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Yep I also needed a girlfriend years ago. But I realized that I needed to make serious changes to my life.

I needed to jack up my confidence and build my character. Girls found me awkward. Although most people found me awkward because I spoke so quickly.

I hated myself and could not get anyone to truly like me. So my transformation to get to where I am now is truly amazing. 

I have an abundance of girls in my life and I feel calm and confident around them. I am only telling you this to show you what’s possible for you.

I am average looking, yet I still have tons of girls to sleep with. My confidence is through the roof.

You can transform yourself too, but you can’t do it alone. And I didn’t either go at this alone.

I got myself a dating book and a Whatsapp coach that gave me daily challenges for 5 months until I felt that I could go at this alone.

By the end of the 5 months of coaching a was getting laid pretty often. The dating book taught me all the “how to’s” and the coaching gave me the motivation.

The name of the book is The Rise of The Phoenix. And a lot of ideas in this post come from that book.

The author of the book is Sebastian Harris and he will also coach you if you feel that you need help.

I’ll tell you more about the book soon, but I felt that it was necessary to give credit to Sebastian Harris first.

1. Where to meet women

The first thing that you need to do is find the best places to meet women.

If you are going to meet girls for a long term relationship you need to make sure you meet the type of girls that you want to have a relationship with.

You can sleep with any hot girl, but to have a relationship you’ve really got to get along. You can’t just have sex all day.

But to find the right girl you need to search in the right places. You don’t go to a supermarket to buy a computer!

You don’t go to a nightclub if you are looking for a quiet, cute girl. OK, so where can you find the type of girls that you want?

If you need a quiet, cute girlfriend then look in libraries or bookstores. 

If you need an extroverted, party monster girlfriend then don’t step foot into a library and get to a nightclub.

Maybe your not sure what type of girlfriend you need, then look at these places:

The beach: a great way to see girls even when they aren’t fully dressed. Usually they are in a great mood and you can approach them easily.

And of course you can approach women on the street or the mall. If you just want to date till you find the perfect one that’s also a great possibility. [1]

2. Learn to approach women with the right energy

No matter where you go to approach women you’ll need to learn how to approach women. This isn’t easy for most guys.

I don’t even need to tell you, but every girl is super attracted to core confidence. Not being cocky, but calm, core confidence.

The guy that doesn’t act needy. He just knows what he’s worth, knows that he’s likable and from that place he approaches women.

So that’s the first key to a good approach: confidence.

So many girls have told me that they were not attracted to my looks, but to my confidence. I just do not care about what they think of me.

The only way you will build confidence is by working hard every day approaching women. There is no way around it.

Yes, a course really helps, but only you can change yourself.

That’s why I begged you earlier to get the same coaching that I got when I first started off. I was petrified of girls and I could not get myself to talk to them.

I needed a coach, that’s why I used Sebastian’s VIP Whatsapp coaching. He gave me a daily challenge and that’s how I grew.

You can’t build real confidence in 30 days. It takes years to have core confidence, but the coaching is there to get you started off and getting laid.

And like I mentioned, you first get his book and from there you get his coaching so you get the “how to” and the motivation.

I needed girls in my life and I was an emotional mess, but with consistent hard work I made it. Anyone can make it.

In the next parts I’ll give you the exact part of approaching a woman besides for core confidence. [2]

3. Learn how to begin talking to girls

OK, so how can you start talking to girls? You have the confidence, but how do you open up?

This comes straight out of The Rise of The Phoenix, but you’ll get everything once you get his book.

The first thing you want to do is make her feel safe and calm that you just approached her. After all you are just a random guy on the street.

She is frightened. So what can you do?

Tell her why you are approaching her, for example:

“Hi, I just noticed you from the other side of the street and you are just stunning.”

You don’t go straight for the compliment. You first explain to her why you are approaching her.

Sebastian Harris calls this a preframe in his book. It’s a way of making her see your interaction with her in a positive way.

If you left out this crucial preframe and went straight for the compliment you have a really high chance that she will see you as a creep and then it won’t matter what you’ll say.

Once she thinks of you as a creep there is nothing that you can do. That’s why we preframe the conversation, setting who you are and why you are talking to her.

