12 Subtle Ways to Flirt With a Girl at Work & Date a Coworker

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I hate boring intros, so let’s get right into it:

1. Pros And Cons Of Flirting With A Coworker

Don’t get me wrong, It is absolutely possible to meet your future wife at work - and I’ll teach you how. But out of all places, work is basically the worst. 

Here’s why.


1. Possibly Illegal To Date A Coworker

Some jobs won’t allow coworkers to date. So it can be like dating a stripper evading the boss’s CCTV cameras.

being caught on camera flirting at work

Being caught on camera flirting at work!

2. Don’t Shit Where You Eat

Dating a coworker is just like meeting women at your local gym (29 Concrete Steps to Approaching & Talking to Girls at the Gym) or school (55 Tried-and-True Steps to Get a Girlfriend at College), if you mess up, you’ll be wading through that shit until you leave.

  • What happens if you break up? 
  • What happens if they start dating your best friend?
  • What happens after the one night stand? 

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3. False Rape Accusations (FRA’s)

Study on FRA’s from PubMed:

With the cooperation of the police agency of a small metropolitan community, 45 consecutive, disposed, false rape allegations covering a 9 year period were studied. These false rape allegations constitute 41% the total forcible rape cases (n = 109) reported during this period. These false allegations appear to serve three major functions for the complainants: providing an alibi, seeking revenge, and obtaining sympathy and attention. False rape allegations are not the consequence of a gender-linked aberration, as frequently claimed, but reflect impulsive and desperate efforts to cope with personal and social stress situations.

As you can tell, FSA’s are more common than most have been led to believe and as SevensLegal report, FRA’s have disastrous effects:

Although rape allegations are never something that should be taken lightly, neither are unfounded rape accusations. Even being falsely accused of rape, the results can have tragic consequences. For example, California football star Brian Banks spent five years behind bars after classmate Wanetta Gibson accused him of rape. When Gibson later contacted him and apologized, admitting she had fabricated the whole rape attack, he was later exonerated. A similar case involved William McCafrey in New York. After he served four years of a 20 year life sentence, his accuser, Biurny Peguero, confessed that injuries she had received was not due to McCafrey raping her but rather the result of a fight she had with several woman. Although both men eventually were released from prison, they had spent years behind bars waiting, and hoping, the truth about their rape allegations would be revealed.

So what does this mean? Should you go all blackpill and never talk to a woman again? Of course, not! 

I quoted the previous pieces to show that dating a girl from your serious corporate career job is risky business and frankly not worth it. However, if you’re a young guy and it’s a boring job that barely pays, I wouldn’t worry too much.

4. You End Up Competing For Same Corporate Jobs And Promotions
5. What Happens If You Get Laid Off And She Doesn’t?
6. It’s Hard Not To Have A Relationship Centered Around Work

You’re gonna be working extra hard to not be discussing work all the time.

7. You Can’t Escape Each Other

Most couples get their time apart from work, but where will you get time for yourself if you work, sleep, and eat with her? 

8. You Look Unprofessional

In general, dating a girl from work can have a bad effect on your work. If you’re not careful, you can easily seem unprofessional. 

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1. It’s Convenient 

You don’t need to actively head out and meet girls (Where Can I Meet a Girl? Top 25 Venues to Meet Women Easily). You just show up to work Monday morning.

2. You Already Have Something In Common


3. Low Risk In Terms Of Rejection

As you’ll soon see, unlike approaching a girl on the street, when you approach a girl at work you take things slowly and constantly test the waters which means the chances of getting outright rejected is lower. 


Even if you do decide getting with a girl from work isn’t worth it, keep reading, I think there’s a lot to learn.

2. Lose Your Obsession With Her

My guess is that part of the reason why you aren’t dating outside of work is because you have an obsession with this one girl. Well, I’ve come to say, it’s time to lose that obsession and stop stalking her. Only after you’ve removed your neediness is a successful seduction a possibility.

