11 Dead-Simple Steps & 32 Examples to Lean in for a Kiss

  • Home
  • /
  • Charisma
  • /
  • 11 Dead-Simple Steps & 32 Examples to Lean in for a Kiss

Whether you’re leaning in for a kiss with a girl or a guy, these instructions will make your partner crazy about kissing you!

And heck, if you’re a girl, going in to kiss another girl, I have an article for you too: 11 Steps to Kiss a Girl if You’re a Girl.

leaning in is also important when kissing lgbt

With that being said, let’s get started!

1. When to lean in for the kiss

Here are 7 reliable times when you know you can lean in for a kiss and not get rejected:

She’s leaning in to you

Forget leaning into her, if she’s already leaning in to you… well what more do you need??

This may be one of the best signs that this girl (or guy) wants to kiss you.

Here's an example:

example of a girl leaning in towards a guy for a kiss

She’s lingering around after your first date

Don’t miss this one:

You’ve finished the date and for some reason she just won’t leave! 

This is usually a very strong sign that she wants you to make the bold move and kiss her.

She’s touching you

No need to explain, but here are some examples:

  1. 1
    She’s rubbing your leg or thigh
  2. 2
    She’s resting her arm across your shoulders
  3. 3
    She’s playing with your hair

The point is that she’s actively breaking the touch barrier which is a great sign to how she feels about you.

She’s maintaining eye contact

As they say: you’ll see it in her eyes.

She’s licking her lips or looking at your lips

We’re talking about kissing right?

So if she’s playing with her lips or looking at yours is probably a sign to what she’s dreaming about. 

Here's a perfect example:

if a girl is playing with her lips like this, it's a sign you can lean in for a kiss

More in depth here: 13 Signs [With 53 Examples] to Tell if a Girl Wants to Kiss You

She’s totally engaged in the conversation 

If she loves talking to you, it’s a decent sign that she’s romantically interested in you.

So what are some key ways to know if she likes having conversations with you?

  1. 1
    She asks you dirty questions
  2. 2
    She asks you deep questions
  3. 3
    She asks you weird questions
  4. 4
    She has long responses to your questions making the conversation very engaging

You can stroke her back

If you can stroke her back (especially the “small of her back”) and see her enjoy it, you know she likes it when you touch her and possibly kiss her.

And if she lets you massage her back like this picture, I think you're well past this kissing zone [wink, wink].

if a girl lets you touch her back, it's a sign you can lean in for a kiss

You can hold her hand

I’m a little biased with this one, maybe because I have an overkill article just about holding any girl's hand, however I still believe this is a great sign.

If can hold her hand (not just shake her hand!), try caressing her arm and if she’s OK with that you could probably also go for a kiss.

Here's a great example of holding hands on a first date in a romantic way:  

If she lets you hold her hands, it's a sign that she feels ok with you leaning in

Bottom line:

Sometimes it’s not about the “right technique”, sometimes it’s about getting the right timing.

And obviously, you could skip all of this by getting your girl to kiss you, but that’s a whole nother level of expertise that we can’t cover here.

2. Never hesitate while leaning in for a kiss

Here’s what the great dating coach, Joshua Pellicer talks about in his course while discussing “The Biggest Mistakes You Make”:

Hesitation is number nine. Everyone hesitates naturally, so you have to consciously make an effort not to. The best way to defeat hesitation is simply to not give yourself time for it. Stop thinking so much about approaching a woman and just do it! You can also make use of a few motivating factors that you know will force you into action. What are one or two things that you can say to yourself that you know will motivate you to do anything? When I was first starting to learn this stuff, I told myself things like “Be a man!” and “Don’t be a pussy!” Whenever I heard those two things, I would stop hesitating and act.

Repeat after me: never hesitate. 


Hesitation is the number one mistake guys make.

  • Hesitation kills attraction.
  • Hesitation shows her that you’re a beta.
  • Hesitation shows her that you’re a beginner.
  • Hesitation is deadly and you need to avoid it at all costs.

