your presence requires you to take control.

Take control, but not in a forceful way. Take control in a chilled, but powerful way. She wants to feel your strength and feel small.

That means you go first. You start flirting and lead the way for her. You know this will take confidence and that’s why I recommended you the Tao of Badass course.

You will never have the abundance of sexy girls in your life until you clear up all the old beliefs about yourself and have that masculine confidence that makes girls wild.

That course teaches you all of this a much, much more. You will learn the body language of women so that you know exactly when to approach her and never get rejected.

This will allow you to lead her down the path of flirting and get sexual fast if you want to get inside her tonight. You don’t even know what’s possible for you.

Don’t be afraid of being a bad boy, girls love bad boys. Bring out that dominant man and lead the way. [6, 7]

6. Keep the energy light

Although I just told you to be a dominant man, you’ve always got to keep the energy light especially when you are flirting.

I wrote earlier that flirting is the opposite of being all serious and following the rules. Don’t be emotionally reactive.

She wants to feel that she can make jokes about you without you taking anything personally. That’s what I mean by “light energy”.

This can be hard to balance with your masculinity, but do your best. Bring the type of energy that both of you feel that messing up is hilarious.

You want her to feel that no one has to be perfect and being imperfectly human is attractive. That is how you put a girl in the mood of flirting.

7. Touch her

Now that you are talking to her and you’re enjoying a coffee together make sure that you sit next to her and not opposite her. This needs to be your own top priority.

Sitting next to her gives you the chance to touch her without seeming creepy. You will only really ever connect to a girl until you touch her.

But you need to be careful here, this can ruin any chance of flirting if done wrong. You must start slow.

Start by touching her arms and holding her hand. Take your time, never rush, it ruins the effect.

Once you see that she feels comfortable with your hands on her body, move to the small of her back. It’s the part right above her butt.

If you are strolling down a park place your hand on the small of her back and lead her around. Keep the situational awareness to make sure she’s feeling it.

Then you can move on to her neck and shoulders. Women begin to release oxytocin when you touch them, this biological response will make her love you.

Offer her a massage and take nice and slow. Talk to her as you touch her, above all, make her feel safe with you.

Gently rest your hands on the side of her neck and massage her neck. Let her relax in your presence. 

You are now in the perfect place to flirt. [8, 9]

8. Look into her eyes

When you connect with a woman by looking deep into her eyes her body will release even more oxytocin. She will feel this rush of love for you.

You are using the rules of her body to make her attracted to you. Now is the best time to start talking dirty and getting sexual.

She is relaxed and open to you. Her body has practically drugged her with oxytocin.

A word of caution: do not start staring into the eyes of every girl that you meet. You already know what will happen. 

Build rapport with them and do what she does. If she is OK with looking into your eyes every so often then do the same.

If she looks away the second you enter her eyes then build up the connection slowly. She is still afraid to connect with you on a deeper level.

Be aware of her body language. You’ll learn much more in the course, but here are some clues.

Is her body facing you? If she’s facing you it means that she’s comfortable with you.

Are her feet in your direction or are they facing the other way signalling that she wants to leave?

Is she making her body small or does she feel fine expressing herself and being who she is?

This is how you can tell when to take the flirting to the next step or maybe you should pull off for a bit.

9. Compliment her

This is the core of flirting, I don’t care if you’re flirting with a girl over text or you already have her in bed, never forget to compliment her.

Imagine if a cute girl approached you and complimented your muscles, how would you feel?

The same is true with women. Everyone loves compliments.

Tailor a specific compliment to the girl you are flirting with now.

If she has stunning eyes then softly tell her that her eyes are having a strong effect on you. Tell her that you love the way she plays with her lips.

You can say that she has the softest, cutest voice that you’ve ever heard.

And you don’t need to focus on her body, girls love to hear about their personality too. Tell her that the way she acts makes you lose control.

Tell her that you love girls that get your attention the way she does. Anything works really, tell her that she makes you laugh.

As long as she feels that she is more desirable and feels better about yourself you’ve succeeded. 

But as I mentioned earlier as long as you are confident everything works fine, but the second you start getting needy this will all fall apart.

Try recording yourself giving a compliment to a girl while you’re flirting with her, this can be hard to do. But be honest with yourself, do you sound needy?

Or do you have a playful and confident energy while complimenting her?

10. Don’t take anything too seriously

As you know the whole act of flirting is like a verbal dance. It is just you and her connecting in a playful manner. 

For this to work, you have to not take yourself seriously. If you mess up or stumble a little while talking you only see this as funny. 

Any ‘mistake’ that either one of you makes is fun. Nothing needs to be perfect, anything goes.

If you find yourself getting stuck in your head here’s what you need to do: social freedom exercises. Put yourself in situations that people will judge you and reject you.

For example:

  1. Sing in public
  2. Dance in public
  3. Talk to yourself in public
  4. Walk backwards outside
  5. Laugh ridiculously near people

You’ll have run time, but flirting will come a lot easier to you. You’ll stop caring what the girl really thinks of you.

11. Make the number close

You’ve flirted with this girl and she likes you, she wants to get to know you. But most girls will never ask you for your number.

You need to go first. You are the leader.

Get her number.

But don’t ever ask for the number, be a bad boy and tell her to give her number to you and you’ll tell her where you’ll meet next.

You need to act like a bad boy. Girls like bad boys.

So be a little rough and demanding and she’ll be more than happy to give you her digits. And if you can continue flirting with her like this she’ll have no problem sleeping with you. [10]

And before you start sleeping around with women, make sure that you can last at least a couple minutes in bed. You must be able to satisfy her in bed.

Get yourself a male masturbator and you will soon be able to last for 5-10 minutes easy. She will be more than happy to sleep with you again.


I’ve given you 11 steps to make the perfect flirt and blow any girl’s mind. She has never seen a man like you before.

Your strength and your confidence make her stare at you in awe because this girl is in love with you. But maybe you feel that you can take your confidence to a new level.

You want to approach women with zero fear of rejection. You want to make out with a girl within 5 minutes of approaching her.

You want to get a threesome with stunning Russian sisters. You want to be getting blowjobs without paying for them!

You want to feel that girls desire you. You need to feel that women are jealous of the girl you are with.

You need to have this in your life… but how can you make this happen? Where can you learn this from?

You can learn all of this and fulfill all of your dreams with the same course that I used when I first started off. 

The Tao of Badass course and get it NOW, what are you waiting for?!

Support me and actually learn how to date effectively with my recommended dating courses below:

Dating Course For Men - Unlock The Scrambler: How to Turn a Girl Into Your Girlfriend With One Simple Move.

Dating Course For Women - His Secret Obsession by James Bauer: It's Something He CRAVES...More than love, more than money, even more than sex.

Thanks again, 

Coach Colt

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About the author 

I'm Coach Colt, a sex therapist specializing in pragmatic relationship advice that actually works. With over ten years in the game, my insights have been featured in major relationship blogs, emphasizing their real-world applicability. I serve as an LGBT activist and a consultant on sexual health and porn safety, balancing academic rigor with down-to-earth guidance.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

139+ Ways to Tell a Girl You Like Her Over Text [+Tips!]

12 Behavioral Effects of Ovulation on Women [Dating & Love]

The Top 7 Most Attractive Male Body Types [and Ratios!]

Science: Lesbian, Gay, And Bisexual Attraction To Muscularity