11 Steps to Kiss a GIRL for The First Time With Total Confidence

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This is not a quick guide on how to kiss a girl for the first time, this is a complete rundown of what you need to do from the moment you decide to kiss a girl, till you finish kissing her.

This post includes many YouTube videos and pictures so that you understand exactly what you need to do from the beginning till the end.

I had to learn the art of kissing the hard way, messing up multiple times, but with all that experience I’m here to make the journey easier for you.

1. Find out if this girl wants to kiss you

The first step is to find out if this girl even wants to kiss you! Nothing is worse than going for a kiss and being rejected! 

So here are 3 reliable signs that a girl really likes you and is down to make out:

She laughs at your jokes

Do you notice that whatever you say makes her crack up as if she can’t get enough of your jokes? It’s because she’s got a crush on you.

It’s also a great sign that you’re in a healthy relationship and there’s no better way of taking your relationship to the next step than kissing her.

if she's happy with you she wants to kiss you

She tries to impress you

Obviously if she’s trying to impress you because she wants you, but how do you know if a girl’s trying to impress you?

You notice that every time she’s around you, she looks super attractive, even alluring. This includes:

  1. She gets her hair done
  2. She get her nails done
  3. She’s wearing a revealing dress

Of course, girls can impress a guy in many other ways such as touching themselves in a seductive way, using their soft voice, and being super cute.

She looks at you

If she’s looking at you like the devil it probably doesn’t mean that she’s down to make out. It’s probably a sign that she feels pissed off at you!

But we’re discussing the type of stare that conveys a deep desire. She’s looking at you in a way that you know she wants to feel your lips pressed against hers.

If you notice that your girl is doing one or more of these behaviors she’s giving you the green light to kiss her.

Keep in mind that if you are dealing with a shy girl it’s much harder to tell when she’s interested in kissing so you’d be better off first reading my post titled How To Tell If a Shy Girl Likes You In 13 CLEAR Ways and then come back to finish this post.

2. Don’t worry about making an mistake

Don’t be like most guys that get so damn worried about kissing perfectly that ruins their first kiss. Stop overthinking it.

Even if you somehow screw up by kissing her on the nose just laugh it off and the girl won’t even care! Never worry about getting every single step 100 percent right.

And don’t let yourself think that only boys like kissing because any girl will tell you how much she loves making out with a hot dude which makes them scared to mess up too!

When girls kiss it makes them feel euphoric, they completely lose themselves in the moment. There’s a good reason why we kiss! [1]

And by the way, if you’re an attractive alpha male the girl you want to kiss is even more scared to mess up than you because she knows all the other girls would be ready to line up to taste your lips!

So my point is don’t worry about it! Kissing is an art, you don’t need to be perfect and the more you let yourself fall into the moment, the more passionate your kissing will be.

3. Get yourself ready to kiss

If you have a date with a pretty girl and you think that she’s intimately interested in you, you need to get ready in 4 ways:

Have white teeth

Studies have shown that people with white teeth are 20% more attractive and besides, any girl will feel more comfortable kissing a guy with clean, white teeth! [2]

I don’t even know why I need to say this, but please brush your teeth to get those super white, shiny teeth!

Fresh breath

Yes it’s true, girls don’t like kissing guys with a breath that reeks the smell of rotting garlic! What a surprise, but seriously, keep your breath smelling fresh.

Every morning use mouthwash, make it a daily ritual. Mouthwash will give you a nice minty breath, but girls will also see that you care about your own appearance.

You’re giving off a good sign that you have self-respect.

Use cologne

Girls absolutely love guys that wear nice smelling cologne and the great part is that it’s so easy to do right, just pick up a normal bottle of deodorant. 

But if you really want to make girls crazy about you, use pheromones. Pheromone spray basically plays with your girls natural hormones to make her want to kiss you.

Keep your hair clean

When you passionately kiss, girls love to put their hands pretty much everywhere, on your face, beard, hair and neck! But that means you better stay clean everywhere.

That means you must take a shower at least once a day and you better scrub down there because you never know what can happen after some passionate kissing… 

4. Keep your lips in a kissable state

Besides for keeping yourself clean and looking good, there’s one part that I bet you haven’t thought about: your lips.

Think about it: you kiss with your… lips! If you don’t have kissable lips, it’s gonna be hard to get that first kiss in!