Here’s how:

  1. 1
    Never “hover”
  2. 2
    Once you decide, do it right away even if this is gonna be your first time kissing a girl
  3. 3
    Think of kissing as an everyday thing, not some crazy, one-in-a-lifetime experience
  4. 4
    Remember that you’re worthy of being kissed
  5. 5
    Realize that girls get nervous kissing guys too

Here’s another piece from Joshua Pellicer’s course, The Tao of Badass: Everything You Have To Know To Be A Complete Badass With Women where he’s talking about approaching girls, but it very clearly applies to our topic too:

The initial impulse you experience that motivates you to approach a woman is blocked by fear in approximately one to two seconds. If you approach before this happens, you will hack your brain and bypass that hesitation factor. If you don’t act within that time frame, your brain’s excuse processes will begin functioning. The time it takes for your emotional brain to make up an excuse and send it to your logical brain for approval is about one to two seconds, occasionally three seconds, so approach as soon as you possibly can. You should always be the winner in a race that pits you against your brain.

I highly recommend his Speed Attraction Presentation which is open to the public, and it goes without saying that if you can afford it, you would benefit greatly from his complete course.

3. Give some signs you want to kiss

This may be overkill for most of you reading this, but if this is your first time, you may want to try this as it’ll make both of you more comfortable.

  1. 1
    Give her compliments about her lips - I know women willing to pay a million bucks to get lips that look as juicy as yours - 100’s of examples here
  2. 2
    Look down at her eyes and then lips with that “I’m gonna kiss you” look
  3. 3
    I know you’re scared, but that’s why you need to try to make it less obvious by talking extra slow and confidently

And that’s it, now you’re all set!

[adinserter block="2"]

4. Sit close to her 

You can lean over a table to kiss (as seen in the following picture), but that’s not ideal.

leaning over this table like this is not ideal

So what’s the best position to lean in? 

Sitting next to her like this:

sitting next to a girl like this makes it much easier to kiss her

By sitting next to her you won’t have to reach over 3 feet and missing her lips will be virtually impossible.

Another benefit to sitting is that if you girl is shorter than you, you won’t have to deal with the height difference. 

Oh and if you do have a short girlfriend, I think you’d benefit great from reading my post all about that titled: How to KISS a Short Girl: 19 Proven Methods

[adinserter block="3"]

5. What to say before you lean in for the kiss

FYI: this step is optional.  [1, 2]

Sometimes not saying anything before a kiss is better, but ultimately it’s your choice so here are some example:

  1. 1
    I need to kiss your precious lips
  2. 2
    I know you’re dying to kiss me...
  3. 3
    Heck! Let’s kiss right now
  4. 4
    I can tell that you need to kiss me
  5. 5
    I need your perfect lips now
  6. 6
    Sorry I can’t hold myself back
  7. 7
    Look up! 
  8. 8
    I know you love me
  9. 9
    More examples here: 10 Ways to Ask a Girl for a Kiss

And here’s what Joshua Pellicer (the dating coach we mentioned earlier) advises you say after getting the right Indicators of Interest (IOI’s):

Wondering what you should say and how you actually go in for the kiss? The best approach I’ve found is just to be direct. Call her out on it by saying “It’s okay.” When she asks “What’s okay?” say “You can kiss me, I want to kiss you too.”

He then explains why this technique works so well:

The reason it works as well as it does is that I give acceptance to the woman by showing her that I’m interested as well. By saying “It’s okay, I want to kiss you too” you make her feel like she’s not putting herself out on a limb and facing the possibility of rejection. Rejection is everyone’s biggest fear, whether you’re a man or a woman, so it’s important to make people feel safe with you. If you eliminate that fear, then you eliminate pretty much any hesitation a woman might have about kissing you. It’s an incredibly simple and powerful technique.

It goes without saying that I highly recommend this course and if you can afford it, I’d get it immediately. 

Here’s the link to his Speed Attraction Presentation and the option to opt in for “The Tao of Badass: Everything You Have To Know To Be A Complete Badass With Women”.