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3. When To Flirt With A Girl At Work

Best times to start flirting with a coworker:

  1. When she’s on her way out at the end of the day (much like approaching a girl at the gym)
  2. While she’s having lunch break at the cafeteria (much like getting a girlfriend at school)
  3. When she’s on her way in. Not as good as on her way out because she’ll be busy trying to get started with work.
  4. Not when she’s around coworkers. 
  5. Not when the boss is around. You’ve got to have basic situational awareness. Most girls are under pressure to keep their jobs and look good for their boss.
Flirting with a girl at work

You can flirt with her before she gets started with her work

4. Have A Good Reputation At Work

Law 5: So Much Depends On Reputation Guard It With Your Life.
Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once it slips, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

For our purposes, here’s what a good reputation at work means:

  1. You are seen as the cool guy at work, everyone likes you
  2. You get along with the boss, not being too nice or too argumentative 
  3. You are known as the guy that gets girls - while still being discreet about the girls you’ve slept with

This kind of reputation won’t do the flirting for you, but it will make everything a lot easier and remove unnecessary resistance.  

5. Don’t Overdo Your Flirting

Before we get into the meat and potatoes, let’s keep things in perspective: 

Flirting with a girl at work is much like texting a girl. How? Both are simply a means to an end. 

  • You don’t flirt with a girl at work to date her at work.
  • You don’t text a girl to f*ck her over the phone!

In both examples, you are using your current opportunity to set up logistics, take the girl out on a date and sleep with her. 

So practically speaking, once you get her out on a date and have slept with her, lower the energy, you don’t want to overdo your flirting. 

6. Create rapport

Next, you need to create rapport with the actual girl you’re targeting. The goal isn’t to become her friend, lest you’ll end up in the friend zone, rather you just want to create enough comfort so that you’ll be able to seduce her later. 

Create rapport with your girl before you start to flirt and tease her

Create rapport with your girl before you start to flirt and tease her

7. Tease Her Flirtatiously 

Now it’s time to seed her attraction by teasing her (attraction is not created in rapport, but rather through friction). 

Here are some examples: 

  1. When she asks for a cup/ pen, start to hand it to her, but pull away at the last second
  2. Tell her “I had a dream about you working last night. Fuck. You really gotta invade my dreams too?”
  3. Put a fart bag on her chair and laugh uncontrollably when she sits on it or discovers it
  4. Tell her that the way she looks is distracting you from work, but initially make her feel like it’s a compliment. When she says thank you, tell her “Oh no, that’s not what I meant, I don’t know what happened to your hair today. Could you please hide behind that desk”

As I explain in my Guide to Teasing, you need to convey that you’re just playing with her and do not mean to criticize her:

"Even though teasing isn’t meant to be comfortable - teasing is about building tension - so it’s still crucial that you communicate via opposite signals that you’re just playin and not trying to offend her. 

For example:

  1. Say your line in a serious voice, but you half smile
  2. Say your ‘mean’ line in a playful voice
  3. Say your mean line in a serious voice and do not smile, but playfully push her away

Now she knows your playfully teasing her and not hating on her with some stupid criticism."

There’s a ton more to be learnt about teasing (and about 71 more examples), so for that read this article: The Guide: 74 Methods To Tease A Girl [& Learn Cock-Funny]

8. Test If The Flirting Is Working

Before we take it to the next step, we want to play it safe (because we’re at work) by testing the waters: does she like you or is just not interested?

Well, here’s some positive signs that a coworker likes you:

  1. She’s asking you basic questions about you (where are you from, what did you do before this job, etc.)
  2. She’s comfortable with shaking your hand in a more friendly way (not strictly formal/ business-like)
  3. She’s asking you flirty questions. Examples here: 100 Flirty [And Cute] Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend.
  4. She asks you how you think she looks in her new dress
  5. She shares personal stories with you
  6. She seems to like spending time around you
  7. She asks you for help with easy/ quick work related tasks
  8. She greets you with a big “Duchenne” smile each morning (not the formal/work smile)
  9. She actively flirts with you. Examples here: How To Tell If a GIRL Is Flirting with YOU 

Now that you know that this girl likes you at work, you’re ready to take it to the next level and close the deal. 

how to tell if a girl likes your flirting

She wants you to flirt more!

9. Use Indirect-direct Flirting To Start A Conversation

The purpose of “Indirect-direct Flirting” is to be stealthy without hiding your dick and risk falling into the friend zone. 

So how does it work?

You say something very banal/ normal (e.g. you look great this morning! What’s your plan for the weekend?), but say it while looking at her with desire and in a voice that makes it clear what you really want. 

From here you have a basic conversation while throwing in some sexual innuendo spikes, e.g. talking about things that are wet, hard, etc.

And this conversation leads us right into the next step...