The best part is that it’s super easy to get those perfect lips, just follow the steps in the following video.


And just remember that you must moisturize your lips daily even when you don’t feel your lips drying or cracking. And with time you’ll get those sexy lips girls crave kissing.

5. Make sure your girl is ready to kiss

Knowing when to kiss a girl is just as important as knowing how to kiss a girl.

There are 2 rules when it comes to knowing when to kiss a girl.

Rule #1: Make sure she’s looking good

Girls only like to kiss or intimately connect when they feel desirable because only then girls don’t feel objectified or trashy.

The more desirable and lovable she feels, the more open she’ll be to kissing you.

So when does a girl actually feel desirable? When she looks attractive: she’s done her makeup, has a super cute dress and put on that sexy, red, lipstick. 

That’s when she feels most desirable and that’s when you go for your first kiss.

Rule #2: Kiss when you can match her energy

When you kiss a girl you are connecting with her on a deep emotional level. But if you aren’t in the same emotional place as her, how can you connect emotionally?

That’s why…

If she’s feeling excited, kiss her excitedly.

If she’s feeling passionate, come at her with passionate energy.

If she’s being super romantic, romantically kiss her.

If she is feeling anxious, kiss her with that energy.

If she’s feeling down, kiss her in a low-spirited away.

By the way, this also means that you can kiss a girl even if she’s not in the best mood because all you need to do is match her energy like we just explained.

This is especially important if you’re kissing a girl for the first time because if she’s relaxed and you’re full of anxiety, there’s no way you’ll connect with her on an emotional level.

Like I mentioned earlier, confidence is a must. [3]

getting a girl ready to kiss you

6. Increase intimacy before the kiss 

By now you know that kissing is all about creating an emotional connection. That emotional connection is what we call intimacy. 

The problem is that we naturally run away from intimacy because we fear the possible rejection that hurts so much more after we’ve already connected at an emotional level.

So how do you get around this problem?

You gradually bring up the temperature and intimacy with your girl to slowly make her comfortable with the idea of kissing you with these 2 steps:

Step #1: Touch her strategically

In my article titled How To Get a GIRLS Attention In 11 Extremely Simple Ways I discuss the power of touch and how to use it to make girls go crazy for you.

But for now I’ll give you a quick run down:

The first time you meet her, start by shaking her hand, but you want to do it in a very specific manner.

Do not shake her hand like a slimy fish for about a tenth of a second! And definitely don’t start climbing up her arm!

Simply shake her hand in a relaxed, but powerful way and hold on for at least 3 seconds.

Doesn’t that sound easy?

That’s how you do it when you just met her, but what about when you’re on the date, trying to get her to kiss you?

Start by caressing her hand and move up and down her lower arm slowly bringing up the temperature.

As you’re doing this place your other hand on the small of her back and rub ever so slightly until you feel ready to kiss. By doing this you are allowing her to be more sexual with you and creating that crucial emotional connection.

Step #2: Deep silence

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that talking all the time will get you laid. It’s not about smart talking, it’s about displaying confidence.

And that best way to do that is by maintaining moments of silence in the moments you feel the most tension.

For example, you’re sitting on a date and for a silent moment you find yourself looking eye to eye with your girl. So instead of saying something to fill in that awkward moment, stay relaxed and go for the kiss.

She won’t resist any of your efforts because you just displayed a level of confidence most guys don’t have. You don’t fight awkwardness, you make friends with it.

And this works well with what we just said in rule #1, when you allow yourself to connect with your girl in that silent moment, lightly caress her and then kiss her.

7. Tease her till she needs to kiss you

Teasing is the act of provoking or making fun of someone in a playful way (Oxford Dictionary). 

Teasing is one of the best ways to impress a girl, girls literally fall in love with guys that know how to tease them. 

Teasing girls is a must. Here are examples of what you can say to tease her:

  1. What a dumb girl, why can’t you be a little more discreet about seducing me
  2. I don’t have time for your perfect body [wink]
  3. Gosh what makes you think that your pretty face deserves my time?
  4. You better apologize about making me stare at those red, sexy lips
  5. You couldn’t flirt with a rock even if you tried [wink wink!]
  6. [pointing to girls] Wow, those girls have the most perfect bodies, whaddya think?
  7. Do you do anything else besides for looking cute?