This works if you are talking to girls at the gym or really anywhere.

4. Compliment her

Perfect, you’ve set the state. You have confidence and you preframed the conversation. This is great. You are getting stuff done!

But now what? Do you just let her go?

You give her a compliment. Not some random compliment, I mean a compliment that is super personal.

You’ll get better at this with time. You have to think fast. 

What about this girl makes her special. Because if you just call her cute, you’ll be just like the millions of other guys.

An easy one that you can pull off is you look like this-and-this celebrity. 

  1. “You’ve got a smile like Jessica Alba”
  2. “Your hips remind me of Shakira”
  3. “Your stunning eyes are just like Carlize Theron”

Then you can move onto a simple compliment because you’ve set the stage. She will be shocked.

In the book, Sebastian mentions that guys think that girls don’t care about compliments. Scared guys think that girls are above compliments.

They think that girls don’t care about compliments. But girls are human too and they experience emotions too.

Girls love having their ego boosted and there is no better way than starting off an approach to a potentially future girlfriend with a compliment.

Keep compliments in mind when you start texting her.

5. Get over fear of rejection

Before I explain how to finish off the approach, I need to get through this point:

I hate hearing guys tell me that they are looking for the method that will guarantee zero-rejections. It doesn’t exist.

You will get rejected. Not every girl will like you and that’s fine.

In fact, the less you care about rejection the more attractive you are as a man. The less you care if she likes you or not the more attractive you’ll be to her.

So when you get the course that I told you about, don’t expect that you’ll be rejection-less and that you’ll change instantly because you won’t.

Everything worth it takes hard work. Accept that you will be rejected much more at the beginning, but that’s part of the journey.

6. Assume something about her

Now that we got that ironed out, we can get to the next step: start chatting with girls.

How do you transition between a compliment to a passionate conversation?

Again this idea comes straight out of my favorite book that I mentioned earlier: make an assumption about her.

For example:

  1. You look like you are a big traveler
  2. I guess you are in college
  3. You can even say “You look like you could cook me a really good supper”

Anything that makes her have to explain herself and talk about what she does.

From here you will learn a lot about her and this will help you with the first date. 

The other key is that you need to be fascinated about her life. If she is talking all about the crazy things she has done and you don’t care she will drop you in a second.

All you need to do is be interested and she will find you interesting. [3]

7. Tell her about yourself

Since you aren’t just looking for a hookup and you want a relationship then she needs to start feeling a connection to you.

If you are just hooking up she needs to just feel safe around you and that’s it. But you are looking for a girlfriend.

Don’t just let her talk about yourself, tell her about the things that you love to do. Tell her about your goals in life. 

It doesn’t really matter what you would love to do, just be honest with her. Tell her you would love to quit eating ice cream and go on a diet.

Don’t forget to keep your confidence and stay calm. Make sure that you don’t start talking quickly and you’ll be fine.

Now that she knows who you are, she feels a connection to you. She wants to know more about you and so that’s why you go to the next step.

8. How to get a girl’s number

Close the deal and get her number. A.B.C. = always be closing.

This was the scariest part for me. That’s how his Whatsapp coaching changed my life. He forced me to start getting numbers.

Till then I would just ask for directions, compliment her and then walk away. That was the best that I could do.

I was petrified. But I did it and so will you.

Get his book and start cold approaching women, you will find your future girlfriend. But what do you say and how do you ask for it?

You demand her number. If you ask her for your number you are giving her the opportunity to say no. 

You tell her to put her number in your phone and where you want to meet her. There is no hiding her.

The second thing you must be aware of is giving her your phone number. Never just give her your phone number.

You can exchange numbers. But never just give your number to her. 90% of the time she won’t text you anything.

So demand her number, tell her where you’d like to meet her and now you are ready for the next step. [4, 5]

9. Shower and smell good

Before we get on to the most important part of getting a girlfriend make sure that your hair is clean. 

She might want to run her hand through your hair. But the main reason why you need to look good is because she wants to feel that you respect yourself.

It’s a sign of confidence.

If you put on some cologne. You’d be surprised at how much girls care about your smell.

Girls love the smell of a guy. But here’s the key if you can wear pheromones too she will feel a subconscious attraction to you.

