How To FLIRT With a GIRL Over Text And AROUSE Her

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You’ve approached a girl and she’s smoking hot, you got her number… now what? 

You need to do is flirt with her over text and make her desire you. But how can you flirt with this girl over text!? How does that work…

Well that’s why I made this post. You will learn the 13 principles that make any girl go crazy for you when you text her.

I’ve learned the hard way, thankfully you are reading this post and that’s why you’ll have it a lot easier. 

Flirting is so important. This is how you get a one night stand. This is how you get 2 girls grinding on top of your body.

Texting is incredibly important. You’ve got to learn the rules of the game.

You’ll learn where to take the conversation so that it never gets dry or awkward with her. But you’ve got to remember this one thing:

Texting a girl is not the way you get to know her. You can’t read her body language or kiss her lips while texting.

Texting is a way to open her up to you and make her want more. But that’s what makes texting such a powerful tool. [1]

It will give her time to think about you, you’ll be able to open her up sexually and get her to sleep over at your place. All with a little flirting.

1. Don’t rush the texting

You want to come off as a confident guy. A guy that has stuff going on in your life.

There is no reason to reply the second she gets back to you. Let her wait. 

Robert Greene in his book, The Art of Seduction, writes that rushing is what destroys seduction. What he says applies to everything.

If you’re talking to a girl take it slow, be generous with your time. There is no reason to force yourself into her life.

This is especially obvious with texting. Give her a minute or 2 before you get back to her. 

Never rush, but if you are getting really flirty with her and it’s getting mildly sexual then don’t wait 5 minutes before you get back to her. You want to raise the temperature.

But that doesn’t mean that you can rush while texting.

You’ll notice guys that are insecure are always busy, hurrying somewhere and they text back right away, dropping whatever they are doing. Insecure guys are not OK with themselves.

But you are different.

You love and accept yourself.

That’s why you take it nice and easy. And nice and easy doesn’t need to be slow. 

In addition, the more time that you take to get back to her the more time that she will be thinking about you. 

The more that she thinks about you she will start to fantasize about what kind of man you really are. She will see you as her dream man.

This is why I always tell guys to exude a degree of mystery about themselves so that girls can use their imagination to fill in the rest. [2, 3]

When she texts you back, take your time, think about her and what she would want she would want to hear. This drives girls crazy.

Now is where you will learn about the course that changed my life. I won’t tell you the name of it yet because I want you to read the rest of this post first before getting the course.

I took this course when I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get a girl to sleep with me. I legit didn’t know what was wrong with me.

I could not flirt for the life of me. But this course taught me the exact principles to build that rock solid confidence.

My transformation didn’t come right away, but now I get nearly any girl that I want. Married, has a boyfriend, or even a model. 

Keep reading and you’ll find out what course I’m talking about.

2. Assume she loves men

A lot of girls love to act as if they are innocent princesses. As if they have no dirty, sexual desires.

They don’t do this to deceive anyone, but rather because they are ashamed of their own sexuality. If you are really going to connect with this girl over text make sure she feels that it’s OK to be sexy.

An easy way of doing this is by assuming that she loves men. 

Ask her about her favorite male movie star and what about him makes her go crazy. What would she do if her dream man approached her?

Ask her about her favorite feature on men that turn her on. Does she like arms or abs more?

Ask her if she ever had a time that she couldn’t contain herself in front of a guy because he was so attractive. This will make her feel like it’s OK to feel horny around you.

She will feel much better about getting freaky with you than any other man she has ever met. [4, 5]

3. Keep things light and fun

This is the essence of flirting, a playful way to connect to someone with a light tone of sexuality. Keep things fun.

This is crucial. Don’t take anything personally. 

Keep your ego out of the way, just open your heart, be a little vulnerable and connect with her. 

If this is difficult for you I don’t blame you. We have all had traumatizing experiences. 

We’ve all had times that we used to love fully. But then times came when we trusted someone and they weren’t there for us. We felt abandoned.

This makes it hard for us to be loving again. We lose the type of energy that we need for flirting.

But nevertheless, you must keep that fun part of yourself alive. This energy will manifest itself in all of your texts and you’ll be the number one flirter.

In fact, when you come with this fun, open energy everything you write will be perfect. You won’t need examples for flirty text messages.

This is what I call true confidence. Not the alpha, no emotions, confidence. I mean the fun, happy, expressive confidence that says “I got this.”

Put that energy in your text messages and she will feel it. [4, 6]

4. Assume she loves you

Tell her that you guys can hang out only if she promises not to fall in love too quickly.