10. How To Ask A Coworker On A Date

Before you end the conversation, you gotta ask her out on a date, so here’s how:

  1. Use a False Time Constraint by telling her that you understand she needs to get back to work and you need to meet up with friends in a minute. This way she’s not worried that you’re about to eat up all her time.
  2. Tell her again that you think she’s attractive (doing this to make sure she knows you don’t want to be her friend)... 
  3. ...And that you’d like to take her out to your favorite bar this weekend (be specific about what/where/when, girls want a guy who can plan a date)

If she agrees, take her number (if you don’t already have it) and keep the texting flirtatious until you take her out. 

If she doesn’t want to go out with you, do not escalate or push her. Remember, you’re at work here and any complaint can screw you over. Simply tell her to take it as a compliment and move on.

11. How To Date A Girl From Work

As mentioned, when you ask her out on a date, you want to suggest going to a bar. Why specifically the bar?

  1. If you take her on a boring coffee date you’ll end up talking about work 
  2. If you take her on an adventure date (e.g. biking together), you risk falling into the friend zone

So now that she’s on a date at a bar with you, here’s what you do:

  1. Have fun. Tease each other. The Guide: 74 Methods To Tease A Girl [& Learn Cock-Funny] 
  2. Ask her flirty questions: 150 Flirty Questions to Ask a Girl That'll Make Her Laugh 
  3. Avoid any serious topics. 14+ Things to Talk About On a First Date
  4. [Optional] Flirt with other girls at the bar to make her jealous. 22 Smooth Steps to Approach Girls at the Bar [& 34 Practical Examples] 

Now that she’s having fun with you, it’s time to bounce her to another bar (bouncing girls to different venues makes girls feel like they’ve spent more time with you) and move on with the seduction:

  1. Start by toning down the energy and share some more personal things about you to deeper the emotional connection
  2. Then escalate again with a kiss. How to KISS a Girl on The First Date In 8 Irresistible Ways

At this point you have 2 choices:

  1. End your first date with her and wish her good night
  2. Continue escalating and take her home

If you weren’t able to kiss her and you can tell that she’s not into it, call it a night and try again the following date (read: Ask for a Second Date: 14 Subtle Methods [With Examples]). 

However, if she’s flirting with you and you can tell that it’s on, try taking her back to your place. How? Continue reading!

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12. How To Sleep With A Coworker 

Again, you’re only gonna try to bring her back to your place only if you’re sure she’s turned on. That being said, here are the basic steps:

  1. Use Plausible Deniability (some reason why she should come to your place) and a False Time Constraint (telling her that she can’t stay long for whatever reason) when inviting her back to your place. Example: "I really need to show you some incredible photos from our last trip to Switzerland [Plausible Deniability], but you can’t stay for long, I don’t want to be tried at work tomorrow [False Time Constraint]"
  2. If you can walk to your place in 5 minutes, walk it. Otherwise, get a taxi, you don’t want to burst your seduction bubble 
  3. On the way home, back off and be less sexual. (This is what’s known as Fractionation. You don’t want to be ON all the time.)
  4. The same goes for when you’re walking into your place. Don’t immediately jump on her! Chill with her, show her some YouTube videos, whatever.
  5. Escalate by making out on the bed, touching her all over, etc.
  6. Back down again by watching some movie 
  7. Escalate for the final time
Sleeping with a coworker

When you invite her into your place, don't immediately jump on her. Chill out, show her a YouTube video, then escalate again.

After you’ve slept with a coworker, you gotta keep things quiet, and not just so that the boss doesn’t hear about it, but so that other girls won’t be scared to sleep with you because they know you keep things quiet. 


As mentioned, dating a girl at work is risky business. However risky business can sometimes pay off quite well. So if you’re traveling the world or at a job that doesn’t mean much to you, try it!

As always, if you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends. And if you have any questions, as always, share them in the comments below.

Good luck, 


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About the author 

Coach Colt here, the founder of Dating Armory, your go-to source for no-nonsense, practical relationship advice. I'm a bisexual male in a same-sex open relationship and a researcher in sex, love, and relationships with 7+ years of experience. I specialize in helping both men and women navigate the crazy world of dating.

Don't miss my other guides packed with practical dating advice (no bullshit repeated Platitudes) and tons of real life examples:

My Top 57 First Date Ideas That Always Work (As a Dating Coach)

Are Coffee Dates Good? It (Kinda) Depends

17 Basic Coffee Date Tips (From a Dating Coach)

How to Get a Gay Boyfriend: 25 Tips That Work