6. Lean in slowly

We all get scared when kissing a girl on the first date.

And that’s OK!

But that doesn't mean that you need to let the fear control you. Right? 

So here’s what I always tell my students: go slow.

Think of your first driving lesson. Did you drive quickly? Of course not. You drove slowly to avoid getting into a crash.

Same here:

  1. 1
    Take it slow 
  2. 2
    Be delicate
  3. 3
    Don’t force it
  4. 4
    Align your lips carefully 
  5. 5
    Talk calmly
  6. 6
    Don’t make any erratic movements
  7. 7
    Enjoy her soft lips!

This is how you avoid 90% of your problems.

7. Lean to the right

Now that you're leaning in, turn your head slightly to the right so that you don’t bump heads.

Example of leaning to the right so that you don't bump heads

Can you turn to the left too? Of course you can, kissing is like an art. There are no solid rules.  [3]

However, I’m trying to make things as simple as I can for you and by default, girls expect guys to lean to the right.


If you notice that she’s not playing along by only giving you her cheek. That’s a clear sign she doesn’t want a kiss on the lips so don’t force it.

Let it slide. This is not the only opportunity you’ll get with this girl and there are plenty of other women out there interested in you.

8. Let her lean in too 

Follow the 90/10 rule.

What’s that?

You lean in 90% and let the girl make up the last 10%. 


The purpose of doing this is to make the girl commit to kissing you too and put in some effort even if she’s playing hard to get.

9. Close your eyes

Simple mistake to avoid: don’t keep your eyes open while you’re actually kissing otherwise you risk:

  • Being crossed eyed
  • Looking at her 2 cm away!
  • Not even being sure about where to look

And yes, while you’re leaning in keep your eyes open so that you don’t miss her lips.

10. Kiss 

Won’t go too deep into the actually kissing because I have an article on pretty much every aspect of it, but here’s my one minute instruction:

  1. 1
    Find the right place to kiss (preferably when you have some degree of privacy)
  2. 2
    Get the perfect timing
  3. 3
    Place your hands around her waist or wherever feels right
  4. 4
    Kiss her by starting lightly then move out while looking into her eyes
  5. 5
    Go back to her lips and the back out again
  6. 6
    If she likes it, go in and gradually use some tongue 
  7. 7
    If you can tell that she doesn’t want to go deeper (for now), back off slowly

To get a full step by step guide of kissing, consider reading: How to Kiss a Girl In 17 Easy to Follow Steps

11. What to do after you leaned in to kiss

What do you do now?

Here are a couple options:

Touch her hair

If you’re sitting on a bench beside her (best case scenario) just back away, but keep your hand in her hair, caressing it lightly.

If you’re thinking of sleeping with her, place your hand by the roots of her hair and pull lightly because this makes girls super horny!

[adinserter block="4"]


You always want to give her a big smile no matter what else you do. 

Smiling is very powerful, it makes them feel safe, loved and cherished. [4]

Compliment her

I’ve talked about complimenting girls plenty. Just give her a compliment from one of my 100 compliments for girls and watch her eyes shine.

Say it sincerely, sound confident and I can promise you that she’ll kiss you again!

Cuddle and hug her 

Contrary to popular opinion: You don’t need to be in bed to cuddle. 

If you’re sitting outside on a bench let her lean her head on you and while she’s doing that, wrap your arms around her. 

Cuddling doesn’t have to be complicated and it’s great for right after a wet, tongue filled kiss!

Give her a final kiss

Lightly kiss her forehead or cheek and she’ll be so happy

a final kiss on the forehead like this an excellent way to finish off


Kissing is one of the best experiences you’ll have in life so it’s important you get it right.

But it’s important that you don’t beat yourself up when you fail.

Failure is OK and it will happen. Heck I’ve kissed tons of girls and I still mess up every so often. It’s OK to mess it up.

Be your own best friend, and with practice you’ll improve!

Your friend, 

Colt Smith

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work