Ask her to hold off falling in love and let you first chase her for a bit.

You are showing off a very attractive personality trait that girls love. They love when a guy already assumes that they love him.

He is showing he feels deserving of love. He feels that he already has her in his hand. 

There is nothing more seductive than that. 

You are showing her that you don’t need to do anything else to get her love, that you don’t need her approval at all.

Now she needs to start getting your approval and hence the flirting starts.

5. Don’t say things she might not understand

I know I mentioned earlier that you never want to rush, but that doesn’t mean that you should spend an hour thinking about the wittiest line and write it out perfectly.

If you think you have the funniest reference from a movie, and you think it fits perfectly, but you aren’t sure if she will get the reference, don’t send it.

It’s just not worth it.

Don’t risk having her have no idea of what’s going on for the chance that she thinks you are the smartest man in the world.

Send texts that she understands easily and makes her feel that you appreciate her. Think of funny flirty texts, but don’t overthink it.

If you really want to get women to start desiring you, stop trying to prove yourself worthy of them. This ruins the energy of any flirtation.

Trying to prove yourself to her ruins the teasing and coquetry. Flirting runs on self-love and confidence.

When people don’t love themselves enough, they start sending weird text messages trying to get the attention of the girl they just met. [7]

6. Assume she is seducing you

By texting her that you think she’s seducing her, you have seduced her already. You are playing with her mind. 

All flirting has some light seduction mixed in. This makes flirting so fun and exciting.

Here are some examples of what you could text her:

  1. “Please try to be a little more discreet about trying to seduce me”
  2. “Girls seduce me best while touching me, you won’t get far by just texting me”
  3. “Seduce me later, I’ve got to get back to work”

She will feel motivated and will put more work in trying to arouse you. She will feel that she has emotionally hooked you.

Now instead of pushing to flirt with her, she will begin to flirt with you first. She will try to make time to see you.

You’ve flipped the game around. All you’ve done is used some simple, flirty, texts and now she’s after you. She can feel your confidence and wants to get real close.

But that’s also why I’ll remind you to get The Tao of Badass course. She needs a man with confidence, just like you need a hot, sexy girl.

They are willing to worship you as long as you can exude core, confidence that makes her fall into her natural, submissive state. Women are waiting for you to make the transformation.

But as you know by now, I couldn’t do it alone, and neither can you. You must be willing to get that course. 

Why sit at home lonely when you could be flirting with nearly any girl you want. There are so many girls out there and you are chaining yourself down!

7. Inject sexy and dirty talk

If she tells you that she’s had a hard day, tell her that you’ve been hard all day thinking about her. Tell her that the way she looked at you made your heart beat faster.

Make her feel sexy with your texts. Tell her that her lips reminded you so-and-so actress that is so sexy.

Ask her if she practices making her eyes having an effect on men. Tell her that you last for 3 hours in bed as long as she doesn’t look at you straight in the eyes.

Talk about masturbation. In case you don’t know all girls masturbate, just like boys do.

She might start telling you how she uses her vibrator to get herself to orgasm (buy her one as a present). And if you want to last longer in bed, get yourself a male masturbator.

Once you’ve got this masturbator and been practicing for more than a few weeks, you’ll last for more than 10 minutes. You will be able to give her multiple orgasms.

Ask her about the naughtiest things she has done. Laugh about it and she will feel very close to you. 

While flirting you want to make the girl feel that you accept her and all of the naughty and dirty things she desires. [8, 9]

8. Compliment her

How did I wait till now to talk about this. This is essential for texting girls in any situation, not only flirting. You’ve got to compliment any girl that you are with.

Make her feel special. Make her feel lovable. Make her feel desirable. 

You are laying the foundation for flirting. This makes the girl feel open and happy to be with you.

A lot of guys say that compliments are for needy guys or ‘simps’. Here is the thing: it’s not about what you do or say, it’s how you do it.

The needy guy will say the same thing that the confident guy would say, but the girl will completely ignore the needy guy. Why can’t the needy guy flirt?

It’s because he lacks the confidence to say it in a way that makes the girl feel like she is prettier or smarter. 

When a compliment comes from a confident guy, he means it and the girl doesn’t feel that he’s just trying to get something from her.

Try to be as specific as possible. Don’t just text her “you looked pretty last night.”

You’d be much better off telling her exactly what was pretty. Was it her eyes, nails, or hair?

Tell her how her beauty made your body react. Tell her that you couldn’t stop staring at her lips and it was her fault. [10]

9. Be a bad boy

I know I’ve literally just told you that giving compliments are great, but sometimes you need to take your inner bad boy out.