Pheromones have been shown to make a woman attracted to a man just from the smell. It’s a biological response. It makes her want to be your girlfriend.

But even if you decide to go without pheromones, make sure you shower and put on some good cologne. 

10. Flirt with women

Flirting is basically the act of teasing each other while keeping a little sexuality in the background.

This is the crucial step for getting any girl to like you. This is the funniest and scariest part too.

It’s the funniest because this is where you get to flirt and tease her. You’ll be making stupid jokes, really getting to know her.

This is when you are going from being just a hookup to making her your girlfriend. But it’s also the most terrifying part for most men.


Because most guys believe they aren’t truly likable. Guys think that girls are better than them.

They think that they have nothing much to offer a girl that she doesn’t already have. But that’s not true: you have your masculinity.

All girls love masculinity.

Get over your fears and become a bad boy. All girls love bad boys.

Be bold with her. Make offensive jokes and be dominant. 

This is how you flirt with girls.

11. Ask her questions

Once you get to know her and it’s been a couple days, start really connecting to her by asking questions to ask a girlfriend.

For example:

  1. “How many times did you want to kiss me before you actually kissed me?”
  2. “What makes you feel sexy?”
  3. “What was your worst moment in school?”
  4. “What don’t I know about you yet?”

Each one of these questions can spark a full on conversation. This is what she wants.

Remember you aren’t looking for a hookup, you are looking for a relationship. That’s what matters.

For a lot of these questions you’ll need confidence and that’s why your Whatsapp coaching will really help.

12. Learn how to text girls

I’ve got a whole post on flirting with a girl over text, but I’ll give you the summary now.

Never rush the texting. Imagine you were a stunning girl that just turned 21. You’ve got every guy on tinder trying to get your attention.

Would you feel pressured getting back to some guy. Not at all. You wouldn’t care the least.

This is how you text your girlfriend. Don’t ignore her, but take it easy.

Don’t make complicated jokes that she won’t understand. Make it all light and fun.

Make the texting vaguely sexual. Give her a sexy compliment. 

Tell her how she makes you feel. Tell her how she turns you on when she looks at you in the eyes.

13. Learn how to make your girlfriend happy

The last part is about maintenance. 

You’ve got to keep her. This isn’t a 3 or 6 month deal. You want to keep her with you.

So how do you make your girlfriend happy?

Keep taking her out on dates. Don’t stay comfortable. 

Don’t sit at home watching Netflix with her. That’s not romantic.

Show her deep love. Go places.

Additionally, surprise her often. Give her a big, loving hug when she least expects it.

Why not give her a passionate kiss? Hold on to her tightly with your masculine strength while kissing her.

Take her out on trips and don’t even tell her where you are going at first. You can even go skydiving.

This is what your girlfriend loves to feel. Just make sure she doesn’t get bored.

Another thing that will make your girlfriend happy is if you cuddle with her. Lie on the couch together or just simply snuggle in bed.

Don’t have sex, or at least give her some cuddling time before you get inside her.


I also needed a girlfriend and I took massive action. But the one thing that I did that really changed my life was just taking action.

I just approached girls on the street over and over. It was like working out, but a social workout.

I started to get hookups and gradually became comfortable with women. And that turned into solid confidence after a couple years of approaching women.

Now I have incredible relationships with girls. I lack nothing when it comes to women, women find me desirable.

They want to be my boyfriend. But I had to first get on this growth journey in order to experience what I have now.

The beginning was terribly hard. I had zero confidence that girls would even care about me. I also used to speak really quickly.

I would get into this state of mind where I couldn’t stop talking quickly and it made me such an awkward person to be around. 

That’s why I got a Whatsapp coach. And you should too.

Sebastian Harris offers a book called The Rise of The Phoenix, but once you get the book you will have the opportunity to also get coaching.

Take that opportunity. 

A here’s the thing: you don’t need to do it for more than 3-5 months. After that you can approach, date and get inside a lot of girls by yourself.

You won’t need a coach to improve. By that point you are fine on your own.

So please get his book and do his coaching. He will give you a daily challenge everyday and you will see a huge transformation in your confidence.


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