Teasing is not about saying the right words at the right time like a pickup line, it’s about skillfully flirting with a girl.

(Read my post titled How To FLIRT With a Girl And Make Her Crave You because that’s where we deep dive into the details and nuances of flirting with girls.)

8. Keep your kissing simple

Before we actually get into the step by step instructions to kiss her soft lips remember that your goal is to kiss her, not to have a 5 minute make out session.

Don’t try to get all intense or emotional with your first kiss and definitely don’t try french kissing!

Do what I did the first time I kissed a girl: I got a pretty girl on a date and we were having tons of fun together.

After a while we decided to sit down and once I started to feel our connection, I built up the courage and went for it.

I didn’t french kiss or do anything special, but it was definitely enough to be considered my first kiss!

KISS = Keep it Simple, Stupid!

10. Place your lips on her lips correctly

I actually got this step wrong when I kissed for the first time! So let me explain where you place your lips while your kissing a girl:

You place your lips in a way that her bottom lip is between your lips. Which means her top lip is on top of your lips as explained in this video:

Follow this for your first kiss, however as you get more experience don’t be afraid to explore other types of kissing!

11. Kiss her like an alpha male

Out of all the steps we’ve talked about, this step is the most important by far. 

Make sure you get this one right.

You must kiss her in a way that makes her feel your dominant alpha male nature. Being alpha is what turns girls on, makes them horny and gets them to kiss you.

Guys ask all the time: 

How do I kiss a taller girl? 

How do I kiss a girl at school? 

How do I kiss a girl with small lips? 

But the answer is always the same: become an alpha male, kiss her with masculine confidence and everything will workout just fine.

But practically speaking what does being alpha really mean? It means you initiate the kissing, you show unapologetic desire and lead her until you’re done kissing her.

When she feels that alpha male energy she won’t stop till you’re with her in bed and getting busy. I am not exaggerating the least!

kissing a girl for the first time example

12. Place your hands in the right places while kissing 

You’ve prepared yourself to kiss her, you’ve made her feel comfortable kissing you by raising the temperature slowly, and you’ve already placed your lips on her delicious lips, what now?

Where do you put your hands while kissing a girl?

Option number one: place your hands on her hips. This is the simpler, more relaxed way.

Option number two: place your hands on either side of her head. This is great for passionate kissing.

Option number three: mix things up by putting one hand on her waist and the other on the small of her back

There are obviously many different places where you could place your hands, but like we mentioned earlier: KISS = keep it simple, stupid.

13. Kiss her slowly

You will always feel rushed to finish your first kiss due to your inevitable fear, but do your best to slow things down.

Everyone knows that when you’re talking to a girl on Tinder you have to purposefully give it a couple seconds till you reply so that you don’t look needy. 

The same is true while kissing. 

The slower you take it, the more confident and seductive you seem. 

14. After the kiss

Out of all the articles and YouTube videos, no one ever discusses what you are supposed to do after you kiss!

Do you just sit there and stare awkwardly at each other? Of course not, here’s what you can do:

Continue talking

You don’t need to run away after you kiss her, so why don’t you just smile while looking at her and simply continuing the conversation?

And by the way, when you don’t “run away” you are displaying a level of confidence that she’s never seen before which makes it more likely that she’s gonna kiss you again!

Finish with a quick kiss

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that now you always need to kiss her on the lips. Girls love to be kissed everywhere: neck, forehead, cheeks, etc…

This means you can gently bring her head in, kiss her forehead and leave. As long as you don’t rush, you are gonna make her want to do other things with you too.

what to do after you kiss a girl

Finish with a compliment

There are so many ways to compliment a girl, but the simplest way is to tell her how beautiful and cute she is, for example:

  1. Every little detail part of your face comes together to make you look so damn cute
  2. Wow, your smile makes me feel crazy
  3. You have the most perfect lips
  4. If only you knew how your shyness makes you the cutest girl ever
  5. Every time you touch your hair like that every guy stares at you like crazy

Once you do that just give her a big smile, hug her and then leave. [4]


Ultimately there is no effortless way to become a good kisser. You need to practice over and over with different girls until you can kiss them really well.

And the truth is that unless some miracle happens, the first time you kiss won’t be that great…

So get working, take action on these 11 steps and drop a comment if you have any questions!

Your friend,

Colt Smith

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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work