You don’t always need to be the gentleman around girls. Be tough with her.

Sometimes the best way to flirt is by telling her what you want from her. Don’t hide anything.

Be the boss. Let her become submissive and serve you.

Text her like you already own her.

Here are some examples of what you can text her:

  1. You better come over and make me dinner, then get ready to give me a massage. 
  2. Stop right now, I don’t care about your life, we are having lunch together
  3. I treat girl roughly, but I know you secretly love every moment
  4. If you don’t walk in wearing lingerie, don’t bother knocking
  5. If you keep texting me like this I’ll walk away

This makes you the bad boy that girls love, but don’t even know why. She won’t know what makes you have such an effect on her.

And she will be desperate to flirt with you. This is the goal. We don’t want to make you pushing the flirting.

We want her doing all the hard work. From the second you start texting her till the moment you get into bed together, she should be working hard.

But again, I’m sorry if I’m too repetitive. You must get the course that I mentioned. No girl will worship you when you’re needy.

They only worship the bad boy, confident guy. Become that man by getting that course.

10. Assume you will have 10 children with her

It’s an easy joke that can start a flirty conversation with her that is mildly sexual. Text her in a serious manner that she better be ready to have 10 kids with you or no deal.

She might start trying to make a compromise with you. Getting you to agree on having only 7 kids.

Then you can make up names for these kids. You can even get angry when she comes up with a name that you don’t like.

Make her apologize. She will love this conversation.

And from here you will learn about her value and beliefs that can open doors for more conversations. You’ll also see if you want to make her your girlfriend.

When I started my attempts to flirt I could not understand why I couldn’t get myself a girlfriend. I was able to get laid, but keeping a girl was so hard. Why?

It was because I wasn’t creative enough with my flirting. You’ve got to be creative and start having funny conversations like this one.

11. Don’t write her an essay

I also must warn you about writing 10 messages before she even gets a chance to reply. This is the ultimate needy move.

When she sends you a message, give yourself a minute. Chill out.

You don’t need to get her approval. Let yourself tease her. 

This doesn’t need to be all serious. If you don’t text her immediately nothing bad will happen.

Girls do this all the time. They will act as if they don’t need the guy, when they can’t stop thinking about him.

Don’t worry about making girls wait and like I said, make your responses short and sweet.

12. Remember Girls send emojis

When guys flirt over text they tend to send her 10 emojis in every message. Don’t do that.

It’s cringe.

That’s what girls love to do. She wants you to act like a man. 

One emoji that works is the winking one 😉. That works fine. 

Let the girl send you all of these: 💔💓💕😅😍😋😙… but it’s not for you. That’s how she flirts, not you.

13. Set the date

Like I mentioned earlier, texting is not where you get to know the girl. It’s really just a setup in order to set a date.

It’s a means to an end. You aren’t texting for the sake of it. You want to date her, kiss her and get inside her.

That is the goal. And maybe you even want to make her your girlfriend because she’s that hot.

So how do you go about transitioning from flirting to dating?

Be the bad boy. You need confidence for this one, but it shouldn’t be a big deal if you already got the course that I recommended to you.

Tell her that you’ll meet at this restaurant and this time. Don’t ask her. 

By asking her for the date you sound needy and it gives her the opportunity to say she doesn’t have time or push you off.

Be bold. That’s what she wants. [11, 12, 13]


I’ve given you the 13 steps to flirt with any hot chick over text:

  1. Don’t rush the texting
  2. Assume she loves men
  3. Keep things light and fun
  4. Assume she loves you
  5. Don’t say things she might not understand
  6. Assume she is seducing you
  7. Inject sexy and dirty talk
  8. Compliment her
  9. Be a bad boy
  10. Assume you will have 10 children with her
  11. Don’t write her an essay
  12. Remember girls send emojis
  13. Set the date

But what are you going to do now?

You still don’t know how to make her stay. How to keep her coming back for more.

Or maybe you want an open relationship with 3 girls. Most guys can’t dream of this, but I know you can get a girl riding you every night.

You are chaining yourself down. You are punishing yourself. Why?

Is it because you don’t think that you look good enough? Who told you that anyways?

I am an average looking guy, yet I have all the abundance of girls that I want.

So please, do yourself a favor and get The Tao of Badass seduction course. You will really, truly become a bad boy that girls can’t resist. 

Don’t hold yourself back anymore. You have girls waiting for you to make this fateful investment.

Your friend, 


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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work